Thanks for reading!!

About a year ago, I was taking a friend of mine to the store. I had found a parking space and was about to put it into park, when I saw another space right next to the door, that I hadn't passed yet. I pulled through the space, racing to the next, before anyone else could see it. I whipped my wheel around, and in all the excitement, sideswiped the smaller car beside me, in my blind spot.

Damn!

"Alright, you go on ahead into the store. I'm going to stop and leave all of my information for the owner of the vehicle." While I was preparing to leave the information, A woman walked up to me, and asked what was going on. She was the owner.

We talked for a few minutes. I handed her the information and she gave me hers, and then she was off. As my friend returned and we went to get back into our SUV, another woman came up to us. She had been on the other end of the lot, just watching everything. I hadn't noticed her, until she walked toward me.

"Wow! I don't know of anyone who would've stopped to leave a message after hitting someone's car, who isn't even around to know you did it," I had never stopped to realize that others would not have done the same thing. I just felt that I needed to, and I just figured, that was normal.

She spoke many words of encouragement to me, as we stood out there on the hot pavement. And in a time, when I was really needing encouragement about doing the right things.

It's amazing how God sends angels to speak to you, when you need it. No matter what is going on, he will find a way to answer your question, but you need to open your ears sometimes to realize he's answering them.

God works in wonderful, mysterious, awesome ways, my friends.

God Bless!!
Mel

thanks for reading

Chapter 33: Unanswered Prayers

A Testimony to the Hand of God

One morning, around 4 or 5am, I was driving home from work, and my car started acting up, and I knew It was about to break down.

By this time in my life, my sister had become a Christian while off at Va Tech, and my mom had taught me a little bit about prayer… how you have to pray if you expect God to give you an answer. Ask God for a job. Ask him for help when someone is ill.

I had prayed on rare occasions, but I still didn't understand prayer. In fact, I was still toying with the idea of God, who he was/is, completly oblivious to what it meant to have a relationship with the Lord.

I was a bit scared with the idea of talking to God, let alone actually talking to God, but I was beginning to let go of that fear.

"God! Please, God. Just let me make it home before my car dies."

Just then, my car went pop, which was closely followed by my vehicle rolling into a nearby parking lot.

"This is great, just what I needed. Thanks God. I appreciate you helping me make it home." I scoffed sarcastically.

"Okay, you're tired, it's barley morning, you're about a twenty minute drive from home. Who in the world, could you possibly know, who would be awake, and willing to help."

After a few moments of racking my brain and scanning through my cell phone's phonebook, I was on the phone with my friend Neil (Shout out to Neil, his wife and their beautiful baby girl. You are going to make awesomely wonderful parents).

"Sure I can help you, I'll be leaving work in about 30 minutes or so, and I'll come by to get you."

"Perfect! Now I can lay down and take a brisk nap," I thought to myself, as I leaned my seat back, and lit a cigarette.

"What am I going to do? I can't get work, tonight because my car is out of service. I can't afford to take it to the shop. If I can't get to work, I can't get the money to get the car to the shop. How am I going to work through this?

I never did take that nap while waiting for Neil. Instead I found myself in prayer.

God, please. Help me figure this out."

Just then, the thought hit me. "If I go back into trucking, I'll have a job, I won't need transportation for work, because I'll always be at work. And I might as well, not pay for an apartment if I'm going to be out on the road..."

Within a couple of weeks, my friends had helped me place most of my belongings in storage, and the rest was given away. I was off to Georgia, to work for Werner.

My friend Steve drove me to the bus station. Once on the bus, it took most of the day to get there with all the stops.

Years prior, while working for U.S.Xpress enterprises, I had lost my job, because I refused to take a load after having consumed a beer. On my truck driving record, it shows that I had been drinking. It didn't tell the entire story of how I refused to drink and drive. So, within 24 hours of my arrival in Atlanta, Werner had decided to send me back home.

"Now what am I going to do? Everything I own is in storage, I no longer have an apartment. I'm still out of work. I sitll have no vehicle.

Everything just seemed to be getting worst.

"God? I asked you for help. I responded to your answer by following your will, and this is what happens. I thought you were on my side!"

Who can I call. I'm on my way back to NC, with no place to go.

Luckily, although the conversation was quite garbled, I had gotten a hold of Robb & Jeff, who had agreed to pick me up at the bus station, when it arrived the next morning.

"Let's first get you back to our house, and then we can discuss everything when you get here," said Jeff.

When They picked me up at the bus station, Robb and Jeff had agreed that I could stay with them for a little while, while I got back on my feet, and looked for work.

So every day, I sat down at my computer and applied to one trucking company after an another.

Companies would then send my paper applications in the mail. So I'd fill them out, and from there, I was on the phone with one trucking recruiter after another.

