You wanna read some quality/odd/original sports opinions? Manny Stiles on ArmchairGM.com  <--- click here

See my original 'ring of blog' at Manny Stiles - th' Komillion

Wanna see pictures of Arizona (and me)?? Manny Stiles' Arizona

Whether you want to think I raised the "Voice of God" John Facenda from the dead, or if you think I have a computer program that simulates his voice (with special "touch under the weather" effect) or if you just think my impersonation of Frank Caliendo impersonating John Facenda sucks... we all agree: The Mitchell Report amounted to a big pile of nothing new.

Facenda and Stiles - Two of the Finest Golden Throated Journalists to ever associate with Philadelphia

Some people have said Facenda could read the phone book and make it sound interesting... hmmm. The Mitchell report was about as interesting a read as a phone book.

At least there was very few typos in the report

As if there was only ONE distributor for Major Leaguers during the 90's... OK, Senator well done. We know you have more pressing issues to deal with - now go get that Prostate cancer dealt with...

All I know is Bobby Bonilla is sitting at home thanking his lucky stars that he always paid in cash...

Anyway...

Enjoy!

SPAN>

Here it is!

Until the next time Congress straightens out baseball

Enjoy your Weekend of Mitchell redux!!!

I was singing this song in hopes for something "special" in the Report... Alas, there was no mention of Derek Sanderson Jeter but it was fun anyway...

Sorry, no music but you know the tune!

12 Names of Mitchell

With 12 Days left 'til Christmas, Senator Mitchell gave to me:

Waiting is the hardest part

12 backup catchers syringing

11 utility infielders 'roiding

10 pitchers buying HGH over the internet

9 guys who "used it for injuries"

8 Scott Boras clients

7 non power-hitting first basemen

6 or more would have been Hall of Famers

5 All-Stars on 'the cream'

4 guys we already knew about

3 players who just got traded

2 guys it didn't help

... and an All-Star shortstop with 4 rings!!!

The Sports Devil's Dictionary

If you are familiar with American humorist/political satirist Ambrose Bierce (or go look him up real quick) then you know what I'm aiming for here - Bierce's The Cynic's Word Book (later published as a volume called The Devil's Dictionary) was a bi-weekly newspaper piece from 1881 - 1906. It contained bitingly cynical and harshfully truthful "alternate" definitions to commonly used terms that when read today are just as cynical and truthful.

An example of Bierce's work -

"DICTIONARY, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic."

This is my application of his style to our modern world of sports, here in an electronic medium because dammit I am that cynical - my optimism is fueled by the thought that all optimists die eventually - and someone is gonna try to do this eventually, might as well be Uncle Manny (so I can ruin it the best).

Sports Cynic's Wordbook (Sports Devil's Dictionary)

by Manny Stiles

Agent – n. The person who silently proclaims with a pen and a certain retained percentage that he has robbed both team and player's pocket with his tongue.

Arbitration – n. An event in which an agent on behalf of a player contorts the past in order to contort his own future.

Asterisk – n. A device used to declare an event to be less noteworthy by making it more noteworthy.

Baseball – n. A game first played correctly by Lou Piniella when he tossed a base in a manner like a ball. It is a term more commonly misused for a 19th century game known as Round Wicket and Pussyhands.

Basketball – n. A glorified game of "throw the garbage in the can". Some players have mastered the art of being both "garbage" and "in the can" at the same time. Also see: Bonzi Wells

..

What would a Manny Stiles article be without a picture"?

Bias – n. A fervently obstinate opinion not in agreement with my zealous prejudice.

Cheating – n. The act of playing a game by only the rules one feels are most important.

Choke – v. To perform a disagreeable feat within the realm of expectation occurring in direct correlation to the fortune of another player that performs within the realm of expectation at any particular moment an observer decides to label the happening as such.

Clutch – n. The performance of an agreeable feat within the realm of expectation occurring in direct correlation to the misfortune of another player that performs within the realm of expectation at any particular moment an observer decides to label the happening as such.

Color Man – n. A person in the profession of continually informing us of their abundant stupidity and pointlessness.

Diehard Fan – n. A dedicated person so unbendingly resistant to reason and rational dialogue for which there is no available treatment but death.

Error – n. An act in which the favored result fails to result in favor. There are two types of errors: misfortune caused by our effort and good fortune caused by our effort.

Fine – n. or v. Either it's okay by the commissioner, or it's fine.

