the best/most hilarious texts I've had the pleasure of receiving as of late... maybe they're not that funny, but I was laughing. contenders are welcome.



9/01: dustin: in a million years, you could never... suck

8/28: dustin: you feel old? I must be a dinosaur. I dare you to start singing, "the stars at night... are big and bright!"

8/28: 12:01: danny: let's lay on each other like lazy seals
12:07: I want to hold you like a laying down piggyback ride
2:42: why can't you just gimme love instead of the questions? punk

7/24: danny: luigi and i were planning a surprise meeting over there, where we'd lock him up somewhere and I'd propose to you.

7/23: alex: I wish I could say douche-tooth so bad on the air

7/7: sean: a little whipped cream? maybe some syrup of your choice?

7/7: steve: we could go hit the food bank!

6/24: danny: I had a dream you put a black streak in your hair and wore a guns n roses tee shirt every day and we were in love again

5/29: steve: I am only 50 cents... I am nutty and full of protein goodness

5/13: steve: it's only skin cancer if you go to the doctor... wait, that's bad...

5/5: sean: sarcasm and texting... someday it will work!

5/5: sean: hope, for me, is the thought of being able to get lost in your eyes....

4/15: dustin: if the blonde wins? I'll never watch this again. ask her where chicken wing is. boo.

4/15: johnny f: I guess its not that much fun to make your own birthday cake

10/24: sean: sometimes I wonder if its actually me that people just don't care for.

9/17: landon: I think that is an understatement. possibly the biggest understatement of all time.

8/21: vance: rachel ray, get real

7/06: danny: your stubborness is why I sometimes hate you, but its hot.

7/06: danny: I've been workin out like ten days a week trying to become a stud for you

6/21: vance: I love the risk of texting during taxiing. I'm in the first class bulk head too so the FA is right by me...

6/17: johnny: taco amigo = taco friend

6/10: johnny: you know everything about gum

6/08: johnny: I just threw up all over some angry latinos. ('really?') no, worst case scenario.

6/08: johnny: my friend wants me to smoke a doobage with him what should I say?

6/05: danny: lets move to europe together. I don't care if we'd eventually not get along.

5/19: johnny: it's like when you step on grass over and over, eventually the grass dies and you go deaf

5/19: amber: just like on mtv: NEXT!

5/15: danny:  let's elope.  I'm bored.  then we'll go to hawaii.

5/14 paul:  your debit card is obviously mistaken.  it must be a female debit card.

5/14: paul: I like your first one better.  it was like a little love note in ebonics

5/05: vance: I'm not so fluent in espanol, does ole mean just kidding, or I've never been more serious about anything in my whole life?

5/02: vance: no, it's him.  the chubby little garden gnome, tell him to piss off

5/01: vance: hahahahaha.... who knew a period could be SO funny!

4/29: paul: all would be weller if you sent me that ass shot

4/28: amber: ride me, rope me, power stroke me!

4/27: landon: landon is now sad landon and landon arent hanging out. landon can definitely hang out with landon next week whenever landon can.

4/27: aaron: a little torn between getting turned on and throwing up...very odd

4/26: landon: Landon thought you were wanting to hang, but that cuts Landon deep. Anywho, Landon is out, so text Landon if you get bored while working since Landon won't be able to email Landon for entertainment anymore.

4/16: amber: she would eat everything including the walls!

4/7: aaron: stick with the creepy...unless of course you were kinda being elctrocuted as you did it in the rain... that would be acceptable

4/11: amber: I just want a boyfriend that I can kiss and call anytime I freaking want to!

4/9 3:42 pm: landon: you left work already, didn't you?
3:43: landon: wow! impressive. guess I will check in another ten

4/5: mom: ask matt if he wants a bob marley hat with dread locks attached (agh! scary, mom!)

3/15: pat: I suppose this can be construed as a booty call, but I am, I don't know, a thousand miles away...

3/15: brandon: you allowed a maybe? that is your fault.

3/10: vance: it was my hot face and I bet you looked.

3/4: sean: hey you married yet?

2/22: amber: I think you should tell him, well, this was fun, good night now!

2/14: sean: screw that deadbeat boyfriend and be my valentine!

2/13: amber: I hope you blew kisses and licked the window!

2/8: johnny: you do fine. churros, ninos, flan etc. show you know whats up

2/7: amber: He is hot and he seems rather normal! I am impressed, man maybe I need to go and workout at your gym! All I ever meet is jail bate and 60 year old hairy men who think spandex is a good thing!