I finally got in contact with a woman named Inez. She was recruiting for CRST, and had requested that I fill out her paperwork, and fax in a statement of what exactly had occurred to cause me to loose my employment with U.S.Xpress Enterprises.

I faxed over all that she had asked for. And within a few days, she called me back.

By this time, I had been staying with Robb and Jeff for about a month.

"CRST has agreed to accept your application. Here's the agreement. We're going to put you on a bus out to Little Rock, Arkansas where you will attend one week of their trucking school 'C1'. After completion of that first week, we will credit you for 3 months of your prior experience."

This was a great offer Inez had made. It had been over three years since my six months with U.S.Xpress, so most companies wouldn't credit my experience, but here I was being offered a chance to start fresh without having to go back and start from scratch with a full trucking course.

"This is AWESOME," I thought to myself, as I hurriedly packed my belongings, only having a couple of days, until I was to be on the bus again.

The next day was Easter, and I was to be gone the day after. Robb spent much of the day upset with me, and I couldn't understand why. He wasn't happy, and nothing that I could say or do, made a difference.

I later found out that he felt as though I were abandoning him by leaving for Little Rock the next day, and so he kept trying to talk me out of going.

Let's just say that he and I were both thoroughly frustrated by the time he and Jeff took me to the bus station the next morning.

So off on the bus I go, feeling relieved to have gotten away. He couldn't understand that I needed to get back to work. Not working was causing me to go insane. Little did I realize at the time how much I meant to Robb, and how much this hurt him.

After about 26 hours, I arrived at the hotel, completely exhausted, checked in, and went to my hotel room. Everything was going great, and I was so excited, that I barley slept all night.

"This is it! Finally, back into trucking doing exactly what I want to be doing," It felt great.

The next morning, I got dressed went into the lobby, had a bite to eat (continental breakfast), and joined the others on the shuttle to C1 Trucking Academy.

Upon arrival, we all piled out of the shuttle, and wandered aimlessly onto the smoking deck, just outside the classrooms. After a short while, a man looking more like a retired Army Major then a truck driver, came up to the group, introduced himself, laid down the ground rules, and instructed us inside.

Paperwork, paperwork, and more paperwork. But at least we took a break from that long enough to stand in line for a while. First to take our physicals, second to take our drug tests.

No sooner than I had completed my urine sample, my name is called. They had received a fax, and on it, was my name, and a number I needed to call.

"What do you mean I have to go home?"

"We're sorry, but we cannot accept your application due to your dismissal from U.S.Xpress."

"Can't accept me?!? I told you guys prior to my trip out here exactly what had happened with them. I was told you would ignore it, and accept me onto your team. I traveled 26 hours to get here, and now you tell me I have to go home? You waited until now to tell me? Great, this is just great"

"Well, you knew this was on your record and yet you came out here, knowing that we couldn't take you."

At this, I was really getting angry, "Yes, I knew of my record. So did my recruiter, and whoever accepted the fax, and the instructor…" I slammed down the phone so as not to say something I would later regret.

(Not part of the testimony, but I thought you should know that CRST is trying to say that I owe them reimbursement for the trip there, my one night hotel stay with breakfast, and the trip home…. So please keep me in prayer about it.)

I shuttled back to the hotel room with the fax memo containing my trip home information. I was to leave in a couple of hours. I gathered my belongings, called Robb and Jeff, and took the shuttle back to the bus station. Robb was to pick me up around noon when I arrived.

While on the road, I periodically checked my phone. Robb had messaged me that he was really excited that I was coming home. Unfortunately my phone signal wasn't strong enough to call him. I'll just wait until I see him in tomorrow.

The next day, I arrived at the bus station ahead of schedule. 11:30. I'd better call Robb and let him know I'm early.

"The person you are calling is unavailable at this time. Please leave a message at the tone… Beeeeep."

Figuring he must still be asleep from playing videos games or watching movies all night, "Wake up, Wake up…. I'm home… come and get me…I love you. See ya soon. Wake Up!"

About a half hour later, I tried again.

"Hey Robb, you're probably on your way here, and you probably forgot to take your phone with you… But I can't wait to see you."

I hung up and waited, again for about another half hour. I tried Robb again, and then I called Jeff.

"Yeah, he told me last night that he was coming to get you. I'm at work right now, but keep me posted."

I kept trying to reach Robb. Finally I gave up, "Jeff, He's not answering his phone. I haven't heard from him all day."

"I tried to call him myself, and I couldn't reach him either. I tell you what, I'm going to be getting out of here at six. Think you can hold on a little longer?"

"What's another three hours," I laughed. "I'm just glad to know that I've got a way home. Thanks Jeff.

"Not a Prob. I'll see you in a few, alright."