Football – n. A formal social event for many people who share a very particular fetish.

Free Agent- n. A player that is not free and rarely a "gent". Willing to play for whatever team's colors are the most easily overshadowed by the color of said team's money.

Hockey – n. A person who had to pawn their valuable belongings in order to afford the equipment necessary to play various games on ice. Alternate spelling: Hockee

Holdout – n. The maneuver and calculated positioning of a player's hand displayed when he wants to be "shown the money". It is often accompanied with a pointed finger aimed directly into the palm with a repeated touching motion.

Hype – n or v. – Habitual lies told by the Media about impending sporting events on behalf of airing networks so they can hype prices to advertisers who can hype their wares.

Intentional Walk – n. The "leverage" applied during a holdout by a player to his employing team to demonstrate how seriously unhappy he is with his current contract or playing status.

Leverage – n. Not honoring your previously agreement in contract in hopes of agreeing to another, more propitious contract that you will indubitably not honor later.

Manager – n. – A relief pitcher whose purpose is to decrease his coach's lifespan.

Media – n. A throng of working people whose purpose is to concisely dumb down an event in order to make us all more dumber.

Next Year – n. A time in which all possibilities are prosperous, pure happiness is guaranteed and likely shortcomings are inconceivable and unrealistic.

Play-by-Play Announcer – n. A person whose profession it is to tell us what we just saw or in the case of a radio play-by-play announcer, that we need a new TV. Secondary function is to distract the Color Guy from expanding on his stupidity and pointlessness.

Prima Donna – n. A player in need of special attention and steeped in overvalued self-worth whose primary interest is admiring his own greatness instead of mine.

Scandal - n. A happening that occurs when a member of the media accidentally leaks a clear and concise truth in front of the listening public.

Slugging Percentage – n. A calculation used to determine what ratio of a player's arrests are of the domestic violence variety.

Stolen Base – n. Phenomenon that occurs when one player smokes another player's crack rock without first receiving permission.

Sweep – n. or v. To dispose of another team in a manner that is reminiscent to the treatment of common dirt. If it happens to your team, reminders and suggestions of the event occurring are quickly swept under the rug.

Trade – n. Concurrent attempts to exchange one's perceived trash for the prospect of imaginary treasure.

World Champion – n. A group of people defined as seasonal vanquishers of their particular regional pursuit. They are solely responsible for terminating the enjoyment of their game for the people of their world. Not to be confused with Earth Champions.

Bored? Sick of the Same Ole' Same Ole'?

Take a stroll through the Manny Archives (if you dare)

So far, there's been over 2000 hits and bids over $450!!!

I've been contacted by a couple of media outlets and have sent e-mail communications on my own to just about every media/journalism personality I respect and/or enjoy (as well as anyone else's address I could locate)

So far the response around the internet has ranged from curiosity to "that's interesting" to "it's for a good cause".

But, it seems there are a few points I need to clarify:

1. "Sounds like crap to me! Doesn't have a favorite team? That's IMPOSSIBLE!"

Yes, it's true. I have never really had a "favorite" team. I really just love baseball. As a youth I pursued the dream of playing professionally and probably would have come a lot closer if I would have had my wacky head screwed on straight, or had someone around me to keep me in line (no easy task, for sure).

As I pursued the dream of playing professionally I had decided (quite easily) that I wanted to play for whatever organization wanted me to play for them. It didn't matter to me if I played for my "hometown team" or the team with the prettiest colors. I wanted to play baseball for the color green in any town - and I could easily move to do it.

I went to college for Sports Administration in hopes of being a General Manager of a baseball team one day. Which one? I didn't care! I could make the team my own...

Alas, I never did play or General Manage professionally (so don't look for me on Baseball-Reference.com, unless you want to read the interview of the founder) http://www.armchairgm.com/mwiki/index.php?title=EXCLUSIVE_interview_with_Baseball-Reference.com_Founder 

So simply enough, I have liked many organizations over the years, and more specifically many players. I was a huge baseball card collector and focused the majority of my obsession on collecting Wally Joyner cards  in 1986 and '87 even to the point I considered myself a California Angels fan. And by "fan" I mean I bought a nice Angels T-shirt.

By 1991, I turned my attention from card collecting to girls, sold most of my baseball cards (not my Joyners) stopped collecting altogether and bought/fixed up my first car (a bad-assed, babe magnet Chevette... OK, maybe "bad-assed, babe magnet" is not the word I'm looking for) with the proceeds. When Joyner left the Angels in 1992 for the Royals I bought a Royals hat which was stolen a week later and that was that for my "fanship".

