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JJ Fortuenti



Last Updated: 2/5/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 25
Sign: Leo

City: WEED
State: CALIFORNIA
Country: US
Signup Date: 5/31/2006

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Monday, March 19, 2007 

Category: News and Politics

Take the Cana Challenge

As the Bong Hits 4 Jesus case goes to the Supreme Court, we mark the occasion with the generous offer of a no-copyright short story you can use for any purpose whatever.

This little experiment aims to find out how much free speech remains in America. Especially in schools. Also, it's a message to the anti-marijuana people who claim that Jesus would never approve of pot. We think it would have been very much okay with him.

If you skipped Sunday School, here's the background. One of the sweetest Bible stories about Jesus is how he went to a wedding at a place called Cana. The liquid refreshment ran short, so to keep the party going, Jesus changed ordinary water into wine - good wine, too.

In 1968, the story "Cana Revisited" was published in the literary magazine at a community college in Western New York. Here's the challenge:

The author of "Cana Revisited" invites you to take this story and adopt it as your own. Change the details to bring it up to date, or leave it set in the Sixties. And put it out there. Submit it to your school's literary magazine, or do anything else you can think of with it.

Just tell JJ what happens as a result.

--------------------------------

Cana Revisited

Officer, this is my statement. I hope you've got somebody taking it all down, even though it'll read even crazier than it sounds. But I swear it's the truth.

The thing started yesterday around noon. I'm in this lunchroom with a cup of coffee on the counter and wondering about when I'd eat next. This cat comes in and sits down next to me. He's got on jeans, sandals, a peace medal and a beard - I mean he looks just like anybody else, see? The guy orders a cop of tea and starts talking to me. Says he just got in from Los Angeles. I tell him a little about the town and pretty soon the talk gets around to general topics. I ask what he thinks about the Viet Nam scene. He starts off slow and lays it on the line for about half an hour, no sh-- - excuse me, Officer. Anyhow, he's going on about peace all over, the end of wars and how everyone should be brothers and how there shouldn't be any draft cards for those poor slobs to burn. The man really has me psyched, believe me, I mean I'm in a trance taking in what he's puttin' down. I tell him my name. He says his father's Mexican, so he's stuck with some crazy tag like Hey-zoo or something. But I should call him Pancho, everybody does.

He asks me are there any Diggers around, he needs something to chew on and a place to flop. So I take him to see some guys I know, a couple blocks across town. There's about twenty guys who live in this bare four-room place, and they'll give you anything they have. On the way over Pancho starts telling me about God and Buddha and Zoroaster, and how they're all the same. He says how all religions, and even no religion at all, are all doors to the same place. It's really beautiful, you know, and I'd listen all day but we're at the place.

The guys feed Pancho and me out of this kettle of stew they keep going on the hot plate all the time. Pancho says he's changed his mind about wanting a place to sleep. He asks for a smoke and I hand him the whole pack. He tosses them back and walks over to the door and turns around facing us. He gets real serious then and gives out a lot of old-world talk about how he was hungry and we fed him, in rags and we clothed him (although that wasn't strictly true) and I don't know what else. Then he takes off.

Anyhow, you guys have got me down here for possession of the Weed and I can't deny it since all those lab people say the stuff is really pot. All I know is, when I handed that pack to Pancho, it was full of just plain Chesterfields.

 


 

Sunday, October 15, 2006 

Category: News and Politics

A Talk with Stoke about Willie Nelson

JJ: Today's conversational guest is my good friend Stoke, who is briefly here on his way to somewhere else. Welcome. I guess you heard about the Willie Nelson bust.

Stoke: Pound and a half of grass, little handful of 'shrooms.

JJ: The way I heard it, all five people on the bus claimed the dope was theirs, so no one person would be holding enough for a felony.

Stoke: Ain't no felony nohow, up to sixty pounds. Not to possess. Now if you possess with intent to distribute, that's a felony.

JJ: You amaze me.

Stoke: Some folks all bitter and sayin if he'd of been a regular person, specially if he'd of been a brother, they would have laid more than a lil ol possession rap on his ass.

JJ: And some commentators have mentioned the coincidence factor. All along, Willie has been supporting Kinky Friedman for governor of Texas, but apparently he hasn't said much in public, so far, about the decriminalization plank of his platform. But this incident occurred just after Willie Nelson talked about legalizing marijuana, in public and to the press.

