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Katherine

Katherine Goldensoph-Davis


Last Updated: 11/18/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Married
Age: 27
Sign: Capricorn

City: DADE CITY
Country: US
Signup Date: 1/26/2005

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Friday, September 11, 2009 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDh_pvv1tUM

We will always remember those lost on this sad day. God Bless all those survivors, friends and family of those lost.

11:39 AM 
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Sunday, July 26, 2009 

Category: Life
THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER SAY TO A PREGNANT WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!



1. "WERE YOU TRYING OR WAS IT JUST AN ACCIDENT?"

2. "ARE YOU GOING TO TRY FOR A GIRL/BOY NEXT TIME?"

3. ANY NEGATIVE OPINION ABOUT THE BABY'S NAME.
4. "GET YOUR REST NOW BECAUSE YOU WON'T GET ANY REST ONCE THE BABY COMES."
5. "YOU LOOK TIRED!"
6. ANY BAD LABOR STORIES.  (MY AUNT DAWN COULD VOUCHE FOR THIS ONE)
7. "HAVING SEX IS SAID TO BRING ON LABOR."
8. "ARE YOU HAVING TWINS?"
9. "THAT OUTFIT LOOKS REALLY COMFORTABLE."
10. "WOW! YOU ARE HUGE!"
11. "OH, YOU'RE PREGNANT? I THOUGHT YOU JUST GOT FAT!"

12. "WHO'S THE DADDY?"

13. "OH, IT MUST BE A BOY-YOU'RE CARRYING LOW."

14. "NOW YOU KNOW WHY YOU SHOULDN'T SWALLOW A WATERMELON SEED."

15. "YOU'RE ABOUT TO SHIT OUT A KID RIGHT?"

16. "WOW, WHY STAY PREGNANT? IT'S TOO PAINFUL.  WHY NOT HAVE AN ABORTION?"

17. "ARE YOU AND THE FATHER STILL TOGETHER?"

18. "AWWWW..... DID THE RUBBER BREAK?"

19. "IS IT REALLY SUCH A GOOD IDEA TO HAVE ONE RIGHT NOW?"

20. "WOW, ONLY 3 MONTHS?"

21. "AGAIN?"

22. "IT'S YOUR FAULT CHILDBIRTH AND PREGNANCY IS SO PAINFUL.  IN THE BIBLE IT SAYS THAT SINCE EVE WAS THE FIRST TO BITE THE APPLE, THAT SHE AND ALL WOMEN WERE PUNISHED WITH THE PAIN OF IT ALL."

23. "YOU SHOULD'VE SWALLOWED/PULLED OUT."

24. "YOU KNOW, I ONLY GAINED 15-20 LBS WHEN I WAS PREGNANT!"

25. "CAN I TOUCH YOUR BELLY?"

26. "ARE YOU GOING TO CIRCUMCISE?"

27. "ARE YOU SURE IT'S ONLY ONE?  YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE CARRYING TWINS/TRIPLETS."

28. "YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE ALL THOSE SYMPTOMS YET!"

29. "HAVE YOU PICKED OUT A NAME YET?" (THIS BEING ASKED AT THE TIME YOU TELL THE PERSON YOU ARE PREGNANT)

30. "CAN YOU REALLY AFFORD ANOTHER ONE?"

31. "AS IF YOU AREN'T A BAD ENOUGH MOTHER ALREADY, AND YOU ARE HAVING ANOTHER ONE? GOD HELP THAT CHILD."

32. "YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE A MOTHER!'

33. "I HOPE IT'S A BOY/GIRL" (SAID OUT OF SPITE BECAUSE YOU WANT THE OPPOSITE)

34. "YOU SHOULD CONSIDER ADOPTION."

35. "YOU BETTER HOPE HE/SHE LOOKS LIKE HIS/HER DADDY."
7:25 AM 
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Thursday, July 09, 2009 
WENT TO THE DOCTOR MONDAY AND AFTERALL........ I AM 6 WEEKS PREGNANT.  TODAY WOULD BE 6 WEEKS AND 3 DAYS PREGO.  WOOO WHOO!!!!  I'M OFFICIALLY EXCITED!