Since then the only team in Sports I have dedicated myself to has been the Phoenix Suns (they don't play baseball or at least not very well, I'd suspect) especially when Amare got drafted and started to develop. Then I went all-in when Mike D'Antoni became head coach and made the Suns the funnest team in sports to watch..

Now, I did try to collect fitted MLB baseball hats during the mid 90's; even had about 20 different teams at one point, but the hats I chose were based on the appeal of the logo or I liked a particular player on that team. Maybe it was just a fashion choice based on color coordination. Most times, I just bought hats that would fit my 7 3/4 inch noggin!

2. "Stiles says he doesn't care which team he writes about...yeah, right!"

When I play baseball video games I have such a tough time deciding which team I will play with that I close my eyes, push the buttons and select randomly which team I will use. Some games I have played so many times that I used EVERY franchise at one point or another. I truly, honestly could cover any team and be perfectly fine with it (Yes, even though I am a self-proclaimed Yankee Basher, I could easily write about the Yankees and LOVE it)

Since I've had kids, I don't really play many video games anymore.

3. "There seems to be a little confusion about what kind of articles Stiles will be writing about his new team."

Short answer - I don't know yet!

Short, but longer than the first short answer - I don't know because WHO will win the bid and WHO will their team choice be? It won't be traditional news coverage, I don't care much for gossip/innuendo (unless it's blatently preposterous or if I started it) and it won't be boring. I have one main credo in life - "if you're not having fun, what are you having?" I aim to make it fun.

I will use creativity, imagination, even blatent childishness, oddities and trivialities, weirdness, Simpsons references ad nauseum, sarcasm (what does that mean anymore?) and random stuff you just simply won't get from anyone else.

Ultimately, if you're the auction winner, I'm writing the blog primarily for the two biggest fans of your team - Myself and YOU!!! As winner, you will be a PART of this effort, not just a bystander! ALL THIS and you don't have to do anything other than outbid everyone else and make your **tax-deductible** (may not apply in ALL situations - "I am NOT a tax professional") charitable contribution to a non-profit organization to help benefit children with AIDS as well as funding research, education and treatment.

AGAIN, this contribution will be in YOUR name, not mine!

I'll stir in persistance, audacity, shenaningans, tomfoolery and perhaps even a smudgeon of journalistic credibility to accomplish the task.

Keep in mind - as myopic and crazed as a fanatic I might become (I might set my thermostat to gametime conditions or even get a tattoo), it WON'T prevent me from speaking my mind or commenting on the glaring truths and perceptions I might attain. So while I may be a blithering fool of a fan with disproportionate hopes and dreams I won't be a slobbering, love-fest, candycoating, info-regurgitating idiot either!

D. "Stiles already writes a bunch of self-depricating garbage on ArmchairGM.com with relatively little topical focus.He's all over the place!"

I wanted to cover baseball this year from an angle DIFFERENT than a general league overview. It's too much to try to cover 30 teams without just plain generalizing. If I focus on one baseball team this year, with a megamyopic, diehard fan's focus, I can continue to write about all the other garbage I write about already! Up for a little Noodling, anyone? (the name Manny Stiles is supposed to  imply I will write about MORE than just one topic)

5. "Fifty articles is a TON!"

Actually, no it isn't. It's 6 articles a month over the course of a season... Among my 'manny' talents is the ability to talk incessantly. I don't suffer from writer's block - in fact I suffer from not having enough time to write all that I want to! I'm sure many people consider me a chronic sufferer of editor's block!

6. "OK, I see through the charitible cause; I know this is a 'scam' of sorts."

No, and Yes! It's not a scam because I really do want to write (right) a wrong. I am still pissed about how my brother's passing (and life for that matter) was handled. I HAD to do something. Nothing against the fine people at the American Cancer Society, but they shouldn't have recieved donations in my brother's memory since he died from AIDS. So the Libra in me wants to balance the scales, if you will... or tip them heavily in favor of AIDS research.

I absolutely LOVE to talk about things that make people uncomfortable. If you embrace your fears, most times you learn to unbind the strings of ignorance. I want to have people discuss AIDS instead of shunning it. I strongly feel this way.

