I don't judge girls against each other.  I have before, but I never care to do so again.  At this point in my life, her and I fit.  Nothing more, nothing less.  She's a good person and I'm fortunate to share this time with her.

I don't like to compare.  Doing so leads to trying to build the perfect girl, mentally, physically and emotionally.  If that were possible, and she did exist, then she'd leave me to find a not so shallow man who understands that the chemicals that bind two people are unique.

Great relationships can not be replicated.  Hers and mine has taken a lot of patience, a ton of forgiveness and a lot of humility.  And like life, it can end at any moment if the circumstances are too much to deal with.








http://www.myspace.com/pacoestrada

Sometimes dreams are dreams and people are people.
Sometimes the only surprise is accepting the truth you’ve already known.
U know you can not find the future with all these filaments to the past.
I know that a girl picked from a bar room is never gonna last.
You can cover it with makeup.
Drape it with green eyes.
You could smother it with beauty,
In the end it’s no surprise

Some say that there's a reason as to why you past is "your past."  To never look back, keep looking straight ahead, but why is that the only aspect of your life in which people tell you to treat in such a way?

In a math problem, you break it down.  Take it back to square 1 if you have to.

The same with english, chemistry, everything.  The bible, we trace it back to square 1.

But why is it that we are told to treat our lives differently?

I have problems because of me.  Because of decisions that I made due to my thinking and my rationalizing at the time.  My parents, great, amazing people.  The rest of my family I feel the same about.

So here in lies the problem, tracing me back to square 1.

I understand that some people spend years trying to figure out their own logic and I was once opposed of that, but not anymore.  Maybe that's the answer.  Before we go and dump this being, ourselves, onto another person, maybe we're supposed to figure us ourselves out.  Figure out what went wrong, what's going right and try to become a better person.

I know that I have treated some ex's, who deserved so much better, like shit.  Randi for example is the one that will always stick out in my mind.  A wonderful person, amazingly athletic, great personality, beautiful.  Well, simply awesome.

I'm rambling.

The point is, I want to go back and not apologize to everyone but be better for those around me now.  I do feel bad for the asshole that I was and although while saying sorry for something past is easy now since the anger and frustrations have been covered up by time, it isn't the solution.  Maybe the right solution is to just be a better person for those around me and hope that they inturn they will be better for those around them and eventually a few of those will be better to the ones that I hurt when they need it the most.

Maybe that is how I should handle it.

I don't know, I run on many tangents so this may all be nonsense.

And sorry if I mis-spelled anything, I didn't reread this.  And if I do, I'm not changing any of it.  Why edit a thought.  It ruins it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrbUUE679uI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0MAGXAhrXo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xk_08sRaXDM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jdMlhOedjo

How do you say goodbye to someone who has stood by you, when she's up and gone.
A bad decision, a horrible one that will forever live on.
She's gone
She's said goodbye
Packed her bags
She's left the building
No sign of yielding
She's gone
Apologies mean nothing to a chosen deaf ear
Her decision was clear
But I still say that I am sorry and am sincere.

I wasn't hard to celebrate
Another Saturday
Maybe it was Friday
Could have even been a Wednesday
With a girl like that
You just don't know
Another silly fight
I was never right
She was so damn uptight
It wasn't too hard to let her go
Cause when your only conversation
Is when she's screaming and misbehaving
A constant ultimatum
At some point you just know
But she's gotta be moving on
Cause you're calling it quits
Bring on her late night threats
There's freedom in death
To get away from her
To find some kind of peace
Is all I've been looking for
And I think I see the door

I was the next guy up
From her former love
Who was the next guy up
From the one that she'd sworn
To make his life a living hell
But he's doing well
Cause she's moved on
And he's long gone
With nothin but a smile on
Tell me, how did I go so wrong

It was a one night date
That ended kind of late
Is was a hell of a long break
With a six month wait
But freedom finally came
And she's moving on.





You know that's funny.