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Once upon a time, their was a young man named Dom Haynie, who was 15, and lived in Tualatin, Oregon. He wasn't blind, had good hearing, and could talk very well. One day, he decided to go on a walk. It was a bright and sunny day, as he walked to Carl's Jr. He got a Western Bacon Six Dollar Burger. While eating it, he was making fun of all the dumbasses who write the fake shitty chain mail on myspace, about how retarded they must be. But then he thought: why? Why would they waste people's time like that? Maybe it's because they want attention, but that doesn't help when only one or two people even know the starter of the chain mail, or when people like Dom realize how much the person sucks. Dom isn't against what the people are trying to say, he is just trying to make a point that they don't make sense. Meanwhile, Dom is on his last bite of his burger, when he realizes: what if they are really retarded? That brings up a whole new problem: Am I just making fun of mentally retarded people? He finally decides that, no, they aren't retarded, they are just really stupid, attention-seeking, losers (similar to Stuart Legg at Dom's school, Tualatin High School). Repost this if you agree, or send me a message of protest if you disagree with Dom on this. You can also send me a message of agreement, or repost if you disagree... -Dom H.

Whats your Name:
Age:
Birthday:
Location:
Sexual Preference:
Height:
Body Type:
Eye color:
Hair Color:
Favorite Bands:
Favorite Movies:
Religion:
Smoke?:
Drink?:
Drive?:
Job?:
Piercings?:
Where?:
Tatoos?:
Where?:
Why Are you Applying?:
One special thing about you:
One special thing about me:
Your favorite body part on me:
Favorite type of music?
do you like to cuddle?
Kiss?
make-out?
more?....
tell me your best qualities:
worst?
Do you Cheat?
Would you be Faithful?

Why do you love me??

         Martha Stewart: Live and Living

                    By Domonic Haynie


"And you're on in 5...4...3...2...1..."

"Hi there, everyone, and welcome to the Martha Stewart show!  Starring me, Martha Stewart.  Today, some of my celebrity guests are: well, of course me, hahahaha, I'm just so funny (two people in the audience laugh, one of whom claps but is then beaten unconscious with a chair, and the other is just mentally retarded, and goes by the name of Stuart Legg who aslo happens to looks like a lizard), and George Bush (one person claps, but then is clocked in the side of the head by a baseball bat).  And, we have one amazing surprise guest."

"Excuse me, Martha!  I love your show!"

"I know, like all of you little assholes out there in the audience do.  But, that's enough, sit down before I take off my pants, and have you search through my forest, to find what's not supposed to be there!" (He sits) "Now, lets bring out the President of the United States, George W. Bush!"  (Everyone stands, as required by law)  

"Hello America, you may be seated..." (audience sits) "Now, I am going to have to ask anyone in here, that is gay, to leave please, because I don't want any more attention from what I am about to say then I would if gay people were still in here." (No one leaves) "Okay, great.  America, I have a surprise for all of you...I'm...not what you think I am...I...I...I, am gay." (As he looks out to the 238 audience members, 237 have smiles on there face, and one looks like he might pee his pants...because that guy's gay).

"Well, Mr. President, I, Martha Stewart...am shocked. Shocked that it took you so long to admit that you like men...and probably more than I do, and that's not very hard to do.  But, since you have been so dishonest for years, I am going to have to ask you to leave.  Take the window exit, it's much faster.  When the gravity kicks in, you'd better pray that someone catches you, because I know the rest of the world isn't."

2 minutes later...

"Now I'd like to welcome our next guest to the show...who is also going to be the final guest for the day...SPIDERMAN!!" (Spiderman obviously comes in through the window, shattering it, just as Mr. Bush just had...somehow, it reshattered...oh well).

"Hi Fartha. Haha, I always wanted to say that to you!"

"Spiderman...Is Martha Stewart gon' have to choke a bitch?"

"Cool, you watch Chapelle's Show too?"