Stoke: Ain't no big thing, like a surprise or nothin. You talkin bout a man on the cover of High Times magazine in livin color, havin a golf tournament for NORML, on they advisory board and all.

JJ: One thing I've always wondered - during the Carter administration, did Willie Nelson really smoke a joint on the roof of the White House?

Stoke: Don't know about that, but he surely did give that Chip Carter some grief about paraquat spray, told him pull his daddy's coat. Now, this little incident with Willie and his homies down in Louisiana, you know they ain't no such thing as bad publicity. Specially for a band got a new record out, with a big ol reefer leaf right on the front.

JJ: You're talking about the Countryman album - reggae, gospel and country.

Stoke: I love me some country music, if it got heart.

JJ: Heart is heart, no matter where you find it.

Stoke: Can't fake it, can't mistake it. You know, Johnny Rodriguez ast him "Hey Willie, how you write them songs?" Willie say, "Be honest, and make it rhyme."

JJ: I've heard that Johnny Rodriguez owes Willie a lot, in terms of getting his career started.

Stoke: He ain't the only one. Look at Charley Pride. Willie and his band playin this hall in Dallas, nothin but white faces ever been under them lights before, and here come Charley Pride up on stage for a jam. Them people sittin there lookin like, "What the fuck?" and ol Willie go up to Charley Pride and kiss him right on the mouth. Whoa! Wish I'da been there that day.

JJ: He was telling them it's okay to listen to a black country singer.

Stoke: Listen, hell. He sayin to Bubba it's all right to BE a black country singer. Black is beautiful, man.

JJ: You know what Ken Kesey said about Willie's music – he said, "You feel him court those redneck minds, and then his acid consciousness reaches right inside that redneck mind and adjusts a little thing that's out of whack and fixes it."

Stoke: Don't be talkin bout no redneck. Redneck is like the N word.

JJ: Not quite exactly, I don't think. I mean, it's okay to say Willie was the founder of Redneck Rock. It's legit to say he brought about the reconciliation of the rednecks and the hippies, and created the Cosmic Cowboy archetype.

Stoke: You know the big message? The one in capital letters? Every live gig where he ever do this one song, say, "he cried like a baby, and he screamed like a panther in the middle of the night" - and the crowd go apeshit. They cheerin, they whistlin, stompin on the floor with them pointy-toe boots, and you know what for? Here go a badass outlaw hero, tellin these Southern boys a man can cry. Don't mean he got to do it every day. Don't mean he got to do it all out in front of God and everbody. But he can do it. Might be the first and only time them macho gringos ever hear that concept.

JJ: With a live audience, another insane moment comes on the first note of "Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain." Not on the first word, or the first musical phrase. No, the very first note and they freak out. I was at a show Willie did back in the Seventies, in a little place called Floore's Country Store in Helotes, Texas. The stage wasn't much higher than the ground. There was this – the only thing you could call it would be a ritual. Somebody in the crowd would hand Willie his Stetson or his gimme cap, and Willie would wear it for a couple of minutes and then swap it for another person's hat and wear that for a while. Somebody would pass Willie a longneck and he'd take a swig and hand it on to one of the other musicians, and then it would go back out in the audience. I mean he had that physical bonding thing down. A whole lot of people went home that day with something Willie touched.

Stoke: I used to have me one of them "Honk if you love Willie Nelson" bumper stickers on my guitar case. They had a movement in Texas to name a state highway after him, and the state senate re-named the Fourth of July, called it Willie Nelson Day. People in Texas believe when they die, they go to Willie's house.

JJ: The thing is, we don't have to die to go to Willie's house. The Fourth of July picnics are Willie's house. In that space, Willie's family creates a home, in a way that only the Dead and a few other bands have managed to do. And there might be other country stars, or other bands, that have played more benefits, but not many. He's always into something. Farm Aid is probably the best known, but this biodiesel thing is very promising.

Stoke: You got that shit right. Land of the free be jonesin for that A-rab oil. Man got a program to put fuel in the tanks and employ the farmers, that man is the genuine American Hero same as any grunt over there in the land of the sand.

JJ: We're always hearing about these miscellaneous good deeds, like an emergency airlift of food to a reservation in trouble.

Stoke: His first old lady a Cherokee. Willie come home all drunk one night and fell on the bed, she sewed up the sheets around him tight and then whomped on him with a broomstick.

