As I child I remember every New Year's Eve I was at my Granny's house. Let me give you a background of me. I was a product of the boy and the girl who lived next door to each other. Both living with their mothers and stepfathers. For a teenager that's hard especially when your biological father is not around anymore. Anyway, being an only child at that time, having a teenage mother and having an aunt my age (she's exactly one year, one month one week older then me) I was often left with my grandparents. On New Year's Eve, I would be in kitchen with Granny while she clean chitlins. Grandma would come from next door about 20 minutes before midnight. Five minutes before midnight Granny made me and my aunt go and lie on the floor in front of the TV and watch Dick Clark and the ball drop.  Now as an adult I realize it because my grandfathers would have had tipped in their cups and would be going outside to shot their guns. She was protecting us. At midnight both of my grandmothers would come and kiss both me and aunt, wishing us a happy new year. We would get up and dance welcoming in the New Year. Fifteen minutes later Granddad would come in the door and Grandpa would go next door. I later learned a tradition that has been followed for years is the first person to walk across your threshold on New Year's is a male to bring prosperity to the household. As an adult, I call my grandparents at midnight, regardless of where I might be in the world. If I'm in Detroit I get up early, no matter how late I've partied, and make sure I'm the first to cross my grandparents door to bring their prosperity. I love to see the express on Granny's face when she opens the door and I'm staying there. She always laugh and say, "Ah, Mr. Nichols been over here and Richard's been over there." After being neighbors for forty years, they still carryon the tradition being the first to cross each other threshold, and I'm always in second place.  Those are days I will always cherish, especially since Grandma has died.

What was your favorite childhood memory of New Year's?

It's the end of another year. All in all 2006 has been a good year. A year that was filled with life's normal up and downs. The beginning of the year my mom got married and I moved from Detroit to Las Vegas the same day. I finally found a publisher to officially publish my first novel. I finished my second novel, started work on my third and fourth novels, and the first draft of my screenplay. Death knocked at the door of a really good friend who helped guide through my younger days. You never really know important people are in your lives until they gone. I'm making it a goal in the New Year to remind those who are close to me how important they are in my life.

A sex partner I had in Detroit express how he really felt about me after I moved. Why wait to I leave to tell me how you feel? I was told it wasn't to after I left town he realize how much he cared for me. Again, why wait to I leave to tell me how you feel? I guess it's better late than never.

I've learned over the past year another face of love. Sometimes we love a person, or we think we do, and the reason why is not clear to us. I learned it's easy to say I'm in love with someone based on a past relationship. If I really did love the person, why didn't they stay in on my mind? I mean if someone is important in your life, you recall memories of that person one time or another, especially if they put it on you good. I ventured back to a past relationship, clouding my mind with the thought of me being in love. I thought living in different states was the reason for our renewed relationship not seeming to work, but after a visit, I realize I didn't know him. We couldn't communicate. Communication is the important to me. I need to feel that we should be able to talk about anything, regardless of how hurtful it could be. First I thought I fail again at love. But how could I fail at something that governs my life? I didn't fail at love I was just misguided by emotions.

2007 is the year of my fortieth birthday. I never thought I would be forty. I was on A4A a couple of months ago, and a twenty-one year hit me up. He told me he was looking for a sugar daddy. I was shock. Do I look like a sugar daddy? (I like Beyonce's term better, Suga' Mama.) I sent him message and told him I'm looking for one too, if he finds one ask him if he has a brother because I was looking for one too.  Hell I want to be kept too. In my younger days forty seemed so old to me and now here I am knocking at its door. I guess now the tables are turned. I'm now becoming the old dirty man.

I don't believe in making New Year's resolutions. I never really understood the reasoning behind making resolutions and keeping them for only one day. Instead I reflect on the past year and see how I can work and improve on me for the New Year. Here a few things I'm going to work on. I'm going to work on overcoming my shyness, building my self-confidence, strengthening my relationships with my family and friends, stop being overly critical of myself and my work, stop searching my life partner (if it happens it happens, it not oh well), and yes, the famous stop smoking cigarettes. I have to work on stop smoking those funny little cigarettes in 2008.

