I haven’t written a blog in a long while, so I figured this was a good time to update whoever cares about my life.

School/Graduation

I’m taking College Trig and English 102 Comp this semester. My last class is sometime at the end of April. I’m still studying and trying to get my final GPA up so I’ll have a good final transcript. Anyway, I’m graduating June 6, 2008 at 7:00.  Muahaha. I can’t wait. . .I’m graduating with honors and I get to wear a cool little tassel and some thing for NHS on my gown.

And My Future School Is. . .

I’m going to USC Columbia. I really wanted to go to UNC but I’ve got to do what’s best financially. I got a lot of scholarship money (Palmetto Fellows, Merit, yadda) so most of the tuition is paid for. I don’t know what my major is going to be when I change it from Education.  I can’t wait to be in college!  I’m not the partying type, and I try not to get distracted easily. So hopefully I’ll get some good studying done and let my butt stay on the Dean’s list.

Ernest and I

Me and Coop are still doing great. I love him wholeheartedly :) Our one year is on the 11th and I’m expecting many more years to come. Welp. . .yeah. [[Love you baby]] I have so much LOVE and RESPECT for him. I can imagine my life without him and it isn’t pretty. I feel so privelaged to be with him.

Work

Yesterday was my last day at Logan’s. I got terminated today because one of my friends jokingly called me "gay", guests overheard and took offense, and in turn my friend and I were fired.  It’s okay I guess.  I don’t really care if people know.  I worked there for a year and 5 months, never called out, never walked out, and I worked hard.  I kind of feel like Logan’s broke up with me before I could break up with them. Lmao. I really needed a change, and even though this was kind of abrupt and unexpected, I’ll manage. I don’t think I’ll be able to go to prom anymore though. . .I won’t have enough money to pay for my dress and to get my hair done and stuff.  So um, until I find a new job, just donate to the GetBreeOutOfThePoorHouse foundation. [Seriously] I just hope my credit doesn’t get messed up if I can’t pay my bills. Pray that I find a new and better job :)

So Basically

I’m ready...SO ready for a change! I think God let’s things happen for a reason, so whatever He throws my way, I’ll do my best to handle it and make the best of it.  I’m FIRED UP to change and better some things in my life.  I’m starting with spring cleaning my room, and ending with spring cleaning my lifestyle.  I’ve got a lot of big decisions and changes to make soon. I love [some] of you guys. Thanks to the few friends I have for being there for me.

-Bree Richelle-

I feel like a lot of my friends are just slipping away from me. . .

And to them it doesn't even matter. . .(no effort to rekindle the 'ship)

Friendship means a lot to me

But not when it's one-sided (no effort to rekindle the 'ship).

Some do care, I know. . .

But I'm slipping away from them

And they're slipping away from me

And I want it back

The way things used to be.

Going out, hanging out, just having fun.

Updating, conversing, just being FRIENDS.

I want it, but I don't think a few of them do.

So I guess we're just going to slip away. . .

College is really going to separate us soon

And it's like no one cares.

We can't get this last year back. EVER.

I've always strived towards goals to better my life. And I've always strived to make myself a better person.
Lately it seems like everything is working against me. It's like everything I do only sets me back two steps.
I want to move foward and do better and achieve better things. I've been working really hard my last 12 years in school to get good grades, and do what I can do to take some of the burden off of my parents.

I've made nothing but A's and B's since elementary school, except for one C in that stupid college class (lol). I think my parents appreciate that. . .but at the same time, I think they take it for granted. I can try my hardest and work my butt off to make the grade, but in the end, it seems like it was all for nothing.

I've had a job since I was 14. I worked at Popeyes for over a year, paying for my food, clothes, and other things so I wouldn't have to bother my parents about money.
Lately though, things are coming up out of nowhere for senior year, clubs and trips, college, misc. things. I was trying to save up to have some money during college and to buy a car to drive, but I'm not going anywhere with anything to do with money.
I've been working at my job for almost a year and I'm still making $6 an hour while the others (most of them have been there a lot less than me) make $6.50. I never call out, I've never had a NCNS, I do my sidework right and I try to do my job the best I can, hoping I could prove to the managers I deserve that extra 50 cents. It may not seem like a lot, but it is to me. It's also the principal of the whole thing too. I also feel like I'm always getting criticized about things, and only once have I ever gotten a "good job".
So I don't know whether I should find a new job or just keep hoping I'll get more shifts and make more money. All of these financial burdens on me are really stressing me out, and I feel like I'm going to break down any moment.
I feel like I'm not appreciated there, and I'm tired of trying to prove myself when its not working. I'm on the verge of giving up because I feel like nothing I do is right there, and I must suck at my job or something. . .