JJ: Which may be why he said, "Anyone who underestimates a woman now is making a mistake. I don't underestimate a woman one bit." It seems to me that not only would a feminist have a hard time finding something to dislike about Willie Nelson, but almost anyone would. Why do people relate to him so easily?

Stoke: He done fucked up, and he been fucked over. Willie trimmed trees and raised hogs and sold door-to-door. How many songs he sell for a hundred, two hundred dollars, and then everbody and they cousin come along and record it and make a million? He was in the studio backin up some singer, makin a record called "What Can You Do To Me Now?" when his house burnt up. He made it home just in time to pull out the guitar case full of primo Colombian weed.

JJ: Unfortunately, the tapes of hundreds of unrecorded songs went up in smoke. That's the kind of tragedy some people never recover from.

Stoke: Willie come a long way from pickin cotton. He be out there with the cullud field hands, and them people sing when they work just like in slavery days. He tune in to that race music and that Tex-Mex sound. Played the blues with the brothers in the dives in Fort Worth and Houston. Musicians say he work like a jazz man. Rolling Stone reporter say he the closest thing to Ray Charles the white race ever produce. Just not too long ago Willie made a record with some young kid call hisself L'il Black. It sound lame, but both they heart in the right place. "On the Road Again" in rap. You believe that shit? Website say, "permanently out of stock – do not order."

JJ: I'd rather have Milk Cow Blues anyway. That's a collaboration with B.B. King, Dr. John, Keb' Mo', Kenny Wayne Shepherd, and a bunch of others I can't recall at the moment. It was a great day for music when Willie went back to Texas. They say he could have been the king of Nashville, but he didn't have the stomach for it.

Stoke: Willie got a attitude all his own. One time he got a birthday card from fifteen hundred inmates at the state penitentiary in Missouri. Went there and played a show for free. They made him a honorary convict.

JJ: Do you suppose that's where the "outlaw" label came from?

Stoke: Naw. Willie born a outlaw. It come with the cream. It don't mean breakin the law, necessarily. More like a all-round life philosophy. One time the band was booked for a fair in California. Found out the bureaucrats had bought up all the reserved seats before anybody else had a chance at them tickets. Willie say, happy trails to you, and have y'all fair without the Willie Nelson Family.

JJ: In one interview, he said a so-called outlaw is just someone who "knows what he wants and isn't always going to go along with everybody else's program."

Stoke: Course that don't mean they ain't no law-breaking at all. They say before he joined up with Willie, the drummer used to make ten times as much at his sideline than he did onstage in the clubs.

JJ: The band does have a reputation for rolling up the most potent buds on the planet. A photographer I know talks about the "burn 'em down" tradition. When somebody with a camera or a notebook comes around, the band considers it a duty to get them so loaded they forget all about whatever it was they came to do.

Stoke: Ol Willie used to teach Sunday School at the Baptist church, but the preacher shut him down, said he wouldn't have no honky tonk man teachin Sunday School, not even to grownups.

JJ: But the people in his class were the same ones he'd been playing music to the night before. They call him "Saint Willie" and "The Guru with a Will of Iron." Mickey Raphael has been traveling and performing with him for years, and he says Willie never even had a bad thought. Kris Kristofferson said it's like being around Buddha, that Willie radiates such a positive attitude, you get a contact high and find yourself being a better person somehow.

Stoke: When somethin go wrong, Nora Jones mama say "What would Willie do?" just like other folk say "What would Jesus do?" One thing I been told, he do a lot more listenin than talkin.

JJ: That seems kind of strange for somebody who's supposed to be a wise man.

Stoke: Man who don't open his mouth can't put his foot in it.

JJ: You hear about physical healings, and marriages saved, all kinds of amazing tales about miracles attributed to Willie. There's a story Kinky Friedman tells, he was on the edge of some kind of meltdown, he went to Willie and said "Am I crazy?" Willie told him, "Take it from me, if you ain't crazy, there's something wrong with you." You hear about him after a show, when everybody else has gone somewhere else to party, he's hanging around the stage door still talking to a midget or a lady on crutches.

Stoke: They say he got a lawyer friend used his lyrics for evidence in a trial. Some construction worker got hurt real bad. Lawyer tells them the words to a song Willie wrote called "Half a Man." "If I only had one arm to hold you….." Jury get out they handkerchiefs.

JJ: There's a great quote from his ex-wife Connie. "I've seen Will so tired he can't go any further. Then someone will ask one more thing from him and he'll do it. He doesn't ever want anybody to think that success has changed him."