In 2007 I will be out promoting my novel, Moments in the Life (and if ever finish editing it, Jessica's Family Affair). I'll be at the EPICON Book Conference March 10 and 11  in Virginia Beach, Saints and Sinner Literary Festival  May 11 through 13 in New Orleans,  Detroit's Hotter Than July Pride Event the last weekend in July, Labor Day Weekend at Atlanta Gay Pride, West Hollywood Book Fair in September and other events throughout the year. If you are in the area, stop by and say hello.

I would like to wish you and your family a healthy and prosperous new year.

Much Love,

Timothy D.

One of my friends on my myspace page is Playgirl. (Imagine that) They posted a bulletin that I thought was very interesting. Normally I don't repost things, but this is one for a good cause. Here's the message.

This literally takes a few seconds to help fight AIDS:

Today, Bristol-Myers Squibb, the pharmaceutical monolith that charges
nearly $1,000 for a 30 day supply of one of its HIV/AIDS medications,
is donating $1 to the National AIDS Fund for each person who simply
visits their website and "virtually lights a candle."

https://www.lighttounite.org/

Pass it on & REPOST!

We either know someone who is infected with HIV or has died from complications related to AIDS. At the same time one of us could be infected. It's important that we educated ourselves with HIV and AIDS. I have lost a number of friends to this disease and I'm sure I will lost more. The most important thing to remember is this disease is not a gay or dl disease. It's a disease we contract from not having safe sex, sharing drug needles with other people, from receiving a blood transfusion, and other ways.

One of my best friends died three years ago from AIDS.  He didn't get from having unprotected sex. He was an intervaneous drug user. Neither did he receive a blood transfusion. He was a nurse. He contracted the disease from being accidentally poked with a needle from a patient infected with HIV. I held his hand as he took his last breathe the day he died, three weeks after his 40th birthday.

Over time, I've learn a lot about this disease and I'm continuing to be educated. I encourage each of you to get tested, regardless of you sexual orientation, being in a commited relationship, or any other reason you might think of because of the fear of being tested. HIV is not a disease that when you get infected you know instantly. It's something that can lie dormant before it attacks.

So, I encourage each of you to please light a candle.

https://www.lighttounite.org/

Make sure you check our my blog at either www.myspace.com/timothydkelley or http://360.yahoo.com/qbmpublishing

Much Love,

Just like any normal person, I get horny and go searching for the one thing that can cool me off. So for the last week I've been hanging out on A4A, in search of a big stiff one. The first person I met was from out of a town. By the time we exchanged phone numbers it was already nine o'clock. Come to find out he was at his parents house and I have two roommates, so that was the end of that. About an hour later he hits me up telling me I got him horny and want me to ride him. He found a place for us to go, the bookstore. I know he was out of his mind because there was no way in hell I'm to be throwing my legs up in a two by two room. I have a weak spot for a thick man, but this is one time I had to pass.

For the next couple of days I chatted with different people in various cities. I wanted to see if what people put in their profiles were true. People often times say they are looking for a one person to settle down and they have a long laundry list of does and don't There pictures are often outdated. They often lie about their age. Why lie about your age? Eventually a person will find out. The same thing goes for looks. Why say you have an athletic build and you look like you could balance a plate of food on your stomach?

Thursday night I had a message. Of course, it was a dick shot. I read his profile. He was around my age, a little taller than me. He stated he was out and a vers/top. So I responded. Friday morning before I went to work I logged on and had a new message from him and he was online. We exchanged numbers. When I got in the car on my way to work I called him. He was at work so we only talked for a second. Later on that day he called me and we talked for a moment. He told me he was bisexual, had six kids with three baby mamas. That should have been my first indication to leave it alone, but I didn't. So we made plans to meet at the airport and watch the planes land. It seemed as if everyone had the same idea. So we parked across the street in a business lot. He got out of his SUV and was searching for something. I got a good look at him. He was okay, but I could tell he was one of those wannabe street thugs. He had a portable DVD player hooked up. He put in this porn movie from it seems 1987. It was tired. I was so glad when it got stuck halfway through the first scene. I really wasn't in the mood to look at Gene Lamar in his old days or Randy Cochran in his early days. He rolled a blunt and I fixed us a drink. All of sudden traffic was becoming very heavy in the parking lot, so we decided to move further away. So I followed him to an area where the big rigs were parked. I admit I was a little leery, because here I am in area where no one could find. Thoughts ran through my mind of those who have hooked up from online dates and lost their lives. Instantly I jumped into my street mood. That's one thing I can say about growing in Detroit, you learn to familiarize yourself with your surroundings and to watch your back. As we talked I learned dude was not out. He thought out meant hanging out. He was not a vers/top, but that didn't bother me since I am a bottom. But he thought vers/top meant he like men and women. He was not five ten he was five six, shorter than me. He told me was website designer. Then he told me he worked on the docks. He also had three limos in the California. I told myself it was time to go and I left as quietly as I came.

