So as my wild nights calm down and become less I've started to look at myself critical. I think there are far too many things I've done that I would nreever have thought I was capable of and I'm not really sure I know the person that I have become. I'm not even sure I like her.

Throughout high school, I played sports, I painted, I drew, I wrote, I acted, I danced.

Now I can't really remember a time recently that I have done any of those things. I think of all the stuff that fills my time now and I can't help but wonder why those things overrule the activities that used to define me, that brought me joy, that were me. I think it's time for a life change.

I have not become a bad person, but I realize now that somewhere along the way, I've lost myself, and the person that I wanted to be.

I'm taking a step back on the path I'm following to get my bearings and check my direction. Perhaps I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be and exactly who I'm supposed to be. I don't regret anything that got me here and made me the person I am today. I've made mistakes, I've learned lessons, and I've survived hardships. I believe I'm a better person for it. I just don't believe my journey's over.

Only now, instead of going where life pushes me and stumbling along with the tide, I'm going to start placing my feet where I want them. I have choices in my life and now I think it's time to start listening to that quiet voice in my heart that has been silenced for so long.

I feel these four walls closing in
Face up against the glass
I'm looking out, hmmm
Is this my life I'm wondering
It happened so fast
How do I turn this thing around
Is this the bed I chose to make
It's greener pastures I'm thinking about
Hmm, wide open spaces far away

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear but not feel scared

Ooh, wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses, oh

Yeah, oh oh, ye-yeah

I see the girl I wanna be
Riding bare-back, care-free
Along the shore
If only that someone was me
Jumping head-first, head-long
Without a thought
To act and damn the consequence
How I wish it could be that easy
But fear surrounds me like a fence
I wanna break free

All I want is the wind in my hair
To face the fear, but not feel scared

Oooh, wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses, oh

I wanna run too
Oooh oh oh oh
Recklessly emboundening myself before you
I wanna open up my heart
Tell him how I feel, ooh ooh

Oooh, wild horses I wanna be like you
Throwing caution to the wind, I'll run free too
Wish I could recklessly love like I'm longing to
I wanna run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses
Run with the wild horses

Ooh ooooh ooh ooh ye-yeah yeah oohh
I wanna run with the wild horses, ooooh

In an effort to get back in to reading something that is not a textbook, I am challenging myself to complete the BBC list this year. Highlighted books are ones I've read. Take my challenge yourself. Copy and paste the list in your myspace and see how many books you can finish before the year ends

1.The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman
4. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
7. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
8. Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell
9. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
10. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë
11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller
12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë
13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
14. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier
15. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger
16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
18. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
19. Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy
21. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell
22. Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling
23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
26. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
27. Middlemarch, George Eliot
28. A Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving
29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck
30. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson
32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez
33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
35. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
37. A Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
38. Persuasion, Jane Austen
39. Dune, Frank Herbert
40. Emma, Jane Austen
41. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery
42. Watership Down, Richard Adams
43. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald
44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
46. Animal Farm, George Orwell
47. A Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
52. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck
53. The Stand, Stephen King
54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
55. A Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
56. The BFG, Roald Dahl
57. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome
58. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
60. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
63. A Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
65. Mort, Terry Pratchett
66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton
67. The Magus, John Fowles
68. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
70. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding
71. Perfume, Patrick Süskind
72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell
73. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett
74. Matilda, Roald Dahl
75. Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding
76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt
77. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins
78. Ulysses, James Joyce
79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens
80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson
81. The Twits, Roald Dahl
82. I Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
83. Holes, Louis Sachar
84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
87. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons
89. Magician, Raymond E Feist
90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac
91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo
92. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel
93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
95. Katherine, Anya Seton
96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
97. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez
98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot
100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie

