So it’s been awhile since I updated. My computer broke so I haven’t been able to get online much. Got the internet working on my dad’s computer so I can sneak .. school. Senior year is going by quickly and so much for this year being the best. It sucks. Plain and simple. I feel like I’ve lost so many people who were close to me. Ciara apparently moved (from what I’ve heard) but I have yet to hear whats going on with her. And you know what, if she doesn’t want to let me know then I guess I won’t bother. She knows how to get ahold of me, and if she chooses not to than there’s not much else I can do. I’m not chasing after her through myspace either, just not going to. As for things with my dad, he’s still around and no sign of him ever leaving. Me & Nick are the only solid relationship I have to hold onto. I don’t even know if I’m friends with Bryce anymore. I made a mistake and haven’t been able to contact him since. I really hate the fact that I think I’ve lost both her and Bryce, because they mean a lot to me. And my dad... I just wish he would leave, so I could live in peace in my own home. *sigh* Oh well, done with this I guess. I really should be doing makeup work instead of ranting on here.

Love this song

Only One by Lifehouse

She’s got a pretty smile
It covers up the poison that she hides
She walks around in circles in my head
Waiting for a chance to break me chance to take me down
Now I see the burden you gave me
Is too much to carry too much to bury inside

I guess you’re the only one that nobody changes
I guess you’re the only one left standing
When everything else goes down
You’re still the only one
Yeah you’re still the only one

It’s all shallow and all so appealing now
I’m up to my ankles and I’m drowning anyway
In a sea of sarcastic faces familiar places
Everything looks quite the same here
It’s all confusingly amusing
Bitter and tainted the picture you painted to me

I guess you’re the only one that nobody changes
I guess you’re the only one left standing
When everything else goes down
You’re still the only one who will never change faces
I guess you’re the only one left standing
When everything else goes down

Just cause it’s all in your head
Doesn’t mean it has to be in mine
Don’t believe what you said
Still can’t get it out of my mind

I’ve tried to find myself in approval
I’ve already been there already done that
It got me nowhere it brought me nothing
But a good place to hide in no one to confide in now

I guess you’re the only one that nobody changes
I guess you’re the only one that will never change faces
I guess you’re the only one

Last night was AWESOME! Didn't really see anyone who was supposed to be there, except Patrick, Becca & Holly like 5 mins before we went in. But I did see someone I met at The 69 Eyes show in Towson, Joe. So that was pretty cool. Also met two nice girls in line and this one girl in the crowd. Didn't take any pics of Bleeding Through, but they were ok I guess. Wasn't in the mood for that kinda stuff, I wanted to see H.I.M. and they kicked ASS! Can't remember all of the songs they played but I know they played Passion's Killing Floor, Kiss of Dawn, Sleepwalking Past Hope, Dead Lover's Lane, Soul on Fire, The Sacrament!!!, It's All Tears (Drown in This Love), Wings of a Butterfly, Killing Loneliness!!!, Wicked Game, Right Here In My Arms, Your Sweet Six Six Six, and Join Me (In Death) [One of the greatest songs EVER! That's the song/video that made me fall in love with H.I.M.]

Pics didn't turn out so great, cuz I couldn't use flash with how close I was. But I'll try to post them up later today or tomorrow.

In H.I.M. We Trust

1. Venus Doom

Leave all behind now to watch her crawl
Through our dark gardens of insanity
She'll be the light to guide you back home
Just give her a kiss worth dying for
And open your arms

Watch me fall for you
My Venus Doom
Hide my heart where all dreams are entombed
My Venus Doom
All dreams are of you
My Venus Doom

Grieve all your hearts out and she'll writhe enthralled
In tragic, ecstatic agony
And in her flames we will die some more
Just show me her life worth living for
And light up the dark

Watch me fall for you
My Venus Doom
Hide my heart where all dreams are entombed
My Venus Doom
All dreams are of you
My Venus Doom

Hold me inside your infernal offering
Touch me as I fall
Don't lose yourself in this suffering yet
Hold on

Hold me inside your infernal offering
Touch me as I fall
Don't lose yourself in this suffering yet
Hold on to me

Watch me fall for you
My Venus Doom
Hide my heart where all dreams are entombed

Watch me fall for you
My Venus Doom
Hide my heart where all dreams are entombed
My Venus Doom
All dreams are of you
My Venus Doom