And of course, it IS a "scam"! Although "scheme" would seem more politically correct. I'm not a politician so "scam" it is!!! I want to eventually get paid as a writer and (NOTE - if you're associated with my current employer, please skip ahead and go to point #VII) leave my job as a stockbroker. Nice job that it is and all, but I hate the chipping away my soul to sit at a desk and make people more money than I'll ever make for myself. I have ridden the safe, comfortable route long enough. I get 10,000 times the amount of joy over hitting the "post" button after writing an article than ANYTHING I do at "work".

I want to live off of my hyperness, creativity and imagination. I've acted like a guy working for a financial institution long enough, and still haven't recieved that Oscar I've earned... I want to work for my enjoyment.Yes, I live outside the proverbial "box", didn't go to school for journalism, I make up my own freeky confustications and tend to say things to purposely frustrate, confuse and generally piss people off with inflamatory remarks just for fun and I tend to use punctuation incorrectly!!!, create run-on sentences like it's my purpose in life and have a general dislike for abiding to what the rules of grammar are or where my prepositions end up at. Consider the 50 articles part of my resume!

VII - "It's all about Manny, what an egotistical prick he is! He just wants attention on himself."

It's true, it's all horribly true!!! I talk about myself alot - but in this case, it helps explain some things... I have a strong personality and it brushes some people wrong to begin with (especially without a good sarcasm font) until they get to know me. But my angle IS me. It's the only angle I know and I know it well! Truth is, I am a complexly simple character. The shamelessly irrepressible ego is there, but I am very grounded in reality. Actually it works like this, I am a giver. I truly care about people. I want them to have fun like I do! Because I like me so much, I want to share me with you!!!

Now... I am a self-admitted "whack job". I have obsessive-compulsive tendencies, I delight from ADHD (as opposed to "suffering") and I talk about myself not only in the first, second and third person I also talk about myself in the plural... because that's what it's like inside my head!

Read through my work, I make it clear. I don't see the world in the same light as everyone else. I was born a contrarian and it has served me well, now I want to be contrary to my contrarian baseball fanship tendencies, all while benefitting LOTS of people... my dreamy, lofty, hopefully prospective writing career, www.ArmchairGM.com - "All Sports, All You" (who gave me a legitimate reading audience - psst... ANYONE can join that site), to Dave Pinto at www.BaseballMusings.com who picked up on this early on and helped kick start the bidding, to www.Deadspin.com, who called me "one blogger (and a good one at that)" - that was touching! Also to Dayn Perry who jumped in with an autographed copy of his book Winners to HELP the ultimate cause - www.PedAIDS.com 

Finally - "How is Manny going to top this?"

I guess we'll just have to wait and see!!!

Seriously, if you have ANY questions - e-mail me  mannystiles@aol.com 

by user Manny Stiles

Recently, a sad event occurred in the Stiles household. One of the esteemed fauna inhabitants of the Stiles Family Ranch and Luxury Spa passed away. It was a peaceful passing; it was time's sands slipping through the fingers of who we are...what we've become...

Yesterday, a family pet fish; a Leopard Danio named 'Admiral Horatio Nelson 2', died. (He was spotted like a Jaguar so I almost named him "Fryling Leftwich") It was deemed to be of natural causes.

Death is an important part of life. It's not to be feared. It should be embraced in the same manner as how we did not fear being born. There is a time for everything and we cannot stand in it's way.

Now, manny of you know me as shamelessly self-promoting nonsensical irritant, compulsive non-logger-inner, annoying over-commenter/over-hyphen/over-slashingater or as some freek dangling upside-down on the crazy/genius electric fence writing sportssportssportssports articles all day. In reality, I'm a microphone-busting, rapping stockbroker/tattoo artist/aspiring screenwriter.

It's ALL true, but did you know I am also an ordained minister? Also 100% true! Some of my duties include holding sacred ceremonies, performing weddings and directing eulogies. I do pet funerals. Solemn, dignified pet funerals...

You might never have noticed because I'm not 'religious'; I'm spiritual. But I'm not in your face about it. Your God doesn't need MY help talking to you, you just need to listen to it yourself. Besides, I have 2 religions! And I only write about one of those religions here on ArmchairGM.com - SPORTS!!!

• note - if you've read this far and DON'T have a headache, you MIGHT want to consult a medical professional

Good Point, A-hole! What the hell does any of this have to do with anything about anything (Hello! SPORTS WIKI SITE, STILES!!!) What's next? politics???

Well, ahem (clears throat) I do have Gerald Ford in my Celebrity Death pool...

