life is flying past these dayz i mean in less than 3 months i'm going to be done with high school, so many things are happening, i'm going through some major spirtual mess and struggles that boggle my mind every time i think about it, certian things involving certian people at school is REALLY getting to me when it shouldn't be, two dayz ago venessa called and asked a favor and i just took this time to let her know of some things happening to me these dayz and i was just telling her it felt as if i was going backward instead of forward and it's really difficult and being the great friend that she is incuraged me as best she can then yesterday i wrote this blog out and let her read it before i post it knowing she was on her "myspace fast" then she wrote me a note that almost brought me to tears cuz when it feels like you're loosing someone it's great to know you have real friends that care and love you so thanx for listening nessa, but i digress, but like i was sayin there are some things going on in the house that are bothering me a lot and are not helping, my best friend lenora has known my mother all her life and my mom desides to disrespect her basicly saying she was trying to sleep with me and of course being the two-faced person she is, she didn't say it to her face but i sure told her so now the truth is out about her, the only thing that is keeping me sain is my membership in Perfect'd Praise singing with my friends from ridge view and lenora along with my sister, it's alwayz funny to me how God times things perfectly in my life, in these times i start to think about the people that really love me (mainly my homegurls) and care and cheer me up when i'm depressed and so this blog is dedicated to them, yall know who you are, just know that j-lee luvzz ya lotzzzzz

i was being nosey in my 1st block class today and well there is this former couple that was sitin in front of me and two of our fellow class mates were talking to them about why they broke up, now if i rember correctly they'd been going out for about 2 years and at the begining of the year they were all over each other and to tell you the truth he just couldn't keep his hands off her, I remember one day they were late, she came in first and then like 10 seconds later he walked in but everybody in the call knew they were most likely late cuz they was fuckin' but i digress, they were a cute couple if you ask me and of course there were some days they came in class and it was obvious that they had a fight but by the end of class they were all lovey dovey again untill about 3 weeks ago me and Branford walked into class and she was crying and aparently her was telling someone that they had boken up and by the end of class she had told one of her good friends in our class that she hated him, well by now they've come at least to talking terms but friends might be a stretch yet i don't know for sure but anyway today while i was acting as if i was doing my work they were in front of me discussing with two other students the break up so from what i herd this is what i've concluded, aparently one time that they were mad at each other he decided to make her mad or just blow off some steam and got a number from some random chick ( i think he did it just to make her mad) and that was it no touching no kissing he just got her number, she found the number ( i wasn't listning well enough to hear where or how she found it) so she jumped to conclusions and acted on what she thought was going on, she was going to get back at him so when she went out of town with her family and had sex with some other dude and so basicly she told him and he broke up with her 

Lesson- this is an unfourtunate situation especially seeing on a daily basis how much they were in love, where was the first strike, when he decided to go get some random chicks number no matter how you put it he "threw the first blow" so to speak now does that give her the right to go act on what she THOUGHT she knew and cheat on him HELL NO! first of all drawing your own conclution without all the information needed is a bad thing in any situation so believe it or not if she had just asked him about it she would've gotton the full story then they would've gotton to the bottom of their problem and went on with their lives you ever hear the saying "make up sex is the best sex" thats because there was some COMMUNICATION involved in the making up part, now here is were he could've turned things around before even going off getting some random chicks number, by COMMUNICATING about what was wrong with their relationship before making that quick decition to to get back at the other person cuz if you get right down to it that is childish now that both of them made the misake of not COMMUNICATING twice now she decides to go cheat on him which is the "big no no" then she tells him that she cheated and he break up with her funny how you can go from total bliss to no more relationship in less than two weeks when all they had to do was COMMUNICATE this could've been totaly prevented breaking up let me tell you CHEATING IS NOT THE WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR HURT COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO DEALING WITH YOUR HURT if she had just told him how she felt about the fact that she found some girls number she wouldn't have even thought about cheating but thought about getting back home from her trip to make up for lost time if you know what i mean, now that they both messed up Lord knows his pride won't allow him to get back with her even though they were both equally in the wrong and the sad part is just lookes ten times worse the fact that she cheated and that just lookes bad all around it just sucks, i know that you might want to say easier said than done, well if you think about it as much as you talk with you bf/gf think about what you're talking about, are you talking constanly about how you fell and how to make your relationship better or are you talking about nonsense  