101 to 200
101. Three Men In A Boat, Jerome K. Jerome
102. Small Gods, Terry Pratchett
103. The Beach, Alex Garland
104. Dracula, Bram Stoker
105. Point Blanc, Anthony Horowitz
106. The Pickwick Papers, Charles Dickens
107. Stormbreaker, Anthony Horowitz
108. The Wasp Factory, Iain Banks
109. The Day Of The Jackal, Frederick Forsyth
110. The Illustrated Mum, Jacqueline Wilson
111. Jude The Obscure, Thomas Hardy
112. The Secret Diary Of Adrian Mole Aged 13¾, Sue Townsend
113. The Cruel Sea, Nicholas Monsarrat
114. Les Misérables, Victor Hugo
115. The Mayor Of Casterbridge, Thomas Hardy
116. The Dare Game, Jacqueline Wilson
117. Bad Girls, Jacqueline Wilson
118. The Picture Of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde
119. Shogun, James Clavell
120. The Day Of The Triffids, John Wyndham
121. Lola Rose, Jacqueline Wilson
122. Vanity Fair, William Makepeace Thackeray
123. The Forsyte Saga, John Galsworthy
124. House Of Leaves, Mark Z. Danielewski
125. The Poisonwood Bible, Barbara Kingsolver
126. Reaper Man, Terry Pratchett
127. Angus, Thongs And Full-Frontal Snogging, Louise Rennison
128. The Hound Of The Baskervilles, Arthur Conan Doyle
129. Possession, A. S. Byatt
130. The Master And Margarita, Mikhail Bulgakov
131. The Handmaid's Tale, Margaret Atwood
132. Danny The Champion Of The World, Roald Dahl
133. East Of Eden, John Steinbeck
134. George's Marvellous Medicine, Roald Dahl
135. Wyrd Sisters, Terry Pratchett
136. The Color Purple, Alice Walker
137. Hogfather, Terry Pratchett
138. The Thirty-Nine Steps, John Buchan
139. Girls In Tears, Jacqueline Wilson
140. Sleepovers, Jacqueline Wilson
141. All Quiet On The Western Front, Erich Maria Remarque
142. Behind The Scenes At The Museum, Kate Atkinson
143. High Fidelity, Nick Hornby
144. It, Stephen King
145. James And The Giant Peach, Roald Dahl
146. The Green Mile, Stephen King
147. Papillon, Henri Charriere
148. Men At Arms, Terry Pratchett
149. Master And Commander, Patrick O'Brian
150. Skeleton Key, Anthony Horowitz
151. Soul Music, Terry Pratchett
152. Thief Of Time, Terry Pratchett
153. The Fifth Elephant, Terry Pratchett
154. Atonement, Ian McEwan
155. Secrets, Jacqueline Wilson
156. The Silver Sword, Ian Serraillier
157. One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, Ken Kesey
158. Heart Of Darkness, Joseph Conrad
159. Kim, Rudyard Kipling
160. Cross Stitch, Diana Gabaldon
161. Moby Dick, Herman Melville
162. River God, Wilbur Smith
163. Sunset Song, Lewis Grassic Gibbon
164. The Shipping News, Annie Proulx
165. The World According To Garp, John Irving
166. Lorna Doone, R. D. Blackmore
167. Girls Out Late, Jacqueline Wilson
168. The Far Pavilions, M. M. Kaye
169. The Witches, Roald Dahl
170. Charlotte's Web, E. B. White
171. Frankenstein, Mary Shelley
172. They Used To Play On Grass, Terry Venables and Gordon Williams
173. The Old Man And The Sea, Ernest Hemingway
174. The Name Of The Rose, Umberto Eco
175. Sophie's World, Jostein Gaarder
176. Dustbin Baby, Jacqueline Wilson
177. Fantastic Mr Fox, Roald Dahl
178. Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov
179. Jonathan Livingstone Seagull, Richard Bach
180. The Little Prince, Antoine De Saint-Exupery
181. The Suitcase Kid, Jacqueline Wilson
182. Oliver Twist, Charles Dickens
183. The Power Of One, Bryce Courtenay
184. Silas Marner, George Eliot
185. American Psycho, Bret Easton Ellis
186. The Diary Of A Nobody, George and Weedon Grossmith
187. Trainspotting, Irvine Welsh
188. Goosebumps, R. L. Stine
189. Heidi, Johanna Spyri
190. Sons And Lovers, D. H. LawrenceLife of Lawrence
191. The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera
192. Man And Boy, Tony Parsons
193. The Truth, Terry Pratchett
194. The War Of The Worlds, H. G. Wells
195. The Horse Whisperer, Nicholas Evans
196. A Fine Balance, Rohinton Mistry
197. Witches Abroad, Terry Pratchett
198. The Once And Future King, T. H. White
199. The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Eric Carle
200. Flowers In The Attic, Virginia Andrews

Every 'Eer down in Mo'town loved football a lot.
 But Coach Rod who lived just East of Mo'town did
 NOT.
 Coach Rod betrayed football! The whole football
 season!
 Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows
 the reason.