I feel like a cross between Rodney Dangerfield and LastRow.

• Q. what's the difference between a dirty old man and any other guy? A. - one of them is old!

Hey! no respect I tells ya!

I wanted you to know how I feel about death, first. It is serious and I respect people's wishes as it is a moment you and the deceased have for the rest of your life.

(Cliche alert) That being said, it doesn't need to be said at the end of the day, death CAN sometimes be funny (especially when it's NOT you). However, that's not my point either! As I performed the remembrance service today, I couldn't help to think what almost was and what almost could be and "What if Byron Leftwich were to die of some freek accident?"

I've stalled enough...

Let's start a Sports Death Pool!

We'll call it "Manny Stiles 'Who gets drafted next? Sports Death Pool"

again, disclaimer - I do NOT think 'Death Pool" is a hilarious term. I rescued my 3-year old daughter in a near-drowning incident this summer and can seriously understand why someone could be offended by such a poignant term as "Death Pool". Please, do not be offended, as I'm not the creator of the game, merely a enthralled participant. Save the offended respomses for my other articles and simply ignore this one if you choose. (ufckign sentisive upssies)

2006 has been a pretty lame year for celebrity deaths. Slobarod Milosevic, Don Knotts, Ken Lay (Enron Guy), probably Fidel Castro and Gerald Ford too, before the year ends... well, at least they're all 'evil' people, ya know?

There's been an extended sports death lull... since Kirby Puckett - Ironhead Heywood, Floyd Pattersen, Steve Howe... Steve Mizerak had some O!F back in the day! ...let me check the headlines before I post this... the storm is coming, my friends! 2006 is gonna end with a flurry, I can feel it!

Take three people's names from ANYWHERE in sports, pick them for ANY reason, even if you really want them dead, I don't care... and I'll keep track on another favorite 'reference' site I peruse often. When someone in Sports that YOU listed dies, you win Stiles points AND THREE more picks (more picks better your odds of winning again)! But then it keeps going...

I don't know what you'll win yet, but the more off-the-wall guesses you take, the MORE points you'll get and the CRAZIER it will be when it happens! Also, anyone is eligible. Don't worry if someone picked Art Modell, Jay Mariotti or JD Drew already... you can too! (what's the odds Christof threw batteries back in the day? Here's your Friday Fryer F'real, pal!!!)!

Hopefully we don't have some major catastrophe decide the winners. Like some earthquake that kills 3 million Southern Californians, wait... is that such a bad thing? Ah, you know "I'm kidding" (which is code to all non- Southern Californians meaning "I'm not kidding" so you can nod along)

• Don't worry, I checked - as long as we don't bet or profit directly, indirectly or even erectly from the game, use any Creole voodoo or burn effigies, (I guess shamanistic magic is ok, but who has skamaria pastora, dragon's blood and a bag of winds just sitting around to waste on famous people? Plus, I'm fresh out of the neccessary Leopard Danio eyes) it's NOT bad kharma. It's merely just heartless, cold-blooded and disgustingly masochistic ENTERTAINMENT. So, you know... it's FUN!!!

It's like a fantasy league based on reality!

Either way, you've been submoderately warned. Just remember, It's NOT my fault if you pick T. Eldorad Owens and he dies of acute hoof-in-mouth disease and proceeds to haunt your X Box. Or if you pick Peyton Manning and he chokes to death (Um, uh, on Gatorade of course...yeah, that'll work) and you get attacked by his brain eating zombie-corpse (He's NOT a zombie? He always looks like that?)...once again, NOT my fault.

Just so you know... John Wooden is 95 years old, Buck O'Neil and Byron Nelson are 94, Sammy Baugh is 92, Red Auerbach, Phil Rizzuto, Lee McPhail, Ernie Harwell and Bobby Doerr are 88. That's if you want to go the conventional route... not that it really matters. For instance, my Grandmom is as ornery as a billy goat stuck in Aunt Esther's root cellar, daggumit - she'll be 102 in November!

• ArmchairGM Users and/or people who are already dead (have any Armchair Users passed on yet? I suppose it could be possible and we wouldn't even know?!?!) are INELIGIBLE for selection.

If you just start reading here, you really WON'T have missed a thing

Name YOUR THREE submissions for Manny Stiles' "Who's getting drafted next? Sports Death Pool below in comments.

Thanks for assisting me in wasting your time! Get to it! Submit your Three names!!!