Six o'clock rolls around and my phone rang. Fortunately I had thought to keep my phone charging in a nearby outlet, during the course of the day.

"I'm on my way. See ya in 20," I was so relieved to hear Jeff's friendly voice after the course of the past 48 hours. I had missed my friend, and I was grateful to be heading home to my brother, Robb.

I missed Robb, and I felt bad that we had fought before I left for Little Rock. I couldn't wait to out my arms around my brother and tell him that I had missed him, and that I was sorry.

We drove up to the house, and Jeff went inside with my suitcase, while I gathered the dogs for some attention, as I stumbled my way through them entering into the house.

After dropping off my bag, Jeff went to his room, and heard him yell.

"What Jeff? What did my dog get into this time?"

I heard him again, but this time more clearly. It sounded like he was half screaming and half crying.

"Had Sahara broken a family heir loom," I wondered.

I proceeded to the back, into their bedroom, and I saw Jeff on his knees, tears streaming, screaming down his face.

I looked up, and I looked over, past Jeff onto the bed. I froze. Jeff and I had just discovered Robb, stiff as a board, cold pale skin, lips almost turning purple. My brother was gone.

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't think to say anything except, "It'll be okay. It'll be okay," but I didn't believe those words for a moment. Perhaps I said them, because it's what I needed to hear.

Looking back now, I think that perhaps it was God saying those words to me.

It all began, with me driving home from work. Car acts up. Please Lord, let me make it home. Pop! Side of the road. Pray. Leave the apartment. Trucking. Brothers. Trucking. Robb is gone.

Just like that. This simple...

Car went pop. I prayed. Jeff and I were there for each other through this.

I prayed

God said no

I asked God. I prayed to God, "Please Lord, please just let me make it home."

I'll get home in one piece.

Get some advise/help.

Figure this all out in the morning.

I never would have waited in the car, knowing I had at least 30 minutes until Neil would come to my rescue. I never would have stopped to pray.

I wasn't yet comfortable with the idea of prayer.

God knows my stubbornness. God knew that I had to be given circumstances to pray. God wanted me to pray Because he wanted Jeff and I to pull each other through this.

I never would have been there. I would have still had my apartment on the other end of the county.

In that moment of this Journey, something happened. A bond that will never break, Jeff and I. We both loved Robb so much. I don't know what I would have done, had Jeff not been there for me through all of this. And in that moment, when Jeff first discovered Robb, I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't been there with Jeff.

We don't always have to understand why God says, "No!" to so many of our prayers. We need only know that we are each but a tiny piece to a huge Jigsaw puzzle, and only God can see the entire picture.

Garth Brooks said it best when he said, "Thank God for unanswered prayers."

Thanks for reading

Well, my friends, it looks like everything is finally settled a bit that I can talk to you about what's been going on with me.

As some of you may know, I've had a lot on my plate these past couple of months.

I'm sure that we're all aware of the negative state, our economy is in.  Jobs are difficult to come by, Gas Prices are SOARING...

I lost my job back in November, attempted to retun to truck driving in December, continued my search for employment in Janurary, finally found a part time job in February...  I was traveling 22miles to work and 22 miles home in a vehicle which was getting just under 15 mpg and working only about 4-5 hours a day.  Then the hours began to drop, becasue there just wasn't enough bussiness for me to come in.  Soon afterwards I found two other part time jobs, but again, usually only about 4-5 hours on days I worked, and always at least 20 miles apart from one another...  I was spending more than half of my income in fuel each day...  I just couldn't get ahead.

Soon, my phone was cut off, then my internet (at least I could check on here from the office of one of my part time jobs).

By the end of March, I had finally found full-time, steady employment, but by this time, it was too late.

My electricity was cut off about a week after I found steady work, but the Lord still Blessed me that my neighbor allowed use of their fire pit, by which I cooked my meals.

Then my landlord took me to court for eviction at the end of April.

A couple of days later, my truck was reposessed.

No way to get to work, to get to the store, to get to a shower...

It was just one thing after another.

But ya know... at night, after gathering firewood, and building a fire, as I was sitting there by the bright flames I found myself in prayer (conversation) with God.  With all that was going on in my life, as scared as I was becasue I hadn't a way to even search for residence, I found myself still praising the Lord. 

"Lord, thank you for allowing me the time to collect firewood before it got dark.  Lord, thank you for providing enough wood, that each day, there was still enough to gather, even though I had gathered all that I could find the day before.  Thank you Lord, for not raining, so that my fire would burn.  Thank you Lord, that you  and I have this time, alone together by which to pray.  Thank you Lord, for softening the hearts of my neighbor that I would be allowed to use their back yard almost every night.  Thank you Lord, for telling to (over the years) to purchase certain items which I have used for survival (portable gas stove for days of incliment weather, high powered flash lights, candles, etc.)