I DO HAVE WHAT MY DOC CALLS THE PREGNANCY FLU.  THOUGH I WAS BLESSED ENOUGH TO CATCH IT EARLIER THAN THE 1ST/2ND TRIMESTER, SO I SHOULD BE BLESSED TO NOT HAVE ANY PREGNANCY RELATED COMPLICATIONS THAT COULD ARISE IF NOT TREATED PROPERLY.

I AM REALLY HOPING FOR ANOTHER GIRL THIS PREGNANCY, BUT SCOTT WOULD LIKE A BOY TO CARRY ON THE DAVIS NAME, SO WE SHALL SEE.  PART OF ME THINKS IT WILL BE A BOY, BUT EITHER WAY... WE ARE HAPPY, JUST AS LONG AS THE BABY IS HEALTHY.

I GO BACK TO THE DOCTOR ON AUGUST 10TH FOR A PELVIC ULTRASOUND.  WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET THE SIZE OF THE EMBRYO AND MORE ACCURATE DUE DATE, BUT AS OF RIGHT NOW.... THE DUE DATE IS ON OR AROUND 3/2/2010.

WE WILL UPDATE EVERYONE AS WE RECIEVE MORE NEWS.  THANKS!
 

9:36 PM 
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Sunday, July 05, 2009 

Category: Life
Well, I'm pregnant, for those that didn't know.  I think 8 tests say it all.  Had my doubts, because I had 2 negative test, after testing with a previous positive, so will still have my doubts til Monday when I go to the OB to confirm pregnancy. 

I'm positive that I am, considering no cycle yet. 

We are happy, but in doubt because of the negatives tests, but this is something we wanted and are willing to accept and prepare ourselves for in the next 9 months. 

We have already done a lot of preparing.  We got rid of 3 boxes full of stuff.  I.E.: clothes, books, kitchen gagets, bowls, platters, toys, shoes, out car seat, computer monitor, etc.  We are even prepared to get rid of more, if it came to that.  We want to make sure the house is ready in case I deliver early, like I did with Avary. 

I will keep everyone posted on the pregnancy, as news arrives.  Please pray that I have a safe and healthy pregnancy and no problems with the baby.  Thanks!
3:47 AM 
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Friday, April 17, 2009 
Well, as you all know.... my little girl turned 4 on April 13th.  We had her birthday party, an Easter themed party, on April 11th.  She had a blast with all her friends and family.  She so badly wanted to have an Easter egg hunt and we were blessed enough to be able to provide that for not only her, but all her loving friends and and family!!!!

Avary is growing up so fast.  I can't believe that my baby is 4 years old now.  She will be starting school in August at Sacred Heart.  It's a Catholic school.  She will partake in the Christian based program for 3 hours a days M-F. 

We took her to the PED yesterday and she is within the 75th percentile for her weight and height.  She is now weighing in at 38lbs and solid muscle.  As well as, she is now 3 feet 4inches tall.  She is def. tall for her age!!! 

Avary will be graduating the Tender Garden program in May.  She has been attending the program thru our church for 2 hours every Tuesday, and she loves it and the kids and Ms. Jan dearly. 

She has learned so much and had so much more to learn by starting school this fall!

Avary is perfectly healthy.  No major health issues to date.  She still has chronic allergies and is allergic to certain grasses.  We just keep her on claritin/bendril as needed. 

She went to the dentist earlier this week and her teeth are perfect.  NO cavities or other mouth related problems.  The spacing between each tooth is perfect.  So, no sign of braces in the future!  THANK GOD!!!!! 

Otherwise... Avary is healthy and doing well.  Growing like a weed and still enjoying her play dates with friends, Sunday school, activities at home, etc. 

Go check out Avary's 4th birthday party/Easter/April Fun pics and leave some comments!!!!


5:11 AM 
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Saturday, March 28, 2009 

Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes
WELL, ME AND SCOTT STARTED A DIET LAST SUNDAY!  WOW..... IS ALL I CAN SAY.  I STARTED THE DIET OUT AT 215LBS.  YEAH........ HEAVY.  WELL, TODAY ONLY 6 DAYS LATER...... I AM WEIGHING IN AT 207 EVEN!  

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!  MOST PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME THAT ONCE YOU LOSE 5 LBS YOU SHOULD LOSE A PANTS SIZE..... THAT IS SO NOT TRUE.  I HAVEN'T.  I AM STILL IN THE SAME PANTS SIZE.  UNFORTUNATELY. 

