Happy Halloween!!  My fav.  I am going to explain something.  Hold on tight and focus, for you will not receive a concrete point until the end.  For those of you who know me, know that I explain a thought or point that I may have in a round about way.  To say the least, right?  I am aware of this.  Although, mostly aware in hindsight.  I believe two factors explain why I am like I am.  I am in possesion of an addictive personality and I have a sort of alter ego which I call The Harmless Beast.  Each has it's own downfall and redeeming characteristics.  Having now completed this prelude, I will try to "get to the point."   

One's having an Addictive Personality carries a negative connotation.  Now this is an applicable trait and I do say an admirable one at that.  I believe a great many of the people you and I would admire as being creative and wildly successful were or are addicted to their life's work.  The problem is knowing what to be addicted to.  The Harmless Beast has a clever way of disguising his intentions.  Another problem with having this attribute lies in the fact that attempting to choose when to nurture his desires takes careful monitoring.  For I know only what seems to have been a right choice after the dust has settled.  The brain can make trivial and even awful courses of action seem brilliant and wonderous.  This is the work of the Harmless Beast, which I will get to shortly.  I know that half the places I shove my energy into will not produce the immediate noticeable and desired effects that I hope they do.  Maybe I am just adding to the pot that is me.  Every day anteing up and adding one more pointless bit of information that may one day prove to be useful.    

I am just entertaining the Harmless Beast that seems to lie dormant in me, but I realize is more powerful than any hope or dream that I may have.  This is the part of personality that I am always at odds with.  What desire of my (as Dexter would put it) "dark passenger" do I give in to.  I often take an "on the fence" sort of approach.  That seems to pacify him for a short time and then the days add up and here I am once again doing nothing.  Not able to marvel in life's day to day wonders.  Always questioning my motives.  Do I not stay up late dreaming and dawdling in the what ifs, or do I wake up early and just put myself out there.  Because, to me it seems to take the whole day of breathing and thinking to finally come to an answer that fits my agenda.  Then the day is done and I am passed out.  I guess I can only hope to persuade the Beast to answer my call to join the fight.  I believe that I am getting more keen at being able to control the him, because I do wake up earlier.  I am beginning to marvel in the every day happenings around me.  Denying that he is there will only produce more empty days, and I refuse to ponder my twenties away.   

Mind you, I do not see any of what I have spoke of to be "negative" or "awful."  I have a blast toying with this notion on a daily basis.  I never know where the day will take me, even a boring family man like me.  I am glad I have not given in to many of the conformist courses of action that I would have when I was only a bit younger.  Keeping the dream alive?  Nope, this is just me my friends.  I am working on a new song with an upbeat tempo that may or may not have this theme running through it.  Where is the point?  Its in there somewhere.  Having warned you about my round abouted-ness, I will end my blog for today.  ash

I was playing this new tune I wrote last night for a dinner crowd.  I havent recorded a demo of it quite yet, but I like to try out the new stuff on unsuspecting restaurant goers.  Not so much for the patrons' enjoyment but more for my squeezing out the kinks of songs.  As you other songwriters know, a song can come off quite different and even awkward the first time you try it out live.  I find my little part time weekly cover song gig very useful for just that purpose.  I can test the limits of my voice and hopefully fine tune the transitions.  I strongly advise any singer to employ this strategy if you have the opportunity.  Its like taking hours of practice time in my apartment and compacting the results I would normally gain and getting the same in only a few moments.  Is that clear?  Seems obvious enough, however; much is to be gained from putting yourself in otherwise uncomfortable situations. 

This brings me to the small revelation I experienced last night.  That new song I was trying out on the dining people was soundin ok and I wondered where the hell it even came from.  I know I wrote it, but why can't I have more of those inspirational moments that don't feel rushed or fake.  Is it a god given talent that talented people possess?  Or, is it a learned, practiced, and perfected art after much time spent honing the craft?