MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celeb - Collage - Morph

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebs - Collage - Morph

..> ..> ..>..>

I'm alive. I can breathe, and think clearly. My thoughts are so visceral and conscise its hard to determine which side I should choose to believe. On one side the man i've known, battles with the ugly boy he sees in the mirror. How long can he tell himself he was meant for so much more? He's streched his patience so thin, its almost no longer visable. You can't remake what you've already burned. So he keeps his lighter to the clock, burning away his time left on this earth; just to keep track of the time. The other side presents a strong individual. Free in his thinking, at times bias, and opinionated, but overall pure. He is resilient. He's come across alot of hard times, but has preservered in the face of adversity. Regardless of what side i pick today, I'm still Oliver. And finally for once in my life i'm begining to understand this. I'm not bound by the past, but judged by what I plan on doing with the future.

I'm one step closer to finding my life.

hopefully, i'm there when i find it.

-=-O-=-

It's been quite the adventure to make it to Denver, Colorado. At one point the only thing that kept my interest between cities/towns was the countless numbers of bunnies that'd been completely blended into the pavement. From one small town to the other, there were literally more than a thousand smudge marks of what used to be a very fertile creature; which was kind of disturbing.

Once we'd actually entered the outskirts of Denver, we really had no main point of interest. We wandered from here to there; checked out the local establishments and eventually decided to go eat at Sonics. Being a virgin to the sonic corporation, I didn't know what to expect; and to tell you the truth: it was pretty much amazing (for a fast food place).

I suppose Denver would be an interesting city to visit for a short time and just sight see or what not. But, To actually live here would take a lot of tolerance. The whole city seems to be in such a hurry, a single person would be completely ignored. Is there really a sense of community here, or is it diversified into thousands of sub categories?

I think Denver was neat, Slightly big, but mostly just too busy to fully appreciate it in such a short time.

That's it. Denver was neat.

-O.

.

Love is such a touchy subject. Whether it exists or not will never be up to me, because everyones definition of love is different.
to me:
To love, is to expose yourself in hope that the other will accept your pro's AND con's. To openly look at the other person and realize that the other individual is simply, another human.
Its hard to do that, when you can't even accept your own faults. Or think of yourself as the perfect specimen for whatever you believe.
Because when you fail, it'll be the most dentramental realizations you'll come across.
I'm only a man. Nothing more, nothing less.
I will change, I will continue to develop as a person.
I'll have times when I believe nothing will ever get better. And yes, I will bring down those around me. Because i am only a man.
I can't change this. Noone can.
We can learn to live with this, and find a way to continually find happiness.
But if we ignore it, it'll only continue to cycle throughout our lives untill one day we wake up and realize, We do fail.

You can't contrive a feeling. You can't force someone to love you.
Because if you do, the seed of deception will eventually bloom into the flower called Hatred. A rose that cuts the person you originally planned to create it for.
No one said love was easy.
No one said life in general was easy.
But thats the beauty of it.
We treasure what we consider love, because its so hard to maintain.

To me:
Love is real. Hatred is real.
I...

have been a slave to both 
 seen people change, and forget the promises they make.
I've watched the shine in a lovers eye slowly dim to nothing, untill it made the air so stagnated it made it hard to breath. 
And i've felt the word forever die in an instant.

To me:
It is so worth it.
Everything i've been through hasn't been in vain.

To me:
Love is real.

xo

an interesting event happened to me today. apparently one of my old teachers submited an art project of mine in to an art show. Well, i found out yesterday that i was gonna receive an award. I figured might as well check it out. I had no idea what he submited, and i was suprised to see what actually won.
I'm sure there was alot of people who actually put effort into their art projects. But i thought it was funny that the actual picture that was submitted, i had aimed for atleast a C for a grade. But through and through someone actually found interest in a peice of art that really doesn't have any value from the artist.
I mean i'm glad that someone liked it, but i really wish i could have submitted something that i had worked on for awhile.
It felt good in a way, but at the same time there was an emptiness about it.

in all seriousness i have my doubts about the future, regrets about the past. And remorse for the present. I build a beautiful sand castle everday of what i can become, and marvel at the sight. The intricacy of the design gives justice in my mind to what architecture could become.

But the foamy waters always find a way to knock it down, or slowly break down the foundation. and unfortunetly as much as i try, i can't fight off the water. Blame it on human frailities, or the lack of evolution my mind has yet to take on. But, regardless of what the blame is, i'm still left with a pile of mud in the end.
If i was to take myself seriously, maybe this wouldn't be such an obstacle. Or maybe i'd be someone completely different, in a bad way.

all in all, i can get over my sand castle to marvel at something even more beautiful. In the 18 years i've shared air with you all, i still haven't lost sight on the horizon. Even though i can't quite keep my castle in the landscape, hell i'm surrounded by a beach. And atleast i can get a tan.

Im going to continue to build untill one day my castle stays up and i can take my actions figures there to play. And when looking to where i've been and what i've put up with to simply make a sand castle. I know i'll smile and think " damn, even though it took forever, that sure is a good sand castle."

Bung!

xo

*i know sand castles are lame, but damnit so is my life!*

I'm tired of this place.
I'm tired of feeling like a huge burden, and remembering everything that went wrong in this town.
So, i'm leaving this place. Going somewhere different to start over.
It seems so weak just to run away, but i seriously don't see anything here for me anymore.
So anyone who reads this, i'm sorry.
Bye.
xo...