On my way home I stopped at the twenty four hour grocery store and picked up a bottle of Blue Nun, a pint of strawberries, a can of whipped cream and a fresh pack of batteries, it was going to be one of those nights.

TROY

"Hello, Troy, I'm Jessica Anderson. This is my son, Kirkland Gordon Rodgers. Have a seat."

"Nice to meet you, Ms. Anderson." I took the seat across the table from her. I reached across the table and began to play with the baby. He's a handsome little boy. My mother said "Never call a baby cute, cute is for monkeys." The baby's eyes reminded me of Grant. The waitress took our drink order. I ordered ice tea and Jessica ordered lemonade. I needed to get the meeting started. My best friend is getting engaged tonight, and Grant and I are leaving for ten days of fun in the sun tomorrow.

"So, Jessica, how can I help you?" At that moment the waitress arrived with our drinks. I asked her to give us about five minutes and we'll be ready to order lunch. After the waitress walked away, Jessica delivered the most devastating news.

"You don't know me. You probably have heard of me. I am Grant's ex-wife. Over a year ago I saw Grant at a party. He told me he was gay, had a lover and how madly in love he was with you. I know Grant. If you get him drunk enough, and he's horny, he will get what he can get to satisfy his needs. I wanted to feel Grant inside of me. I missed that feeling. We got drunk that night. Grant took me home. On the way to my house, I told him I could change his mind about being gay. He just laughed. When we arrived at my house, he came in to make sure I was ok. I poured him another drink. Soon after that drink we were in the bed fucking like two dogs in heat. As a result of that night, Kirkland arrived nine months later. It was no coincidence that I got pregnant. I always wanted to have Grant's child. I thought having a child would bring him back to me. Grant knows about Kirkland, and, in fact, he has been very supportive of both of us." Jessica took a sip of her lemonade and continued.

            I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving Weekend. My was one I will never forget.

            Why is every time I try to do right, I get nothing in return? Is it to much to ask for a do right man? A man who's truthful, honest and wants to please you in everyway possible. Is it too much to ask for? If I ask you to give me complete honesty can you do that? Can you give me the love that my heart desires? I've tried everything that I think is possible to find out where I stand with the man who has captured my heart. What do I get in return? Nothing, but unanswered questions. I want to know where I stand. Do I even have a chance? The answer I get nothing. This weekend I spent time with someone who I truly do love, and love is something I don't give too easily. The first day things seem to be going in good direction. When came in from Thanksgiving Dinner with his family, I wrapped my arms around. When I went to kiss him, he turned his head. That told me everything I didn't want to believe was true. We went to bed, and was awaken by the sound of the typing. Yes, he was spending time on the precious Adam4Adam site. I laid there heart torn apart. Now supposedly he's not a person who likes the telephone. Well that seemed to change. He would go into the bedroom and supposedly whisper so that I couldn't hear his conversation. Once again, my heart was torn. I spent the evening hanging out by myself and later with an old friend. I was on my home and in a bad car accident. I thought maybe when I got back to his house, he would at least show me some concern. None was shown. The next morning he was talking with his brother. When he let me know coffee was ready, he mentioned to him I was there. From his response, I know his brother asked what was up. His response, "I told you how I felt", meaning I had no chance. Once again shattering my world into a million pieces. Spending countless time on the telephone and on the computer, while I sit here and don't same to exist to him. My body is yearning to feel his touch, only to be touched by myself. Spending countless amount of time in the bathroom pleasing myself with old faithful. Hell, I even had to get new batteries. Some may say I brought it on myself, while others may say differently. It really doesn't make a difference, the important thing is he knew the purpose of my visit, and he could have told me it was not a good idea. True my feelings would have been hurt, but I would have known where I stood, and possibly treated myself to somewhere exotic. The sad part is I'm still in love with him and I know there is no chance for us. One good thing did happen I started work on my fourth novel. So it's back to me throwing myself back into writing, and living vicarious through the lives of my characters. They always seemed to have so much fun…LOL.