 It could be his salary wasn't set just right.
 It could be, perhaps, the gold jerseys were too
 tight.
 But I think that the most likely reason of all,
 may have been that his playbook was two sizes
 too small.

 Whatever the reason, his pay or his jerseys,
 he just stood there that night, just watching
 the flurries.
 Staring up from the bench as the weather turned
 cold,
 at 60,000 'Eer fans all decked out in gold.

 For he knew every 'Eer sitting up in the stands,
 was busy making BCS title game plans.
 They're gathering couches, ready to be lit.
 The only thing he had to do was just beat Pitt.

 Then Coach Rod growled, as he heard the Pride
 start its drumming,
 "I MUST find some way to stop this title game
 from coming!"

 For after the game, he knew . . .
 all the coaches and writers would finally take
 note,
 and they'd rush for their ballots and then . . .
 Oh the votes. Oh, the Votes! Votes! Votes! Votes!
 That's one thing he hated. The first place
 VOTES! VOTES! VOTES! VOTES!

 And then they'd do something he liked least of all.
 Every 'Eer down in Mo'town, the tall and the small,
 would stand close together, with their cell
 phones ringing.
 They'd stand hand-in-hand and the 'Eers would
 start singing.
 They'd sing! And they'd sing!
 And they'd Sing. Sing. Sing. Sing.

 And the more Coach Rod thought of this Country
 Roads sing,
 the more that Coach Rod thought, "I must stop
 this whole thing!
 Why for seven full years I've put up with now.
 I must stop this title game from coming! But HOW?"

 Then he got an idea!
 An awful idea!
 Coach Rod got a wonderful, awful idea.

 "I know just what to do" he laughed into the night,
 "I'll run the bubble screen left and then again
 to the right."
 And he chuckled and clucked, "What a great
 Richie trick.
 I'll keep running the same 4 plays until it
 clicks."

 Coach Rod's game plan did not work, did not work
 one bit.
 And victory somehow went to the team from Pitt.
 But did that stop Coach Rod's demands from being
 made?
 No, he wanted more money for him to get paid.

 When boosters would no longer stroke his huge ego,
 Coach Rod hopped a flight to a town called Toledo.
 He claimed to be with his financial advisor.
 But he lied and the 'Eers were no more the wiser.

 As Rod and Rita flew back home later that day,
 the Sporting News had something it wanted to say.
 Coach Rod had met with the Michigan Maize and Blue.
 Could Coach Rod be leaving us, no 'Eer had a clue.

 Coach Rod held a press conference that very next
 day.
 But "no comment" was all that Coach Rod would
 dare say.
 "I will not address rumor or innuendo."
 But all along he knew he was ready to go.

 He then went shopping for some new ties and new
 suits
 and while waiting in line he called some big
 recruits.
 "Terrelle I'll be in Ann Arbor for a few years.
 Come join me at Michigan and forget the 'Eers."

 And while Rod was telling him UM is so great,
 Coach Gibson had called the top recruit in our
 state.
 "Jenkins you should think about a quick decommit.
 We're Michigan guys now though we have yet to
 quit."

 At 1:30 Coach Rod held a players meeting.
 And Dykes gave him a less than warm friendly
 greeting.
 "I'm leaving," he said, "it's time for me to
 resign,
 and reunite with my old neighbor John Beilein."

 If this is a joke Coach, it's not very funny.
 But all Rod kept saying was "show me the money."
 He hid in his office for over an hour,
 unable to face his team, oh, what a coward!

 He then sent a poor GA to go fetch his car,
 and pull it up to the office named for Puskar.
 He sneaked out of the back door in a big hurry.
 When the press saw him, like a rat he did scurry.

 Then Coach Rod said "floor it" and the car
 started down,
 towards the homes where all the 'Eers reside in
 Mo'town.
 All the windows were dark, all the finals were
 done.
 But Coach Rod's evil plan had only just begun.

 "I've broken all their hearts and their bank
 accounts too.
 Now it's time to break the football program in
 two."
 At the airport Rod and crew arrived just in time,
 to join Magee and Gibson, his partners in crime.

 As the coaches and families boarded the flight,
 and the light of day began to turn into night,
 Coach Rod considered the decision he'd just made,
 and glanced one last time out at the state he'd
 betrayed.

