~ by
Andy Santana
In my
last blog I said I would answer the question of the Fender Bassman incident. It
seems the Fender Bassman was a facade; it was actually an “Androne 3000” left
haphazardly by Chris the Kid Andersen. The Androne 3000 is not the amp it’s
disguised to be. Yes it will amplify a guitar or any other instrument plugged
into it, but it is really a time travel portal, a design originally invented by
Octavians. Zardonians insist that Octavians stole this invention but, as I like
to keep my facts straight before I report them, I’ll leave this skirmish alone.
What I do know is that the Androne 3000 is a portal used for time travel from
one galaxy to another. This explains the ageless appearance of both Octavians
and Zardonians. As you know, it would take hundreds of thousands of years to
travel from our galaxy to another (see Einstein’s theory of relativity).
I
though I would, in this series, answer a few of the hundreds of questions I
received. My e-mail was overwhelmed so, for God sake please keep the questions
to a minimum. I apologize in advance but I’ll try to answer as many as I
reasonably can.
First
this question from Zula Capinella of Incognita Italy; “Why do Octavians have such large feet and hands? I saw Pops Phillips
at a show and I was quite impressed or rather struck by their largeness. It
makes my mind wonder.”
Signed,
Dreaming
Dear
Zula or Dreaming,
These
are just a few of the oddities that Octavians possess. Yes, they do have
obviously large extremities but what is not known is they both, June Core and
Pops Phillips, had extensive plastic surgery to correct what would have seemed
a disability. I was informed there was up to 6 inches removed from all
oversized extremities, just to normalize their appearance. (ouch) Regardless of
their disability I’ve never seen hands work as musically and articulately as
these two Octavians.
Dotie
Rabinspebbins of Cleveland
writes; “What is that scar-like tissue I
saw on Pops head? I took a picture with both Pops and June at a recent gig in Cleveland. When Pops
leaned over to pick up a pen he dropped, his hat fell off and I could clearly
see what look like two moon-shaped scars or something. I tried to look for
something on June but I think I was making him uncomfortable staring at his big
head.”
Signed,
Dotie
the Curious
Dear
Miss Curious,
What
you didn’t see on June’s head were once gills. Yes, Octave is a planet that is
80 percent water. The reason you don’t see them on June is because they
eventually fade the more time spent on dry land. Pops is an avid surfer and
performs in the summer as a water skiing acrobat. He also moonlights as a night
watchman at Sea World. (I’d like to be a fly on the wall at Sea World. Who
knows what goes on there??) As a note, June Core has the standing planetary
record for weight lifting. The record of 6500 Dorants = 1200 lbs earth weight,
has been intact for 150 years and counting.
Well,
as we fast approach the June 27th Verve date many of you are asking
for more info on the dynamic duo Lorenzo Ferrell and J Hansen. The web site
that displayed most of the info I was able to obtain has now mysteriously
disappeared from cyberspace. Although I smell conspiracy, I will now have to
rely on the general public. Please continue to send any info, no matter how
absurd it may seem to you. Before we get to the questions I have a comment sent
in by, Roger Vanderbuilt.
“Dear Andy,
As a life long Zardonian
aficionado, I am qualified to confirm that, although the age you reported on
your last blog is correct, keep in mind that the planet Zardoz revolves around
its sun 7 times faster then our sun. So, you see if you calculate in dog years
(7 into 235) you have a better picture of their age.”
Thank
you Roger. And now to some questions. The first question is from a Francine
Horbenscragins of Del Mar Washington; “Is
it true Zardonians have tongues scratchy like cats? And is it OCD
that they clean incessantly?”
Dear
Mrs Horbenscragins,
Although
I can’t tell you from any personal experience, it’s been reported that it’s
only the underside that is scratchy. Also, the few who have had the privilege
of visiting Lorenzo’s home confirm that “you can eat off the floor.” It’s part
of the strict discipline engraved into their psyche.
Next
Joe Martin from Marina Alabama asks; “Do
Zardonians go to the bathroom like humans?”
Dear
Joe,
Nobody
knows this fact but one thing is for certain: they can hold it longer. No one
has actually seen them enter a bathroom so we might surmise that they
definitely have a much better capacity to hold it. I personally know that J can
go 4 sets without using the bathroom.
Carl
Colver of Dimples Nova Scotia writes; “Do
Zardonians sleep?”
Dear
Carl,
No,
they do not. Zardonians over the centuries have evolved to a point where all
they need to do is merely blink. This is equal to two hours of earth-time
sleep. Also, they can and do disguise their sleep habits at late hours by
closing their eyelids (this keeps their spouses from becoming alarmed) but be
assured they are active, thinking, scheming, calculating Zardonians. This is a
time when they actually practice their music; sort of a virtual practice
session.
That’s all I have time for.
I hope these answers illuminated your curiosity. If anybody can add to this info
please write. Again, no matter how absurd the question or info please submit
and I will publish them on this on going blog. Stay tuned for Episode 3 which
will include “Octavians and their habits - Defined” and the next chapter of “Chris
the Kid Andersen - the Real Story.”