Stoke: Another thing you hear about Willie is, he pay his band and his support crew better'n any other star in country music. But them guys stuck with him through the thin days, when there wasn't no paycheck in it. And he lets his appreciation show. When somebody else on stage doin his solo, Willie just stand there drinkin it in, soakin it up, lookin like a mooney-eyed groupie.

JJ This bust in Louisiana, supposedly one of the troopers said they didn't take the musicians in because the jail was full.

Stoke Word up! Every incarcerational institution in America got three, four mofos crammed into what supposed to be a place for one.

JJ Somebody else said, "Maybe the state trooper grew a heart."

Stoke Uh-huh. And maybe pigs fly.

JJ Maybe the state trooper is – and I have to interject here, this is my least favorite cliché' – but maybe this officer is sending a message. Quite a few law enforcement professionals, and especially a lot of retired law enforcement professionals, perhaps because they don't have so much to lose….

Stoke: You want to wake me up when you come to the point?

JJ: A lot of those people are saying the War on Some Drugs is bullshit.

Stoke: Thanks, man.

JJ: Some people say celebrities are singled out and picked on, and made an example of. Others complain that celebrities are sacred cows who never have to pay for their misdeeds. And probably both views are correct, depending on the circumstances. But I can't see the point of objecting because it looks like Willie and his friends got off easy. Give the guy a break, he's 73 years old, that's way past the age of consent. And if he did get off easy, so what? He's already been through plenty of adversity. The IRS took everything he had. His friends went to the auction and bought as much of his stuff as they could and gave it back to him.

Stoke: However much the government think he owe them, it's chump change stacked up against what the corporations and politicians rip off, every day the Lord sends. But the point ain't "they shouldn't ought to hassle Willie Nelson" because he famous or rich or old. In front of the law, everybody equal. Move on, people, let's get to the root of the issue. Point is, if a man can smoke dope fifty years and still do what Willie Nelson do, what exactly is the fuckin problem?

JJ: Thanks, man. I hope you'll come back again.

 

 

---------------------------------

Stokely C. Green is a Professor of Ethnomusicology and a MacArthur Fellow

Thursday, July 13, 2006 

Category: Life

"JJ Live" with Freeda Budd

Prohibition of Cannabis is Un-American!

JJ:    Hi folks, this is J.J. and today I'll be chatting with my old friend Freeda Budd.  Say hello to the folks.

Freeda:  Hey, people. Good morning, afternoon or evening.

JJ:    In some places it's the middle of the night, Freeda.

Freeda:  I don't want to say good night, because then somebody might go to sleep and not listen to your show.

JJ:    That's very considerate. Well, Freeda, what's up with you?

Freeda:  I've just been out to Sam's Club. Four of us went in together to buy a whole case of soup noodles, and then we cut the cards to see who would go get them.

JJ:    You and three friends each paid for part of a case, and you were the one who went to the store?

Freeda:  It was embarrassing.

JJ:    You mean, because you shopped at a discount store?

Freeda:  No, no, I went to a discount store because we all wanted to save money, silly. The reason I was embarrassed was, the place is so big I couldn't find the door to get out again. I had to ask somebody.

JJ:    But you got your case of noodles okay.

Freeda:  Oh, yes. Then I came home and the girls came over, and we divided them up. We all saved a bundle.

JJ:    Economizing is important to you and your friends?

Freeda:  You bet. We got kids to put through college and mortgages to pay. We like to be thrifty whenever we can.

JJ:    A penny saved is a penny earned. Who said that?

Freeda:  Ben Franklin, I think.

JJ:    He's on the hundred dollar bill, so he must know.

Freeda:  Like my Scottish granny used to say, mony littles maks a muckle.

JJ:    Excuse me?

Freeda:  Never mind.

JJ:    A stitch in time saves nine.

Freeda:  JJ, what do you know about stitches? Your clothes don't even have a loose thread.

JJ:     Which proves I believe in quality as well as thriftiness.

Freeda:  That's right. Thrift is a great American virtue. It's patriotic! Only one thing bothers me.

JJ:    What's that?

Freeda:  Well, we were thinking about going in together on a pound of grass.

JJ:    You mean, each pay a quarter of the price, and then you'd each have four ounces?

Freeda:  Sure. Four ounces would last me and Alex a long time.

JJ:    Sounds good. So what's the problem?

Freeda:  Well, whoever goes to get the pound. If she gets caught with it, do you know what they'll say?