Each night I found something new to add to the list.  I felt like Job who had lost everything, yet still continued to praise the Lord. 

I felt lost.  I was afraid.  Yet when it was just God and I, I found myself singing praises to his name.  I'd cry tears of fear.  And I'd cry tears of Joy.  But I still sang for my Lord.

A few days ago, I found a new home, I moved, I got settled, my job agreed to get me set up to work from home, paid for internet and phone service so that I may continue my work.

I'm in a warm home... with ELECTRICITY!!!  

I can shower, cook my meals, work, sleep in a warm bed...  All the things i've always taken for granted.

The Lord Giveth, and the Lord Taketh Away...  but yet, he still provides.

I never went hungry, if anything I always had more than plenty, enough that I could share with my cat.  I never went without a roof over my head.  I didn't always have what I wanted, but I always had what I needed.

Now that i've moved, I've lost access to my church, and I need to find a new home for my kitty (whome I've known since she was five days old), which is very difficult for me... but The Lord has taken care of me so far, so I'm full in faith that he will continue to look after me.

I may not always do what is right of me.  I may sometimes be scared to follow in God's will for my life, but God still provides, and shows his love.

Lord, I thank you for all that I've learned through your Glory.  Thank you for the angels you have put on my path.  Thank you for showing me your love.  Thank you for having taken care of me, a lost sheep.  Thank you Lord, that I still have work, and a way to work.  Thank you for shelter, and daily bread.  Thank you for so much more than I could ever imagine or even realize you have done for me.  Thank you for everything.  I love you, and I pray that I always sing your praises, and that I never forget that you are ALWAYS here with me.  Thank you, Lord.  I love you. 

-Amen

 

 

Thanks for reading!

God Bless You!!!

Mel

ps  I'm sorry for being so out of touch with so many of you.  I pray that god softens your heart, that you are understanding.  For those who know me personally, I am sorry for keeping you all in the dark.  Not that I'd have had a way to contact you, anyway... Lol.

God Bless You, All!!!

 

 

The Journey - Chapter One

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I know I've mentioned how I kept pushing GOD away.

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I can recall so many times that GOD's Hands were IN my life.

I can look back and and see them...

(But not in this blog... I'll talk about God and his angels in future blog entries of The Journey)

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These were times in my life, when I was scared of everything that moved.

I was afraid of the world, because I was afraid of myself.

.

I knew I was different.

I knew as early as the age of three.

But I also knew, that I others didn't like that I was so different.

.

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For one thing, I was (and still am), hyper as all else.

Oh my Goodness... Lol

whew...

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But also,

When all the other girls were talking to me about the guys they liked,

I was thinking to mself, about whichever girl I liked... Lol.

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And I knew that, unlike my friends, I couldn't act upon my interests.

.

So I grew sad

And with the sorrow,

Bred anger...

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I hated society for not accepting me

I hated my peers for not acknowledging me

I hated my parents for not knowing how to reach me

I hated my siblings, because I loved them, and I knew I would dissapoint them

I hated myself because I wanted so much to be like everybody else,

But most of all, I hated God becasue He Created Me!!

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Why, Lord?

Why would you create me, the way that I am,

Only to then reject me from your kingdom, because of it.

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But you see...

That's where the problem lay.

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People who didn't understand...

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People who didn't undersatnd me,

Who didn't understand people like me,

Those who do not understand God...

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...Were so busy shaking a finger

That they forgot about the most important lesson in God's book

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To love

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We don't need to be judging one another by any name of GOD.

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Jesus, our Lord and Savior is The Way, The Truth, and The Light

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And what was Jesus' ultimate (in one word), message?!?

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Love.

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God's Love for us, that he sent his only son to die on a cross for our salvation.

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Which brings me to my point...

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You see, it wan't until I learned of God's love, and how society had lied to me, that I learned to accept myself, and learned to love and trust my family, peers, myself, and God.

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I had been so scared of God?

Scared that he didn't love me.

Scared that he would reject me,

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So scared, that every time he reached down into my life

To reach my heart

To reach with truth

to reach with love

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I would push him away

I would reject him

The way I felt he had rejected me

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Go away

Stay out of it

You don't understand, God

You don't know me

Just Go Away...

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But I see now

That God didn't go away

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He'd step back for awhile

and he'd send another another angel

and another trumpet would sound

And during the wrath of my misery

God would reach his hands out to me

To hold me, to reach for me

To carry me in the sand

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I would just push him away

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Lord,

I have been reborn by your love.

And I have many testimonies to witness.

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Thank you, Lord, for saving me.

I was seperated from you.

I was lost, alone, and afraid

Thank you for shining your light

So that I may find my way to you.

Thank you for knowing my stubourness

And knowing how to reach me

Thank you for knowing that only a broken road could ever lead me to you.

