It's been awhile since I've posted anything of any signifigance to my life lately.  Today seems as good a day as any. Things have been pretty much going really well lately with the exception of a few things. Lets just get the negative bullshit out of the way shall we? 

For the past couple weeks I've been dealing with somone sabotaging my computer. A couple weeks ago I came home to find somone had decided to cover my computer wall curtains bed and floor in what appeared to be Crystal hot sauce. Needless to say I flipped out. At first I couldnt get the comp booted up and I pretty much broke down as I can not afford a new one. After some tinkering and thinking I realized I just needed to replace the moniter and keyboard. I had the extra moniter and a $10 keyboard later we're good to go.

 Today I walked in to finding my PC tower on my kitchen counter. I asked my son what was the deal and he said he thought I had put it there. He was the only one home both times and asleep. My mom actually woke him up and said the comp was there when she walked in. Now he's the only one whos been home both times.  Logic dictates this should be a clear cut case as to who did it. But its not. Theres no reason for him to have done this as he uses it too.And He was asleep today when this happened. Either somones totally fucking with me, trying to rob me or its him. I just don't know. Oh and they stole all my music that I DJ with so not sure how I'm to replace that. * oh and added as an after thought..someone stole my car keys off my keyring..wondering if I'm going to wake up to no car tomorrow*

Ok bitchiness aside. Other than that things have been going pretty damn well for me. I'm working at a great job that I enjoy albeit as a temp but theres always a chance to get hired as a permanent employee. Im making excellent money there as well. My old piece of shit car did break down but the good news is I bought another car thats less shitty hehe. Today I got all my DL issues taken care of and am legal to drive again weee ( long story).

And last but not least I have met a totally awesome guy who I'm now with. Yeah weird huh? Who woulda thunk it. Im trying not to be too paranoid here. I would have sworn I have this curse that when I let my gaurd down with a man and allow myself to have feelings for him it seems to ruin everything and poof he's gone just like that. I have let my gaurd down and I adore him.. I'm thinking he broke the curse ;) I honestly haven't been this happy in years. I'm trying to ignore the little voice inside me thats saying its all too good to be true..just wait for the axe to fall...*chop* *head rolls*

That won't do! Happy thoughts..Heathen..Happy thoughts..

Today I had to go to my sons Summer Camp to get a shedule and I was trying to find someone to point me in the right direction. I feel this tug on my shirt and looked down and there stood this little girl with huge blue eyes all of 6 years old smiling up at me. She got wide eyed and in her little girl voice she said softly..

How did you hair get to be that color??? Then she said Your hair is like The little Mermaids!!!! This other little girl comes up and goes yeah youre like Ariel!!!

I went in there feeling so down and stressed. Just trying to deal with my problems and these two little girls in all their innocence and wonder made me feel endeared for lack of a better word.  Sometimes you just have to look at the simple things in life and smile.

I think I am way overdue for a good rant. I just havent been up to it until now so I guess letting it all out is the thing to do. I do have a few things on my mind So this may go in a few different ways. I won't know until I actually write it.

I've gone ahead and joined a lot of sites lately. Mainly with the intent of promoting for akaradio. Ive gone as far as to join dating sites too, but again more so for networking.  I swear once you join these things the hounds smell fresh meat a mile away. They are all over you like piranha. Im fucking tired of these guys either messaging me or IM'n me being total clueless idiots.

Yeah I may have a sick sense of humor and  I make no illusions about the fact that I'm into fetish parties. Does this mean message me saying hey baby do you like big cock? NO! I dont want to hook up for a booty call and I dont want to blow you.  I dont want to show you my tits and I dont want to get on cam for you.  I may be called Heathen Whore but that doesnt mean that I'm going to be one. Get a fucking clue and get a fucking life.

Then theres the ones that I have dealt with in real life and on a personal basis. Let me set one thing straight here. If you can't treat me as a person as a whole and not just as a hole you stand no chance with me. I would like to think I am intelligent and fun to be around. To have someone feign interest then try to maul me like a ravenous animal especially when I'm dealing with problems is a huge turn off. I've had people do that and I shut down plain and simple.

Its rare I let anyone close to me. Theres a few that have breached my defenses. Either the logistics just didnt work or the ones that were close by ended up just being selfish assholes. I mean seriously get the fuck over yourselves.

I guess this is basically one big bitch fest about dating. Its frustrating and I dont feel like I should have to either settle or turn into someone I'm not. Im really over it. I basically want to throw my arms up in defeat and say fuck it all.

Beloved by VNV Nation

It's colder than before
The seasons took all they had come for
Now winter dances here
It seems so fitting don't you think?
To dress the ground in white and grey

It's so quiet I can hear
My thoughts touching every second
That I spent waiting for you
Circumstances affords me
No second chance to tell you
How much I've missed you

My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don't ask me why I'm here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember

We were once young and blessed with wings
No heights could keep us from their reach
No sacred place we did not soar
Still, greater things burned within us
I don't regret the choices that I've made
I know you feel the same

My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed as ours

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don't ask me why I'm here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember

My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed as ours

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits