Here goes..

"Donkey By Lake" was originally titled "Rubric"...

I forgot about that as I uploaded it to myspace yesterday.

No matter however. Both titles are just supplement reference names of no particular importance. I used them in lieu of my usual reference titles for songs, i.e.:

'21 22', ' 7111819', '102108 2'.

Usually, obviously my reference titles are simply the date of the day the audio, skeletal sketch was recorded; or a numerical representaion of the songs place value in any given day, week, month or season.

Using numbers as reference titles (for 4 years now) is confusing at best by now. Truth be told, I do prefer it overall. Just sayin', it's a little crazy currently.

So, yes, a generic word or grouping of random words for a title is working better for me at this time currently.

Geeze.

So here's the real truth. I have been feeling very jumbled, wound up and chaotic inside. Not violent chaotic, just fractal chaotic. Like Chaos Dynamics in relation to the nano scale as oppossed to the macro scale.

I've been studying quantum physics and algebra lately. Admitedly, quantum physics is mind blowing. Mind blowing. Mind altering. I'm enjoying the challenge it is providing my mind though. I've also been balancing this intellectual workout with readings from Herman Hesse's "My Belief". It's a collection of essays authored by Hesse on many different subjects. However, I find among the essays a common theme of humanistic unity, soul, love, empathy and compassion. It is truly an up lifting selection of essays. Very healthy, happy and positive.

So here I stand, long winded. What I'm getting down to, is the fact that all this information I've been taking in lately is lending itself to some very Pollock like musical expression from me. The drums are in the back seat currently. Usually these nano chaotic internal disturbances would manifest themselve through my drumming.

I would usually fly into Dave Lombardo, Zach Hill land and lose myself completely...then follow up that unfurling with a 5 mile jog and a half hour weight lifting session.

(I exercise everyday, or at least 5 times a week. I've been a devoted jogger for 16 years now, and a weight lifter intermitently for 16 years.

But, lately I haven't been rocking the long endurance runs, just the stay fit jogs.)

So the guitar has been in the driver seat for a bit now. I have an obsessive urge to strangle my guitar at least once a day now (not a normal activity for me) and each time I do, I cannot stop my fingers from flying up and down the fret board.

*[Extreme side note: as a child instead of socializing I would go home from school, do my chores then go to my room, cue up Jeff Beck or Van Halen or Cream/Clapton on the record player and jam. Just straight jam to these records, then slow the record down with my finger to figure out certain licks. Everything I can do now on the guitar I could and would literally do by the age of 13. Literally. I went through a 'chops' hiding phase when I was in my twenties on both drums and guitar until around the age of 25. (I would purposely play 'indie' sloppy shite.) I still hid it on my recordings at that time. I buried the two handed playing beneath piano, and cut back on solos....but they were creeping in. Basically, for a long period I thought musically it wasn't okay to have chops...or use them. But, I'd subtley sneak it in...even at my first gig in Portland: November 10, 2001 at the Blackbird. I had a tune back then that involved rhythm and melody at the same time. So I did that and shredded live as usual. After the show, a nice guy approached me and offered to play second guitar so I wouldn't have to be so 'busy'. hmmmmm. So what I'm getting at is I think the nerd musician , though unschooled in theory or any real training, is coming out.....or coming back. Truthfully she's been here all along, just not so much publicly. Obviously, I don't have real musician chops. I know that. I have lkn (pronounced: "lickin' ") style chops. Which is to say, Pollock core, energy, passion, soul based. My soul expressing itself musically. Dig? Dig.]

This is where "Donkey By Lake" came from.

I know it's sloppy. It's spontaneous combustion recording to the max. But I feel and hear the fractals revealing themselves and making sense.

So, on a whim I uploaded this song on 10 23 08. I had to.

I'll likely take it down soon. I just thought it would be fun to share my experience as of late, and offer insight into this noise riot composition.

I wish to put light 'out there'. I feel I've been the recipient of some postive energy throughout life, and I always wish and strive to share it with all. We're all probably only alive on this planet once. Either way, I wish to spread and share love and good vibes whenever possible.

I thank all of you friends for sharing with me; and sharing in this audio, soul and text explosion with me; and in the real passion explosion: Life.

Love to You,

Lauren