 Some 'Eers had gathered there to show Rod their
 disgust,
 and to yell loud at the Coach "In Rod We Don't
 Trust."
 Before the airplane could even touch off the
 ground, the signs were already coming down in Grant Town.

 Over thirty thousand feet up, up in the air,
 Coach Rod looked out his window and started to
 stare.
 "Let's Go Mountaineers" he was grinch-ishly
 humming,
 "they will soon find out that no title is coming."

 "When they realize that it really was just all
 about me,
 I'll sit back at Michigan and sit there with glee.
 Because I know just what those poor 'Eer fans
 will do.
 Their mouths will hang open for a minute or two . .
 Then the 'Eers down in Mo'town will all cry
 'Boo-Hoo.'"

 "That's a noise," grinned Coach Rod, "that I
 simply must hear."
 So he paused, and Coach Rod put his hand to his
 ear.
 And he did hear a song rising over the snow.
 At first it started in low, then it started to
 grow.

 But the song wasn't sad. Why this song sounded
 merry.
 It couldn't be so. But it was merry. Very!
 As he stared down from the plane Coach Rod
 popped his eyes.
 Then he cursed! What he saw was a shocking
 surprise.

 Every 'Eer down in Mo'town, the tall and the small,
 were Singing "Country Roads" with no title at all.
 As Rod stared out the window, out into the snow,
 he sat there quite puzzled: "How could it be so?"

 Without Coach Rod the program can never survive.
 How do those 'Eers think that they will keep it
 alive?
 But the one thing that Coach Rod had failed to
 recall,
 was to 'Eers perhaps the most important of all.

 Loyalty and honesty are all that we ask.
 Is that really that much of a difficult task?
 Winning and losing are all just part of the game.
 But Rod's actions will forever tarnish his name.

 Perhaps in the end this will all be for the best.
 But I'll warn Rod now of the scarlet sweater vest.
 For he will pay for his disloyalty and lies,
 and it will come each year in the form of Buckeyes.
 Just remember that there will be no coming back,
 when you've been fired and stuck coaching in the
 MAC.

 As for the 'Eers, everything may look a bit down.
 But this is no reason to wear such a long frown.
 For a new coach is coming to help save the day.
 Whether it's Jimbo, Terry, or Doc Holliday.

 In the end it doesn't really matter to me,
 as long as he's honest and shows some loyalty.
 I have just one more thing for whomever we get,
 Please, oh please, next time beat a 4-7 Pitt.

Dear Coach Rod, I hope the Buckeyes tear your pathetic ass apart

GO BUCKEYES!!!!

Actually I'm just very bored at the moment. I'm printing off all my notes for my "virtual kid". Probably the only interesting thing I'm doing in psych. I get to have a kid and decide all sorts of things with the roll of a die or flip of a coin. It's like a game...lol

So I have decided I kinda suck at life now...lol. For every single harry potter movie before this one I was there at the midnight showing. For Harry Potter and the order of the phonix I was like "oh that's out already?" I also managed to read every single book on the day it came out. I'm only half way through the last one...lol. Oh well

So I'm taking a poll, should I apply to work at Gibbies, or Club Z?

So at the moment it is 4:00 in the morning and I have a million things running through my head. (this is the reason I have trouble sleeping)

I was talking to one of my friends who is rethinking her life and it made me take a look at mine. Am I really where I want to be right now? Guess what, I'm not.

I'm in college with no idea where I"m heading. I know where I would like to be going: Art Institute of Pittsburg, or some other arts college. Unfortunately all art colleges are out of state, and Promise doesn't cross state lines. Hence me not going to college.

A bunch of other stuff is running through my mind too. Enough stuff to make me think about taking a year off to sort it all out. I don't know if my parents would agree with me taking a year off however. But they can't really stop me can they?

I"m alread behind from changing my major so much that taking a year off would just add to it and I'm not sure I was another year.

"Sometimes when you get lost it's best to pull over to the side of the road and take a good look at the map."

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me


So who wants to watch Donnie Darko now??

I am in a really good mood right now and let me tell you why. I have all my junk food loves in my life at the moment...ha ha.

I got my:

nacho cheese doritos

caramel candy

ben and jerry's cherry garcia

and Kool-ade.

I've decided I'm a junk food junkie, and all I can say is thank god for the rec center and my classes

and Heroes just came on. I think I'm set for the night