All dreams are of you
My Venus Doom

2. Love In Cold Blood

Serpentine love's thighs wrap around me in search for death
Drenched in blood the adored and beloved will give in to

Love in cold blood
Breathe me in sweet suffering
Love in cold blood

Love's feline eyes in darkness shine on her web
Demonized with divine insight we draw our last breath

Love in cold blood
Breathe me in sweet suffering
Love in cold blood
Put me out of my misery

Love in cold blood
Breathe me in sweet suffering
Love in cold blood

Darling take me home
To the castle made of skulls and bones
Sing me a song to remind me where I belong
In your arms, my love, in cold blood

Love in cold blood
Breathe me in sweet suffering
Love in cold blood
Put me out of my misery

Love in cold blood
Breathe me in sweet suffering
Love in cold blood

To the castle made of skulls and bones
Sing me a song to remind me where I belong
In your arms, my love, in cold blood

3. Passion's Killing Floor

Its poetry carved in flesh
This beautiful hell of ours
To the deadliest sin we confess
Tears of joy fill our eyes

We are safe where disfigured saints
Cry out their prophecies of doom

My heart's a graveyard baby
And to evil we make love
On our passion's killing floor
In my arms you won't sleep safely
And of lust we are reborn
On our passion's killing floor

At the first kiss the seeds of hatred are sown
Back into darkness we flee
To tear our hearts out

We are safe where all fates fail
The light inside of our tomb

My heart's a graveyard baby
And to evil we make love
On our passion's killing floor
In my arms you won't sleep safely
And of lust we are reborn
On our passion's killing floor

My heart's a graveyard baby
And to evil we make love
On our passion's killing floor
In my arms you won't sleep safely
And of lust we are reborn
On our passion's killing floor

My heart's a graveyard baby
Oh my heart's a graveyard baby
On our passion's killing floor

In my arms you won't sleep safely
And to evil we make love
On our passion's killing floor

Forever More
That's right

4. Kiss Of Dawn

Blinded I am
And so are you
By shedding tears
Confusion that separates us two
We hold dear

Just look into my eyes
Kiss our fears goodbye

I'm reaching for your shadow
Drowning in the kiss of dawn
Touching the pain that you left me with
At the kiss of dawn

I'm tired of the games
I'm playing with you
When you're not here
Death frees from the fear of dying
It's true, have no fear

Let me look into your eyes
And see death pass us by

I'm reaching for your shadow
Drowning in the kiss of dawn
Touching the pain that you left me with
At the kiss of dawn

I'm reaching for your shadow
Drowning in the kiss of dawn
Touching the pain that you left me with
At the kiss of dawn

I'm reaching for your shadow
Drowning in
At the kiss of dawn

Reaching for your shadow
Drowning in
The kiss of dawn

Touching the pain you left me with
Kiss of dawn

Reaching for your shadow
Drowning in
The kiss of dawn

Touching...

5. Sleepwalking Past Hope

I hid the keys to unlock love's heart
To hold you in my sweetest pain and suffering
Everything's unfair in our lust and war
Redemption beyond right and wrong

In our hearts love keeps sweet-talking to despair
And goes on sleepwalking past hope
All is lost in this war
And all we can do is to wail and weep to the saddest song
Sleepwalking past hope

I unlit the light to embrace the dark
To be near but not to turn into you my darling
Forever we're lost in our souls' storm
Reflections of each other's faults

In our hearts love keeps sweet-talking to despair
And goes on sleepwalking past hope
All is lost in this war
All we can do is to wail and weep to the saddest song
Sleepwalking past hope

I gave up long ago
Painting love with crimson flow
Ran out of blood and hope
So I paint you no more

My hell begins from the 10th and descends to the circle
Six hundred threescore and six
And from there I crawl beneath Lucifer's claws just for one last kiss

In our hearts love keeps sweet-talking to despair
And goes on sleepwalking past hope
All is lost in this war
And all we can do is to wail and weep to the saddest song
Sleepwalking past hope

There's no hope

6. Dead Lover's Lane

Despair has a face
And all these wounds remain unhealed
Bless the killed and enslaved
Our own hearts are our loves will
Thrilled to start all over again

Crawl down dead lover's lane
The maze of memories stained
And it sucks the blood right out of my heart

Fear has a name
Written on our hallowed ground
With dead leaves
Those words never saved
To fear your heart and our dreams
Are these beyond our grasp?

