These past four years have seen many friends, many that came, many that went. Nothing is the same as what it was. The connection we all felt for each other has broken, only a few remain that still feel the way we did. It feels lonely now, it feels sad -- because this is exactly what we all said would never happen, that one December night, when we all lay there together and promised it would never end.

But months have passed and we failed fidelity. Many feel that they are finally free, free of the drama, but remember back and ask yourself, "Why did I stick around?", you can't deny that you felt loved in that group, we all did. We felt like a family, and we called ourselves as such, now think back, there was a time when you would do anything for those people...

What happened? We all took different roads, she found a boyfriend, she moved away, she wants nothing to do with the group, he's going to college, he drifted away... Life forced us apart, and we openly let it, it was bound to happen, yes, but we allowed it to happen without putting up a fight. We all felt too good, too selfish, too jealous... We let ourselves come before the people we loved, we let attitudes, dislikes, and petty egos take what was important.

Now many of us only have thoughts of how much of a Lie everything was... Was it a lie? Was it all a waste of time? Is that why you fought for your right to get together every Friday? To plead with your parents to hang out at your house? Stop thinking about how the others "betrayed" you and think about how you betrayed them.

There is really no one person to blame for what happened, it's all of us... Each one of us, in our own small selfish way, contributed to what happened.

Nothing can ever go back to the way it was. All will be different, despite the efforts we may give... But it doesn't mean that we have to keep that ugly thought of the "Lie" in our minds. Don't let that cloud your mind, don't let it poison your memories... When those nights come when you listen to a song, and it reminds you of a night at Ash's house, or when you pass by the old yogurt shop and you remember the tunnels, don't let your memory be infected with the thought of how everything was a "Lie", because you know what? It wasn't. That feeling you had back then, was real, so let that memory live while it can, because you know how much you loved to be with everybody else, don't deny the friends you had.

Keep each memory close, because all of us will be doing the same.

Forget the bad... It's not worth remembering.

And know, that there are people out there who would love to hang out again... Don't be too full of pride to not call them one of these days, because one day you may not have that option anymore.


To everyone that was ever in the group, I Love the Memories we had...
Let's hope we can have more.
=]

Always here for you,

-Art


Now go listen to the first 30 seconds of "Killswitch Engage -My Curse" over and over!
^_^
and play "Rise Against - Prayer of the Refugee" afterwards
=]

One night through a falling wall
Crumbling, tumbling, we all fall

Singing tunes of breaking hearts
When all we know is to how to depart

Childlike musings come and go
Bringing with them, a windy blow

Something here, screaming faintly in my mind
I wait till the violent toy sleeps & unwinds

Keeping all that I hold dear
I slip and fall into my unknown fear

1, 2, 3, the clock strikes Ten
The mirror looks back and asks "So, what then?"

His nails claw viciously behind my closed door
I have to escape, fall into the floor

Crimson fluids creep their way down the ceiling
She waits in vain and finds there is no healing.

Smiles die and rot horrendously well
Killing their laughter, we want only their empty shell

Sleeping unkindly in my bed
The stranger's voice howls in my head

Whispers coil and unravel
Revealing unspeakable thoughts
She gasps and seeps in the gravel

He doesn't pretend to be a poet,
But he knows some form of art,
He just doesn't know it

The baby robot wakes and walks
Soon later, it runs and talks
Eventually it begins to hate and scream
Oh please tell it, its just a bad dream

She met her one night and never forgot her
How could she? She was nothing but a bother

Unenchanted words I weave
"I don't care", I say, and sigh, I heave

I wait for you every night till 3
When you dont show up,
Another flower burns off the tree



Well.. thats it.
=P

Sometimes, the ones we love, aren't the ones we end up with.
Sometimes, the ones we love, take others and not you.

Sometimes it can hurt,
It can hurt so badly,
You can cry and feel a flood of emotions
-Sadness
-Anger
-Emptiness
-Hatred
-Many

But you must never allow those negative feelings to linger in your heart,
They can consume you,
The love you once felt may turn into an obsession
-a Loathment
-a Madness

Something that tends to grow and take control of who you are.