JJ:    The police?

Freeda:  The police, the judge, the prosecutor, the newspapers, everybody. They'll say a pound is too much for personal use, so this person must be a dealer. Say it's me. They'll put me under the jail for 99 years and throw away the key.

JJ:    That's pretty harsh, for a nice lady who's just trying to be thrifty and save up a college fund.

Freeda:  And help her friends too. What would Ben Franklin say?

JJ:    He'd say, "By sowing frugality, we reap liberty."

Freeda:  Sure he would. Unless it's pot we're being frugal about. Then we reap a long-term stay in the Big House.

JJ:    Doesn't make much sense, does it?

Freeda:  It's downright un-American. Know what else Ben Franklin said? He said cannabis is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

JJ:    Freeda, he said that about beer.

Freeda:  Well, if he'd known about pot, he would have said it about pot instead. He would have included that saying in Poor Richard's Almanac every single year.

JJ:    Thank you, Freeda Budd.

Monday, June 26, 2006 

Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping

I never knew I was so photogenic!

On a gorgeous June day at Venice Beach, I had my picture taken a bunch of times, with the incomparable aid of several wonderful talented artistic creative people who made full use of the background's possibilities for fun and interesting photos.

You've heard the expression "the camera loves him" (or her!)

Well, the camera sure loves these great models who helped me launch my career as an icon. The models are my good friends Abigail Christensen, Rafick Issagholian, Kimberly Leon, and Sarah Shaffer.

Most of all the camera loves me!

Photographer Stephanie Cohen of Elie Photography Studio in Los Angeles did me proud with heaps of artistic shots, showing off my adorable physique and my face full of - shall we say - character.

Thank you thank you thank you - you are all stars!

                                                        JJ

Sunday, June 18, 2006 

Category: News and Politics

Note from JJ: My friends and I have a whole lot to say, but we don't need to say it all at once. Here are the first ten of the ideas and ideals we hold, with the intention of expanding on each one of them in upcoming rants, musings, position papers, and interviews.

The Litness Credo:

Litness is a state that includes all the best aspects of stonedness, and doesn't necessarily involve any substance. But sometimes it does.

Hot tips for a lit life:

There's no substitute for belief in what you're doing.

You really don't have to become one with the machine.

Peak experiences don't have to be rare.

Your spiritual beliefs are as valid as anyone's.

You don't need very much stuff if it's the right stuff.

If you can't or won't keep a promise, don't make one.

Peace can't be won through war.

The penalty for using a substance should not cause more damage than the substance itself is alleged to cause.

The War on Some Drugs causes more damage to the people of America and the world than any amount of drugs could cause.

You don't have to be pro-drug to be anti-prohibition.

Friday, June 09, 2006 

Category: Writing and Poetry

Pixiedust's Library --- Lit & Lovin it Classics

Acapulco Gold

by Edwin Corley  1972  Warner Paperback

Michael Evans works in an advertising agency that is hired to do an ad campaign for marijuana, in great secrecy. The tobacco company that plans to market it is convinced that it will be legalized as soon as the newly elected president takes office. After all, it was the 18-year-old vote that got him into office.

Evans used to blow some weed in college, but says, "I think the drug scene stinks...One of my best friends freaked out on LSD and spent four weeks in Payne Whitney." But he decides to do the work, because it means a huge raise and besides, if his company doesn't take on the account, some other company will anyway.

An attractive college student named Jean is in on the secret, because a Nader-like professor has assigned her to learn about the ad business from the inside. Evans and Jean go to Jamaica with the tobacco tycoon, who plans to bring home a planeload of pot to get a jump on the manufacturing process.

The author has one of his characters quote an article from the New York Daily News of September 8, 1970, where the report of the National Commission on the Causes and Prevention of Violence recommended legalization of marijuana for people of 18 or older. "By harsh criminal statutes on marijuana use and in light of evidence that alcohol abuse accounts for far more destruction than any know chemical substance today," the panel concluded, "we have caused large numbers of our youth to lose respect for our laws generally."

One character says that in the mid-sixties, a couple of the big tobacco companies bought land in Kentucky and Mexico, with cannabis cultivation in mind. Evans gets quite a lot of useful information from Jean. She points out, for instance, that kids are skeptical of Establishment claims about the dangers of pot, because they know nothing horrible has happened to their friends who have tried it, so they don't believe government claims about how bad speed and heroin are.