Thank you, Lord that I have taken this journey

That I may understand what some are going through, on their journey to you

Lord, bless us with eyes that can see your miracles in our lives

Lord, bless us with ears that hear your voice calling to us

Lord, bless us with tongues that speak your language of love

-Amen

Thanks for reading... May God Bless You On Your Journey Home.

-mel

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I can look out at my past ..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O />

And find numerous times when

God was reaching out to me,

*

But I kept pushing him away. 

 

* * *

I grew up in a world

Where, people refered to Christians as Hypocrates.

*

Where people didn't understand

That Christ and God are about Love,

*

Not judgment... 

 

* * *

I grew up hearing

Anyone who was different was going to hell. 

*

I'm' Gay!  I'm Fat!  I don't fit in... 

*

The world hates you,

and God hates you.

 

* * *

< O:P>

So when God would reached for me

With a loving hand,

*

I would push him away in anger

                                                                                        stories for future blogs

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

At a very young age, I knew that I was different... 

*

I knew that the world around me

was opposed to those differences. 

*

Society hates gay people,

and therefore I was taught by society

That all gay people are going to hell. 

*

*

<>

I hated my family for not understanding

I hated my friends for not knowing… 

I hated my peers for judging 

I hated myself… for being gay

But worst of all, I hated God for creating me.  

 

* * *

 

Why couldn't I just be like everybody else?

 

* * *

 

I was a lost sheep.

*

I was alone and afraid.

*

I was separated from God

.

...:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O />

People hear the word sin,

and they start running. 

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They hear the word sin...

But what they hear is, 

"YOU!!  You are a Sinner!!"

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They don't understand

That we're ALL sinners. 

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I want you to stop for a moment and think back,

To a person, who you've always, looked up to. 

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I want you to just think of this person. 

A person, who in your heart, could do no wrong... 

…And think. 

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Has this person ever committed a sin?

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I want to be the first to tell you, that I have not lived the perfect life.  I'm about as guilty of sin as the next person.   (I will write more on this in future blogs... the many chapters of "The Journey," to come).

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Looking back, I can remember many things that I've done wrong.  I know that I am SO UNWORTHY to ever sit beside GOD, and break bread, and worship his Holiness.  I am not worthy to play music for him.  I am just not worthy...

.

But ya know... 

.

It's true...

I've done all these things,

.

and It's true...

That I acted without love

On the world,

On myself,

On my family,

and my GOD...

.

But God loves me anyway.

.

Can you imagine that?

Even with ALL

Of my past transgretions

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 GOD LOVES ME, Anyway

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I know NOW that GOD LOVES ME... 

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...But for the longest time,

I didn't understand that. 

(future blog entry)

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I didn't understand God's love. 

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How God loves us so much… 

How God wants to be with us, so terribly… 

Yet how our sin separates us from him… 

.

I didn't understand

That God came to earth,

So as to live and suffer as a man,

So as to understand

The temptations that man faces… 

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How he then suffered, because we rejected him… because we were without God.  (It's not about religion, it's about a relationship)

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God Suffered

As a man here on Earth.

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God suffered on a cross,

For our sins. 

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He suffered our Sins for us,

So that HE COULD BE CLOSE TO US. 

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Because our SINS,

WE  cannot reach GOD,

.< P>

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So GOD came 100% of the way,

.

By coming down to OUR level,

…As a man.

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A man who did not sin

His entire time on Earth

.

A man who suffered

The same temptations as you and I

.

Under the name,

Jesus of Nazareth.

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You see… 

We were separated from God

Because of our Sin,

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So he Came down to us… 

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And Died for our sins, so that all those who believe in him, would NOT perish, but have EVERLASTING LIFE.

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Not Perfect,

 Just Forgiven ! ! 

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Thanks for reading! 

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Though I walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil for Thy God is with me.

Fear.

A man in my neighborhood has called upon me to come with him, and pray for those less fortunate.  To pray with them.  To spread the good word.  To bring hope.  To bring Love.  To Bring the Word.  To teach and to guide.  To be a lampstand for God's kingdom.  To Preach the word of God.

His name is Michael O.  A homeless man.  I met him about two years ago, around one in the morning, while searching for my missing dog.  We stopped and spoke for a few moments, and he talked to me of the dangers in the neighborhood.  He said that I was safest to stay on the right side of the town, where it was safe.  Don't go down these parts without prayer.  I will pray for you, so that you may continue to deliver flyers for your missing dog.

A few days ago, as he was walking down the street, I called out to him.  "Aren't you Michael O?"  He looked at me confused.  "Is your name Michael?  Michael O?  He nodded, then said yes.  "I just wanted to thank you.  A couple years ago, you said a prayer for me, while I was looking for my dog.  Thank you for the prayer Michael."

