We leave in like 2 hours. I made sammies for everyone, and now I know I'm gonna just crash out on the ride out there... been too excited to sleep!


First order of business: float for a while. Second: eat something terrible for me. Third: SLEEP. SLEEP WITH NOBODY WAKING ME UP.






I can't wait to see the stars.



I can't wait to see the hot, hot sun.



I can't wait.




>>>>expatriate

(RIP Michael Jackson.)

I'm cleaning out my car. God.


Dad is good. Mom is good. I will be good.



I'm 25 now. Most everyone forgot my birthday.


That's fine, I suppose; I cant afford to have fun on my own, Dan can't afford to take me for fun...


...but this time tomorrow, if I'm not floating in the Colorado River, I'll be on my way.




I'm going to tan. I'm going to hang out. I'm not gonna worry about ANY of the shit I've been dealing with. You know why?




Because I refuse to have a summer marred by unhappiness.








I'll float face-up, stare at the sky, and think warm thoughts.






I deserve a summer.



>>>>mermaid

My dad is doing really well. Surprisingly fucking well.


His tumors in his lung and lymphs have shrunk--DRAMATICALLY--and now we're focusing direct chemo into his neck. The thing in his neck is also getting smaller; I'm using it as my visual proof that this is working.


SO nooooww:



I WENT TO PHILADELPHIA!

Yes, Dan and I took another trip (aren't we just the little jet-setting couple?), this time to the City of Brotherly Love. And shit, is it ever different.


I have to admitL I'm a California Girl. I'm used to everyone being used to other people, being on the same page, and all that rot. I'd never been to a real, true, "old" city. And it was insane.


I got an official Philly Cheesteak from Geno's (apparently, they'll not serve you if you have an accent or something whack) at like 2 in the morning. It was... meh. I tasted the hottest hot sauce IN THE FUCKING WORLD (srrsly, forged from the fires of Hell), and got to see the Philly bars empty out at the same time, so that was good. I like people watching.

We stayed in the historical district (literally feet from the Ben Franklin Bridge), and got to see everything: the Liberty Bell, Ben Franklin's Grave, Independence Hall... everything. It really puts being an "American" in perspective, but not in the douchbag way. It was amazing.

And then... LIZ DROVE UP FROM VIRGINIA TO SEE US!

Me, Liz, Dan, and Mike had some adventures (of the historical sort), and we saw the Philly zoo, per Liz's insistance. Good zoo, man. Good zoo.

We had historical and natural adventures, and then night would come... and we saw the real city. Fucking amazing! We hit up the restaurants and the bars on Market street the irst night (me, Dan, and Liz got waaasted because I don't know how much alcohol is actually in an IPA), I got my fortune told in some weird, crazy apartment, I made friends with some Obama-loving frat boys...nuts. I got an amazing crabcake sammy (Dan, of course, got ANOTHER cheesesteak; I swear his cholesterol rose a thousand points whilst we were there), and we plotted to tag on a hella ambiguous handicapped sign.

This would be the time.


I'm over typing right now, so more to come...


Peace, love, and all things glittery.


>>>>realaxicon

Yes, it's terminal cancer and it's only a matter of time and he will die from it it's only a matter of when and not if and no, we're not freaking out because we're working with what we have and he's still feeling good, but tired, and my mom and I are doing our thing and it's all a shambling movement forward and I'm appreciating every moment I can try to get but I'm avoiding every moment I can because I'm immature and that's where we're at and I appreciate all that anyone says, thank you, and now it's all a matter of playing it by ear and doing that same old song and dance.







And I keep moving forward.

I stole this from Liz so that you know I'm not dead.


1. Where did you take your profile pic?
 In Vegas, summer 2007.

2. What exactly are you wearing right now?
What am I ever wearing? A black t-shirt and jeans. I have on one sock. Dan took the other.

3. What is your current problem?
I have less than zero dollars at my disposal, my job is unfulfilling, I'm stagnating at school, I'm hampered by an obvious fear of success, and my dad is dying of terminal lung cancer. Take your pick.

4. What makes you happy most?
Not having any of the aforementioned problems.

5. What's the name of the song that you're listening to?
I'm watching food network.

6. Any celeb you would marry?
Marry? Probably Simon Pegg. Not the sexiest, but I feel like I could get along with him.

7. Name someone with the same birthday
 Ceci and Sarah Palin. You didn't say the same birthday as me.

8. Ever sang in front of a large audience?
I don't sing. I couldn't carry a note if it had handles on it.

9. Has anyone ever said u look like a celebrity?
I used to look like Raven-Symone when I was a kid.

10. Do you still watch kiddy movies or kiddie TV shows?
Sailormoon is still great.

11. Do you speak any language?
No meez iz tawlk guud.

12. Has anyone you've been really close with passed away?
Yeah. I'm 24. It happens by this point.

13.Do you ever watch MTV?
Eh. I enjoy the occasional Real World/Road Rules challenge.

14. What is something that really annoys you?
People that want something done fast, rather than something done well. Fuck off, and you can't have it both ways.

Chapter 1:
===============

1. Nickname(s): Marley, Marf, Marfar, Marfalarfagus, Castlebarley.

2. Current location: Spring Valley, CA

3. Eye color: Brown

Chapter 2:
===============

1. Do you get along with your parent(s):
They're my parents. Sure.

2.Are your parents married/seperated/divorced?
Still married.