Is it wrong to want a little recognition or appreciation? I didn't have to do what I've done to get a scholarship or grant or whatever so my parents wouldn't have to pay an arm and a leg for my college like they did for my brother. It seems like they're willing to go the extra mile for my brother than they are for me. I don't ask for much at all. . .the only thing I've been asking them for for the last 2 years was a car that would be mine that I wouldn't have to share with my brother. I've put so much gas in that car its ridiculous, and its always breaking down on me. I always wanted a 2 door red car, a civic or an eclipse. . .nothing expensive, nothing brand new. I kept telling them I'd help with the payments, blah blah blah. But I've given up with that mess. . .They've told me I don't deserve a car, yada yada. But its hard watching my friends and people younger than me who's parents allowed them to be blessed with a car and I supposedly don't deserve one. Just like its hard watching girls I work with call out, not show up, shirk their responsibilities, and I make less than them.

I know I should stop complaining and just accept things the way they are, but there's only so much I can take. I don't think anything I do matters, because it's just not going to work. I'm going to continue to have faith in God. . .that's about all I have left.

So I figured I'd update yall about what's been happening in my life since my last blog (I know it's been a while!)

School:
So I made this long behind to-do list of stuff that I needed to do for school. . .it was literally a page long.  I'm sooo proud of myself because I only have to do a few more things on it and i'm FINISHED! It's taken me a couple of weeks. . .but I'm getting there. 
I'm also happy because I'm a Junior Marshall for graduation. . .just about all of my friends are too!  I need to find a white dress soon though. . .
I'm so happy that my Central Carolina classes are over! No more studying stupid stuff that I could care less about. . .I mean come on. . .Macroeconomics and Music Appreciation. . .anyway. lol.

Track [[tear]]
Well I know I didn't try my hardest this season!  I know I could have applied myself a lot more but. . .I didn't.  Next year I'm most definately running my behind off. . .and jumping harder too.  I did have a good time this season. . .nothing too major happened. . .lots of funny times (haha).  All I know is I'll be going to state next year. . .lol.

Life
My family annoys me. Point blank.  But what else is new. . .I've been going to church every Sunday. . .Driving to school and Ebenezer M.S. everyday. . .uhhh nothing really new. . .

Love Life
Well if you don't know already. . .I've finally found what I've been praying for and dreaming about for a while. . .God has really blessed me with someone so special. . .I never thought that I could be this happy again but I am!  He's just so perfect for me and to me! Now I'm not going to go and blab all my feelings on here cuz he already knows how I feel for him and how much he means to me. . .But just know that i'm SO happy. lol.

Well that's pretty much it. . .God bless everyone. . .:)

I'm extremely happy to announce that I am FREEEE!!! 
I'm so over it. . .and the situation. . .I can't believe how much I am.
I can only thank God for that!

Speaking of God, He's now becoming the center of my life again, slowly but surely.  I was reading this book "Staying Pure" this week.  It's about this girl who is fighting her sexual desires with her boyfriend because she knows that's what God wants.  Anyway, everytime a trying situation came upon her or something good happened, she would PRAY!  And I realized that I haven't prayed in a long while. . .Right then and there, my life CHANGED, and I decided to rededicate myself (again).  This time it's for real.  I actually strive to be a better Christian, and if you're my friend, then you know the things that I am cutting off from my life!  And I've actually been doing that.

"Good things come to those who wait. . ." 
A phrase that's been in my mind for the last couple of weeks.  I have a feeling that if I just wait, and not yearn for something as much as I normally do, then something good will happen for me!! Whether it be romantically, physically, academically. . .All I know that things will come together for me if I wait and have faith in God.  Things in my life aren't supposed to happen according to my terms, but to God's will.  So Bre's waiting. . .waiting waiting waiting. . .for something good, whatever that may be.

