It was surreal at the memorial Saturday afternoon. Here's this larger than life guy and now he is in this tiny urn. Looking at his pictures and seeing how he affected people's lives and how much he loved his fiancee', Micah. I gave her a big hug and so did my friend, Mark. Honestly, if she was a mess, I knew I would be a wreck. I cannot believe how strong she is and how poised during this tumultuous time.

He lived life; he loved his gf; he wasn't afraid to fuck up ... I've been so into my head recently. So, my mind isn't in that off kilter thought process you are probably accustomed to.

What would happen if I died today? What will people say about me?

Not much.

"Well, he was a great guy, but he could have been ... "

"He had so much potential, but ... "

and who would come? Not many.

You know I've been thinking about my life and placement in this life and my mortality already and this happens, I'm further into my head.

Am I living my life? Am I not fearful to fuck up?

Last year, at my gym, we got a new personal trainer. His name's Erik Fromm and he was pretty popular in the bodybuilding circuit, but stopped when he tore a few muscles.

Erik brought a lot of new clients into the gym and trained them to their individual needs. He sometimes didn't pick up after himself, but his clients' transformation were amazing! Erik knew what his clients needs, gave them advice on what to eat and when to eat. He also had his gf (and fiance'), Micah, do deep tissue massages. I went to her a few times and man ... she worked out all of the knots in my back.

On Monday, Erik went for lunch w/ my friend, Shane, and discussed about working together as personal trainers. Erik went to take a nap and never woke up.

He was 36.

All of us at the gym are stunned and, obviously, saddened by his passing. It was unexpected. It's surreal.

It really has messed up my head when I've been thinking of my own mortality and trying to figure out my place in this life.

You know, during Pride last year, I went to see Kaskade perform at Foundation, a predominantly straight club and I normally don't go to them, but I really enjoy Kaskade. I wanted to go w/ a friend of mine, but he had to work and decided to go to a different event. I went alone.

I was standing there alone, enjoying the music and Erik, Micah and a group of his friends came in. Erik saw me and told me to hang w/ them that night.

I'm still shy at times, but I did.

I had a blast.  Erik, Micah and I chatted about nonsensical stuff, gossip about the gym - you know ... the usual banter at a bar.  All of us got drunk and danced. You know, for a big brute, Erik sure could bust a move.

Yes, I am sad and like everyone else at my gym, I'll miss him. He was a big presence at Los Campeones Gym and right now, there is a void like a piece is missing.

I will never forget him.

This FINALLY sounds good!

Aries

New opportunities arise this year, resulting in a positive turn for your career. You will learn to master your energy to meet your goals. You are good at taking leadership, and you'll make deep, transforming changes and tap into this abundant energy in new and dynamic ways. Even though you may feel pulled to accomplish great things, you will still be able to keep balance in your personal life and your energy alive and renewed.

Amidst this change, you will be able to remain mentally focused. You may become more methodical and practical than usual in managing your responsibilities. Stopping to think things through carefully will impact you and your surroundings in a very profound and positive way. Seize the opportunity to think things through during the first few months of the year. Even though you enjoy beginning new projects, make the time to relax a bit to complement your natural tendency toward activity, both physical and otherwise.

As you successfully achieve your career goals this year, it will be important to maintain a watchful eye over the security of your family life. You may find yourself doing some remodeling in your home and you will take pleasure in spending more time and energy enjoying the creature comforts you have created. You will cultivate good relationships through the end of the year, which will reflect positive changes in your life. Your will enjoy socializing more than usual. You will be networking and connecting with different types of people from all over the world and it will feel like a breath of fresh air. As your career takes off, it will be much easier than usual to express yourself with warmth and charm.

from Astrology.com

Have a happy holidays everyone.

I watched this movie last weekend and it hit a nerve with me. The description below is from Wikipedia.

The YouTube clip is from the final part of the movie and I could relate a lot. It's how I felt during my vacation in August.

Paris, je t'aime is a 2006 film starring an ensemble cast of American, British and French movie actors. The title means "Paris, I love you". The two-hour film consists of eighteen short films set in different arrondissements. The 21 directors include Walter Salles, Alfonso Cuarón, Tom Tykwer, Gus Van Sant, Wes Craven, Alexander Payne, Gurinder Chadha and Joel and Ethan Coen.