Crawl down dead lover's lane
The maze of memories stained
And it sucks the blood right out of my heart

Scream out love's name in vain
Erase the pain again
And lose yourself alone in the dark
Dead Lover's Lane

Crawl down dead lover's lane
The maze of memories stained
And it sucks the blood right out of my heart

Scream out love's name in vain
Erase the pain again
And lose yourself alone in the dark

Suck the blood right of my heart
Yea

Dead Lover's Lane
Right out of my heart
Dead Lover's Lane

7. Song Or Suicide

Sorrow rebuild me as I step out of the light
Misery strengthen me as I say my goodbyes

I heal my wounds with grief
And dream of you
And weep myself alive

8. Bleed Well

You had demons to kill within you screaming
With a gun loaded with guilt you opened their eyes

Love preys the living and praises the dead
In the heart of our hearts by death we were wed

Bleed well the soul you're about to sell for passion deranged
Kiss and tell, baby we're bleeding well
Bleed well the heart you're about to fail for reasons insane
Kill and tell, baby we're bleeding well
In hell

"No love lost under her will", I heard you weeping
And on those words a church was built to keep the pain in

If death is the answer to love's mysteries
Then bleed on my darling to the sound of a dream

Bleed well the soul you're about to sell for passion deranged
Kiss and tell, baby we're bleeding well
Bleed well the heart you're about to fail for reasons insane
Kill and tell, baby we're bleeding well
In hell

Bleed well the soul you're about to sell for passion deranged
Kiss and tell, baby we're bleeding well
Bleed well the heart you're about to fail for reasons insane
Kill and tell, baby we're bleeding well
In hell

In hell
Hell
Hell

We're bleeding well in hell

9. Cyanide Sun

Should've known how hard it is to stop tearing each other apart
Separating souls entwined with all these labyrinthine lies

I am dead to you, a shadow doomed
My love, forever in the dark
And of all untruths the truest is you
Too close to my heart

This emptiness I've made my home
Embracing memories of dreams long gone
One last caress from the corpse of love is all I want
Underneath the cyanide sun

We've sailed the seas of grief on a raft built with our tears
Looking for a way to disappear for a moment from our deepest fears

I'll be drowning you in this river of gloom
Forever in my heart

This emptiness I've made my home
Embracing memories of dreams long gone
One last caress from the corpse of love is all I want
Underneath the cyanide sun

Underneath the cyanide sun
We will be
Underneath the cyanide sun
We will stay
This emptiness I feel
Underneath the cyanide sun

Tonight was THE GREATEST night of my life. Ever. Ever Ever!!!!!!

Ok so it started out a little bad cuz Nick almost didn't go. So we had to head there without him. But you know what? That turned out to be a good thing. Cuz we (me and Ciara) ended up meeting 4 cool people and one of the people's parents saw Jyrki in Barnes and Nobles, he was buying the Transformers soundtrack. So we all head there to see if he was. And oh he was. We met him. Got a picture and he signed out ticket envelopes. god he smelled so good, and felt so good ^_^

The first band was Night Kills Day or something like that. Sexy singer and bassist. The singer came into the crowd. Mmm... He was built. You could feel it under his shirt. Ok so maybe I did grab a bit but hey! The next band I didn't like. Wednesday 13 was awesome. and then, and then!!!! The 69 Fucking Eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Before the show we bought the Angels cd that was signed and got to meet the band after the concert. OMG! Their show kicked so much ass!!!! Jyrki smiled at me when I was up in front, I guess he remembered me :-D Anyways the show was awesome. Will write what songs they played later.

After wards we met them. Those SEXY HELSINKI VAMPIRES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! got a pic with all of them. Will upload in a little.

Wished Jussi a happy early birthday, he looked so surprised at that. Shook hands with all of them.

Bazie got comfy with C and Archzie and Timo both held my hand a little longer than normal. But thats ok with me.

Archzie smiled and said in such an oh so sexy Finnish accent "And it's VERY nice to meet you" with a huge smile.

Timo just held my hand and smiled.

Jyrki traced the X's on our hands and said "X girls, such a shame" (meaning that we were under 21) and we asked if he remembered us from earlier. He was like "Of course, how could I forget" GRR SEXY ACCENT!!! *melts* god.

So we got a signed poster, the Angels Love Devils one. When we were getting the pic, Jussi whispered something into me & C's ear in Finnish. Oh god. oh god oh god. *dies* sexy voice, sexy accent, sexy language, sexy MAN! AH! and he said to me "I like your tattoo" (my 69 Eyes ankh one) and rubbed it. OMG! *melts* so tonight was the best night of my life.

