Dear friend, what's the time?

That's right: it's been a while since you've heard from us. Most of this is due to technimacauleycality difficulkins with our Great Server, the Intellikromikon6900 or whateverthehellit'scalled, but a lot of it has to do with a general re-grouping of The Boys Themselves as you once knew them...or thought ya knew??

Point is: If You Want It, Here It Is; Come And Get It. But you'd better not necessarily hurry because God only knows if it's coming fast. But it is coming, and in some extremely interesting and discombobulated (sp?) ways.

Bottom line:

Q: Do We Even Exist?

A: Yup.

Q: Well.....I mean when are you gonna.....?

A: Dunno.

Q: Yeah but what about....?

A: (shrug)?

Q: YeahbutImean...?

A: Welp.

MY question to YOU is, does anyone even use Craig'sBook anymore? I mean FaceList? That's groovy if they do, but I'm not sure if I do sooo....? Tell you what - if you're reading this, fire a hot bowl o' message over here to us and let me know what IT IS YOU WANT EXACTLY. "MAYBE, WE CAN CUT A DEAL..."

I sincerely hope that you're all alive and living up to your full potential. If not, what's wrong with you?

xoxo, yerluvinuncle Fegg

How do you say, there, flapjack?

Gweetings from the center’s heart of our country’s great capital of our nation’s America, Washington, District Of Columbus or whatever.  I’m told that I have quite a lot of a few things to report to you, faithing and dearful reader, so stop whatever you’re reading and read on!

Let us just see, then, shall we?  I reckon it’s been PERNT near two or even more than two days or more since I relayed any soul-crushing informations to your direction area.  There have been a whoooole lot of things that have happened since then, and even more things that HAVEN’T happened... about which would you first like to hear?

A McRib was had.  But even more than one McRib was had:  two McRibs were had.  Christian and Jason successfully ended The Boys Themselves’ Exciting McRib Have Campaign, which was commenceded in November 2006.  Thank you to the hundreds of yous that relayed McRib tracking information to the Boys.  It’s been three years, and it was almost worth it.

SE did sounds tossing in Norfolk, VA at THE BOOT.  Local hostiles crammed themselves together in a vile display called THE FUN ZONE, creating a malicious gravitational pull that SUCKED in and destroyed neighborhood children and pets.  The Boys says waaaaaay thanking to you to Paul, Emily, Jack, Tom, Westbound, and an extra speciality thankingness to Kris for the Cherry Lime Rickys.

Between like right now and the next somewhat-anticipated S.E.T.J., do you, the gentlest readers, have any quellshions or inquiries that you would like to make AT THE BAND?  Which of The Boys hasn't eaten anything so far on tour?  How can the Boys possibly play a blistering four hour set EVERY NIGHT?  Do you wonder these things and also more of these things?  Axe away.

The Boys are calling for their Vitamin Water sponge baths.  Returning is something that I will do for you!

Your Uncontrollable Substance,

Henrius Pontier
via the Intellikrom 3000 v.3000

Dearest Deer Fanatics,

Bleatings to you and the rest of you from that oooooollll’ country fiddlin’ sexpot seaport Charlotte, North Carolingus.  As I relay, The Boys Themselves are enjoying a delicious and wholly nutritious brankfast prepared specially for them by yours truest.  Large buckets of homemade cursed peachpear yogurt and strudel-morphs arranged in the shape of Huey Lewis are giving The Boys Themselves the energino they’ll need to continue conquering A-MRR-ICA.  Take that, Herman’s Hermits.  Dicks.

I’m due for a hair date, but FIIIIRRST:

The Boys’ first show of their Glands Across America Tour ’09 was “played” at the Casa Cantina in Athens, OH on Thursday the 29th.  As mentioned in the introductory Baby’s First Tour Diary Entry, MOST of Ohio was like totally powerless aaaaallll niiiiiggghhht long.  The Boys were all “Huh?” as they noticed that roads and buildings had not been all litted up for milez upon milez.  Howe’er, everyone’s favourite taco tower had plenty of electricity EEEEE-LEC-tricity.  Was there enough juice to successfully ZAPP THE WHO?  Time would tell us this answer to us.

Joining The Boys Themselves were Duende, who had tripped on down from Detroit JUST LIKE The Boys, and Athens’ hometown heroes the Makebelieves.  *Note:  The Mapleleafs are from Toronto.  Sound it out.  All three bands played THE SHOWS OF THEIR LIVES, and all joints were lubricated by spirits and libations procured with funds from the seemingly bottomless wallet of JOHNNY, fearsome leader of the Makebelieves.  The show ended with a special guest/cameo/first appearance/origin issue by our own Johnny:  John-dar Fossum.

PICS PICS PICS

No one trashes their drums on the first show of a tour like ol’ Liverlips Fossum.

The Boys Themselves would like to say TANK you and also THONKS to Duende, Johnny and the Makebelieves, and Joe, Melfy and the rest of the MGMT at the Casa Cantina.  Sorry about the love.