"No, someone just told me about that...quite frankly, I just plain don't like black people. I don't know, it's probably because yesterday, one of the critters tried to steal my car.  Of course, I told it that it could have it...then called the cops and framed it.  It was savagely beaten with a club, ran over several times, and tazered for several hours.  After that, the police sprinkled some crack on it, and fled.  It's funny, because it seems like everyday a nigger gets accused of something that's not against the law."

"I think those things are alright, just as long as my door's locked, and it's light outside (or inside). Anyway, crazy thing happen.  Like, on my way here for instance.  I saved George Bush from falling out of your window, and landing on the bulls-eye on the pavement.  In the direct center, it had the phrase 'Reserved for G.W.B.'  Who knows what that stands for?  Instead, I accidentally dropped him, and he landed on the bulls-eye that says 'O.J.'."

"Well, I apprecia--excuse me, I mean America appreciate's what you did for us...we owe you dearly."

"No problem.  Sorry, I can't chat any longer, I have a date with MJ tonight, and Mary-Jane tomorrow.  I couldn't stand Kirsten Dunst...Either way, I'm gonna smoke MJ so good, it's gonna be great.  Oh, and a special thing for the ladies out there in the audience"...(lifts up abdominal part of costume, reveals abs...wolf-whistles, cat-calls, etc.)  Hey, why are you so embarassed man (pointing at the gay man)?

"I...I just sharted..."

(Spiderman slings a car together, and throws it at the man)

".....Well, thanks for being on the show, Spiderman, you really did us a favor."

"No problem, bitch...I'm just doing my job, since I'm not paid for it."

"Making you a white nigger-slave, right?"

"Hypothetically, technically, sexually, and homosexually, yes, it does.  Good bye." (And he swings through the window, and shatters it, yet again)

"Well, thanks people for coming to my show...I know you all wanted to. (UGH!) Haha, I just shit myself, and it wasn't even while trying to fart...I'm never going to Taco Bell again, they make me poop.  

Worst Case Scenario
Episode 2: Mauled at the Mall

Written by Domonic "Black" Haynie

1.    You're walking in Washington Square Mall, and you stop at a booth.  You go up to the man, and ask him "Where's your stuff and how much does it cost?"
Worst Case Scenario: He thinks you are coming onto him, so:
a: You're a girl, and he just knocks the crap out of you.
b: You're a guy, and he just knocks you up.

2.    Steppity-Steppity-Step; You're trodding in Lloyd Center, and someone yells "Ahh...they have a gun!  You start running, and then people start running from you.  You don't understand.
Worst Case Scenario: You
a: are a boy, and just have a boner.  That, and you have no pants on.  Plus, you're holding a gun.  The cops beat you silly, and threaten to rape you if you continue to breathe.  Later, you get raped.
b: are a girl, so refer to part labeled "a".

3.    You are getting some Ice Cream at a Baskin Robbins, and realized that you have to take an extreme dump.  You go to the bathroom, and realize that your pants are already down.
Worst Case Scenario: You realize that there was just a "rod" (so to speak) in Uranus (so to speak).  

Worst Case Scenario
Episode 1: School Ain't Out

Written by Domonic "Black" Haynie

1.    You're walking down a hallway, when a security guard asks for your hall pass.  You reply with the fact that the bell hasn't even rang yet.  If they persist with the harassment, be in for a surprise.  They could try to talk to you, tell you to follow them, or even use physical force against you.  They could just end up saying "Just kidding, continue on you're way".  But, they could also just say, "I think you've been doing drugs," for no reason.  Well, there's more options for you to experience.
Worst Case Scenario: You get raped.

2.    You're in a class in progress, and there's an earthquake.  You see some people getting under there desks, and you decide that you're gonna get under one too.  Right? Wrong!  You want to make a quick break for the doorway.  But just then, one of you're peers gets mauled by a stray mountain lion.  It came in from the doorway that you're running for.  If you think you can make it, opinionally, you're right.  Factually, it's gonna take a quick mathematical equation that you never thought would be necessary to use in a real-life event: The Quadratic Formula (opposite b, + or - sq. root, B sq.- 4ac, over 2a).  Being over-enthusiastic, you try to calculate the equation, using standard form, without substitions.  You get two solutions: a positive and a negative.  That leaves you with a 50/50 chance of survival.
Worst Case Scenario: You get mauled to death by the mountain lion, just as you made your leap of faith through the doorway...from this point, the lion tries to impregnate your lifeless body.