I LOVE YOU GUYS! I love The 69 Eyes!!!

Jyrki I love you for being so down to earth and awesome in B&N and for taking time to sign stuff and take pics.
Jussi I love you! Meeting you was the best thing ever. And whatever you said to us, in Finnish, well (though I wish I could have managed to think of this then) Minä rakastan sinua!!!!! Thank you for everything. And I hope your birthday is the best.
Bazie I love you for being such a kick ass guitarist and for meeting us.
Archzie I love you, It was amazing to meet you!
Timo I love you, you have a beautiful smile! :)
Thank you so much for your music! and yes I know they're not reading this but who gives a fuck. I love today. I love life.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- edit -

Set List:

Framed in Blood
Never Say Die
Angels
Feel Berlin
The Chair
Rocker
Gothic Girl
Wings & Hearts
Frankenhooker
Sister of Charity
Wrap Your Toubles in Deams
Bandon Lee
Dance D'Amour
Lost Boys

Encore:
Perfect Skin
Devils

You rape me with your lies
You hurt me deep inside
Some might say I'm not the fortunate one
You love to break me down
But I'll stay to hear you out
Some might say that I'm the fallen one

Lead me out from the dark
And kill my pain

Bring it up
Tear me down
May the world go round and round
At the end of desire
Your world falls down and dies
Bring it up...

How could you let me down
And blame me for what you've done
After all I think that you're the fallen one

Fleeting touch in the dark
Cause my pain

Bring it up
Tear me down
May the world go round and round
At the end of desire
Your world falls down and dies
Bring it up...
Bring it up...

I gotta sell my Soul

You rape me with your lies
It hurts me deep inside
Some might say I'm not the fortunate one
You love to break me down
But I'll stay to hear you out
Some might say that I'm the fallen one

Free me now
Crawling on my soul

Bring it up
Tear me down
May the world go round and round
At the end of desire
Your world falls down and dies
Bring it up...
Bring it up...
May the world go round and round (Free me now)
The world go round and round (Free me now)
The world go round and round
The world go round and round

- Break Me by Entwine

I love this song  

Would you die tonight for love? Baby Join Me In Death...

Love's the funeral of hearts and an ode for cruelty

In 666 ways I love you and I hope you feel the same, I'm for you

Your love is a razorblade kiss ♥

A cold heart is a dead heart and I feel like I've been buried alive by love

Your are the one... And there's no regret at all

In joy and sorrow my home is in your arms

No one will love you like I do

Love is insane and baby, we are too

From lashes to ashes and from lust to dust. In your sweetest torment I'm lost. And no heaven can help us. Ready, willing and able to lose it all, for a kiss so fatal and so warm

Cause I was waiting for you, waiting for all my life. And I've been crying for you, dying for you all this time. Cause I was waiting for you, waiting for all my life and I ain't gonna lose you tonight

You are my heaven tonight... I'm in love with you

Let me wake up in your arms, hear you say it's not alright. Let me be so dead and gone, so far away from life. Close my eyes, hold me tight, and bury me deep inside your heart

Trust is a word that lovers know, the glorious art of staining souls

We've been slaves to this love from the moment we touched. And keep begging for more of this resurrection

Memories sharp as daggers pierce into the flesh of today. The suicide of love took away all that matters. And buried the remains in an unmarked grave in your heart.

I'd kill to share you pain (and carry the shame), and sell my soul for you just to say: I dream what you're dreaming and feel what you're feeling. Loves out shadow on the wall with the face of god. Nothing will be enough for the ones who keep on stumbling in the garden of withering trust without the courage to leave. Oh I'd take my life for your kiss (Grant me my wish) and lose it all to take you across the abyss.

I've been burning in water & drowning in flames to prove you wrong and scare you away

Hold me like you held onto life, when all fears came alive and entombed me. Love me like you loved the sun, scorching the blood in my vampire heart

I know it. And I feel it. Just as well as you do, honey.  It's not our fault that Death's in love with us. It's not our fault that the Reaper holds our hearts.

When Love Is A Gun... Separating Me From You

I did it all just for her, I did it all just for her. And Love wants us dead, just me and my Poison Girl.

In Love & Lonely

The truth that could set souls free is buried within Sweet Pandemonium

With A Frozen Heart and a Soul on Fire

Three Little Words and a Question: Why?

