steal this and you'll be shanked.
Im definately going to have to record this. Its a screamo-ish song. It'll be enjoyed.


If you knew what I know,
Would you be what you are today?
If you saw what I see,
Who would you go and blame?
For who you are, you'll never take,
Another part of me again.

What If I was to say,
That you set your shame?
That You betrayed, played your games,
And then you walked away.

How was I so wrong?
I tried to be strong,
But you tear me down. 
Its a lesson learned.
Never take the word of a fool.

X-Screamo Part-X
Entrapped, In your sick twisted mind,
Was the broken girl you left behind.
She's crying, screaming, begging, bleeding.
& Nothing she bleeds for is more tormenting.
She lost her mind, You just stand there & laugh,
as she finally dies.
X-End of Screamo Part-X

Where were you when she fell?
"What the hell is wrong with me"
She asks herself,
She cant break free from this hell.

What If I was to say,
You were the cause of the pain,
and nothing you could do or say,
could take it all away.

*Guitar Riff Goes Here*

*Breakdown*
You once said Im nothing,
Im stronger then you think,
And you wont break me.

X-Screamo Part-X
Entrapped, In your sick twisted mind,
Was the broken girl you left behind.
She's crying, screaming, pleading, bleeding.
& even if she screams, no one can hear it,
Inside she's hiding, theres no denying your lies.
She Finally Dies, you just stood there,
She was just another sacrafice,
You didn't save her life.
X-End of Screamo Part-X

-Nikkie S <3

I was listening to Lacuna Coil.

Ok. theres soo much going through my mind... its un believeable.

I have more memories that I have to try and get over.
its just way too hard. There isnt a minute that goes by that i dont get a flashback. I dont want them. I want them all gone, out of system, and out of my head.
5 months down the drain. I really cant believe it....Everyday I would wake up smiling because I knew that I had somebody that I love, and I'd always walk around my house smiling and happy... even when I was in california, I still sometimes had a smile on my face because I had someone who loved me, and no matter what was supposedly gonna always love me. how wrong was i?

and now I wake up, and I just feel empty. I only come out of my room to just use the bathroom or answer the phone. I barely eat, or sleep for that matter. I don't even talk to my grandma anymore. Im just in bed watching tv, or on my ipod on myspace. I dont know why this had to happen... every promise he made turned out to be a lie. I remember when he said "No amount of stars in the sky cant count the reasons why I love you"  (its really sad that I can remember every thing he said to me)

 The "I love you with all my heart baby, more then you could ever know,"  and "I could never leave you, I love you too damn much" were the the biggest lie of them all.... I saved all the cute messages he sent me.. now I have to get the courage to delete them all. Why did I set myself up for this? I just wanted him to love me like he said he did... I did all I could for him, I tried to do every little thing imaginable to make him happy and he didnt appreciate any of it.  I degraded my reputation, my body, my self esteem, everything, just to make him happy. and he never was. I give you the best of me too early, and for what? Because I thought he loved me...

I put myself through hell, just for him. I stuck by and he treated me like nothing. I lost close friends, and respect from my friends because of me being stubborn and chosing him over ones who really care about me. The two engagements were a lie, though I cant say two because he called the other one off the next day. Every plan we made together was just another fairytail that would have never came true. He doesnt care if he hurts me, because Im just another statistic for him. He doesnt care if he caused me to attempt suicide twice, ending up in the ER for 6 hours getting my arm fixed up.

I trusted you. You helped me in the past when I was going through a hard time. You were there for me, and you fixed my heart. You made me realize that it was okay to look at people, it was okay to look at myself in the mirror and smile. You helped me when I was assaulted, and you hold me when I cried. Well you know what, Wheres that Rober that I used to know? That was the Pre-janelle stage.

you know, It hurts me so bad, I cant really hold back the tears. I havent cried like this in a very long time. I don't know what the hell I did to deserve this. Am I that bad of a human being to deserve him hurting me like this? What did i do? The excuse was lame. Afraid of our age difference? wow. 2 1/2 years. Then you turn around and tell someone else a different reason why you did it. Make up your mind, which one is it?

In the end it doesnt matter anymore, you never loved me,
you never cared, you just wanted to have sex and that was the end of that chapter.
its all its ever been, and you cant deny it. You lied, you cheated, you made me feel like i was absolutely nothing. And what for? Why did I deserve that? After everything that I've done for you, or tried to do, you were never happy. I'll admit I should have tried a hell of alot harder, and I should have done more for you, but what did you do for me? I VERY RARELY asked you for anything at all. You cant say calling the cops on my dad was something, because it only made things worse for me.

Wanna know the ironic and sick twisted thing about this... I still love him.
I don't want to still love him at all, but I do and I cant help it or change it.
If you really loved me, you wouldn't have hurt me, you wouldnt have cheated, you wouldnt have lied and made me feel like this, and you wouldnt have left. you were too much of a pansy to stand up to your parents and tell them the truth, there again you put me in the shadows, put me last. whats funny, I ALWAYS put you first, above everyone.