MY GOAL IS TO LOSE 50 LBS.  BRINGING ME DOWN TO 165, BUT MY IDEAL WEIGHT IS 145-150.  ONE DAY I WILL GET THERE. 

MY DIET CONSISTS OF NO TO LITTLE EXERCISE, EXCEPT THE OCCASIONAL WALKING AND RUNNING UP AND DOWN STAIRS, LIFTING 6LBS WEIGHTS EVERY FEW DAYS, AND LOTS AND LOTS OF SIT UPS, AS THE DIET INVOLVED TRIES TO TARGET LOSING THE TUMMY WEIGHT FIRST.  I HAVE TO WATCH WHAT I EAT AND UNTIL I HIT THE 205 MARK.... I HAVE TO EAT 1281-1708 CALORIES A DAY BY EATING 5 TIMES A DAY.  THAT IS LIKE 256-341 CALORIES PER MEAL, EVERY 3 HOURS. 

ONCE I HAVE HIT THAT GOAL AND KEPT IT DOWN FOR AT LEAST A WEEK.... I MOVE ON TO THE 205 TO 195 GOAL.  THIS IS WHERE I EAT 1249-1665 CALORIES A DAY AT FIVE TIMES A DAY AND 249-333 CALORIES PER MEAL, EVERY THREE HOURS. 

THE CALORIES DECREASE AS I CONTINUE TO LOSE THE WEIGHT.

HOPEFULLY I WILL GET TO SEE THE 175 TO 165 MARK AND THEN THAT WILL BE THE CHALLENGE TO ONLY EAT 1153-1537 CALORIES A DAY, STILL AT 5 TIMES A DAY AND 230-307 IN CALORIES AT EVERY MEAL.

TO LOSE THE WEIGHT FAST I HAVE TO MAKE SURE I GET AT LEAST 30% OF MY DAILY CALORIES FROM PROTEIN.  SO BASICALLY 136 GRAMS OF PROTEIN A DAY OR 27GRAMS IN EACH MEAL. SO, THIS MEANS MORE BEANS OR MEAL FOR ME.  AND GOD KNOWS HOW MUCH I HATE TO EAT A LOT IF ANY MEAT AT ALL.  NOT A VEGAN, BUT REALLY DO HATE STEAK, CERTAIN PORK, AND YARD BIRD (OR CHICKEN, AS YOU ALL MAY CALL IT).

SO, I FINALLY HAVE AN EXCUSE TO EAT LOTS OF RAW VEGGIES AND FRUIT.  THIS DIET CALLS FOR AS MUCH AS I WANT. 

I HAVE TO DRINK AT LEAST 1 LITER OF WATER A DAY AND TAKE A MULTI-VITAMIN AGAIN.  THIS IS A CHALLENGE AS TOO MUCH WATER MAKES ME PUKE IT UP AND THE VITAMIN DOESN'T ALWAYS AGREE. TOO MUCH WATER CAN ACTUALLY HARM A PERSONS BODY, FROM WHAT MY DOCTOR TELLS ME, BUT IT IS NECESSARY IN THIS DIET.

I CAN HELP THE DIET WORK MUCH FASTER BY WORKING OUT ONLY M-F. WALKING IS A MUST AND 45-90 MINUTES A DAY IS THE BEST. 

SO, I AM SERIOUSLY HOPING AND PRAYING THAT I WILL LOSE SOME OF THIS NOT SO NEEDED WEIGHT. 

SO FAR I HAVE LOST 8LBS OF IT AND FEEL A LITTLE BETTER, BUT STILL WANT TO DROP SOME PANTS SIZES. 

I HAVE SO MANY GOALS I HOPE TO ACHIEVE BEFORE NEXT YEAR:

*LOSE 50 LBS
* EAT HEALTHIER (I.E. STOP EATING JUNK FOOD, SODA, SUGAR, CARBS)
*EXERCISE DAILY (I HAVE BEEN DOING THE OCCASIONAL WEIGHTS AND SIT UPS EVERYDAY, SO I HAVE TO GIVE MYSELF SOME CREDIT)
*GET A JOB (WANT TO FINDONE BEFORE AUGUST, WHEN AVARY GOES TO PRE-K, BUT WE WILL SEE IF THE ECONOMY ALLOWS THAT TO HAPPEN)
*GET MY TEETH FIXED (NEED FILING DONE ON THE FRONT, AN ACID DECAY FIXED, AND A BRIDGE/PARTIAL PUT INT THE BACK OF MY MOUTH. -ONCE THAT IS STARTED...... I WILL NOT BE AROUND FOR SEVERAL WEEKS, AS I WILL BE TOOTHLESS FOR 3-4 WEEKS. 