Another dumb Manny Stiles List:

My 57 favorite Simpsons sports-related references:

In no particular order, but Ill start with the line that spawned this post

1 - When the star QB Stan the Boy Taylor explains to Homer, Ned Flanders saved me.  I used to party all night and

       sleep with lingerie models until Ned and his bible group showed

       me that I could have more. 

Homer responds Professional athletes, always wanting more

2  Homer gets arrested at the Super Bowl, Troy Aikman is a pretty good 

dunebuggy artist and theres no team called the Spungoes.

3  the lame hockey game between Lisa and Bart  The hockey sucks, 

but the episode also has the often quoted Homer chant 

"Sports, sports, sports, sports, sports"

4  The Nuclear Power Plants has a softball team!  Mattingly, Clemens, 

Boggs (who has his glove on wrong in the episode, hmm), Strawberry, 

Canseco, Steve Sax and non-Yankees Ozzie Smith, Ken Griffey 

(who juices on nerve tonic and ends up with Barry Bonds head), 

Mike Scioscia (as catcher/nuclear technician). 

5  The Simpsons build a tennis court that Homer intended to be a 

foxy-boxy ring. Oh well, Venus and Serena with Andre Agassi and 

Pete Sampras end up Foxy Boxing I mean playing tennis.

6  Homer as the Isotopes drunken dancing mascot gets called up to the Bigs for a cup of coffee in Capitol City (the Windy Apple)

7  Homer goes on a hunger strike to keep the Isotopes in Springfield. Homer wins, but news flash  there really is a AAA baseball team calle the Albequerque Isotopes. Name another TV shows episode that inspired a real professional  team in such a way!

8  Homer gets beaten (by DQ) in a title boxing match against Dreaderick Tatum.

9  Lisa becomes a great football handicapper and Homer bonds with her watching and gambling on football.

10  When Homer skips church he turns on the TV to see political debate, We interrupt this public affairs program in order to bring you a football game

11  Magic Johnson pulls a Homer on National TV.

12  When Springfield gets cut in half, Homer becomes the Mayor of 

Olde Springfield, he quotes now all we have to do is sit back and wait 

for an NFL team. Then a guy with a briefcase pops onto the screen 

and says Hello, I represent the Arizona Cardin 

Homer interrupts "Keep walking."

13  After working for international mercenary Hank Scorpio, Homer who dreamed of owning Tom Landrys hat, gets the Denver Broncos as a gift from Hank Aw, I wanted the Dallas Cowboys

14  Marges pretzels almost go over big at a baseball game, until HOFer Whitey Ford steps on the field at the wrong time. They end up as Whitey whackers

15  Of course the very first episode has them meeting Santas Little Helper at the dog racetracks  dog racing is a sport

16  Lisa Borrows Footballs Greatest Injuries from the library, it has a

 guy on the cover that looks a little too much like Joe Theismann

17  Marge takes roids  thats sports related

18  Who could forget the episode with Mark McGwire in which Bart 

was taking performance enhancing drugs Focusyn  great line when

 Mark says: Do you want to know the terrifying truth, or do you want to

 see me sock a few dingers? (The crowd shouts back dingers! Dingers!) 

Art imitating life or Life imitating art?

19  yeah, yeah golf, golf and miniature golf 

20  the first thanksgiving episode 

"Looks like they'll be feeding him Thanksgiving dinner through a tube."

   -- Sportscaster on the football player's injury

21  Is snake whacking a sport?

22  Flanders hits a half-court shot during a halftime contest at a WNBA game. 

23  Homer bowls a 300 game. Lenny and Carl take the names 

"POO" and "ASS," leaving Homer with nothing good.  

24  The Simpsons go to a bird sanctuary that had been changed to a 

FASCAR race track  hilarity insues as they kill Maude and FOX uses 

the Simpsons to schill all of their products (like the Nascar season on FOX)

25  Homer eats an insanity pepper at a Chili Festival grown from the

 inmates in a asylum deep within the jungles of Quetzaltenango  

Eating is a sport

26  Bart gets emancipated from his parents and soon begins hanging with Tony Hawk, of course who is one sporty skateboarder.

27   Homer forgets Bart at soccer practice Bonus points for Homer falling asleep to a game on TV that has a Bart Starr ceremony at halftime.