Hey!!! I'm liking track more and more this year!  I'm proud of myself actually, because I haven't stopped running ONCE.  Even if I cramp up or my ankle hurts or I'm running extremely slow because of it, I still keep going!  I've actually been pushing myself this year too.  I haven't even fainted yet (haha) and I'm trying out something new. . .Discus!! I hope that I'm good at it. . .I think I will be if I just keep trying and practicing, and putting my all into it.  And I'm also going to try reeeaaallly hard at triple jump this year!  I'm not going to slack off on it like I did last year.  I'm putting a lot of my drive into that. 
I love my new track buddies!!! I've found a special friend in Tasha, especially.  We used to hate each other, but now we don't! Lol. . .she's a great person :)  There's also others this season like Daysha, Deborwah, Deerra. . .gosh, all of those D's lol.

School is okay, I'm just trying to take it one day at a time.  As much as I tell myself to study, I really have to work on that.  I'm also kind of behind in a couple of my classes. . .I had a 100 average in US History, but I haven't turned in a couple of assignments from when I had to leave for meetings.  And English. . .OMG. . .as much as we do nothing in that class, I still have stuff I haven't turned in yet!! But I will, I know I will!  I'm really going to have to tackle everything.

PROM!!!  I don't know if I'm going yet. . .I want to go, but I have to consider how much its going to cost me, and if my friends are going.  (This is one thing where it won't be fun without my friends!)  I also don't have a date!  If I got a date, I'd most definately go. . .even if it was to a different school lol.  I wouldn't mind missing out on my school's prom, there's always next year!

Well thanks for reading if you did. . .God Bless yall. . .PEACE!!

I may not have the body of a young woman,
but I do have the mindset of one.
I may not have the most common sense in the world,
but I am trying.
I may not know when to use tact,
but at least I speak my mind.
I may not be the most attractive female out there,
but life isn't supposed to be a competition on looks.
I may not make the best grades that I should,
but I learn at my own pace and love doing so.
I may not be the fastest runner, the best achiever, or the best singer,
but you can bet I will not give up.
God has made me the way that I am.
I can't keep trying to change myself to "fit in", or seem "normal". 
I have to be what I am, who I am.
No fronts, no acts.
I have to reveal what is true, and that's me.
I have been through so much in my life,
not as much as others, but enough that I've learned
from my mistakes.  I've been through the trials and tribulations;
I've been through the storm, and emerged as a young woman.
As this young woman I am, I have responsibilities, obligations, and
duties.
Accepting myself for who I am is at the top of the list.
I've always had such a low self-esteem that I failed to focus on
my inner beauty, but not my outer beauty.
I'm not an adamant person about change but the time has come.
There will be many more transformations to come, 
so this is just one of the first.
I'm pleased with what I've accomplished so far, and I can't wait
to see what the future holds for me.
In the meanwhile, I'll continue to be the young woman I am now,
this 98 pound female named BreAnna Henley.
Kudos.

This is just a little update. . .

I'm finished with the goofy/immature phase of my life.  So beware, I'm slowly becoming that old Bre, the serious Bre, the won't-take-no-BS Bre.  What's brought on this change?  I don't really know, except I'm just tired.  I don't feel like putting on a happy front for you people anymore, so get used to it.

I'm going to forget about guys for the next couple of years.  I have more important things to do and worry about.  If I even considered being in a relationship, it wouldn't be any kind of "long distance" or none of that crap.  Maybe if I met someone with the personality of my ex but ten times more maturity too.

Track season starts on Monday.  I'm going to go in with a good attitude and positive personality.  I'm going to try to see the best in everything. . .

I've been going to the gym a few times this past week, it's probably going to become a regular thing.  I feel happier when I work out, and I gained like 3 pounds this week since I started going to the gym.  :)

I love my friends A LOT.  I still don't believe in best friends but I love my close group of friends that I have.  You guys know who you are.

I actually like school this semester.  My classes are mostly interesting, but my rude classmates never shut up. I'd like to say that it will only mess up their grades, but it distracts me too because I can't concentrate.

Anyway, work is "eh".  They still won't give me more days, I only come in once a week and I work hard everytime.  So I'm either going to have to quit and get another job, or just get a second job.  I need money to pay for my car insurance, I have to save up for college and college application fees, SENIOR stuff.  Everything is coming up fast and Logan's isn't helping, but I'm not giving up yet.  I'll just have to work harder. . .

Peace.

Bre's Year of 2oo6

Last year, my new year started off GREAT. J

It was filled with a lot of firsts, I had a guy by my side that I truly loved, supportive friends, good grades, and it was my first New Years back in the States. 

