As of this morning, the cancer in the Dad has now spread to his brain. He is deciding weather or not to go onto radiation for the brain cancer, and the doctors have told him that either way, weather he goes through with the treatment, he has a year at the most to live.

For anyone keeping track this is the third time he has been given this amount of time to live.

This brain thing is not entirely a surprise, as many of you already know the Dad lost his memory for about 4-6 hours a bit ago. This, I’m sure, has something to do with it, although I’m no doctor.

As always thank all of you for your well wishes, thoughts, looks, smiles, and if you believe in that sort of thing, prayers.

Chicago

Music by John Kander
Lyrics by Fred Ebb
Book by Fred Ebb and Bob Fosse

Directed and Choreographed by Christina Lazo
Musical Direction by Armando Fox
Scenic Design by ME!!

March 7 - April 12, 2008
Fridays & Saturdays at 8:00pm
Sunday Matinees at 2:00pm
(3/16, 3/30, 4/6)

$20 General Admission
$17 Students (under 18) and Seniors (62+)

go to www.altarena.org to reserve seats!

Its a great one!

It happened on Monday night. (is this the start of a bad mystery novel?)

I was at Chicago rehearsal, sitting with Laraine just joking around about something really gross. I went outside to catch a smoke and the brother called telling me that the dad had not made it through his ride and went to the hospital where they found out his pneumonia had gotten worse. He refused to stay and went home.

I tried to call home, and was freaking out and the mom told me to go calm down... ha, yeah right.

I went straight to the bar, bawling like a little fucking bitch and called Ryan, Jen, Jamie, Leslie, and Steve. The folks in Da Filthy all came out to the bar and just sat there and listened while i went off. I let it all out

All of it.

I told them about how this whole year i have been bottling it up, and i needed to just let it out.

I told them about every single fucking thought i have been having.

Even the really dark ones... even the gun

Everything.

They all had words of encouragement for me. Leslie really is a genius, and just told me that my feelings are all ok. That is really is ok to be feeling these feelings. There are no wrong emotions.

Jamie just kinda patted me on the back, and told me that the other thing i was doing was the right idea. Of course telling Lisa was the right idea. My dad told me to do it ASAP... and i did. I dont fucking regret it.

Ryan too, one of my best friends... indeed the Charlie Murphy to my Rick James. Which was shown later on that night when i elbowed him in the chest like the Macho Man and we knocked hella shit over in his room wrestling. He put me on my ass like usual, but i got him a couple of times.

Steve "Thats Rough Dog." Gibson. He must've said it about 30 or 40 times that night. Still, it made me feel better.

I love these people, and they love me...

but i still went home to my father, my dad, the pops.


how the fuck am i going to do this?

ok i dont care what anybody says "Sneakers O'Toole" and this whole episode of family guy are NOT funny.

i am never gving a show i leave another chance one year later again

STUPID

The reasons i disappoint myself:

1. I often create situations/ conspiracy theories in my head as to why things are going on, making myself into the victim and not taking responsibility for my actions.

2. I go out with girls i don't even like

3. I have a lot of secrets that i still don't trust some of my best friends and even my immediate family with

4. I cant forgive my birth-father for being the bastard he is. I want to hit him. hard. in his fat face

5. I use humor and "offensive" jokes to avoid serious emotions

6. I hold grudges for too long

7. I think i am overweight

8. I blame myself for NOT getting girls that i do like

9. White people make me nervous sometimes

10. Everything is everyone else's fault

11. I am terribly scared of turning into my father... and i am on my way to it

12. I get extremely angry sometimes and have been violent


I don't know why i am posting this. maybe i am feeling like i need an outlet considering recent events... Who knows?

Who cares?

So i dont really write blogs in this one anymore because i usually write them while i am supposed to be analyzing reports for Comcast Cable and Myspace is blocked at work.

If you want to read my thoughts and musings pleae visit

http://thunderlips.livejournal.com/

Thats me. Oh yeah, and someone make me dinner....

Im not working today, and i am going to get fat and sleep all day. perhaps drink a lot too. Anyone wanna join me?

I hate that i dislike so many people.

I really do try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, i have even been trying to give people second chances with me. I dont know why. What makes me so damn special that i even have the right to give the 1st chance to someone. I am no big shot. Nobody is. Everyone that thinks they are better than someone else, no matter what the reason, is greatly mistaken. I dont care how many political groups you are a card carrying/ patch wearing member of.

My uncle who is a union plumber who comes home after a 12 hour shift everynight and takes care of his family, HE is someone to be admired. I asked him about this thing and he told me  "Angelo, no matter what a man does, no matter how much money he makes,or how many broads he fucks, if he can't see the beauty in even the smallest flower, then he's a fucking joke."

Am i a Fucking Joke Uncle Nicky? I didnt ask this, as i was afraid of his answer. 

People are just walking around living their lives. Why should i even care? Why do little, tiny, nothings bother me about people?

Its meaningless to dwell on things that do not matter.

But i still hate that fat petition pig. 

you're a damn jerk. thanks for nothing

waaaahhhhhhhh!!!!! 

then F YOU!