He walked toward me from accross the street and told me that his people needed me.  There's a woman and she is sick.  She needs you prayer.  "okay" I said.  "I will pray for her."  He looked at me puzzled as if to say, pray FOR her?  You need to pray WITH her.  Then he said, we need you to bring hope.  They need you to come.  and he spoke to me of the shelter and soup kitchen, although I didn't realize at the time, that he was speaking of these places.

I saw him again the next day.  My sister has a headache and she needs your prayer.  He spoke to me of leading the people.  You need to teach the black people.  and you need to lead the white through the black.  They need a leader.

What makes you think that I'm the one they need?  He opens the his worn and tattered bible And asks me to read... "Though I may walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I will fear no evil...:

The third day came (yesterday), and he approached me again.  I finally told him, "Michael, I am scared.  I know that we're supposed to preach the word of God, but I'm not good with people.  I don't do well, face to face.   I'm scared.  I don't konw how to meet people.  I don't know how to talk to people.   I'm not empowered to do this.  I don't know how?  I don't know enough."

I know in my heart that with God, anything is possible.  I know that God uses the least of us, to do his great works.  I know that with prayer, God will guide me through the journey.  I know that with God, I can spread his word, becasue I would merely be God's tool, and that he would work through me.  I know this...  But do I really know this?

Why am I so scared to follow and do God's will?  Here is a man begging for God's word.  Begging for prayer.  I offered food, drink, music, fellowship... but none of that mattered to him.  He wants word.  He wants the flavor of God.  He wants God's kingdom.  He wants to spread the gosspil.  He wants me to do what I am called as a Christian to do...

But there I sit.  On my porch.  Twiddling my thumbs and smoking my cigarette.

I speak to all of you about dropping everything to follow what God calls each of you to do as individuals... to follow God's will for your life, whatever that may be...  and here I am wanting to stay in the comfort of what I know. 

"I'll stay with my online ministry.  it's safe.  It's easy.  I can do it on my time.  I don't have to face anyone.  I don't have to be social..."

I have failed my Father, God.  I have failed My faith as a Christian.  I have failed all of you as someone from whom you can learn.  And I have failed myself...  but most of all, I have failed all of those people, homeless or in poverty that need a prayer, that need hope, that need the word, that need someone to reach out and embrace them. 

I'm sorry Father.  I have failed you.

 

 

thanks for reading

Mel

 

I have faith in the Lord.

I am not capable of accomplishing God's work. 
But I have FAITH that with God, his work is capable.

I am not worthy to do the work of the Lord. 
But God uses me anyway.

I have sinned against my friend's, my brethren, my family, and my God.
But God loves me, and I praise the Lord.

I have hurt others and myself.  I have repeated my mistakes, time and time again.
But God has Faith in me, that I have Faith in him.

Jesus tells a story:  A father asks his son to do a chore, and the son refuses.  The father then asks the older son to do the chore, and the boy agrees to perform the task.  The second son decides he doesn't feel like doing the work.  The younger son decides, i should help my father, and thus does the worl.  Which son did right by his father?

I denied Father God for many years, before I decided to come to him.  For some time more, I refused God and his many tasks for me. 

I am not capable of performing these tasks.  I am not capable of leaving my sins behind.  But God is strong enough to keep me.  Will I follow his will?  Will I be like the older son who says he will obey, or will I be like the younger son, who finally submits to obey.

Lord, the path ahead is a long and windey one, and I cannot see in which direction it is taking me.  It is narrow and full of ruts.  Keep in step with me, that I do not fall.  And Lord, should I stumble, help me to my feet, that I may continue on this journey you are leading me on.  I don't need to know where this road might lead, I need only know that you are with me, Lord.

Luke 5:17-26

Jesus Heals a Paralized Man

The crowd following Jesus was so great. People were coming form all over to hear his words, and heal their sick. A paralized man, being carried on a mat, could not get throught he crowd. So they went upon the roof, and lowered the paralized man, right in front of Jesus. Jesus, seeing their faith said, "My Friend, Your Sins Are Forgiven!!"

seeing their faith, three things are stated.

You believe in me.

You are my friend.  

Your sins are forgiven.

Who sings that song, "I am a friend of God?" Would that be Phillips, Craig, and Dean?

The Sribes and Pharasis then accused him, saying, "Who, but God, can forgive sins? Blasphemy!"

...and they were right,

"WHO BUT GOD Can forgive sins?", yet they failed to see that Jesus is the, "Son of God", "The Word made flesh".

"Which is easier," said Jesus, "To say that your sins are forgiven or to say get up and walk?"

Which is easier... To Say or to Get Up and Walk? To Go! To Do!

It is easy to say that you have faith.