A lot of rhetoric is spouted between members of the advertising team and the tobacco representative, all showing ambivalence of one kind or another. For instance, marijuana is capable of being abused. "But that kind of reasoning would eliminate booze, cigarettes, cars, food, sex and everything else that's fun." The tobacco tycoon explains the slyness of the prohibitionists responsible for the Marijuana Tax Act of 1937. "Congress knew that passing a law outlawing possession of Cannabis would probably be unconstitutional....You just had to fill out a million papers and pay a tax. That was for 'handling.' Then if you wanted to sell or give some away, you had to make out some more papers for 'transfer.' Whereupon the state cops, who did have laws against holding the stuff, moved in and busted you."

In the course of their conversations, the various characters bring to light some of the extreme penalties. In North Dakota, there was a time when possession, first offense, meant 99 years at hard labor. In Georgia, a second offense for selling could get a death sentence. In Michigan, the minimum sentence for murder was two years, and the minimum sentence for marijuana twenty years.

Jean also alerts the team that the factory will have to retool. It can't use the same machinery as for tobacco cigarettes, because there would be too much waste. A smaller, thinner cigarette is needed for pot. She also suggests that, since joints are passed around, a germicidal filter might be a good selling point.

Of course Evans and Jean get together in the sack and he discovers that sex was never so good. The initial advertising campaign is designed to subtly suggest that the main benefit of smoking pot is to enhance your sex life.

The discussions about the ethics of the thing continue. Is marijuana dope, or not? One character points out that people can get addicted to anything, even Coca-Cola, aspirin, or coffee. One says of pot, "It doesn't happen to be my pleasure, but I don't see any virtue in denying it to others who do enjoy its effects. I don't maintain those effects are completely harmless, but neither are the effects of all those other things." Evans himself defines dope as stuff that causes physical addiction, complete with withdrawal symptoms, not merely dependence.

He's actually developing an open mind - largely because of the sex with Jean. Then he discovers the big secret: why the head of his ad agency is willing to take on the project. This man had reported his son to the police for smoking pot, and in the course of the police raid, the boy was injured and spent five weeks in the hospital. Then, even though the boss spent a lot of money on the best lawyers, his son was still sentenced to thirty days in jail and two years probation. "But those thirty days were too much. I don't know what they did to him in there, but Collin emerged from jail a hardened deviate. Collin my son, flaunts his homosexuality." The enormous load of guilt he carries makes him see the wisdom of legalizing pot, so other boys won't be converted to faggotry.

Then somebody blows the whistle on this preparation for legalization, and the tobacco honcho has to go see the Vice-President-elect. Much to his surprise, it turns out that this man is also in favor of legalization. Because if it's sold commercially, there won't be "dirty pot", treated with heroin. The incoming V.P. wants "to see marijuana sold on the open market, cheaper than any pusher can sell it. He wants pot taken out of the hands of the syndicate to remove the easy way for the hoods to addict kids onto something stronger."

Evans proposes to Jean. But she confesses she has been a spy all along, and her hidden agenda is actually to prevent legalization, because marijuana is dope, as proven by the fact that she herself is addicted to it. Evans goes back to his ex-wife, and stays with the ad campaign, though he is now an empty man, only doing it for the money.

It's hard to tell if the author himself suffered from terminal ambivalence, or if he saw this whole morality tale as a way to put forth a lot of pro-cannabis rationality and still get away with publishing the book. Perhaps he felt, or was warned, that it wasn't permissible to come out in favor of legalization without throwing up a smokescreen (ha ha) of contrary arguments as well. Kind of like the censorship code that movies had to follow in the old days, where it was required that any sexually active woman must die before the end of the picture.

Monday, June 05, 2006 

Category: Music

JJ Live:

Interview with Munchie Mike

JJ:  Let's welcome Munchie Mike. What's new in your world?

Munchie Mike:  I got some new music today. I been wanting these guys a long time. They're from Morocco, and all they do is smoke kif all day and play music all night. Next day, they get up and do it again.

JJ:  Nice work, if you can get it.

Munchie Mike:  Their weed is so good, they throw away the leaves. They mix it with tobacco, and they think because we don't do it that way, it proves we're crazy. Or maybe it's that we're crazy on account of we don't do it that way, I'm not sure which..

JJ:  This is where exactly?

Munchie Mike:  Jajouka. The Master Musicians of Jajouka. Their place is way the hell up in the mountains, you gotta be a sherpa to even try it. It's a real pilgrimage. But Ornette Coleman went up there in the early Seventies and did some recording with them. He gave them a violin.

