Gender: Female
Status: Married
Age: 58
Sign: Sagittarius
City: Stone Mountain
State: Georgia
Country: US
Signup Date: 5/19/2006
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Friday, December 14, 2007
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Current mood:  determined
Category: Life
Male Prison Rape—An Inhumane Dilemma
It had a forbidden beginning. Perhaps that is why the ending was so violent and cruel. I was a 24 year old, single parent of one son; a project kid, working as a payroll clerk in an employment agency. It was July of 1976. The manager of the agency was fired. I was asked to train the next one to be hired. I refused. Instead I suggested my own promotion and it was accepted.
I was told almost immediately not to become involved with any of the agency's clients. Yet, he was so handsome, his skin glistened like the coat of a panther and a huge, elegant afro crowned his head. He was a manager in a wine import company. Forgetting the rule was almost easy. By this time, through my own management, the agency I worked for grew and another office was being built. I couldn't afford to lose my job. Yet, almost immediately I lost my heart to him. Today, I can't imagine why I felt we would be married and live a "happily ever after" life.
After a month of innocent and erotic flirting, he finally asked me out on a date. My dreams, my silly "knight and shining armor" beliefs allowed me to anticipate the beginning of a long and wonderful love affair. My first warning was totally ignored. He picked me up in an old unkempt truck, wearing a tee shirt and jeans. That would've been fine had I not seen him dressed to kill on every other occasion. He told me he had to stop at his house before taking me to dinner. You know, it almost seems insane. I wouldn't even consider going to a strange man's home now.
I couldn't believe the state of his apartment. That was my second warning. Yet, by the time I realized that, it was too late. He threw his keys on his coffee table, opened his cabinet, pulled out an off brand bottle of gin and two glasses. I am thinking, "I don't like gin!" That was the least of my problems. He was no longer the suave and romantic gentleman whose professionalism I had admired. I hadn't realized how tall he was; how muscular until I realized I needed to get out of there. I politely refused the drink and I never saw the blow or felt it when it landed. That wasn't the issue. The issue was how I woke up and the way I woke up.
I have had 2 children. I don't know a single woman who can describe the pain of giving birth. Yet, what was happening to my body was something I can never explain. I awoke, laying on my stomach with him on top of me, his hands around my throat. He said he would kill me if I screamed. The throbbing in my head from his initial blow was surpassed only by his endless thrusts. I felt as if my bowels were being forced through my mouth. I wanted to vomit, yet, I didn't dare. I prayed to die. Miraculously, I lived. Yet, I have never forgotten. I try not to remember. Still, I do. That is why I feel it is important to write about this type of violation. I only know how I felt as a woman. I can only imagine how a boy or a man feels when something so brutal occurs. Who can be told of this experience so that there can be at least a bit of relief? If you are a man or even a boy, shouldn't you be able to have prevented this? How can such a thing be spoken of? Because of the silence and the shame, the horror continues throughout the prison system. I am tired and I don't want to be quiet anymore.
T. J. Parsell, in his book Fish, details his life as a boy existing in prison life. Many times I put my fist in my mouth as I read it. At 17 years old he held up his local Photo Mat with a toy gun. Believe me, it was a childish thing to do and he paid an adult price. No, it wasn't an adult price, it was an inhumane price. On his very first day at the prison, 4 men drugged him and took turns raping him. Then they flipped a coin to decide who he would belong to. We all know the prison code. To tell is to die. His experiences in prison have haunted him his entire life. As a society, we expect to punish illegal behavior. Yet, the punishment should fit the crime. The majority of men incarcerated are not there for having committed male rape. Most times this situation is a first, in this prison environment, for victim and perpetrator. It is time for us as a society to stand up and take action against this vulgar, lack of self control. It is time to isolate and segregate all who are predators.
There are those who are taking up the baton. Rabbi David Saperstein, director of the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism, gave his testimony on July 31, 2002 before the Committee on the Judiciary, United States Senate. His entire speech is moving to say the least and here are a few of his words. "The scourge of prison rape is just such an issue: Studies show that nearly 25 percent of the more than two million individuals in federal and state prisons across the country will be the victims of some form of sexual assault or harassment during their period of incarceration. In a typical state prison, one in 10 prisoners will be the victim of a completed rape. Once so brutalized, victims are far more likely to be victims of repeated rape. These are staggering statistics that should by themselves arouse the moral outrage of all people of conscience."
