John Mayer and Adam Levine wow

CHAIN,CHAIN,CHAIN, CHAIN OF FOOLS. To all my dear friends, thank you SO much for all the chain letters you sent me in 2003. If it weren't for you I might be dead ... or worse! Here are just a few of the ways my life has changed because of those wonderful & Informative chain letters: * I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains. * I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS. * I smell like a dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer. * I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me. * I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo. *I stopped buying gas at EXXON-MOBIL * I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the chemicals they contain may turn me gay. * I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing other than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs. * I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine. * I think I'm turning gay because when I go to parties, I don't look at any boy no matter how hot he is, for fear that he will put something in my drink, rape me, then take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice somewhere in Mexico. * I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. Funny that girl, she's been 7 since 1993... * I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail programs. * My Ericcson phone never arrived and neither did the passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland. But I am positive that all this is the cause of a stinking chain that I broke or forgot to follow or an email I didn't forward. IMPORTANT NOTE: If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will poop on you today at 7pm and the price of gas will go to $5.00 a gallon, but only at the stations where you buy gas

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to checkout, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

12 reasons why gay people should not be allowed to get married 1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control. 2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people can't legally get married because the world needs more children. 3. Obviously, gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children. 4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if Gay marriage is allowed, since Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful. 5. Heterosexual marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are property, blacks can't marry whites, and divorce is illegal. 6. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities. 7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America. 8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall. 9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract. 10. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children. 11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to things like cars or a longer lifespan. 12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.

First-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what is your problem?" Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9" Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36" And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade." Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions." The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Harry, after a moment: "Legs." Ms. Brooks: "What do you have in your pants that I do not have in mine?" The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question? Harry replied: "Pockets." Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants" Ms. Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? Harry: "Coconut" Ms. Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer. Harry: "Bubble gum" Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a dog do on three legs?" The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer. Harry: "Shake hands" Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?" Harry: "Firetruck" The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong."

Alzheimer's Test -- > > Count the "F's" in the following text: > > > FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE- > > SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF- > > IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE > > EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...(see below) > > > > > > Managed it ? Scroll down only after > you have counted them, okay? > > > > > > > > Do you think there are three? > > > > > > > > > > How many ? 3? > Wrong, there are 6 !! -- no joke. > Read it again. > > The reasoning behind is further down. > > > > > > > The brain cannot process "OF". > > Incredible or what ? > > > > Go back and look again!! > > Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on > the first go is a genius. > > > > Three is normal, four is quite rare. >

TRUE OR FALSE *Can you guess which of the following are true or false? The answers can be found below! 1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. 2. Alfred Hitchcock didn't have a bellybutton. 3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs. 4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors alot more. 5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop - even your heart! 6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties. 7. 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute. 8. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old. 9. The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting inlines. (If married, a lot longer!) 10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498. 11. The average housefly lives for one month. 12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year. 13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened. 14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute. 15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day. 16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep. 17. The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to searchfor water. 18. The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it'shead are the rabbit and the parrot. 19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and aGentleman" and "Tootsie". 20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem. 21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of whitepaint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk. 22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplanejust in case there is a crash. 23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato canfor a carburetor. 24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut fromwomen who give birth. They are reused in vein transplant surgery. 25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins. 26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green. ALL OF THE ABOVE ARE TRUE !