2/5: johnny: it's the best premade pudding money can buy

2/5: johnny: I was talking brownies with pot in them!

2/5: johnny: you accept bad checks?

2/5: danny: he's a tall 30 year old indian. you're a freak with this.

1/30 sean: 2 things: 1st you aren't dead wood. and next, if I determine you are dead wood I always make it personal when I tell you off... just so there is no confusion on if I never want to talk to you again

1/30 sean: I don't hate hate girls I just needed to remove the dead wood from my life

1/28 sean: I am in my bed right now! (8:24 am)

1/28 sean: I am running naked right now! (12:16 am)

1/27 sean: I poured out an ice cold diet coke. and said Run! Be free! Megan will never drink you!

1/22: vance: some guys turn into those little annoying dogs humping your leg that don't get off until their done no matter how many times you tell them no and swat them on the nose.

1/20 johnny: I am trying to say things that wil make your myspace blog

12/28 amber: sorry meg, he is an ass clown! most men are!

12/28 johnny: i am so amped to see you in a moo moo

12/23 sean: on a side not I am glad you are okay and didn't die in the snow

12/14 sean: recently i was asked to do a project because of my ability to see the bad in people.

12/8 johnny: this is a fake hangup, isn't it? Megan?

12/05 johnny: I am egg cited. get it?

12/01 sean: I will have ou know that I had french toast with maple syrup... it and you were fantastic!

11/27 sean: good news! I have the legs for heels.

11/24 sean: it saddens me that i cannot portray the aptitude of my sarcasm over text messages!

11/17 amber: I am in orem and they are dropping it like its hot!

11/17 johnny: you are cool cuz you have fam in cali

11/17 johnny: oh megan. you are rite. you are a hero.

11/14 sean: wow! it is the 'create your own text message'! thanks megan!

11/13 sean: i just ate lotion. reminded me of the good times.

11/04 sean: is he a sailor? perfect - you have a sunken chest (so cruel! but so true!)

11/08 sean: hey old lady/lips like morphine/love of my life/my personal assistant/cotton candy gloss queen. did you call that number?

11/08 sean: are you doing that cute laugh that is so loud everyone is looking?!
megan: it's more like loud and obnoxious...
sean: yeah! i know! i love it! so loud it bothers other people. who could ask for anything more?

10/26 sean: you never called me back! I am pretending i am hurt right now! I will cry right now for 5 bucks

10/20 sean: so... monster trucks are out?!

10/19 sean: thanks sugarboots!
10/4 andrew: yeah... when I'm listening to techno music and I have 4 mountain dews in me... sometimes I miss things... (my co-worker speaking to a customer about his spelling cosmopolitian rathern than "cosmic" on their website. I could barely keep a straight face...! )<

10/04 vance: i love you 95% of the time

10/01 megan: my sister is single, I could hook it up
vance: yuck. i mean... i love you, so it'd be weird.

9/30 vance: I decided I want you to stat calling me lover
megan: no chance
vance: why not?
megan: just doesn't roll off my tongue
vance: well pick something cute like that for me

9/23 sean: btw you are a lesbian if anyone asks!
(wtf?!)

9/22 sean: you don't know how hard it is to keep guys from eating you

9/19 johnny: I thought I was unpredictible
(am I the only one who thinks this is funny?)

9/14 sean: I think swearing will be the least of our damn problems!

annika: x er nt. wraf out roud! this I will do fah suh. it wril be most derishous!

bean: yeah you said he was sprom
(megan + qwerty + driving = the creation of some fantastic new words)

johnny: thanks for not inviting me to salt lake. you dollface.

sean: 6 o'clock in the morning you are talking about brats. that is so wrong on so many levels. what are you talking about? smoked brats? cheese brats? spicy maybe? oooh! you were talking about man brat! now why doesn't that surprise me! Megan going all sexual on the brat convo!
megan: I'm talking about a brat on a kaiser with mustard. that is all!
sean: Is that some kind of code? "Mustard"? you perve! I am an innocent 22 year old!

sean: it is going to be like... you get sean johnson when you turn 30 like the deal said... sucks to be you!"

chelon: its good to be picky with guys. give 'em hell!

vance: stop riding around in NIS's jock strap

vance: he's a pretty boy but lame. he went out with this girl my buddy dated and she didn't like him but he kept calling and texting. the thing is - she is chubby and obnoxious. he is truly pathetic.

johnny: that is so mountain manish of you. i love that you are rugged.

megan: I'm a subway alumni
johnny: sandwich artist you say?