this is a kind of a wird blog, well not really it's more like a story so it's called "He's Here" and it's written from a fictional character named Jayla's point of view.........oh, my God he's here i'm here and we shouldn't be doing this right now, last monday i went out with Alex and he pissed me the fuck off we were out at the movies in Sandhill's and he was acting a stright fool i told him i hated when he acted childish but he doesn't care i wish i wasn't falling for him like i am now, and it's kinda funny how we tell each other we love each other and have only been goin out for about 4 weeks close to a month and i don't love him but i just say it back so he won't get mad, wait till i tell sandra about this she knows that i go with alex but she doesn't know his flaws, and i was in a bad position to begin with cuz a sertian someone, (keith) who i was with and wasn't with, see we went out for about a year, he was my first and it was good was good until we broke up but nither of us got in a relationship for a while and we started "seeing" each (fuckin) again after about 2 weeks and i became very emotionally attached to him, and so we love each other but he just didn't want to communicate like he should have so i decided to go and test the waters and thats when i found alex, don't get me wrong he is cute and can eat the hell out of some pussy which unlike a lot of these niggas offerd to do so that was a plus right from the start, you see keith was willing to eat but only after i refused to give him head unless i got some so he came to his sinces eventually and learned how to do it right and it started to turn him on so hell that was fine with me as long as he didn't stop and after i met alex he know that i wasn't gonna cheat so he did the right thing a backed off so, surprisingly i didn't have to force him to do it, after the first two weeks of "dating" alex i let him have it mainly cuz i was tired of waiting it had been too long and i was ready to see what he had goin for him it and it's good he knows what he's doing and i guess the fact that he offerd to eat me out kinda got me thinking he could eat some pussy like a pro but it wasn't all that though to tell the truth he ain't much better than keith but at the time i was determined to stay around see where this thing could go, then i got to know him, and i didn't know how childish a 17 year old can be he continues to get on my nerves so after a while i get tired if talking with him on the phone, so much that i end up talking to keith on the phone more than i do alex and keith used to ask me all the time why i was talking to him more than i talked to alex and i just told him stright up, i didn't feel like talking to alex, so earlier today i was getting ready for the game tonight and i got a call from keith telling me he was in town (keith is 18 and a freshman at Clemson) for the weekend, to tell the truth i really didn't care that much so i just brushed it off, then after the game i came home and got another call from keith telling me to look out the window and i recognized his car right off the bat then saw him walking up my drive way i got nervous cuz my momz was still over her man's how and most likely wouldn't be home for another hour from what she told me but know he she could show up at any minute, i hung up the phone and opend the door and we could talk so i walked him around behind my house so if my mom rolled up i could just hop in my window real quick and not get cought so we start talking and well the fack that i had on some cuchie cutters didn't help matters and the fact that keith was lookin fine as every didn't help either and well i though he came for some sex and so i had to let him know i wasn't gonna cheat on alex, and he said he understood then..he huged me i closed my eyes and was in heaven it had been so long since he last held me like that and i couldn't help my self the next thing i know his lips thouch mine and now i'm here and i don't know what to feel, should i feel bad for kissing someone besides my boyfriend, or is this justified by the simple fact that i miss keith, he misses me and i need this for me, right now all i can think about is keith and he kisses make me melt, that Cassie song is runnin through my head "love it when you kiss me, love it when our lips meet, you intoxicate me, i barely can breathe i love when you kiss me" damn this feels so right but it's wrong, i shouldn't be lovin this........wow my first stoy i guess it's ok for my first "fictional" story but what ever i got bored and this was the only thing i could think about writing hope you enjoyed

"down on my luck, back against the wind, try to make it, no way to win. down on my luck, back against the wind, try to make it, no way to win.