Have a good week!

Once again, it that time of year for us to give thanks. As Americans, Thanksgiving is our nation's most traveled holiday. Thanksgiving is a day when we spend time with family, friends. It's a time for us to give thanks. As I sit here in the airport I thought about last year's Thanksgiving. My nephew asked me one year why do pick one day out of the year to give thanks. A good, why do single out one day to give thanks? I explained to him about the pilgrims, Plymouth Rock, the Mayflower and the Indians. But that wasn't enough to satisfy his curiosity. He asked did the Pilgrims wanted to know what did the parade, football and turkey had to do with Thanksgiving. I really wonder where he comes up with these questions. He thinks I have an answer for everything, and I usually try my best to answer his questions. But this time I was stumped. What did football have to with Thanksgiving? He and my little cousin jumped on back and starting laughing saying got you. According to those two it was the day they get to go to the football game with Uncle Tim. I literally cried. At the dinnertime that evening we do our usually what are you thank for, and my nephew said his Uncle Tim. Even though I couldn't explain what did a parade and football has to do with Thanksgiving, he still thankful to have me to be his Uncle.

I say this to say, we never pay attention to the traditions we hold so close to our hearts. It took my nephew to bring to my attention and appreciate those traditions. Although, I won't be with this year he still gets to go to the game and cheer for the Lions. This year another tradition is being borne, normally my aunt, who is a year older than me, and I always break the wishbone. This year, her son and my nephew will pick up where we have left off, a thirty eight year old tradition.

I hope each of you have a safe and wonderful Thanksgiving. Remember traditions are to be carried on to the next generation, so why not start today.

Much Love,

Timothy D.

JESSICA

I opened the medicine cabinet and looked at the numerous bottles of pills. Pills, pills, pills. I'm so sick of taking pills. I don't know what to do. A pill for this. A pill for that. Take this pill with food. Take this pill on an empty stomach. Take this pill before you go to bed. This pill when you get up. I have enough pills to open my own damn pharmacy.

Then there's the chemotherapy and radiation treatment. I don't want to go through this for the rest of my life, no matter how short it might be. I picked up a bottle of morphine, took the cap off the bottle and poured them down the drain, my mouth. As the pills took their effect, I stood here in a daze at my reflection in the mirror.

"Call from Darla Maxwell," the voice from the talking caller id said. Before I could reach the phone it stopped ringing. Slowly I picked up the phone off the counter and dialed her back. Hearing the ring of the phone brought back the frightful call I received from Vivian, over two weeks ago.

I'm working on another wild and crazy story. For those of you who have read "Fear of Mountains" you know sex scenes were hot. Well I'm at it again. I need your help with a couple of things. Although I primarily write m/m erotic fiction, I appreciate comments and responds from all.

Scenario #1

After a long hard day at work, you come and greeted by your partner dressed a pink teddy, fishnet stockings, garter belt and eight inch pumps. Does a man wearing feminine lingerie turn you off? If so, would it be a stumbling block in your relationship? If it is not a turn off, would it become part of your regular sex life?

Scenario #2

Your partner is away on vacation in another city. One evening you two are talking via instant messenger and webcam. You partner pulls out a dildo and commence pleasing himself, providing you a private show. How would you respond?

Scenario #3

You and your partner are having a hot intense passion lovemaking session and stops. He goes to the closet and pulls out a toy and commences pleasing himself, not allowing you to touch him. How would you feel having been replaced by a toy?

What turns you on or off?

Just for the record, I'm a writer, so of course I'm always thinking of ways to keep the interest of my readers. It doesn't necessarily mean I have first hand experience, just that I have a good imagination. But I do think Scenarios #2 and #3 are hot. I'm a big fan of toys....LOL