The film premiered at the Cannes Film Festival on 18 May, opening the Un Certain Regard selection. It had its Canadian premiere at the Toronto Film Festival on 10 September and its U.S. premiere in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania on 9 April 2007.^[1] First Look Pictures acquired the North American rights, and the film opened in the United States on 4 May 2007.

Initially, twenty short films representing the twenty arrondissements of Paris were planned, but two of them (the XVe arrondissement, directed by Christoffer Boe, and the XIe arrondissement, by Raphaël Nadjari) were not included in the final film because they could not be properly integrated into it.^{[citation needed]} Each arrondissement is followed by a few images of Paris; these transition sequences were written by Emmanuel Benbihy and directed by Benbihy with Frédéric Auburtin. Including Benbihy, there were 22 directors involved in the finished film.

The 18 arrondissements are:

• Montmartre (XVIIIe arrondissement) — by French writer-director Bruno Podalydès. A man (played by Podalydès himself) parks his car in a neighborhood and muses about how the women passing by his car all seem to be "taken". Then a woman passerby (Florence Muller) faints near his car, and he comes to her aid.
• Quais de Seine (Ve arrondissement) — made by the husband-and-wife team of American screenwriter Paul Mayeda Berges and Indian-British director Gurinder Chadha. A young man (Cyril Descours), hanging out with two friends who taunt all women who walk by, strikes up a friendship with a young Muslim woman (Leïla Bekhti).

• Le Marais (IVe arrondissement) — by American writer-director Gus Van Sant. A young male customer (Gaspard Ulliel) finds himself attracted to a young printshop worker (Elias McConnell) and tries to explain that he believes the man to be his soulmate, not realizing that he speaks little French. Marianne Faithfull also appears briefly in the film.

• Tuileries (Ier arrondissement) — by American writer-directors Joel and Ethan Coen. A comic film in which an American tourist (Steve Buscemi) waiting at the Tuileries station becomes involved in the conflict between a young couple (Axel Kiener and Julie Bataille) after he breaks the cardinal rule of avoiding eye contact with people on the Paris Metro.

• Loin du 16e (XVIe arrondissement; literally: "far from the 16th") — by Brazilian writer-directors Walter Salles and Daniela Thomas. A young woman (Catalina Sandino Moreno) sings a Spanish lullaby ("Que Linda Manito") to her baby before leaving it to be cared for by others. She then takes an extremely long commute to the home of her wealthy employer (whose face is not seen), where she sings the same lullaby to her employer's baby.

• Porte de Choisy (XIIIe arrondissement) — directed by Australian director Christopher Doyle and written by Doyle with Gabrielle Keng and Kathy Li. A comic film in which a beauty products salesman (Barbet Schroeder) makes a call on a Chinatown salon run by a woman (Li Xin) who proves to be a tough customer.

• Bastille (XIIe arrondissement) — by Spanish writer-director Isabel Coixet. In this comic film, a man (Sergio Castellitto) must choose between caring for his ailing wife (Miranda Richardson) or being with his much younger lover (Leonor Watling).

• Place des Victoires (IIe arrondissement) — by Japanese writer-director Nobuhiro Suwa. A mother (Juliette Binoche), grieving over the death of her little boy (Martin Combes), is comforted by a magical cowboy (Willem Dafoe).

• Tour Eiffel (VIIe arrondissement) — a live action film written and directed by French animator Sylvain Chomet. A boy tells how his parents, both mime artists (Paul Putner and Yolande Moreau), met and fell in love.

• Parc Monceau (XVIIe arrondissement) — by Mexican writer-director Alfonso Cuarón. An older man (Nick Nolte) and younger woman (Ludivine Sagnier) meet for an arrangement that a third person ('Gaspard'), who is close to the woman, may not approve of. It is eventually revealed that the young woman is his daughter, and Gaspard is her baby. The film was shot in a single continuous shot. When the characters walk by a video store, several posters of movies by the other directors of Paris, je t'aime are visible in the window.

• Quartier des Enfants Rouges (IIIe arrondissement) — by French writer-director Olivier Assayas. An American actress (Maggie Gyllenhaal) procures some exceptionally strong hashish from a dealer (Lionel Dray).