***Three Weeks Later***

Foists thongs foist:

Does anyone have any advice as to where The Boys Themselves may be able to procure a delicious delicious McRib sammich from MACDonald’s?  The Boys have to clean buckets of saliva out of their van on the hour every hour during their drive-time commute as they fantasize about biting into those faux ribmeats.  I don’t even remember what’s on a McRib, anyway.  What’s it like an onion or a pickle and mustmayostardayonaise?  How many ground-up shoes go into one ribmeat patty?  Regardless, please help The Boys by using various futuristic technologies to pinpoint the exact locations of these sweetmeattreats, and remember, we’re on the East Toast over here ‘n shit.  Relay via comment, message, or yelling toward the van.  It’s like kinda like a bigger grey van.  Look for John.  He’s driving today.  Just passed Cape Fear.  Seriously.

Alright.  Now that we have cleared up any confusion about McRibs, we can get on to the slightly less important material.

Starling Electric’s SECOND BIG SHOW of their Blings Across America Tour ’09 was “performed” at the historic The Milestone in Charlotte, North Carolina.  The Boys Themselves showed up to THE JOINT and were all “Where is everybody?”.  Mere minutes later, who should should show up but EVERYBODY.  And I do mean everybody.  I’ve been to every Starling Electric show since 1979, and this show was, by the fartherest, one of the best and most exciting that The Boys have done.  Joined by the incredible Naked Gods, Foxchase, and the Ultimate Optimist, SE played to a wall-to-wall and coast-to-coast sea of smiling, singing, jumping, DAHNCING and PRAHNCING beings.  Several ladies in the front row even shouted "CAMPFIRE!" at The Boys as they DID IT.  Booyes.  Furthermore:  Caleb broke his legs, John broke his jive, Jason broke the sound barrier, and your pal Christian broke a seemingly major artery in his thumb, leaving his normally pearly white keys and six strings coated in a hard coat of crimson rust.  I look forward to cleaning these items for him during The Boys’ mechanimassage session later this evening.

Our Boys cannot say enough about how great the night was.  The FOLKS that run the Milestone, the mondo bands, and every single way present person in the crowd was truly friendly, genuine, and into the evening.  THAT’S why SE does it for you.  Do it.

THANKS EXTENSION THANKS EXTENSION to Neil and the X-Man at the Milestone, Chris and Brian and the rest of the Naked Gods, Claudio and Jeff and Foxchase, Matt and Weston and their UNIT, Brandi, Baxter, Jared, and all the rest of ALL YA’LL PEEPS.  SE will be back to return.

Yours In Light,

Henrius Pontier
via the Intellikrom 4089 v.337

Dear Post-Consumers,

Welcome to the Super Bowels Neat Commercial Ads Headquarters Central HQ, where you should like check back every so once in a often to get the latest update on Neat Commercial Advertisements to be played thusly during the Super Bowel.  To get every being started, there was a lovely article in the United States of A Today News Report Paper entitlemented "Which Super Bowl Ads Will You Be Talking About Monday?".  This was of course supplemented by/with "Which Friends And Loved Ones Will You Be Talking To On Monday?" and "To Which Non-Profit Childrens' Organization Will You Be Donating Monday?"

BUT F'REALS:

Bleedings from Athens, Ohio, home of the most Awesomest Hand IN THE WORLD.  Is it the hand of God?  It is the hand of THE LROD?  It is simply a hand, and thus it was be did seen.  I don't know what you're supposed to do with it.

"Starling" Electric is like on toooouurrrr, hey alright okay I know, right?  SOMEONE got up really early yesterday morning and SOMEONE ate breakfast and theeeeeen someone packed up various GEARS and put them in a pile and off we go.

MISHAPS were at a minimum aaaalll daaaayyy loooong.  Half of Ohio has no power, and I mean like no power to do ANYTHING, but Athens itself is full of juice and juices and appo jicky.

There shall be PYACKTURES of images and writing with words in a moment.  The yogurt that one of The Boys Themselves totally like way stole from the confidential breakfast even when the lady was cleaning stuff up will not be left behind.  It's gonna be fuckin' GOOD.

I will be giving you the scoopdown and massages of importanceness as the tour unfolds its development.  Caleb, Jason, John, and Christian are ready to put the fingers on the instrument parts and to make the singing words exit their mouths.  It is my duty to bring this to you... straight from the orbiting grammy jam.

Your faithful messenger,

Henrius Pontier
via the Intellikrom 3000-1 Resserection

The tour schedule is now COMPLETE (ADDED BOSTON ON 2/9!). This is your FINAL WARNING. We will be where you are in mere DAYS. Start diggin' yer foxholes.