3.    While in a boring class, you believe you hear people yelling outside in the halls, and you decide to go outside and look.  You hear gun fire, but by that time you're already outside.  Decades later, you get to find that the source of the gun shots came from a gun that was being fired in the room across the hall: Negro Gang Violence Resistance, practicing on live targets.  You didn't know at where the shooting was coming from at the time of occurence, because you are blindsidedly rendered into a coma by Carie Roberts stampeding for a cupcake on a tray that was coincidentally laying on the tile floor, which also happened to be the top of a stove that was warm with heat from the baking of the cupcake.
Worst Case Scenario: When you wake up, people tell you that you heard people yelling outside your classroom door 47 years ago. Then, in the hallway when you went to investigate, they say you were hit by a train that was speeding to get a cupcake.

4.    After school, on one of the school lawns, you find a big chunk of gold.  You dust it off, to find that it's just a piece of elephant poop.  It is later discovered, that it was just a curled up naked Black guy running from the cops.
Worst Case Scenario: You find out that you're a homosexual.

Credit to Certain People / The Black Awards
Most Overrated-Callie Brown

Most likely to be killed for being a dancer-Bailey Fifer

Most Pubic Face-Charlie Ford

Most Recent People that have earned/gained respect(out of 10)--Michael Chizum(+1), Ben Davis(+10), Matt Shull(+10),Stuart Legg(-7), Eric Ponce(-8), Ashley Shay(+2), Seth McFarland(+6), Stephen Fery(+8), Mr. Shoppe(+10)Josh Hickey(-10), Eric Schwenke(+6), Lara Ingram(+10)

Most Visually non-mentally horny-Mrs. Warner (BOING!!)

Most likely to lose their virginity in a school bathroom this year-Callie Brown

Most Recently Noticed Big Boobs (by me)-Danielle M.

Best Single Fart-Mine, on Thursday morning May 5th '05, 6*18AM, woke up my parents through a wall, didn't expect it, I just wanted to take a piss, but the fart came out, and was probably a 3.4 on a Seismograph

GAYEST:
LAUGH-Stuart Legg
PHRASES(S)-Son of a Veteran;Son of a Monkey;Bastage(assuming that it is equivalent to bastard)--all by none other than:Stuart Legg
HAIR-Jaima Cobb

Hottest Girl-Adam Kunze

Most Masculine Girl-Adam Kunze

Only hot, masculine Girl that is Actually a Straight Guy-Adam Kunze

Only Jew(ever)-Rachel Furman

Most Wanted to be Black-Michael Jackson

Only Pedophile-Michael Jackson

Most Needed to get a Legal Bill/Ratification that passes as being a full-time slut, and a crying statue-Brittany Stai

Nick Carter-He made a song that made it on my top 5 songs list, that I have personally dubbed, The Taco Song; Ask him about it...

Best Boobs/Tits (Breasts)-Tie between Megan McCoy and Mr. Reiss.

Biggest Ass-Jessica Bridges

Most Likely to Succeed as a Homosexual Business Leader...of Canada-Stuart Legg

Funniest Person-Adam Kunze or me;Girl(s)-Jamie Kirk

Fattest Student- Hazelbrook=IM me your suggestions, can't think  Twality=Carie Robertson

Most Needed to be Fatter-Josh Hickey

The White, Stupid, Lame Joke-cracking, Fag, and version of me-Josh Hickey

Ugliest Girl-Roughly between that fat black-haired lesbian, the ugly blonde that rides my bus, Amber the New Girl in my English class, and Joann Nelson

Most likely to get Assasinated by the end of the year- Teacher=Mrs. Coyle;Student=No longer Ashley Shay, but Stuart Legg