It is easy to say that Jesus is your friend

It is easy to say that Jesus has made a difference in your life.

Do you Say or Do you Get Up and Walk?

So, to show who has power on earth to forgive sins, Jesus turned to the paralized man and told him, "Rise, Take your mat, and Go home."

Jesus says Rise.  We must rise above our problems. 

Take your mat.  don’t leave a bunch of drama lying around.

Go Home.  Those at home know who you are, pros and cons.  Show them the changes Jesus is making and how he has changed your heart, through your actions.  Be living testimony to Jesus.

 

also, Jesus never says that he is the son of God. He shows them.

At once the man stood up before them, picked up his mat and went home, praising God.

The paralized man had such faith that Jesus had healed him, that he didn’t hessitate to stand. he didn’t think twice.  He immediatley rose. 

The man also, was HEALED Immediately. Once you reach out to Touch Jesus, with Faith, He immedaitley affects your life. With every step of faith you take.

  Have you taken a Leap of Faith?

  Does Your Life Reflect It?

  If you have Faith, Your sins are forgiven.

  If Jesus says that your sins are forgiven,

  Then your life Will reflect it.

  Let the potter mold you, and make you.

Your relationship with God and your faith to follow him will strengthen.

You will begin to let go of yourself to make more room for God.  Every struggle will be part of his shaping and molding you.  Let go of the struggle.

There are other stories where Jesus says, do not tell anyone what I have done. Instead, let your actions show what you have done. Show yourself to the priest, give the offering as comanded by Moses, or Simply by Praising God.

Let Jesus Heal You

Praise God in Everything you do, and

 

 

If you have Faith, 

God will change your life

 

 

 

thanks for reading

 

 

I’m not reading it as often as I should, but I am finding time to open his pages, and let him speak to me in new ways, with new understandings. I love the way God reveals himself.

I’m a bit astonished at the work God is doing with the MySpace outreach page he gave me. I seem to be reaching out to all kinds of people, and they seem to be doing more for me, then I do for them.

God is strengthening his spirt within me, although I still stumble, and I still hold on... when what I really need to do is just let go... stop trying to hold on to "me"... and just make more room for "God within me".

If we are to be like Jesus, we must let go of ourselves so that he may fill us with HIS spirit. If we are to follow Jesus, then we are to drop everything that is who we are, what defines us (fishmen, tax collectors) so that we may follow him, with no baggage, with no turning back.

I feel God working in me. I feel him changing me in so many ways...

But my anger... my stubounrness... my hate... They are quite difficult to let go of. They are LIKE a rock.... but God IS a rock, and he’s pulling me away from so many things that are holding me back from who I am to become, IN HIS NAME.

The devil fights me each step of the way. Trying constantly, to remind me of the anger, the hate, the fear...

It’s so hard to let go of yourself, even when God is pulling you away. I don’t know how the disciplies did it. I’m like the guy who wanted to follow Jesus but first wanted to bury his father... He never became one of Jesus’s chosen twelve. He never followed.   His past, his home, his father... they all held him back from follwing Jesus.  Too many worldly worries, and not enough kingdomly following... Lol

How am I to be an example of Jesus, and represent him, if I’m not acting like him, becasue I’m too busy worrying about worldly things, instead of God’s work.

God is Good, and I pray to bring Glory to HIS name. I pray to be a lighthouse, helping to light the way through whome, God creates of me.   He is the potter, and I am the clay.

Hope you don’t mind, but I think I’m going to post some of this into a blog.

Love ya!!
Mel

 

 

 

thanks for reading!

I posted this last year, but I wanted to share it again.

 

-An atheist was walking through the woods. "What majestic trees"! "What powerful rivers"! "What beautiful animals"! he said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.  At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"

>>> Time Stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.

"You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident."

"Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"?

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps You could make the BEAR a Christian"

"Very Well," said the voice. <<<

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed.

And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

"Lord bless this food, which I am to receive from thy bounty, through Christ our Lord, Amen

For those of you who read the previous blog entry, You know that I recently (Mid Dec 2007) returned home from Texas.  A trip which I thought was about returning to my old profession of Tuck Driving... which I later found was a trip to meet with God's Angels.   After meeting with these people, sent by God to bring me home (not my NC home, but my spiritual home, with God),  I dug into my bookback filled with snacks for the 38 hour bus ride, I pulled out my bible, and I said to God, "so now what do I do?"  I opened the pages without even looking at the book, and the page which opened before me, was the first page of the first chapter of Lamenations. 