AND LASTLY..........

*GO BACK TO SCHOOL-WHETHER ONLINE OR COMMUNITY COLLEGE, I WANT TO GO BACK FOR PARALEGAL/LAW STUDIES. ADVENTUALLY I WOULD LIKE TO GET MY TEACHING CERTIFICATE TO TEACH ENGLISH, BUT I WILL GO FOR SOMETHING I KNOW BETTER FIRST.  (GIVEN.... THIS ONE MAY BE A FEW YEARS TIL I EVEN GET MY FOOT IN THE DOOR) 

WISH ME LUCK!!!!!




8:06 AM 
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Wednesday, November 05, 2008 
I had my pelvic exam and ultrasound on Monday and was quite surprised when I get a call back the next day from my doctor telling me to make an appointment immediately with a OB/GYN doctor. 

Come to find out..... I am NOT making up the pain that I have been having in my abdominal area.  I am not making up the two periods that I am having every month. 

Well, I have MULTIPLE right ovarian cysts.  The largest cyst is measuring
4.3 x 3.1 x 4.9 cm in diameter.  They are tiny right ovarian cysts.  So, the 4.9 cm cyst is adjacent to the right ovary, which they seem to think is a pedunculated dominant follicle.  Since it is so large,  I have to see a OB/GYN.  My appointment is next Thursday.  He will do additional testing to determine whether the mass has grown any from Monday to when I go to see him.  From there..... he will determine if surgery is needed.  The radiologist and my other doctor that I have spoken with, both say that with my families history and my history with ovarian cysts, that it is a GREAT possibility because of the history and size of the mass that it will have to be removed.  I feel that it should be removed considering that is only the size of ONE of the cysts inside me.  They have to re-examine to determine the size of the others.  If I do have surgery it will most likely be before the first of the year, possibly early next year.  They will go in thru laproscope and remove the cysts, unless for some reason they would have to go in and remove the ovary. 

Please pray that no matter what the outcome is, that me and my family can make it through this together and be strong no matter what.  Please pray for this and about the cyst I told you about days ago in my nasal passage. 

I am tired of living my life in pain and finally want something done about it.  PLEASE KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS.  THANKS!!!!
9:12 PM 
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Tuesday, November 04, 2008 

Category: Life
Well, I had my blood work done.  That came back fine.  Iron was a little low, but was just instructed to keep taking my pills as directed and they will re-test in a few months.

Had my MRI done last Friday and got the results back and I have a small 1.4 cm polyp versus mucous retention cyst in my left maxillary sinus. 

No cancer as of this moment.  Just the polyp cyst.  It causes nasal obstruction, runny nose, chronic sinus infections, which I have had 4-5 this past year.  It causes persistent stuffiness, which I have and difficulty breathing.  Lots of nasal drainage, some thick, discolored nasal drainage and reduces my sense of smell and taste.  All these are symptoms that I have had and confirmed with the doctor and are true symptoms of this.  I have also had a loss of smell at times.  And the doctor stated that I do a lot of heavy mouth breathing.  This is breathing done thru the mouth when it should be done through the nose, but if the nasal passage is blocked then you obviously can't breathe well anyway.

So, the doctor seems to think that is part of the reason why I am getting headaches more frequent than normal.  That and in part because I actually went into her office with the signs of Hayfever.  I also have an overproduction of fluid in the sinus and nasal membranes that are causing the polyps to become swollen and engorged with fluid.  Also know as, edema.  (Which is what I am now diagnosed with, on top of a massive sinus infection and sinusitis.) 

I have to take a drop twice daily every day for the next few months, unless symptoms worsen or I still feel more fatigued and have problems breathing more so than before. 

It can cause asthma, but there are luckily no signs of asthma, though signs of hayfever were present, but not diagnosed with it and sinus infection present with noticable sinusitis. 