JJ:  Isn't that against the Prime Directive or something?

Munchie Mike:  It's not like they wouldn't run up against a modern instrument sooner or later. It might as well be a violin. Some of those old-school rock and roll guys made it up the mountain too. That dead Rolling Stone.

JJ:  Brian Jones?

Munchie Mike:   Drowned in the swimming pool, right? Yeah, Brian Jones. He discovered them, him and some other English guy. So they record the Master Musicians, and it's like overnight fame and a bunch of hippies show up at their door. They start touring and they're in movies and stuff. They went to England and played at King Arthur's grave.

JJ:  So Brian Jones was responsible for turning the larger world on to this music.

Munchie Mike:  Oh yeah, he's like their patron saint. They got his picture in their headquarters. They wrote a song for him.

JJ:  What attracted world-class artists to the Master Musicians? What is it about their music?

Munchie Mike:  The main thing is, it has mystical healing power. Check out this movie The Sheltering Sky.

JJ:  Sure, I remember. John Malkovich has a fever, and the guys in long robes play music at him.

Munchie Mike:  Right. In their village they do a lot more. If you're sick, they'll lay you down on the floor and pile up their musical instruments on top of you. They take off their pointy yellow slippers and walk on your head. These guys are hard-core.

JJ:  Do they specialize in one particular ailment, or are they general practitioners?

Munchie Mike:  They mainly cure, like, mental illness kind of things. The music puts you in a trance, it grabs hold of your brain waves and lines them up in a way that makes sense, or something. But they can fix physical injury too. This one writer who was hanging out in Morocco slammed his hand in a car door. It was all swole up and purple. He says one of the Master Musicians took over, threw everybody out of the room and closed all the windows, sat down on the floor with him and poured some mineral water on his hand. Then he rubbed all the fingers and said these prayers, and spat in the guy's palm and rubbed in the spit and said some more prayers. In like fifteen minutes it got down to a dull ache, and when he went outside his freakin hand was like new, not even a bruise.

JJ:  That's pretty impressive.

Munchie Mike:  They're all in the same clan, Ahl Sherif. It means saintly, because they're descendents of Mohammed the Prophet. And they all have the same last name, Attar.

JJ:  Does the last name mean something too?

Munchie Mike:  Perfume maker.

JJ:  So is the making of perfume another cottage industry up in the mountains?

Munchie Mike:  I think it's, like, metaphorical. People who've been there say when the Master Musicians are really into it, like way up on that ecstatic plane, there's a scent in the air, like a blend of incense and ozone.

JJ:  Not something you smell every day.

Munchie Mike:  It gets weirder. You know how some things can't be photographed? There's supposed to be stuff in Jajouka music that can't be recorded. You hear it live, but the technology doesn't exist to pick it up.

JJ:  What are the instruments?

Munchie Mike:   They have a bunch of different kinds of drums. Hourglass shaped ones made out of clay or something. Round flat ones, they're made from cedar, and the sticks are orange wood or olive wood. There's a wind instrument that's like a cross between an oboe and a bagpipe.

JJ:  And made from what kind of wood?

Munchie Mike:  Apricot. It has 15 note holes. And there's a kind of lute, made from a gourd, with three goatskin strings. And some kind of flute.

JJ:  A lute and a flute.

Munchie Mike:  Playing that bagpipe thing, they have a technique, like those Mongolian dudes.

JJ:  The Throat Singers of Tuva

Munchie Mike:  Right. Circular breathing. You breath in through the nose and out through the instrument. It's this complicated deal where they work out with their neck muscles like body builders, and the inside of their throat somehow. Some of the real old masters could hold a note for half an hour at least. The guy who smashed his hand, he timed one note at twelve minutes.

JJ:  The tradition must go back a long time.

Munchie Mike:  It's some of the oldest music there is. It's like a time machine. I mean we're talking about ancient Greece and all that. There was a guy back in the 9th century who knew 10,000 songs. The call him the father of Jajouka music. Ziryab, his name was. Did you know there used to be Muslims in Spain?

JJ:  I'd heard that. The Moors.

Munchie Mike:  So, part of this music came from Andalusia. The Master Musicians were the sultan's house band. One of the good things about being rich in those days, you could have your own sound track.

JJ:  Predating personal audio delivery systems by several hundred years.