Michael Scarce, author of Male on Male Rape…The Hidden Toil of Stigma and Shame, details his own experience. It is amazing that it almost describes my own exactly. Of course, the setting was different. He was a college student, out for the evening, enjoying a drink in a gay bar. He spots a handsome man across the dance floor. After lingering stares between the two of them, he invites this stranger to his dorm room for a drink. Michael didn't get a chance to agree with a sexual act. One was violently forced upon him. He couldn't scream. Simply because the other students in the dorm knew he was gay and hated him for it. One word could've turned a singular incident into a group one. Even though his book isn't about prison rape, his personal experience is identical in its pain. The horror of these types of stories is that there are so many. I have just detailed a few. I share much with these men that I don't know and may never meet. Yet, we are brothers and sisters nevertheless. Forever bonded by our enduring memories of an evil violation and forever damaged. Our healing is only aided by our willingness to speak out. These are men I hold close to my heart.
I don't feel that prison life should be served in a country club atmosphere. Yet, for some that is certainly the case. Particularly, for those whose money and status allows it. Yet, prison should not be a breeding place for predators who lurk, determined to destroy the core of another man's very being. It is time for us as a nation, as a people to stand up and speak against this atrocity. These are men who often leave prison far too shattered to experience the joy of loving, healthy relationships. Should their price be such as that? Is it not enough to endure a prison sentence, justified or not (because there are some innocent men in there)? Why should one be forced the indignity of relinquishing his very soul?
For those who have never experienced a violation of this type, thank God! But if only the most compassionate of us would imagine please "there but by the grace of God, go I." Then maybe we could save our boys, our men, our lives!
Lauretta Ali 2007
Author of Survival of the Fittest…One Child's Life in the Foster Care System, Neshee Publication, www.amazon.com
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Wednesday, November 08, 2006
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Current mood:  hopeful
 Behold the words of the Qur'an: "We are closer to you than you are yourself." Comprehend your relationship with God! He is closer to us than our own selves. Yet through ignorance we search for Him Wandering from door to door.
-Sufi poem
From "The Bounty of Allah," translated by Aneela Khalid Arshed. Copyright 1999. All rights reserved. Used with permission of The Crossroad Publishing Company, New York.
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Saturday, October 28, 2006
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Current mood:  content
Beliefnet Wishes You a Happy Eid-ul-FitrI once saw a Christian monk gaunt through self-sacrifice and doubled over by the fear of God. I asked him to show me the path of God. He replied, "If you knew God you would know the way to Him. I worship Him although I do not know Him; you disobey Him though you know Him. With knowledge comes fear, yet you are self-assured; with heresy ignorance, yet I feel fear within me." His words moved me so deeply that since then I have refrained from wrongdoing. -Abd'Allah bin Mubarak al-Marwazi, "The Kashf al-Mahjub"
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Friday, October 20, 2006
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Current mood:  thoughtful
When you see the misfortune of your brother, do not rejoice, for Allah may save him and afflict you with the same misfortune.
-The Prophet Muhammad (SAW), as reported by Wa'silah bin al-Asqa'a
From "The Bounty of Allah." Hadith translated by Aneela Khalid Arshed. Copyright 1999. All rights reserved. Used with permission of The Crossroad Publishing Company, New York.

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Tuesday, October 10, 2006
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Current mood:  content
O Love, O pure deep love, be here, be now. Be all; worlds dissolve into your stainless endless radiance, Frail living leaves burn with you brighter than cold stars: Make me your servant, your breath, your core.
-Rumi
From "Agape Love: A Tradition Found in Eight World Religions" by Sir John Templeton, © 1999. Reprinted by arrangement with Templeton Foundation Press, Philadelphia, www.templetonpress.org.
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Saturday, October 07, 2006
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Current mood:  contemplative
Once a rich merchant, seeing Rabi'a's house falling into disrepair, gave her a thousand pieces of gold and a new house....Immediately she returned the money to the merchant and said, "I fear I will become attached to this house and will no longer be able to occupy myself with the other world. My only desire is to be of service to God."