You must NEVER allow this to happen.
EVER


When you lose the one you love, you have to wipe the tears from your eyes
You have to straighten up and know that life can go on.

You may miss them, and you will.
But in those moments of sadness, you have to think back,
Remember,
Remember everything you must, and just feel grateful for every moment you spent with them.
Remember the good, as well as the bad.
Because that is the person you loved
And many times, that is the person you still love.

But you must carry on,
Without constantly torchering yourself of what might have been.

You may find another, you may not

But the important thing in both cases is that

You have to keep living, keep dreaming, keep laughing
keep loving

Without lingering on the past.

Always remember the one you loved,
but never forget the ones who love you.

And don't ever let a memory become your life.

BECAUSE! if u text them, then u stop texting them, then they'll think u dont care about them.

and then again -- if u dont text them, then they think u forgot about them or dont want to talk to them...

ugh

 

but! also there is the subject of AWKWARD conversation...

hmm... when its a message, u hav more time to think about what u want to say however with a text, ur thinking on ur toes.... which sometimes results in an awkward text which makes ur friendship seem less valuable because of your lack of knowing what to say...

but if u hav a good relationship -- it works out =]

if not.. it gets bad, u text less and less, until NOTHING.

 

so, its better not to really text

 

this blog is probably all rubbish, written on uncertain opinions...

but whatever!

 

YOU read it...

 

haha

 

if you agree or disagree, i'll probably agree with you

:DD

 

bye!

today it seems like all the phantoms are around
through words or through thoughts
tonight i remember all the sounds

with some that seemed loving but broke in despair
and some that seemed truthful
every memory i see everywhere



i just wanted to tell you, all of you
that despite anything you may have done to me
i still -- in a way -- miss you.

Well... since my birthday's coming up, I figured I would put up stuff I would want.

I Don't Expect To GET Any Of It
But Whatever...

:DD

- a yellow scarf
- a black scarf
- a Hot Topic shirt (sm)
 + the one with the Storm Trooper outlined in red & blue
 + the blue "Dib" one with the (I_I) face on it
 + the shiny gold Pirates of the Caribbean one
 + a cool collared black one
 + a drop dead gorgeous plaid long sleeved collared shirt (md)
 + or any that looks cool ^^
- a pair of good looking boot-cut/flared black (cordoroy) pants
- money
- a giftcard
- a studded belt
- a wallet
- PS2 Game: Midnight Club 3 DUB Edition
- a CD
- a skateboard
- an awesome blazer/jacket/coat/hoodie
- a wristband
- a bracelet
- a necklace
- a ring
- PhotoShop software
- InDesign software
- a Zune
- a Canon XT camera
- a new cell phone (Cricket)
- pants in general (not those tight emo nut-huggers!)
- a stuffed animal
- the Invader ZIM DVDs
- a movie (horror perferably)
- whatever... i'll continue later... im sleepy

[ar.t]

I just want you to know, I'm Sorry for anything that I did to make you think the way you did of me.

Whatever it was, however I acted, it must have really set you over the edge enought to make you do what you did.

I can't help but remember the times we spent together as best friends, or  at least.. thats how I saw you. I remember the time you called me in class crying and I went down to see you and to try to tell you that everything was ok, that you didn't have to worry, and that you are much better than she was and to not believe all the shit people say.

You are one of the most fun, original, real, and most awsome people I have ever known.

And it pains me to have to bare this kind of isolation from you, because when you would invite me to go somewhere with you, even if we didn't really talk, I felt special because you actually cared enough to invite me.

And even more so painful that you would snap at any remark or action I said or did.

But, as you said, you chose to distance yourself, and that was your decision, one I respect.

Though I know things may never be the same as they were, I just want to be able to talk to you again.

I also want to say, Congratulations on graduating, I KNEW you could do it, all your hard work paid off, despite all your doubts and thoughts of dropping out, you made it.

You're Amazing and Someone I Admire and Respect.

I only wish I was as determined as you.


If You Ever Need Me, For Any Small or Insignificant Task, I'm There.




I Love You and Always Will As One Of The Best Friends I've Ever Had.

:')

-Art

915-694-3639