28   Kamp Krusty has great athletics programs.

29   Joe Namath has vapor lock in the episode where Bart plays QB.

30   Homer needs serious knee surgery after trying to dunk at the YMCA, although he does break the backboard.

31 Homers bear-proof suit is made mostly of athletics gear finely woven with duct tapewait that one might be in season 16

32 After nerds rush the field during a football game a la revenge of the Nerds  after Lisa does her Beauty Queen speech, headlines on next days paper say Nerds Pummelled in Football Melee

33 Bart faith heals Springfield Us kickers leg during the big game. Chernyenko gets called in to kick the game winner when his leg flies off, hits the ball again in midair and goes through to win Ill bet Vanderjagt wishes he could have done that!

34 Barney Gumble and Joe Frazier get into fisticuffs over the same old topic bad submissions on ArmchairGM.com.

35   When Homer takes Mr Burns yacht into international waters, they see a ship that was rebroadcasting Major League Baseball games with implied oral consent and NOT expressed written permission

36 Lisa takes a dive in the Spelling bee

37   Jacques helps Marge learn the art of bowling. With a ball named Homer.

38  After Homer hits Ned, the football coach with a beer can

 Ned: Do you have a problem with the way I'm coaching?

Homer: No! No! No no no. Its just that... well... like I was yelling earlier...

 seems like... anyone with half a brain can coach better than you.

  Ned: Uh huh! Half a brain, huh? Well, you know what? Sounds like you

 just volunteered! [puts cap on Homer's head and gives him the memo board]

Homer: Me? But you were doing such a great job!

Gee, right after he called in to a talk radio station

[Roy: Do you have a question for Sandy Koufax?

Homer: Yes. Mr. Koufax, don't you think Flanders is a big jerk?]

39 when Homer works out a the all-night Gyme before climbing the Murderhorn

40 Homer gets a gun after bedlam erupts in Springfield due to a Soccer match. Who can ever forget the action that set it off:

Kent Brockman: [calling plays from booth listlessly] Halfback passes to 

the center.  Back to the wing.  Back to the center. Center holds it.  

Holds it. [rolls eyes] Holds it...

Mexican Announcer: [excitedly] Halfback passes to center, back to wing, 

back to center, center holds it!  Holds it!  Holds it!

Then the riot begins

41   Bart, Milhouse and Martin squabble over a Carl Yazstremski Baseball card sporting fantastic 70s chops

42 Johnny Carson twirls a 86 Buick during Krusts Comeback Special.

43   Homer kidnaps a rival schools mascot just before the big game when he goes back to college for the first time

44   Bart uses Gordie Howes picture to send fake love letters to Mrs Krabapple

45   Homer attempts to jump the Springfield gorgeunsuccessfully

46   Homer has a fantasy where he replaces John Elway in a big game.

47 How many times have they been in a blimp? Blimps are always assumedly sports related.

48 Gerry Cooney is a greeter at Burns Casino and gets promptly KOd by Otto.

49   Bart drinks 12 glasses of water before going to bed so he can wake up early Christmas morning. In his dream, cheerleaders chant Go, Go, Go, Go! Were Number One! And Give me a P P! Cheerleading is a sport.

50 The Simpsons get a luxury box to a hockey game and are provided with final score as a perka hockey stick given to Lisa by a Russian player has termites.

51 during Homers trial for selling his soul for the Devils donut, the starting line of 1976 Philadelphia Flyers serves on the jury of the damned (but why are they wearing blue?)

52 dun-na-na-na nuna-na fishing! Also the General Sherman at Catfish lake fishing IS a sport

53 the reindeer hunting homosexual Christmas episode. Hunting is also a sport

54   Krusty the Klown bets on the Washington Generals.

55 -  When Marge egts a job at Red Blazer Realty, the tell her Welcome to the Big Leagues   

56 the jockeys episode the second (or third) time the Simpsons family gets a horse

57 in the Who shot Mr. Burns special, the DNA is Simpsons DNA, referencing OJs trial.

So theres a freaking list. I only did 57 because thats why. So either you like the Simpsons and hate me why did you read this far then?), hate the Simpsons and hate me (why did you read this far then?) , love the Simpsons and can tell me I forgot something I probably didnt, but of course I did. Or you tolerate the madness of both Stiles and the Simpsons. Glad you enjoyed it.

I didnt use any references after season 15 because theyre just not classics yetSimpsons is the best non sports-related show ever, and most likely because it so often references sports.

http://www.armchairgm.com/mwiki/index.php?title=User:Manny_Stiles

I've started to write on ArmchairGM.com as a sports opinion blogger!