1/23 - Ann Arbor, MI @ The Blind Pig
1/29 - Athens, OH @ Casa Cantina
1/30 - Charlotte, NC @ The Milestone
1/31 - Norfolk, VA @ The Boot
2/ 2 - Washington DC @ The Velvet Lounge
2/ 4 - Philadelphia, PA @ The M Room
2/ 5 - New Haven, CT @ Cafe Nine
2/ 6 - Baltimore, MD @ The Metro Gallery
2/ 7 - NYC @ Piano's
2/ 8 - Brooklyn, NY @ Don Pedro
2/ 9 - Boston, MA @ The Middle East

Thanks to Kim @ Sinister Foxy. She's doing A REAL HELL OF A JOB. Tell your friends. Tell your neighbors. TELL YOUR ENEMIES!

S.E.

P.S. Folks with VERY UNCOMFORTABLE couches: please go to hell. Folks with luxurious hot tubs, beds, recliners, cots, teepees and/or dog kennels: Can we stay with you? PLEASE?

Did you see this? Didja?

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122064389510804655.html?mod=googlenews_wsj

...and check out Jim Fusilli's website, and for God's sake buy his "Pet Sounds" book!

http://www.jimfusilli.com/

 

Power To The People,

Caleb & SE

It's seriously, for real, really here, and the tidal wave of praise is almost too much. This Tuesday, August 19^th, feel free to DROP IN to your local record store whilst simultaneously DROPPING OUT to the sounds of Starling Electric's Clouded Staircase, available nationwide on compact disc and cassette from Bar/None Records. Well, it's not really on cassette. I wish. Look for us in this Sunday's edition of the Ann Arbor News, as well as many online reviews and features - the good bits of which we'll be posting to this site SOON.

If you currently live in the New York City area, God help you. I MEAN, please come out to support us, scream your guts out, and fill your lungs with fog when we play the Mercury Lounge (217 E Houston St, New York, NY 10002) Tuesday, August 19^th at 6:00pm (ooh…early show)! If you can't make that scene, there's another chance to catch us at Maxwell's (1039 Washington St, Hoboken, NJ 07030) on Thursday, August 21^st at 8:00 pm. Or you know what? Just stay home. That's fine. No, don't worry about it. Really.

Not feeling up to leaving your bedroom this month? I know the feeling. Maybe you can make it out to the Blind Pig (208 S. First St., Ann Arbor, MI) Friday, October 3^rd to see us reunited with our dad, Robert Pollard, and his new group, BOSTON SPACESHIPS! It'll be like a father-son picnic, only with booze and loose women. Bring your Pep-Pep!

Watch this space for more EXTENSIVE WORLD TOUR DATES, as well as news from the recording studio. Yes, we're working on our mysterious new album. No, you can't hear any of it. Yet.

Check out Melanie Season's latest blog entry for a little "damn the world is a small, sickeningly-amazing place" moment. But don't stop there! I couldn't help but continue to read on down the page. I specifically enjoyed "Whatever Happened To Gen Y". Rant-tastic!

Thanks Melanie @ fakeplasticnoodles.com

Jason and S.E.

A Sword In The Spring Office
by Li Ho (A.D. 791-817)

In the ancestral chest lies a watery sword, three feet long.
Once it followed and killed a dragon in the chasm of Wu.
Like a slanting crescent moon seen from a cave, the moon shaving the chill dews,
Or like a stretched strip of satin, smooth, unruffled by the wind,
The sheath like an old dragon's skin bristling with thorns.
The blade has absorbed sea birds' oil, shines like a white bird's tail.
This sword contains the whole heart of the hero.
Do not let its light be reflected on the print in the Spring Office.
Let there be tassled silk twists and bright metals hanging from it.
Just the heavenly light from the sword can cut jade to pieces.
When it was drawn, the White King of the West shuddered;
On the autumn pathways his ghostly mother wept at midnight.

-Thanks Michelle O'Brien, Chad the artist, The Polish Girl, Hurley's twin, and "Frazetta Girl"

Left of the Dial Magazine - June 13th, 2008
http://www.leftofthedialmag.com/?p=452

"Admired by the Posies, this lush, finely hued pop dressed in a foliage of guitar crunch will appeal to the long lost lovers of 1990s soulmates like Teenage Fanclub and even the Mathew Sweet. With a slight literary edge, tracks like "St. Valentine's Day Massacre" avoids the Chicago shoot-out scene to meander in questions like, "Were you under a sexual hex?" all while being inundated in catchy rock'n'roll gymnastics. The neo-psychedelics of "Clouded Staircase" channel the 1960s with an ambient undertow. The awry, tape-manipulated voices and the tinkling piano form a surreal case for sophistication. Then the Beach Boys arrive on "Camp Fire," with its dollop of campy pop manners and riffs that could be also echoes of the Zombies. "Black Ghost/Black Girl" gets back on the catchy pop bandwagon, though the lyrics remain hallucinogenic and hairy: "May I stay awhile in your cloud?" And is that faux-harp getting mellow-tronic on "I Got Scared?" along with a set of bells stolen from the damp high school band room? Clouded Staircase indeed will let you walk into the spheres, right into the lap of the flared trousers Age of Aquarius, and that's about as far as I would venture. Check here if you want to gaze into the plastic kaleidoscope that came free in a breakfast cereal box."