Just thought I would let you all know!  I had my Pelvic exam and ultrasound today and should get those results back in the next week.  Hopefully I will have an answer as to why I am having so many problems concieving and with heavy periods and often 2 periods a month. 
12:29 AM 
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Sunday, October 26, 2008 

Current mood:  crappy
Category: Life
Okay.... so those who think their life is rough, those who think that things are worse off for them then they think of others....... rethink those thoughts and words.  You may think you know me, but do you truly?  Are you at EVERY doctors appointment that I go too?  Are you at my house to witness everything?  Do you even listen to me when I talk?  Obviously not!  Those who truly know me, know that I am a VERY reserved person.  I like to lay low.  Stay on the back burner.  Even keep quiet about most (NOT ALL) things that are going on in my life or bothering me.  But, now, I can't do that at this time.  I NEED to vent. 

I have lived several years of my life with chronic headaches/migraines and pain.  I have been well before Avary and well before I met Scott. Just never did anything about it til after I had a kid and they got worse.  I take medication daily...... IT DOESN'T HELP!  I have tried everything.  I have had xrays, MRI's, CT scans, etc.  You name it....... its most likely been done.  All I ever hear is there is lots of brain activity, but its not clear that there is cancer or a visible tumor.  Given this information in the past.... the headaches/migraines still come, at least 5-6 times daily.  Try living your life with a constant headache, sensitivity to light at times, blurred vision,(but never blurry when I have an eye exam, of course), try dealing with the pain in your head, neck and back all day long and think you could go everyday as if nothing were wrong.  Well, I do that.  That is the reserved side of me, I guess.  I hide it well most days.  Others, not so well! 

Try finding out that your relationship with your husband or significant other is lacking in certain areas because not just myself for over a year, but your husband are infertile.  Yes, its the truth.... both me and Scott are not able to have a baby right now.  We so badly want another one, but my hormones levels are low enough to where fertility drugs will most likely we the only option and Scott's testosterone is so low that his ONLY option is hormone injections or pills.  He is starting treatment next month.  I have to wait for more testing.  We were truly blessed with a beautiful daughte named Avary in 2005, but to get there.... it was a long road too, two surgeries later and a scheduled surgery that never happend to have ovaries removed, we had her.  Think that is nothing..... try going two years thinking that everything is okay and that it just isn't your time to have a baby.  Try crying everytime you go in to the doc or start getting sick in the mornings and think and wish that your test comes back positive so you can continue making another beautiful blessing to consume your time and complete your family.  You think that isn't rough for me?  Getting false hopes that it WILL happen and doesn't.  At least not in the past 2 years. THAT'S ROUGH!!!

Try dealing with chronic anemia.  Never knowing if you are going to wake up one morning feeling sick, slow, or small because your iron brings your immune system down to the point where it makes it difficult to do what you want to do, much less function properly.  Try not being a big red meat eater and having to force it down though you know you are going to get sick from even the thought of eating red meat.  That is me.  I have strongly disliked red meat for many years.  Was never that kid that loved to eat steak and potatos.  That would be my brother.  Try being told that if you don't eat red meat, then your iron will continue the way it is.  Try taking pill after pill for it and because your levels are so low you have to take a higher dose at first, try taking those pills or drops and still getting sick because your body can't handle the dosage or rejects what you are trying to put in it. 

I don't enjoy getting sick everyday,but you try taking 16 pills in total a day. (More starting next month) Try not being able to eat the only foods that you really should be eating with your acid reflux and GERD condition. Eat what you shouldn't and you WILL get sick!   Try having a bad gag reflex when you are taking pills too!  With the rising cost of everything in this world...... when I gag them back up or vomit them back up after I struggle so hard sometimes to get them down...... try having to fish them out of your own bile and having to try and swallow them again.  Even sicker the second time around. 

(GRAPHIC CONTENT) Try waking up in the middle of the night after sleeping with your husband earlier and gushing blood and you don't even know why.  Try going to the doctor and being told that they THINK it could be a period, but were doubtful about it because of the amount of blood.  End result...... more testing, more blood work, MRI, two different xrays and ultrasounds, pelvic exam and all. 

Try asking the doctor why do I have to have all the testing and her response is because, "You shouldn't be having this much brain activity and it could possibly be a tumor or cancer to the brain."  Or being told that the reason for the ultrasounds, pelvic, and other exams are to determine whether or not the pre-cancerous cells you had ages ago and cervical cancer at a younger age might have come back, or even better..... another form of cancer could have formed or even a tumor. 