Now, I am still in the process of finishing this great collection of books sent by God, so I had no idea was I was in for.  I had yet to read Lamentaions.  The Book of Lamenations is divided into three sections.  The first section was about seperation from God.  It's words spoke to me.  As my last few entries noted, I had been seperated from God for the previous few months, and It was a living nightmare.  I was nothing without him.  My friends didn't even recognize me.  I didn't like who I was becoming.  I had reverted back to my old, lost, and scared self.  Only this time I was worst, because I had grown so much through God, and the Devil was trying to make it that much more difficult to return to my relationship with God.  The first part of Lamenations described what I had been living for months. 

God knew exactly what I needed to read.  I didn't know what I was about to read.  I didn't chose which words to read.  God chose them.  He opened the book for me. 

The second part of Lamenations was about returnng to the Lord our God.  The joy in the reuniting of that relationship.  The joy I had been feeling since meeting the third and final angel on this God-Sent Journey earlier that day. 

God is so good.  He knows what we need, even before we ask.  He knows what we need to read.  That is why we don't pray TO God, but Rather we pray WITH God.

Lord we thank you for being ever present in our lives.  Lord, I know that sometimes we wonder off, but you are patient for us to find our way home to you.  Thank you for lighting the path, so that I may find my way.  Thank you for the angels, seen and unseen that guide us to your love and embrace.  Thank you Lord for the Tears of Joy, our reuniting has brought me.  Thank you for your forgivness, Lord.  Thank you for taking me back, Lord.  Thank you for your friendship.  Thank you for your tiny miricles, many of which go unnoticed.  Thank you for the Love of True Friends, the ones who are still here, even though I tried to push them away, the same as I tried to push you away.  Thank you Lord, for still being here.  Oh, how I had missed you.  Thank you for hearing my tears when I longed for you.  Thank you for answering my prayers when I wanted nothing more then to return to you, yet didn't know how.  Thank you for showing me what I need to see, and teaching me what I need to know.  Thank you for always providing for my needs.  Thank you for who I have become through you, Lord.

-Amen

 

Thanks for reading.

Mel

 

 

----------------- Original Message -----------------

Date: Feb 11, 2008 11:24 PM


Hello and Praise Him!

My name is *****. I live in C*** and I came across your page through someone else's comments. I read your blogs and you have such a powerful testimony. Just reading your words have made me feel closer to God.  

You see, I have drifted from him in the last year and I have been scared to return to the intimacy that he and I once shared. Sometimes I think to myself "You know what you're missing out on", but I always seem to ignore that voice, or pretend like it's not there.

Why is it that we reject what is best for us? Sometimes I feel ashamed for not trusting him for what is right for me. But, I know he loves me and only wants the best for me, and I can't help but think about God in the most grateful and loving ways. I still attend church, but we all know that always doesn't reflect the most intimate relationship with him. I still struggle with acceptance issues that I have.

I was raised in a home with God. In fact, God was in my family for 2 generations before I was even born. I was a pastor's child from the womb. I know no other way, and yet I still struggle with my spirituality. But doesn't that just show how human we all are?

On top of everything, I was raised in a church where being gay was not accepted and that has put me in a place of questioning, and I am currently still trying to reconcile my sexuality and my spirituality.

I ask that you keep me in your prayers, and I thank you for allowing God to use you to minister to others online. I feel like by reading your blog, you were like an "angel" for me. God Bless and I will keep you in my prayers as well!

lots of love,
*****
________________________________________________

Please pray with me...

Dear Lord,

Be an ever present reminder of your love for us.

God, we know that when we are seperated from, you, it is because we ourselves moved. Help us to get back on track, spiritually. Remind us, Lord, that without you, we are nothing.

Help us Lord, give us the strength to leave our old selves behind, that we may be renewed by the power of your spirit, each and every day.

Be with us, and Guide us, as we rebuild our relationship with you, Lord. May our faith be made stronger by every obstacle in our path.

May our relationships, with you, grow stronger by each prayer. Remind us, Lord, that if we don't make time for you, there will never be enough time in the day to accompish what needs to be done. Remind us, to not only pray for that which we need, but also to pray for our continued devotion to you, Lord.

Use us, Lord. Let us be lighthouses that bring others to your Kingdom, and may we always give you the Glory in everything everyday.

Lord remind us, that prayer is not just to ask for our needs, but that it is our way of connecting with you, Lord. Remind us that in order to strengthen our relationship with you, we need to invest the time in you. Just as we would any friend. Remind us always, that we can speak to you, in the same manner we speak to each other. That is how we build upon you, Lord. Through conversation.

Let us always remember that you are our rock when we need solid ground.

Remind us that you are our shoulder, when we need to lean.

Remind us that you are our open ear, when we need to talk.

Remind us of your fatherly love throughout the day.

Let us not wonder again into the darkness of our own selfish ways.

Let us not fear the love we know in you.

Lord, keep us strong, and may every pitfall, lend us a new way to testify to others.

All Glory to you, in the name of Jesus Christ.
-Amen.

I Love You, My Brother.
Mel