A little further down the road, another interesting thing came into view. Smack dab in the middle of a large field, with nothing else around it, sat one of those portable toilets, the kind usually reserved to scare you into waiting at outdoor festivities. As if it were a prop in a science fiction film, the door flopped mysteriously in the wind. For a moment, I considered the ghastly idea that Doctor Who had lowered his standards, but then a farmer came out of a distant house, jumped on his tractor, drove to the location, secured the door to the portable potty then climbed back onto his tractor and returned home. Hmmm. As I passed the farmer’s house, I glanced in his driveway and saw a pickup truck with a large dog-cage in the back. Plastered across the side of the cage, three stick-on signs advertised some of the truck-owner’s opinions. The top two signs went rather well together, reading respectively: Proud member of NRA, and South Side Hunting Club. The last sign, however, appeared a bit incongruous with the theme. It read: Choose Life.....

A good friend recently told me that whenever she gets depressed she reads one of my newsletters, which makes her realize her life isn’t so bad after all. I don’t mean to give that impression. Actually my life is good. I just see the humor in everyday events, and I tend to present my interpretations in a rather sarcastic manner. One of my writer friends put it a little more succinctly and called me a closet smartass. That made me laugh. As difficult as the conceptualization of the concept might be, instances do occur – actually long periods of time – in which I find myself with not much to say. If the truth be known, it’s the rule and not the exception. I’ve said this before, but the reality of the situation is this: Without a character and a plot in front of me, I’m pretty much lost when it comes to writing; thus my constant ramblings.

With that in mind, let me tell you about a recent book-signing adventure. Somewhere along a stretch of Oklahoma highway I saw a shoetree. They actually do exist. I’m not talking about those devices of cedar wood designed to freshen and shape your shoes. This was the real deal. I know, and I wouldn’t have believed it either if I had not seen it with my own eyes. But there it was, growing wildly along the highway with at least fifty pairs of shoes dangling from its branches. Those rumors of little bald guys sitting in dark rooms smelling of leather are purely mythical.

I'm starting off the new year with more signings and events. On Saturday, January 24, from 1:00 to 3:00 PM, I'll be at a Tulsa landmark: Steve's Books and Magazines, located at 2612 South Harvard Avenue in Tulsa. I'll be autographing both mystery novels in the Detective Elliot series; Beneath a Buried House, and Twisted Perception. Please come and say hello, and have a look around a great bookstore.

And now, lest you think my life has lapsed into some resemblance of ordinary, let me reassure you with the next issue of: What's That All About?

I recently walked into a post office and discovered I was the only customer. This had never happened before. I wouldn't have to wait in line. And there were two clerks just standing there and waiting for my business. It was too good to be true. When I approached the closest clerk, and before I could ask for anything she said, "I'm sorry but our computers are down and we can't do anything, but stand here and look silly."

She didn't actually say the silly part, but she might as well have. "All I need are stamps," I said.

"We can't ring them up," she countered.

"Why did you remove the coin operated stamp machines?"

"Because they won't take the new dollar coins and by Federal regulation they must."

I give up.

At a recent book signing, a lady walked into the store carrying a plastic trashcan and a broom; another brought in bags of groceries and borrowed a Hastings cart to push them around the store in; a Halloween toy somewhere behind me kept singing, Monster Mash; and two ladies came in, speaking very loudly, as if they were actors in a play, and repeating each other, a discourse which sounded like bad dialogue from a novel. It went something like this:

"May we borrow this cart?" asked the tall one.

"Sure," said the store clerk.

"Can we take the cart?" asked the short one.

"Why yes," said the tall one. "I asked if we could borrow the cart, and they said we could."

"Oh, that's good," said the short one. "We certainly need the cart."

"Yes," said the tall one. "The cart is just what we need."

I'm not making this up, and it all happened in one Hastings store. Is there any wonder that I constantly teeter on the brink?

And now, for the rest of the story: Christmas is just around the corner and books, especially Bob Avey's books, make wonderful Christmas gifts.

Andrew Elmore won the autographed book giveaway for the 4^th quarter of 2008. Congratulations Andrew.

I want to thank everyone who has signed up for my newsletter. I hope you enjoy reading it. If you know of someone who might enjoy it, too, please email it to them. Thanks.

I also give programs for writing groups, reading groups, or any group that's interested. If you belong to a club which needs program speakers, keep me in mind.

You have permission to reprint, forward, or use the contents of this newsletter in your newsletter or e-zine. The only requirement is the inclusion of the following footer:

This article was written by Bob Avey, author of, the Detective Elliot mystery series, which includes Twisted Perception, and Beneath a Buried House. http://www.bobavey.com.

Near the end of the 3^rd quarter, I looked forward to the 4^th, for the prior consisted of happenings that I dust off lightly as less than desirable, so much so that I'm inclined to refer to it from here on out as the 3^rd 12 ½ cents of 2008. The period offered events that fell through; a book signing that was cancelled because the store had developed a mold problem and people were getting sick, half the employees out with mold-related illnesses; an event in which I sat in a booth situated in the middle of a cow pasture where I watched potential customers pass me by, preferring instead to stuff their faces with catfish and hushpuppies; and last but not least, a few other signings sprinkled in, where I sat quite invisible to passersby simply because they went above and beyond the call of duty to avoid making eye contact with that strange man sitting behind a table, which was stacked with such useless things as books.

Anyone out there who still wishes to be a writer, please see a doctor immediately. Consider the advice my contribution toward your continued health and wellbeing.

That being said, my schedule of future events unfolds as follows:

October 18 – Book signing at Hastings in Bartlesville, OK, 12:00 Noon until 5:00 PM

October 25 – Book signing at Hastings in Russellville, AR, 12:00 Noon until 5:00 PM

November 15 – Book signing, Hastings, Muskogee, OK, 12:00 Noon until 5:00 PM

November 17 – Speaking engagement, Broken Arrow Rotary Club

Okay, that's all I have, but there will be more to come.

Please check out my new book trailer. Thanks.

Please check out the video for Beneath a Buried House. Thanks.

Hello, everyone. Here is a link to my new book trailer for Beneath a Buried House. Talk to you later.

http://www.youtube.com:80/watch?v=Z-loLLanWxU

I had a book signing scheduled for Saturday, October 11, but when I called the store to confirm I was informed that, yes I was welcome to go ahead with the signing, but the building was leaking and the store is infested with mold. "Half of us are sick," the book manager said. Nothing like a little air quality problem to spice up the book sales. Needless to say, I rescheduled. It's been that kind of year for me. Oh well. The OU Texas game is on this weekend, and I wanted to watch it anyway.

I do have a signing scheduled for Friday, October 10. It will be at the UMAC (Union Mulitpurpose Activity Center) in Tulsa, OK from 11:30 AM to 1:30 PM. Those of you who will be flying in from out of state to make the event will receive a 20% discount :)

http://www.bobavey.com

http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A3HJHIOAJ80AJI