-Rabi'a, "Rabi'a the Mystic"
From "The Bounty of Allah," translated by Aneela Khalid Arshed. Copyright 1999. All rights reserved. Used with permission of The Crossroad Publishing Company, New York
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Friday, October 06, 2006
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Current mood:  calm
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Thursday, October 05, 2006
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Current mood:  contemplative
Facts on Foster Care in America
A Grim Picture for Many Kids, but There Are Reasons for Hope
May 30, 2006 — - Each week, nearly 60,000 children in the United States are reported as abused or neglected, with nearly 900,000 confirmed abuse victims in 2004. About 520,000 of those children end up in foster care each year -- double the number 25 years ago. Approximately 800,000 children every year come in contact with the foster care system.
Watch ABC News' and "Primetime's" special series on foster care, "A Call to Action: Saving Our Children," beginning Thursday, June 1.
Despite more than a decade of intended reform, the nation's foster care system is still overcrowded and rife with problems. But taxpayers are spending $22 billion a year -- or $40,000 a child -- on foster care programs.
The highest ranking federal official in charge of foster care, Wade Horn of the Department of Health and Human Services, is a former child psychologist who says the foster care system is a giant mess and should just be blown up. He's most critical of the way foster care gets funded by the federal government -- $5 billion that goes mostly, he says, to keeping kids in foster care.
There are no provisions for treatment, prevention, family support, or aging out -- just for supporting things as they are. He wants to rethink foster care on a national level.
Foster Care Statistics:
On September 30, 2004, 518,000 children were in the U.S. foster care system. Most children are placed in foster care temporarily due to parental abuse or neglect.
A record 304,000 children entered the system in 2004, according to one study. Much of the rise was due to methamphetamine use. Experts estimate that 80 to 90 percent of foster care placements can be traced to substance abuse.
About 40,000 infants are placed in foster care every year.
126,000 children are currently available for adoption.
On average, children stay in the system for almost three years (31 months) before either being reunited with their families or adopted. Almost 20 percent wait five years or more. --> page --> Children have on average three different foster care placements. Frequent moves in and out of the homes of strangers can be profoundly unsettling for children, and it is not uncommon to hear of children who have been in 20 or 30 different homes. Many have been separated not only from their parents, but from their siblings.
More than 20,000 children each year never leave the system -- they remain in foster care until they "age out."
Thirty percent of the homeless in America and some 25 percent of those in prison were once in foster care.
44 percent (or about 241,000 children) have reunification with their birth families as their case goal.
48 percent were in foster family homes (non-relative), 24 percent were in relative foster homes, 18 percent were in group homes or institutions, 4 percent were in pre-adoptive homes, and 6 percent were in other placement types.
The average age of a foster child is 10. Half are 10 or under.
40 percent of foster children are white; 34 are black; 18 percent are Hispanic.
Case workers burn out and leave the profession in very high numbers. The annual turnover rate in the child welfare workforce is more than 20 percent.
The recommended number of cases for a social worker is 17. In some states, the number is three or four times that number.
Click here for more statistics from the Administration of Children and Families, at the Dept. of Health and Human Services.
Glimmers of Hope
Despite ambitious and expensive public and privately funded pilot programs in communities around the country, and despite the heroic efforts of think tanks, community organizations, foster and adoptive parents, mentors and some members of the religious community, there is no national approach or policy regarding child welfare in this country.
As the public policy pendulum swings back and forth between family preservation (keeping children with their biological parents) and protecting children by placing them in foster care -- most experts now agree that the best thing to do is try to leave them at home if at all possible and provide good services to help the family cope.
--> page -->If that's not possible, the next best solution is to have family members or nearby foster parents take the kids in, and at the same time provide a group of professionals (a therapist, a pediatrician, a social worker, a tutor) to help the kids and the adults. This is called "wraparound services" and has been working well in pilot programs in this country and in others, like England. This is designed to prevent a child from falling through the cracks, which happens all too often when one over-burdened social worker is the only one responsible for the safety of a child.
To compound the problem, not nearly enough is being done for children leaving the system when they become adults, who often receive a small check ($600 in Florida) and a pat on the back. How many parents of well-adjusted typical children send their kids out into the world with hardly any support when they turn 18?