No, I'm not talking about that kind of fun, ya sicko. I'm talking about my new favorite thing this week: Chocolate Dipped Altoids


Yes, I've seen them around but resisted my chocolate urges for the sake of being "healthy". I finally bought a tin and devoured the entire thing in one day. Do yourself a favor and go pick up some of these tasty morsels. They just might be sweeter than your last kiss (it was for me), and they'll only set you back about two bucks.

... a few other great things...

It's getting hot in here - 65 degree days are calling. Goodbye stinky snow, we are no longer friends! Soggy pant legs, frosty windshields, slippery roads... with friends like you, who needs friends? A new love has moved into the neighborhood. I'm talking about sunny skies, warm breezes, sun tans and flip flops. Winter, you don't have to go home, but you gotta get yo'self outta here.

I saw Music & Lyrics over the weekend and it was delightful. I truly believe Hugh Grant is my perfect love match. If anyone knows anyone remotely like him, I'll reward you generously for a name a number. I'd even been willing to overlook a lack of a sexy british accent. And thanks so much. I'll invite you to the wedding.

My new macbook is on it's way! Oh, technology. You. You really know how to kick those lonely nights to the curb.

we're well into fall now, but here are a few things that make letting go of summer a little easier...

1. goodbye skimpy swimsuit - hello sultry sweaters!
sweaters are in season and i love everything that goes along with this: tweeds, layered hoodies with jackets, corduroy, newsboy caps, crisp denim, scarves, blazers, argyle, cable tights, furry boots, cowl necks and soft mittens in rich browns, plums, reds, emeralds and azure. love it love it. as much as I like to carve out my own style, I'm going to go ahead and jump on the bandwagon and admit that I can't take my eyes off the Abercrombie fur- and fleece- lined hoodies. They're only $148... the perfect stocking stuffer. Doesn't someone want to buy me one? Also on the wishlist this fall: a great red croc leather satchel, brown juliet hat, dojo trouser jeans and some of these sweet little things.

2. sweet scents arrive!
stores everywhere are stocking their shelves with all sorts of delectible "freshly baked" body creams, hand lotions, body scrubs and heavenly sprays. I am a total sucker for any product with any variation of the words "sugar" "dessert" "pie" "cookie" "sweet" or "creamy" in the title. Smelling like dessert is apparently what my dreams are made of. I live for this time of year when I can stock up on these fab treats. Philosophy and Bath and Body Works have some delicious products; these are my favorites:

Vanilla Bean Noel Body Cream
Can there be a better scent? I submit that there cannot!

Pecan Passion Home Fragrance Oil
infuses your space with rich buttery baked goodness
how can you top it? whipped cream, I say!

"Crazy" Caramel Corn Temptations Body Wash
sounds sketchy but it's tres delicious. they didn't throw "crazy" in there for nothin'

Philosophy Egg Nog Body Wash
creamy and calorie free

Vanilla Frosting Body Set
pink sprinkles optional

Desserted Island by Cake
everything about this feels so right

Baked Apple Salt City Candle

Buttercream Cookie Salt City Candle

3. Football Season!
My Football for Dummies summer reading is really paying off (thanks, Howie!). A Saturday afternoon sprinkled with winning touchdowns, warm kettle korn, and athletes in spandex... how can anyone question the genius behind this combination? Smouldering heat or thundering rain, I truly adore collegiate football. I have a thing for mascots (ask Johnny), the wave and cheesy cheers. And I think the cougar cat roar blaring from the speakers is seriously just hilarious.

4. Saved by the Bell
Nothing spells autumn like the beginning of school. A fresh start, new year, a clean slate. I always loved school as a child (nerd alert!) and when the temperature drops and leaves begin to fall, I'm tempted to buy new composition notebooks, a box of colorful crayolas and freshly sharpened pencils. College is no exception. It's a thrill to begin new classes, open up my mind to new subjects and wrap my brain around new challenges. I'm not even in school this semester and it's killing me! BYU is on the agenda for Spring... I really just need to get crackin' and transfer my credits already. :)

5. Megan meets Martha Steart
I have no idea why, but when fall rolls around my internal Martha alter ego begins to emerge. Suddenly I want to start baking pumpkin muffins, simmer mulling spices, knit plush scarves (ok, I still don't know how...) and plan fantastic holiday get togethers. And I get this funny nagging to whip out my Stepmom VHS. I absolutely adore this movie and it is the epitome of fall to me. I aspire to be a mom just like the two in this movie - cool, spontaneous hipster stepmom Julia Roberts meets perfectionist Martha-Stewart-reincarnate mother Susan Surandon. One day I'll be the fashionable, savvy and chic mom who does it all. This movie just gets me excited for it. Am I weird? Yes.