Chapter 3: Favorites
===============

1. Ice Cream: Lemon sorbet.

2. Season: Spring

3. Shampoo/conditioner: Whatever gets that shit done.

Chapter 4: Do You..
===============

1. Dance in the shower?
Nope.

2. Do you write on your hand?
I used to a lot more often than I do now.

3. Call people back
Guuuuh I hate the phone. Texting and Twitter, man.

4. Believe in love?
Yep!

5. Any bad habits?
Too many to count.

6. Any mental health issues?
Here's hoping not.

Chapter 5: Have You..
===============

1. Broken a bone?
Nope.

2. Sprained anything?
Heaps of times.

3. Had physical therapy?
Yes

4. Gotten stitches?
Probably should have, but nope.

5.Taken painkillers?
Yeah. I think I'm allergic to most.

6. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling?
Let it be known that snorkeling is one of my favorite things to do. Hands down.

7. Been stung by a bee?
A few times. It sucks.

8. Thrown up at the dentist?
Ummm, well, it was an oral surgeon, and I was coming out of the anasthesia. But sure.

9. Sworn in front of your parents?
Where the fuck do you think I learned HOW to swear?!

10. Had detention?
Lockout. Similar, though.

Chapter 6: Who/What was the last
===============

1. Movie(s)
X-Men Origins: Wolverine. I was sorely dissapointed.

2. Three people to text you?
Twitter, Anthony, and Dan.

3. Person you called?
Jess, talking about our photo shoot.

4. Person you hugged?
Max

5. Person you tackled?
Dan

6. Person you talked to on IM?
Jeeezus, I haven't IM'd in a long ass time.... maybe Dustin?

7. Thing you touched?
Dan's computer now. And now. And now.

8. Thing you ate?
Bool Kogi and Prig Khing. Yes, I mixed Korean with Thai, fuck off.


9. Thing you drank?
Wine.

10.Thing you said?
"I think he can do that?"


=============== HOW i END MY SENTENCES==============

1. My ex... is becoming more and more of an afterthought.

2. Maybe I should...... focus. Breathe.

3. I love... good food with good friends.

4. People would say that I... am Jesus incarnate. Or a total bitch.

5. I don't understand why... there are so many people who do so little but have a great deal of money... when I work so hard and have no money at all.

6. When I wake up in the morning ... I gather my brains.

7. I lost my... childhood sense of entitlement. Pretty recently.

8. Life is full of... Abrupt disruptions.

9. My past is... awesome. I had a blast.

10. I get annoyed very quickly... That I'm way behind the pack. This is stupid!

11. Parties are ... Okay, provided that I don't have to clean.

12. I wish life was not... hard if you don't have money.

13. Dogs are... why we have emotions at all.

14. Cats are... Jerks. And they make me sneeze. And they scratch you.

15. Tomorrow is... Saturday.

16. I have a low tolerance for...  no, yeah, I totally answered this before.

17. If I had a million dollars... I would travel, a lot, and then put the rest in the bank. I'd live off the interest, and never touch the principle. I have a plan.

18. I'm totally terrified... of the next few months.

19. My spouse is .... I'll tell you when I have one.






>>>>timebomb

My dad's hair is falling out. A lot.
 
 
 
 
 
 
And now he's getting "chemo tummy."
 
 
 
 
 
Lame, sucky suck suck.
 
 
 
 
 
But the tumors are shrinking.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Buuuut sucky suck suck.
 
 
 
:(
 
 
 
 
 
 
>>>>disenchanted

And the world is spinning.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
And she keeps on winning.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
But tell me,
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
What happens when it stops?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
>>>>then why do these tears come at night?

Okay, team. Here's where we are.
 
 
 
My Dad has metastatic cancer. It is primarily in his lung, but has spread to his lymph nodes. At this point, direct beam radiation has shrunk hi neck tumor (significantly), and things are looking promising for his lungs... I'm not Superman (yet), so I can't let you know right now what's going on in there.
 
We were trying to avoid chemo, but it seems to be a neccesary evil. Dad's first rounds have gone well, and his GI (gastrointestinal) tests to see if there are any residual radiation effects look very, very good. He's a strong and stubborn asshole, so things are going as well as can be expected now.
 
Dan became another casualty of the economy; he was laid off towards the end of January. Things are looking good, though; He's sharp as a tack when it comes to some things, and since his unemployment is going to be paying out a decent amout, we're looking at his FAINLLY using that goddamn scholarship he's earned. He;s thinking about a tech school... so here's hoping. He's far cooler that I am with computers, so hell yeah!
 
 
I got a call back from CIA (Culinary institutes of America), and I have officially applied to be on "The Next Food Netowrk Star." After many failed attempts at majors, I feel like I should just fuck it and get my AA in communications and run for the hills. The hills being cooking school.
 
I'm afraid of that, and it's also caused a great deal of trepidation amongst my family members... but the more I think about it, I want to try to get a cooking shoe. Really. Maybe one day, with focus, I can be the next Tony Bourdain (without all the coaine and heroin).
 
I'm working hard for my new boss, Reynette, who may honestly be one of the best bosses I've ever had (especially since most of the bosses I've had in the past have been seriously addicted to... something,).
 
 
Work is bearable now, I show up, I do things that matter and have a for realsies goal (rather than moving heavy cushions up the stairs, down the stairs, and than, no, move them back up), and I honestly don;t resent the place anymore.
 
 
I'm  working. I'm moving. I'm schooling,
 
 
 
 
And I look damned good when I do it.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
You're welcome for this novel.
 
 
 
 
 
 
Again:
 
I'm hanging in, there ain't no doubt.
And I;m hanging tough...
 
 
Over, and out.
 
 
>>>>misnomer
 

Dan got laid off.
 
 
Dad's cancer is malignant.
 
 
 
More and less.
 
 
 
 
See you in a post or two.
 
 
>>>>shell shocked.

This has been a very, very rainy several days.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

>>>>Ella, ella, eh, eh, eh.