I'm not going to say that this was the worst year of my life, but it didn't turn out the way I thought it would have.  As I start this year, I have nobody by my side but a few supportive friends and some family.  I still have the good grades, plus a new job.  I'm kind of happy that things have turned out the way they have in my life.  But I'm feeling like there's something missing in my life.  Sometimes I feel so empty that I don't know what to do.

I am still getting over me and the ex's break up.  I know, "Dang Bre, you still ain't over him yet?!?"  Nope.  I have no idea why.  I've tried letting go a lot, but it just don't seem like it's happening anytime soon.  So I seriously think that if I don't get somebody to start a relationship with soon, I'll be feeling the same way for a while.  But I'm still trying to get over it and him, even though it's kind of hard when you still love 'em.  Lemme stop talking about this mess though.

Other than relationships, the other downside of my year was . . . "my" car.  I have my license, but during the last few months I haven't gotten to drive my car because it's been "broke down".  But my dad just told me today that he's going to get the rest of it fixed this week.  I guess they're tired of driving me everywhere: school, work, etc.  So I thank God for that.

Speaking of work, I finally got a j-o-b.  I like it so far, but I think that today was the first day that I truly enjoyed it.  People weren't acting irritated or pissed off.  I also like the uniforms (jeans and t-shirt).  So it's all cool ;)

I hope to bring a better attitude into 2oo7.  I'm surrounded by a lot of negative people so I'm going to build a positive wall around me.

I will also try to be nicer to people even if they piss me off.  Especially to my few true friends who are out there.  They only deserve the best.

I'm not going to focus on finding a guy this year because: 1. I have to be realistic. I'm 17; I'll have plenty of time later when it actually matters. It's not like its going to last so we can get married.  2. Every time I try to find a guy, I end up falling in love, or coming close to it, then getting my heart broken.  I have no time for that mess.  3. Its better to just go with the flow instead of forcing something.  I'd rather start off as good friends then work our way up.

Anyway that's about it.  I'd like to wish EVERYBODY a Happy New Year and God bless!

From now on, I won't be talking to as many people as I used to (face to face, online, blah.)

If I talk to you regularly (online), don't worry about it.

I will continue to chill and stay close with my real main peeps (Mina, Latifah, Rachel, Jamie, Malcolm, EMILY, and Verona), but the rest of you guys (my associates) will only receive a "Hi" or "Goodbye" from me, unless I have an extremely good reason to converse with you guys!

Don't ask me why, I doubt you guys care.  I will now be. . .the "Quiet Girl" ;)

That is all!

Well as most of you guys know, I've been single for about a month. . .it was really hard at first, but I've been adjusting! It still kind of hurts to know that as much as you feel something for someone, they feel nothing for you. But that's just life, there will be break ups and heart ache and pain, and I'll just have to deal with it.  My trust is very delicate right now, it might take me a while to trust another guy with my heart.  But I am ready to put it out there again. . .I just can't help it.

I know that not everybody is going to be like my parents and meet at a young age and get married. But I just don't like dating "casually". But that's what I'll aim to do the next time I put myself in a relationship.  I don't want to end up hurt in the end, even though that might be inevitable.  I mean, there have been a few guys since the break up, but they are either too old and we both know it, a HO, not my type, or aren't feeling me like I'm feeling them. 

In the last couple of months, I have learned to trust my judgement about guys.  I feel like something that I did was just so stupid! I knew things in that nature would come back to haunt me, and it's only been like a month.  If I know that they have ho-ish qualities, why mess with them?  I already know that I'm going to regret it anyway, and get shamed haha.  And I did. I would say mistake, but I knew what I was doing. I still get mad thinking on that situation. Grrr. lol.

It's just that lately I've been feeling like I really want a boyfriend.  Someone to be my partner in crime or something.  They don't necessarily have to live in the same town, but the same state would be nice lol.  Someone who has goals and knows what they want to do with their life, or at least in the near future.  I guess every girl wants something like this.  But I'm still kind of afraid to put my heart out there.  It's like. . .I'm too old for this body lol.  I don't want to date people just to date them, I want to date people that I might could have a future with. And I know that that scares most guys my age off!