6. Leaves changing + Standards
Fall is not only the best, but the only time you can drive up Provo Canyon and see the gorgeous leaves. I love to take a lazy afternoon to myself and drive up the Alpine Loop to take advantage of the colorfully-saturated foliage (did I just say foliage?), soak up the last of the warm sunrays and listen to some great driving music. I always revisit my collection of cool standards, lounge and jazz music about this time of the year and its a great prelude to all those swingin' Christmas tunes that will shortly arrive. Pottery Barn compilation albums are fab, along with anything from Michael Buble, Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Jamie Cullum, Chris Botti and Vittorio Grigolo. Throw in a little classical and you're gold. The only improvement possible to the gorgeous autumnal view would be to experience it on a motorcycle. Wait, those freak me out. Sidecar...?

More things I love about fall:
the sounds of crisp leaves dancing across concrete
fantastic sunsets
halloween - one of my most favorite holidays!
trading in pool parties for cozy get togethers inside. my turtleneck toast is only weeks away!
I wake up at what is considered a ridiculous hour to some. In the winter, it's dark and still outside. I love being up early when the world is asleep. I go to the gym, run a few errands - it's the perfect, most peaceful uninterupted time. I get so much accomplished before much of the world is even awake.
hot postum + torani caramel syrup + splash of milk. tasty way to stay warm. second only to a sweet boy.

I've been quite fond of two things lately: latin proverbs and top favorites lists (who can commit to one of anything these days?). So let's do the thang.

Aut disce aut discede
Translation: "Either learn or leave."

Claude os, aperi oculos!
Translation: "Shut your mouth, open your eyes."

Cuiusvis hominis est errare, nullius nisi insipientis in errore perseverare.
Translation: "Any man can make a mistake; only a fool keeps making the
same one."

Nomina stultorum scribuntur ubique locorum
Translation: "Fools have the habit of writing their names everywhere"

Non quia difficilia sunt non audemus, sed quia non audemus, difficilia sunt.
Translation: "It is not because things are difficult that we do not
dare, but because we do not dare, things are difficult."

Omnes homines sibi sanitatem cupiunt, sæpe autem omnia, quæ valetudini
contraria sunt, faciunt.
Translation: "All men wish to be healthy, but often they do everything
that's disadvantageous to their health."

Omnia mea mecum porto.
Translation: "All that's mine I carry with me."

Si vis amaria, ama
Translation: "If you want to be loved, love"

Sic transit gloria.
Translation: "Glory fades."

Sutor, ne ultra crepidam!
Translation: "Cobbler, no further than the sandal!" i.e. don't offer
your opinion on things that are outside your competence. (Attributed
to Apelles, the famous Greek painter. He had asked a cobbler to view a
painting he was working on to help him paint the sandals correctly.
The cobbler explained what was wrong with the sandals, but then began
to criticize other aspects of the painting. Apelles rebuked him with
this phrase, meaning that, while the cobbler was certainly an expert
at making shoes, he was not qualified to offer opinions as to anything
else---particularly art.)

Ubi mel ibi apes
Translation: "Where there's honey, there are bees."

And the best...

Brevior saltare cum deformibus viris est vita
Translation: "Life is too short to dance with ugly men."

that just says it all, doesn't it?

oh how a little goes a long way...

my boss has been out on business the last three days so my pal steve and I decided to do some major damage in his office. One hour, four post-it note pads and just one cheap roll of aluminum foil later we had some pretty impressive results. Nothing was off limits - we aluminum foiled everything from his dry erase marker, sugar packets, mouse pad, calendar and phone. Bad news: I'm the only one with a key to his office, so I have until tomorrow morning to think up a forgiveness-invoking alibi... :) Good thing I have an extremely nice boss!

Love ya, Hayden! :)

You can check out the pics here:hayden's office
Password: Hayden (case-sensitive)

My fancy pants phone takes pretty weak pictures and doesn't do it justice, but you get the point...

this was a hard one...


1. Giorgio Armani's Aqua Di Gio
Liquid passion. I'm weak in the knees just thinking about it.


2. Bath and Body Works' Vanilla Bean Noel Lotion
I'd bathe in this if I could. actually, I bet that could be arranged...


3. Coconut Palm Tree Car Freshener
tropical coconut = ALWAYS good


4. Cold Stone Waffle Cones
I can take or leave the ice cream - the cone smells delightful! but since we're on the subject...I insist upon cheesecake ice cream with reese's peanut butter cups and fresh raspberries. Tres bien!
along with this goes the smell of funnel cakes... is anyone with me on this one?