You think about how you felt when whats her name left you, and how you called me that night and you were so upset, who was there for you and tried to help you when you were hurting? ME!. Yes, I remember that night. Thats exactly how i feel, except 10 times worse. You cant apologize, you cant say you're sorry, because its bullshit and youre not sorry. Im not anything to you anymore other then a simple friend.

You've got no clue what pain you've caused me, you have no idea to what extent you've hurt me yet again. Then again, you don't give a damn and you never have. I hope you see this and you realize what you put me through for 5 months. Im sorry for whatever I did, which I do not know. But I know what you did, and it was worse. No apology on the planet from you could ever make me trust you, or believe anything you say again. You can say you're sorry. Fine. I'll forgive you, but I'll never forget the horrible things you've done to me. Dont think for a second that I'll just pretend everything will be okay, because its not. I should have learned the first time around.
But then again, I had a heart and stuck around. You didn't.

Im not insulting you, I'm not attacking you, I'm simply stating how I feel. and you should be man enough to understand what you did and how you hurt me.

Im fucking done. I'm sorry.

I just lost someone who I really loved.
it feels like someone grabbed my heart and ripped it straight out of my chest.
no joke. Ive been having chest pains all day.

I havent eaten dinner, just had sierra mist.
I havent taken my medicine, it'll make things worse.
Then I just drank a vitamin water.

I know i'll never fully be over him, but i have to try to be.

it feels like im empty inside... literally.
all i had was just...taken from me.
it feels really bad.
My heart is seriously hurting.
He's gone... and it was obvious that he didnt love me.
But why do I still love him? I don't know.
I dont want to feel like this anymore.
I just wanna be happy, but at a point i was happy with him

its over and done, i wanna move on, but its so hard.
i cant type this without tearing up, but i have to type it out so its out of my system.
I just want to be someones girlfriend, and have them love me in return.
not hurt me.

but I cant really ask for anything anymore, because its always too much.

Are you happy now?

This would be my ideal guy right here.
If you meet the qualifications, contact me. lol

I wanna meet someone who will love me,
Someone who would be there for me, Because I'd be there for them
Someone who would do anything to keep me safe,
Someone who loves me and means it, I'd love them and mean it.
Someone I can trust, love, and be with.
Someone who would hold my hand when im down, 
Someone who will help me when I need it,
Someone who will support me no matter what,
Someone who loves me for my personality, and not on my past.
Someone who will give me their jacket if its raining,
Someone who will hold me when im hurt and never let go.
Someone who will randomly kiss me, just to see me smile,
Someone who will be proud to show me off to the world,
Someone who will treat me like a princess,
Someone who is protective, but knows their limit.
Someone who wont keep anything from me, and never lie to me, even if its to protect me.
Someone who will always love me.
Someone I can just cuddle with and listen to music or talk with.
Someone who enjoys quoting family guy, etc.
I would really like to meet a guy that would never make me upset,
someone who could make me smile just by looking at me,
someone who would call me/text me/IM me & say he loves me.
someone who I know I would be with for the longest time possible and know nothing bad will happen to us.
someone who would protect me from anything, (Id do the same).
someone who will not abuse, use, or hurt me physically. Ive had enough of that
someone who doesnt put sex as a first priority. im not doing it ever again. im sorry.
someone who wont make fun of my body. Im not the best looking :/
someone who isnt an arrogant, stuck up, cocky prick. if you are, im not interested.
someone who wont raise his voice or scream at me. i hate that shit.
someone who would appreciate me.
someone who would write little love notes/letters to me on my bday/valentines day, or at random times. I love that.
Someone who would destroy anyone who fucked with me.

I'll add more when I think of it.

I was bored. I have temporary writers block, so just deal with it.
Im disabling comments, So Don't attempt to leave any.

Theres someone in the mirror, & I don't know who she is.
At times I wish I knew her, other times I thought I did.
I can see the pain in her eyes, betrayed by truth & by lies,
I can't ask if she's alright, Because I already know that answer.

She's not alright, She's crying through the night,
She's wishing he would come back, & just hold her tight.
Where he's at, she doesnt know,
& she hates to let it show,
But she still loves him.

The girl thats in my mirror, She's telling me a story,
of how she loved him, & never got to say shes sorry,
for all of the pain she's caused, & all the love she lost
I wish this girl would be alright, But she'll never see the light.

No, Shes not alright, Still crying in the night,
Praying he'll come back, & hold her tight,
Where he's at, she'll never know
& she really hates to let it show,
But she still loves him.

The reflection in this mirror, I discover who she is,
& I remember how she got like this.
I finally realize who it is that I see,
Who I see, Is me.

& No, Im not alright. I still cry in the night,
I know that he wont come back, or ever hold me tight.
Where he's at, I'll never know.
I really hate to let this show,
But I still love him.