Using the extraordinary resources of ABC News, we can make a difference -- putting foster care and child welfare on the policy map, and starting an open discussion of where the system is going and what needs to be done. This is a critical national issue, because these children will be costing us billions of dollars more down the line. They are the future, and they are our children. Yet most people think of foster kids as some one else's children, and someone else's problem.
But there is reason for hope, too. Across the country, we found heroes, individuals and institutions offering services, ideas, hope. There are dozens of foundations and organizations a mouse click away, in every community in this country, offering innovative solutions and a few practical things that all of us can do to help the children who need it most.
A few obvious solutions: lighten social workers' case loads to the recommended number, under 20; compensate foster parents more fairly and in return demand they keep children, even when they act out; offer services to children aging out of the system; help teach young parents skills they need to care for their children; place foster children near their parents, or with extended family whenever possible; smooth the way for loving foster parents to adopt; make foster care a national priority.
Consider this a call to action, a chance to do something to help save a life before it is too late. For more information on how you can help, Click Here.
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Thursday, October 05, 2006
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Current mood:  distressed
'Aging Out' and Unprepared for Life
Those Who 'Age Out' of Foster Care Are Dropped from the System
June 1, 2006 — - After his father left, Jesse Aliff was removed from the custody of his alcoholic mother and became a ward of the state of Florida. He spent four years in and out of group homes and juvenile detention facilities. Last December, when Jesse turned 18, he was thrust into an adulthood for which he was unprepared.
"Eighteenth birthday's not as fun as it's cut out to be," Jesse said.
In many states, foster care benefits end at age 18, making Jesse one of approximately 20,000 young men and women who "age out" of foster care each year. In Florida, the welfare of kids who age out is left to private agencies like Connected by 25, which try to provide the education and resources most children receive from their parents.
"They have no bank account, they have no credit history, no employment history," said Diane Zambito, the executive director of Connected by 25. "You're going to do -- what?"
A Story of Self-Sabotage
When he turned 15, the system gave up on Jesse and locked him up in a juvenile detention center. He got out less than a year before his 18th birthday.
"It got to the point where group homes wouldn't even take me anymore, because all I did was run away," Jesse said. "They had to keep me in juvenile detention centers."
Strangely, Jesse came to like detention. He found a counselor there he could talk to, Jason, and he did well -- until just before he was to leave, when he started acting out again. Maybe, he conceded, it was self-sabotage.
"I don't see why I would want to be in a jail situation. I wouldn't want to be in the barbed wire fences and stuff," Jesse said. "But now that I look back on it, maybe I was trying to stay just a little bit longer."
There is one deadline, however, he couldn't avoid.
An Offer Extended
For Jesse, Dec. 21, 2005 -- his 18th birthday -- was bittersweet. No family was there to celebrate, just the social workers and office staff of a group trying to help kids like Jesse.
Chrissy Baker, who lived near one of the group homes Jesse ran away from, agreed to take him in. But after months of his missing curfew and not working or attending school, even Chrissy had had it.
--> page -->Jesse was not doing any of the things he had planned to do. He no longer looked for a job. A Connected by 25 donor offered him a car, but still no driver's license. The state of Florida will help pay for Jesse to go to school, but he has not applied.
"I would like to be a carpenter, go to school for carpentry," Jesse said, "but right now I'm not all that motivated to go to school, so ... " Jesse trailed off, as he often does when talking about his future.
Unprepared
Jesse's advisers -- Chrissy, his guardian; Jason, a social worker; Diane, at Connected by 25 -- try to push him.
But Jesse, like many other former foster care kids, is emotionally unprepared to take advantage of the few resources that are available to him. One study shows that young adults who were in foster care are twice as likely as war veterans to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.
For Zambito, working with Jesse is a constant battle between her faith in him and her frustration.
"He can be the best kid in the world, and I want to ring his neck," Zambito said. "How do you hold someone responsible for things they may not know how to do? And I don't know that Jessie knows how to take advantage of what we have."
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Thursday, September 21, 2006
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Current mood:  touched
Category: Life
Your Self Value
A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?"
Hands started going up.
He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this." He proceeded to crumple the dollar bill up.
He then asked, "Who still wants it?"
Still the hands were up in the air.
"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up, now all crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.
"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20.
LESSON: __________ Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. You are special - Don't ever forget it!
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