-this is how i feel right now, it's my favorite song from "Madea Goes To Jail" even though it's deppressing to hear, i still can't get around the fact that this is how i feel. this is crazy i never thought it could get this bad i know she loves him and she's attached to him but when all your loved ones around you tell you something is wrong with your relationship then that's your cue to walk out the door, i tried to make some since of this but i can't, i try to talk some since into her and realize that she doesn't want to hear a word i have to say, i really thought my opinion matterd but apparently not i wish that she would accept that i'm just trying to look out for her, but at the rate she's going she will continue to get hurt and the second he leaves her or decides that his tired and through with her then she'll be on the phone callin me and just the simple fact that i care for her like i do, i know i don't have the strength to say i told you so, and what hurts the most is that i spend her birthday with her and on my birthday she ditches me for them, i had nothing to do on my birthday and i let her know how much i dislike it and she still acts like it's no big deal, that hurt like hell, she still hasn't told me happy birthday, i know i sound really jealous right now but when you see your best friend in a situation that they can get out of and they continue to ignore your cries OF help it makes you wanna give up i just wish she understood that he doesn't care she see all the signs right in front of her and knows that he has not plan to change but i can't make her leave even though i wish i could i just can't i take time out of my life to go see her just cuz i can't stand to go a few day's without being in her precence and she ditches me for a nigga she sees daily and lives seconds away from her she knows how inportant she is to me and the fact that it seems as if she doesn't care makes me think otherwise, i don't get it.....

we all know about bad relationships, and i'm sure we all know the signs of a bad relationship, it just the simple fact of whether we act on those signs or not, this blog is not only about hurt, but about trust, trust is (in my book which i should write) is the second most important thing in a relationship, i know everyone says it's the most important thing but yall know to me communnication is the key! cuz the more you communicate on a constant basis then you gain trust but you can't just up an trust someone, you have to gain it and when that trust is broken because of NO COMMUNICATION (i think not communicating is the leading reason someone cheats) then trust is broken, but can that person who cheated gain the other persons trust back, to me i would think that they might trust you again but never to the extent of trust at the begining of the relationship, so it's always hard to get over hurt maybe you're being hurt mintally or physically which i can't stand cuz if some nigga puts his hands on my homegurl, then it's ova, n e wayz so if your relationship is huting you then get out of it yea you'll miss him and all that good stuff but in the long run it in your best intrest if you can't see that person changing for you (which they should be willing to do if they really love you) then leave that person is doing nothing but bringing you down so i know it's hard but we all have to make hard choices sometimes, you know in you heart what is best for you, just don't let that man (or woman) whats best for you cuz thats controling and not healthy everyone has their moment to cry over something but that is why there are seasons for crying BUT there shouldn't be a season for hurt, cuz if it's happening then something is wrong and you should really re-evaluate your situation

this blog is long over due, i think i'll base this song off of "we ride" by rihanna which i love this is my song for the moment but you know in the last blog i talked about communication being the key in your relationship, well communication is what a relationship SHOULD be based off of i said SHOULD because so many of us let that part of the deal fly by and before you know it that "perfect relationship" is on it's way to splitsville plain example the same friend that was mentioned in the the first relationships blog, we spent some time together this past sunday while she was doing my hair and we talked things over and all that time he was around while i was there he acted as if he was the perfect man for her but little did i know he was this self-centered nigga that thought the world revolved around him, you see he had her believing that everything was her fault which she came to her sences and realized that wasn't true, you know i think that it is so immiture to blame something like your fights or things like that on the other person just cuz your ego can't bare to believe that you can cause drama in the relationship i hate when anyone thinks that highly of themselves, and one day the will learn that the world doesn't revolve around them, you see if my homegurl had caommunicated like she SHOULD HAVE then she would have found all this out about him BEFORE she fell in love with him, now that she's in love, it's harder to let go and thats something that you really don't want to go through yourself cuz you might be talkin all this bull shit just cuz you on the outside looking in when in reality if you were in the same situation you would have a hard time letting go as well, when you have gotten to the point where you know for sure that the relationship is for real you gotta know for sure that other person is for real cuz one of the main reasons i don't date now is that fakeness is not as easy to detect as it used to be, it's harder to trust now a day you know and i just have decided not to put myself through that pain and heartbreak knowing it i really have no plans of finding my wife for life now so don't be so quick to say yes to that dude or that girl, you get cought up and then it gets out of control if you're not careful cuz before you know it you might have not talked to certian people for weeks or you are just so spung on this nigga or this girls that you've forgotten about the people that have cared about you from the get go, yea us friends that tell you these things aren't in your relationship but the are the first to see when you change and personally i don't think that some nigga or some girls you've decided you "love and can't stand not being with" makes you overlook me i'm not saying i feel that way but i've felt that way before and it hurts a lot even though i'll love you no matter what i would feel much better if nothing changes between us just cuz of some nigga or some gurl.... just think about it