"Crush" to me seems kind of like a middle school word.  I haven't "crushed" on anybody since then! But as it is, I am kind of crushing on somebody right now, but I don't think I'm what they're looking for.  Plus I've got some feelings for a few other people still, which aren't fading, but slowly being pushed into the back of my mind, and I don't think that would be fair to put another person in that situation! And plus I'm too scared to tell anybody that I like them anymore anyway. 

It's just going to be rejection after rejection, heartbreak after heartbreak, and so on.  Life's a cycle.  But even if nothing comes out of this crush, I hope that at least a good friendship will. If I have to go through this part of my life single, then so be it.  I do fall for guys hard, and I'm going to try not to do that for the next person, whoever that may be.  It's just going to make me feel more vulnerable than I already am.  And probably scare them off lol. 

Something that Kathryn wrote in her blog really touched me. . . "you know what I think hurts the most?
the feeling of being replaced. it's like
no matter what you did, it wasn't enough.
& no matter what you do to try & capture
their heart again, doesn't seem to work.
& you're suddenly left thinking that
you'll never be enough. & a sudden sadness
captures your heart that never really leaves."

I'm already kind of feeling this from my last relationship, so on the other side of Bre's mind (lol), I'm thinking why should I put myself in this situation again? ugh. . .I just don't know folks. . .

But yup, this is what I've been thinking about lately. . .

well. . .today was me and dre's 9 month anniversary. . .even though according to HIM, it's not an anniversary lol. But i think it somewhat is.

one thing we both agree on is we love each other!! so much. . .i can't say i don't know what i'd do without him, but i do know what i'd do. that's why i'm glad i'm with him lol.

we got to spend most of the day together, he just left. . .went to the movies to see this gaytard movie crossover. . .with mac n jamie. . .then we went to walmart, had fun n alla that, ate at McD's. then we went to mai house n watched tv, chilled, n internet, alla that fun stuff.

I miss him already cuz i don't know the next time i'll see him. I also miss mai buddy Mac because he's going back to wil lou gray until 0ctober 27th. . .and then he still goes back lol.

man for some reason mai life seems really busy lately. . .always doing something, and even when i don't have anything to do, i still have millions of things that have to be done! lol.

well i'll prolly write another blog laterz u guys...thanks if you read this ^_^

WOW.

I had such a great day today!!! lol. . .

First, i woke up around 10. . .couldn't go back to sleep cuz of a bad dream i keep havin lol. . .so i got up, watched some tv n shid. . .u kno, just tried waking maiself up!

I tried calling mai baby a couple of times, but he was sleeping! n i was really missing him, cuz i hardly get to see him anymore.

So i watched cribs, like 6 episodes lol gettin jealous of their houses. . .watched the Wood (mai 3rd favorite movie) and watched some of the Goodfella movie (i dunno what that movie was called lol)

Finally Dre called me back, we were talking n shid. . .and i wanted to drive over to his house today. I asked mai dad n mom but mai dad was being. . .well aggravating. he said no because the oil light was on in the car, like he couldn't change it!

but luckily, dre got his mama's car and came and got me! I was soo happy. . .i love seeing him and being with him!

so we went to his mama's house, and was just actin crazy! he was breakin on the floor and his littlest bro, Gaby, was too. lol they was so cayute. then we started gettin a lil hyphy. . .actin stoopid! lol.

After that we started watchin ATL, even tho i heard it wasn't good. I was just happy to be on the couch in mai baby's arms. . .the movie was aight btw lol. Then Dre's mama cooked us dinner (fish n shid lol mmm) n we ate. . .then we started actin stoopid again lol. I started beatin tha shizznitt outta dre!! lol. jk. . .but we were fighting n crap lol. so i got mai water and poured a lil on him, then he got water on me :( lol.

Then we went outside and me and Dre were still fightin. . .i tried pouring the rest of mai bottle on him but i missed lol. then we sat n talked, n cuddled up. . .jus actin a fool outside lol. Dre started doin alla them back flips n front flips n alla that lol. so i did a cartwheel :)

We went back inside. . .looked at the old videos of him dancing and flipping on his computer. . .we looked at old pics of him (he was soo cute!!) and we just had. . .FUN.

Then mai bro called and said i had to go home lol. soo we left (JJ, Gaby, Dre, Sheem, n me) n we was ghost ridin n alla that. . .i got some McD's too lol. and now. . .i'm home. . .whoopee.

Hopefully tomoro i'll have another good day!