Try going thru major finanical struggles that you can barely afford Christmas, to go out with friends, or to enjoy a night out with the family, etc.(Though most of the world is like that today because of our F'd up economy)  Try having to go thru losing your grandfather to losing your grandmother all in one year, then your aunt breaking her back at your child birthday party  and having to take care of someone elses kid that doesn't even listen to you half the time, just to make money to pay bills. Try facing the fact that the last time you see your grandmother alive... is as you watch her die, after only months before that watching your grandfather struggle to stay here.  Try living in their house and being afraid to invite anyone over because there are TOO many memories of them in it.  Try almost losing your house because you are renting from family and no one wants to deal with keeping the home or even renting it to someone.

Try going from having money and being able to do a great deal (minus the bigger trips) of things or being able to buy something without having to worry about paying bills, to knowing you won't have enough to even cover your bills for the month, so you have to consolidate your debt just to pay for your home and car to get to and from work.

Try being told that you can't even go to work or you get a job and they won't let you start because you don't have a clean bill of health and still haven't since I was offered a great job 1 1/2 years ago for a big law firm.

Try sucking in your pride like I have to do and take used things or items that aren't in the greatest of shape, but useable, because you need them.  Or try going to a food bank once in a while because the economy sucks, which equally means that so do my husbands paychecks, and you need to feed your family because Scott has a small check that month.

Try being told that you are selfish and shouldn't be trying for another child or that they feel bad for my daughter because I SOMETIMES have to put myself first in life because of my health problems.  Yes, some might consider it selfish to do that, but I don't do that every day of my life, much less my daughters, but it is important for all you mothers out there to take care of yourself because if you can't take care of yourself..... how the HECK do you expect to take care of your family or children?  I know that sometimes I can't get out of bed because my immune system is low, my iron is low, I have a massive headache. But,  my daugher is old enough to do what I ask her to do, though I might be bedridden for a day. It's not like I don't get up and change her diaper or make her food.  I still do all those things.... she just has to help me out a little more as I can be slow.  NO ONE has any right to say that they feel sorry for my daughter basically because they have me as a mother.  My daughter has been thru alot to be brought into this world and alot in the short time she has been in it, but as most of you can see..... she is healthy.  She is happy!   She still loves me for me and not someone that people want me to be. 

Try meeting new people (i.e Friends) and basically getting a guilt trip or an arguement from  your current friend because (maybe they are jealous), you make plans to go out with someone else and they ASSUME (keyword) that you were going out with them.  That to me is DRAMA.... AND I HATE HATE HATE IT!!!!  

So, when you think you have life rough..... think about what I am going thru.  Think about the fact that I have feelings too!  That I need my own set of friends, like you have your own set, outside of me.  I need someone to turn to when you aren't always there or I can hardly get a word in before you are letting me go or between listening to how rough your life is.  That's only a chapter in a book.  I have many!   Try thinking your life is so rough, when you think about the fact that if you have brain cancer or some other cancer.... WILL THERE BE A CURE FOR IT?  Will I end my life early?  Will I die?  Will I not be able to see my daughter graduate high school, college, get married, have children?  Will I?   I don't know, but consider that before you think you have it worse off than someone else.  Much less someone that you considered a good friend.   Consider not only my feelings, but my husbands feelings when I tell him the things you say.  Especially the fact that you feel sorry for OUR daughter.  Well, he feels sorry for you sweetie, because now you have not only hurt my feelings, but you have hurt his. 

If I am supposedly a  so called, "BAD MOTHER", then why does my daughter still tell me she loves me, she misses me when I leave to go somewhere without her, why is my daughter HARDLY EVER sick, crying, wanting something, etc?  Why is my daughter still here today and VERY healthy?   If I was such a, "BAD MOTHER", then I think she would have been taken away from me by now, but no.... that hasn't happened.  That has to freakin account for something, now doesn't it? 

And if I didn't think you were such a good friend (talking about more than one friend here), why does it hurt me so bad to not be able to hang out sometimes or when we argue the way we have been lately, because you put words into my mouth that were never spoken, or you go tell someone else about what is going on with me or me and you, that is none of their dang business to begin with.  If I wasn't a true friend.... then that wouldn't hurt me at all.  That wouldn't make me cry.  That wouldn't cause more stress in my already stressful life right now.  That wouldn't make me call you back or leave you a message because I want to resolve the issues and work things out. But, it does hurt!!! And....man.... I feel like we are dating because we argue so much. That is so not healthy!!! Especially for me!!!