You know our sacred dream won't fail. The sanctuary tender and so frail. The Sacrament of love. The Sacrament of warmth is true. The Sacrament is you.

Yes, I've Done My Evil. I've Done My Good. Just Believe Me, Honey. I Won't Let Go Of You.

And That Moment I Knew I Was Out Of Hope.  "Kill Me" I Begged And Love Said No. Leave Me For Dead And Let Me Go. "Kill Me" I Cried And Love Said No. "Kill Me" I Cried And Love Said No.

So Close to the Flame. Burning Brightly. Won't Fade Away. And Leave Us Lonely.

Don't let go of life. Let go of love. Let go of all we have. So don't let go of trust. Let go of lust. Let go of all we share. All we share. So please don't let it, please don't let it go. Cause if you won't let it, I won't let it go. So please don't let it, please don't let it go. Cause if you won't let it, I won't let it go.

Love is a flame that can't be tamed. And through we are it's willing prey, my darling. We are not the ones to blame. Trust is a word all lovers know. The glorious art of staining souls, my darling. We are not the ones to blame. The more we have the more we want. And the more it hurts out hearts, my baby. It always ends up in tears.

I'm in Love with You, Not the Tears in Your Eyes.

So gone with the sin my baby, and beautiful you are.

My Heart's A Graveyard Baby and To Evil We Make Love On Our Passion's Killing Floor. In My Arms You Won't Sleep Safely and Of Lust We Are Reborn On Our Passion's Killing Floor.

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Put your ipod/ mp3 player of your choice on random shuffle.
- Post the first line from the first 30 songs that play.
- Post and let everyone you know to guess what song and artist the lines come from.
- Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly.
- Don't cheat by copying/pasting them into google.

01.  Smiles and her laughter, it's the only thing that I've been waiting for a time
02.  I've felt the hate rise up in my... kneel down and clear the stone of leaves...
03.  I'll do my time and I won't argue. A broken glass, a portrait of you
04.  Cherish Two circular hues of blue with a gray shade
05.  Wait until it fades to black Ride into the sunset Would I lie to you? - Hang 'Em High by My Chemical Romance
06.  Do you like concrete agony Kreuzberg on Saturday? Tell me baby what you need
07.  Oooh yeah... You can fill my cup, You can fill my bowl
08.  I'll say it straight and plain, I know I've made mistakes
09.  Lonely in this white room, there are pads everywhere
10. Let the bodies hit the floor - Bodies by Drowning Pool (about time someone got this! it's the easiest one up there!)
11.  Eat my soul from a silverspoon
12.  Swallowed up by the sound of my screaming, cannot cease for the fear of silent nights - Imaginary (Origin Version) by Evanescence
13.  It sometimes feels like a burden, I want to succeed
14.  Haven't slept in a week, my bed has become my coffin - The One I Love by The Rasmus
15.  Paranormal chicken geek, Drugged up superstar fiend
16.  I'm waiting for you to drown in my love, So open your arms  - It's All Tears (Drown In This Love) by H.I.M.
17.  Another memory and I'm asking myself why cant I let the past be the past
18.  I don't have time for your solutions
19.  I've been changing but you'll never see me now - So Far Away by Crossfade
20.  Walked past my grave in the dark tonight - The Truth About Heaven by Armor For Sleep
21.  I'm tired of your open mouth, Crawling inside my skin
22.  You were so euphoric I saw...the future in your eyes
23.  Grief never dies, It slowly turns into another form of despair - Frail Without You by To/Die/For
24.  Hate sin not the sinner A mold of ugliness thrown into The fire
25.  Don't tred the water, just stay still - Believe by Breaking Benjamin
26.  Let the fun and games begin
27.  Just hear me out, if it's not perfect...
28.  I will keep on looking far beyond the sun
29.  I'm on the outside looking in, what do I see?
30.  You can see her, whenever it rains

So I've been learning Finnish. Short paragraph, just cuz I can!  Is it sad that this is easier for me to learn than Spanish? haha anyways

Hei

Minun nimeni on Chelsea.  Olen kuusitoista vuotias ja asun Maryland.  Lempivärini on purppura.  Nykyisin on Lauantai.  Minulla on kissa.  Hei hei, nähdään taas!

Translation:

Hi

My name is Chelsea.  I am 16 years old and I live in Maryland.  My favorite color is purple.  Today is Saturday.  I have a cat.  Bye bye, see you again!

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and then this random icon... haha