• Place des fêtes (XIXe arrondissement) — by German writer-director Oliver Schmitz. An African man (Seydou Boro), dying from a stab wound in the Place des fêtes asks a woman paramedic (Aïssa Maïga) for a cup of coffee. It is then revealed that he had fallen in love at first sight with her some time previously.

• Pigalle (IXe arrondissement) — by American writer-director Richard LaGravenese. An aging couple (Bob Hoskins and Fanny Ardant) act out a fantasy argument for a prostitute in order to keep the spark in their relationship.

• Quartier de la Madeleine (VIIIe arrondissement) — by Canadian writer-director Vincenzo Natali. A young backpacker tourist (Elijah Wood) falls in love with a vampiress (Olga Kurylenko).

• Père-Lachaise (XXe arrondissement) — by American writer-director Wes Craven. While visiting Père Lachaise Cemetery, a young woman (Emily Mortimer) breaks up with her fiancé (Rufus Sewell), who then redeems himself with the aid of advice from the ghost of Oscar Wilde (Alexander Payne).

• Faubourg Saint-Denis (Xe arrondissement) — by German writer-director Tom Tykwer. A young blind man (Melchior Beslon) shows a struggling actress (Natalie Portman) the shortcut to her audition, and the pair fall in love.

• Quartier Latin (VIe arrondissement) — written by American actress Gena Rowlands, directed by French actor Gérard Depardieu and French director Frédéric Auburtin. A separated couple (Ben Gazzara and Rowlands) meet at a bar (run by Depardieu) for one last drink before the two officially divorce.

• 14e arrondissement (XIVe arrondissement) — written and directed by Alexander Payne. An American woman tourist (Margo Martindale), a letter courier from Denver, Colorado on her first European holiday, recites in rough French what she loves about Paris.

 

I hate answering questions about this, but I was there when this ocurred. I was talking to my Mom when it happened and she heard everything. He looked like a rag doll when he fell and landed on his back.

If you see the right side of the pic, I was standing at the corner just talking when he fell.

Here's a copy of the story of what happened. 

Well, I wanted to tell you how I am doing and what's going on, so my friend, P helped me write this. Thank you!!

Bueno, acabo de terminar mi carta de resignación y ahora estoy buscando activamente carreras, no trabajo, en DC. Puede ser que tenga que trabajar media jornada en una barra o un gimnasio, pero saben qué? Lo espero con mucho deseo. He vivido en Dakota del sur y Minnesota mi vida entera, pero siento la necesidad de mudarme a otro lugar. Me siento un poco apenado que esto está escrito en español, pero algunos de mis colegas de trabajo están en mi página de MySpace. Por eso prefiero más bien que no sepan lo que pasa.

¡De todos modos, desénme buena suerte en esta aventura!

This is for the little gay boys and little gay girls out there ... who think and believe they know everything ... I have a message for you!

You don't know a GOD DAMN THING! Just because you've seen things on Logo or Bravo doesn't mean you experienced it. So you can throw your attitude somewhere and someone else. I'm not buying your schtick of having a hard life. Come see me in 10 years after your heart is broken, you lose a beloved family member or have your money stolen by someone you trust - then we'll talk!

Hey! Thanks guys for voting for my friend, Adam. He actually made it to the Top 10!!! Was there any doubt that he wouldn't? ;)

Here is the link for the top 10 guys competing in the contest ...

Here is his link one more time. I think you'll be able to vote a few times for him this round.

Here's a quote from his interview in February this year I can relate to recently.


What are you most grateful for?
My attitude. If you have the right frame of mind, you can get through anything.

Okay ... again, thank you for helping my friend out. He truly deserves it.

My buddy and ex-bf is moving back to Texas tomorrow. He's over Minneapolis. I can't understand why??!?!?!?!??!  So, when I hear this from Tiesto, I think of him.



But, in my mind, I hear this in my head.



I'm sad knowing he won't be around, but ... I do have feelings for him still. Hell, I have feelings for someone else too, but I am not brave enough to admit it to them. This reminds me of the other guy.



I know I'll be completely fine, but ... fuck, I miss them both.