5. Downy Simple Pleasures Vanilla & Lavender Fabric Softener
Makes my sheets smell heavenly

Honorable Mentions:


Aquolina's Pink Sugar Perfume
sweet plus pink.... who doesn't want to smell of cotton candy?
I wear this daily.


Grass on a cool day after it rains.

I'm getting a small group together to hike timpanogos early some saturday this month. it's not a difficult hike but its about 10 hours roundtrip. you'll definitely want to bring good shoes, a couple cliff bars, a camelbak if you've got one and some fancy track pants to slide down the snow on the back of the mountain once we reach the top. I wore shorts last time and that was no es frio. let me know if you're in!

I went into a gas station last year with my boyfriend at the time to grab some drinks. On our way out, I looked over and to my surprise he had a big piece of beef jerky sticking out of his mouth accompanied by a fist full of more jerky. I never even spotted him buying it!


"What the? When did you get that?" I questioned.


"I ALWAYS get jerky when Im at the gas station."


We had been dating over a year and I'd never known him to be a jerky man. "I just dont do it when I'm with you," he said and winked with a clever smile. I was completely surprised at this little glimpse into the secret life of my boyfriend who, until that moment, I believed to know so well. How long had he been hiding his jerky habit? Was he a jerky junkie? I was amused. And, let's be perfectly honest, thrilled to discover he shared my affinity for inexpensive processed meat.


I'm convinced we all have a little guilty pleasure sitting on some aisle in every convenience store. My sister loves those giant pickles in the oversized bottles. I was with a friend the other day who couldnt pass up a chocolate glazed donut. And I've always wondered who buys those giant burritos and pink coconut snowballs, but obviously someone is perpetuating the demand.


Me? Well, theres the standard diet sodie. It's no sectret I'm a Diet Coke and Diet Mountain Dew aficionado. But for my money, nothing compares to a juicy diet coke from the fountain with fresh limes and lemons tossed in. This is perfection to my palate. I will go out of my way just to hit up the best stores that offer these little citrus treasures (Crest on 9th East and Holiday Oil on Orem Center cannot be missed!). Throw in a pack of Extra Polar Ice and I am one happy camper.


That is, until the Pearsons Nut Roll display catches my eye. My weakness begins to take hold. I've never been much of a candy bar fan. Do people even buy candy bars? Peel back the wrapper and eat them whole just like they do in the commercials? I jest. But the allure of that red nut roll wrapper and the cheesy nut on the outside that says, "I'm on a roll!" gets me every time. Now my secret is about to be exposed to the world.


I heart nut roll.


The ridiculous part of this little affair is I don't even eat the entire thing I just like the peanuts around the side. It's the perfect culmination of salty and sweet that results in pure bliss. The Nut Roll is not just your average nutty candy bar. Oh, no. Contenders may try, but the Nut roll puts them to shame. Payday does not even come in close for second. And the icing on the cake (or nut on the roll in this case... muhaha) is that the nut roll folks are looking out for my pocketbook: for just two little quarters you can be on your way to savoring this king-sized piece of this heaven.


Whats the deal with my affection for cheap off-brand candy? Does this reveal something about me I should probably keep to myself? Pearsons Nut Roll - my favorite. Those cheap Palmer Crisp Chocolate coins you get in your Easter basket? Adore them! My friend JoDee and I refer to it as dirty chocolate because you can always buy a bag for less than two bucks. Hey - I'm easy to please!


Here it is for the world to see. I will no longer have to buy my nut roll alone and in secret. I'm waving my nut roll flag high.


Here are my top 5 gas station guilty pleasures (aka GSGPs):


1. Diet Coke w/ fresh lime wedges
2. Extra Polar Ice
3. Pearsons Nut Roll
4. 4/$1 peppered beef jerky medallions (yes, I had to look that up)
5. Crystal Light Slurpees from 7-11


Wow... I can't believe I just wrote an entire blog about nut rolls. I am truly pathetic. :)

yes - the RICH video is here!

You all know I can't help myself and love to say "rich!" (slowly being replaced by "good goo!" which I am saying entirely too much these days. but anyway...)

A lovely demonstration from my trip to ny last nov is available in my videos section (thanks mip!). check it out and enjoy my unusually masculine voice... ha!