Maybe if I were listened to and not cut off all the time, not hung up on, text to all the time, since you don't have enough precious time to call me, then maybe you would know what I was going thru in life and why I am the way I am lately, why I am hurting, etc.  You would know! 

You would know that when I say no promises or maybe or that I can't afford it, that no promises can mean yes or no, but don't get mad at me when I can't and you assume I was.  Or when I say I can't afford it.... don't assume that I can and still ask again.  If I found that I could afford it, then I would have called you.  Don't sit there and make plans to do something with another friend and not invite me til after she bails out on you. I am NOT a rebound!!!   I don't sit there and judge you because you have other friends, but when I have them....... its World War III beginning. 

Don't say that I don't call when I have and you are either working, which I never know your schedule, too tired or you just don't pick up because you are still pissed off about something that you started or overreacted about and shouldn't have. 

It's truly amazing how people twist others words around and make it sound like something its not. I NEVER lied...... YOU just twisted the truth.  And because I had not told someone something yet about Halloween doesn't mean that you should've when it was my part to do so.   I have had a ROUGH week and I left her a message, which she had not gotten on Myspace yet.  I left her a phone message when I had time to call.  (NOTICE WHEN I HAD TIME TO CALL..... I HAD A BUSY WEEK.  NOT EVEN ONE DAY TO SIT AT HOME WITHOUT SOMETHING TO DO)

I am suppose to be on bedrest for the weekend because of the medication I am taking to help stop the bleeding and here I am out trying to spend time with my daughter, but that makes me a bad mother.  F*** it! 

I try to be that one person that is there for ANYONE if they need me.  Not just YOU!  I donate to charity, when I can, because I have been in their situation before.  I vounteer my time, tough not as often as I wish I could.  I help less fortunate out during the holidays, because that is the kind thing to do and because again I have been thru it, though I could've used the help myself a Christmas past and even a little bit now.  I may not always feel like doing something, especially if it cost money that I don't have to begin with, but mostly in part, because I either had other plans and don't want to impose on the person that I have plans with by inviting someone else, or because I feel like CRAP that day. 

I may not always be there to talk, as neither are you.  And if you say you are..... that is a complete freaking lie!  There are many times where I have had to call my sister to confide in her, or talk to my brothers girlfriend or my mother, though I know they may not always want to hear it. The same applys to my own husband. There have also been several times where I have even confided in my deceased niece Savannah, by going to her memorial and just talking, because I know that she is there to listen. I know she hears me.  She will never judge me, even if she were alive, I still don't think she would have judged me.  Though she would have been Avary's age, she would still be there to listen to me, though only in spirit and in heart. 

Speaking of which....... I miss Savannah, my grandma and my grandpa.  Hugs and kisses to heaven for you all!!!

I don't like living my life this way and if you think I do...... look in the mirror and look at your life..... its not perfect either.  Not just life, but neither one of us are perfect as people.  I make mistakes!  That doesn't make me a bad person.  I learn and grow from them.  I take each day at a time.  I am not the type of person that likes unexpected surprises.  I don't like to plan things at the last minute, but SOMETIMES that happens, though I HATE IT!  I can't say that I am the type of person that follows thru with her word or always does what she days she is going to do ANYMORE, but I TRY!  That is all I can do.  I never know if I will wake up the next day.  I never know what my life or what my GOD has in store for me.  I would just hope good things.  And I would hope that you understand what I am going thru now.

I am trying to not worry so much.  Trying to be less stressed.  I am blessed with what I have been given and that it all I can do.  Because no matter what happens, I will have my family by my side.  At least I have that.

(SORRY TO ANYONE THAT THIS MIGHT HAVE OFFENDED, BUT I HAVE TO VENT AND RIGHT NOW..... I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TOO! )
Currently listening:
For the Love
By Tracy Lawrence
Release date: 2007-01-30
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Friday, October 10, 2008 
Here is another helpful link to get more information on the updated information on the children's medication warnings.  Parents, please check this out!


http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=95501981


9:56 AM 
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