Munchie Mike:  They'd play a certain piece of music when the sultan went to the mosque in the morning, another piece when he left.

JJ:  It's good to be king.

Munchie Mike:  But it wasn't just for him, that's the cool thing about it. Like, when the sultan was going to leave out of the palace gates, the Master Musicians played this certain piece. When the people heard it, they would know to come over and line up along the road. The sultan would ride by and bless them. There was a different kind of music for that too.

JJ:  Like belling the cat. I sympathize with the underlying principle, that the people should always know what their leader is doing.

Munchie Mike:  Anyway, in 1492 they got kicked out of Spain and went back to Morocco.

JJ:  So they are Muslims.

Munchie Mike:  From way back. But it seems to be kind of a non-mainstream type of Islam. Like, in that part of the world you're not supposed to play music on Friday, it's against the religion. But the Master Musicians have always played for their saint on Friday, and they're allowed to. A lot of their customs, though, I guess they're not what we'd think of as any kind of spiritual.

JJ:  How do you mean?

Munchie Mike:  People who have hung out with them say they're pretty raunchy and violent. I mean, when these guys party, it sounds like they're a cross between bikers and the Three Stooges, at Mardi Gras. The boys dress up like girls and balance trays of glasses on their heads and jump over tables and stuff.

JJ:  Not sitting around chanting "om".

Munchie Mike:  It isn't the Maharishi vibe at all. There's a holy day every year, for like 2,000 years now, it goes back to the Dionysian cult and the old Roman Lupercal festival. Each year they pick one of the young guys to take the part of a goat god called Bou Jeloud. He puts on this stinking old bunch of goatskins and a straw hat and smears burnt cork on his face and gets possessed by the god. It's like those voudoun dancers in Haiti. They have a campfire all night with everybody dancing around it, and this Bou Jeloud character just goes nuts and runs around whipping people with tree branches.

JJ:  And they let him?

Munchie Mike:  Sure. It's curative. When the spirit of Bou Jeloud takes over the person, everybody he strikes, if there's something wrong with them, it makes them better. He hits the young unmarried girls to guarantee that they'll be fertile. The only danger is to the kid who's wearing the costume. The god really wears him out. Sometimes he uses up so much juice, the kid dies from being Bou Jeloud.

JJ:   This is a colorful story. I'm surprised we haven't seen more about the Master Musicians in the press.

Munchie Mike:  National Geographic had a ten-page story ready, this was years ago, but then the editor decided not to run it because there was so much about the kif, and pictures of them smoking their long pipes, and all that. It's probably been the same ever since. I mean, you can't talk about these guys without bringing up the kif. And they have a legend that if their music ever stops, for any reason.... the whole world stops.

JJ:  And if that's true, the worst part is they won't be able to say "We told you so."

Munchie Mike:   They have some different kind of ways. Like, the fathers and sons don't hang out together, they're not even supposed to sit in the same room.

JJ:  Which must be difficult in such a small society.

Munchie Mike:  But you know, when you think about it, most of the things that sons say to their fathers and fathers say to their sons, would be better off not being said. Staying in a different room is not a bad idea.

JJ:  Still, an anti-marijuana activist might say, this is just another argument against it. Do we want people dressing up in smelly goat skins and lashing virgins with switches?

Munchie Mike:  It's too late not to want it - or something like it. In fact, it was always too late. The same kind of group craziness is manifested in our society already. We got hockey games and mud wrestling and drag races and rock concerts and about a hundred kinds of events where people can group up and go crazy for a while.

JJ:   You're saying the same type of energy shows up differently in different cultures?

Munchie Mike:  Or in different ways in the same culture. It's nothing to be scared of, or any more scared than we already are, because it's already here. It's always been here. We humans want to get together with others of our kind, enjoy a little social lubricant, and cut loose. The Master Musicians of Jajouka aren't trying to get anybody to live their way. But for themselves, they're very desirous to live that way. And why shouldn't they?

JJ:  And why shouldn't people in our society, who want to dance all night at a rave, or take part in a drum circle?

Munchie Mike:  I can't believe the stupidity of a society that gives booze an advantage. If people had the choice, when they go out to have fun in big groups, I bet a lot of them would rather have some other kind of stimulant than alcohol. Big mass events would be a lot more peaceful. You'd think the law and order types would figure that out, one of these days.

JJ:  And maybe they will.

 

JJ Live Interview with Munchie Mike written by Pat Hartman, copyright 2006 by Medicine Bow Gallery