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[Crystal Lynae ♥] Sei La Mia Vita ♥

Crystal Lynae


Last Updated: 12/1/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Single
Age: 21
Sign: Cancer

City: Chicago
State: Illinois
Country: US
Signup Date: 6/10/2006

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November 23, 2009 - Monday 
turn to me
because  i believe in you
turn to me
i know that i will reach you

with however tall the climb
my heart is bestowed with you throughout time

turn to me
ill always stay true
turn to me
for you theres nothing i wouldnt do

so just remember this as you walk away
you let go, but as i said id always stay
here in this place within my soul.
my heart will be yours whereever you go.
11:28 AM 
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November 23, 2009 - Monday 
turn to me
because  i believe in you
turn to me
i know that i will reach you

with however tall the climb
my heart is bestowed with you throughout time

turn to me
ill always stay true
turn to me
for you theres nothing i wouldnt do

so just remember this as you walk away
you let go, but as i said id always stay
here in this place within my soul.
my heart will be yours whereever you go.
11:28 AM 
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August 28, 2009 - Friday 
IM SELFISH
Im depressed
I wallow in my own self pity
I eat from sadness , then find "ways" to not get fat.
I detach myself emotionally from anyone or thing.

I cant sit still.
Everything I do has a lack of motivation

Im never consistant
and I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT



Im lost. Im confused.
Im sad. Im Lonely.
I want to find the joy that everyone else see's but all i see is thi sugly girl staring at me in my relfection.

this person that hates themself so much.. I cant bare the thought of happiness.

true happiness.

whenever i do find someone i want.. they never seem to stay.. and the ones i dont care for never go away.

I dont want to be blunt or a bitch and say its not happening . but i think thats what its coming down to.


I just wish. i didnt have to sacrifice my morals for love. or the thought of love.



i dont want to "give myself up" to anyone anymore..

not unless their worth it.

im sick of breaking my own heart.

the ones that have had me are enough.

I want something real.

problem is
nobodys real.
5:24 AM 
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June 30, 2009 - Tuesday 
Im here
lost within my emotions for the present and the past
where are you dear?
as these relections in the water resemble a feeling
that i feel. that never seems to last.

as the rush of the winds
cast over the waters surface
these racing thoughts in my mind
allow me to ponder my purpose

Much like a wave, a ripple in the water
my search for you
proves to be my hearts falter

as many come and go
and the ones that choose to stay
could never possess your ability
to take my breathe away

As in a dark and dreary autumn night
where the leaves surrender to the street
My heart stands with reason,
it must accept the loneliness, of being incomplete.

For this is my life, and i follow, as it runs its path,
These feelings become second nature.
Time overwhelms me within its wrath.

As I give every part of my soul,
this bridge i travel transcends,
this leaves my heart without control,
before I know it, this feeling ceases and ends.

To where I must find you, there is no way to look furthermore.
My soul is only following the footsteps
to the one im destined to adore.

Exhausted, sitting on this empty bench
thinking back to what led me to this deserted space
all these strangers beckon, around me
but none possess that precious face

and through this, i grow blinded,
from what im jaded to see
my thoughts are reminded
as the street lamps flicker before me.

Theres a void,one desire I'm missing
as this day succumbs to night
my memories stray remincesing
these emotions begin to feed the light

In this journey my hearts felt astray
however it contradicts,
knowing, To find you, is to find my way

Still, being there was never a guarantee
In the back of my mind
I was hoping you'd
Come find me
3:22 PM 
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May 29, 2009 - Friday 
You are best described as:
CONSISTENTLY TAKING CARE OF OTHERS
Words that describe you:
Sympathetic
Trusting
Altruistic
Selfless
Tenderhearted
Compassionate
Straightforward
Deferential
Generous
A General Description of How You Interact with Others
"What can I do for you?" These words probably feel very natural to you. More than most people, you are genuinely interested in the well-being of others. If they are in trouble, you offer compassion and go out of your way to be helpful. If they need someone who will listen, you are attentive, trustworthy and sympathetic. And you are direct with them; when they need advice or counsel, you offer it in as straightforward and direct a manner as you can.

There may even be times when you put others' needs in front of your own. And you do so without the expectation of some reward or recognition. Yours is a different kind of compassion; you are genuinely tenderhearted and take pleasure in helping others while expecting little or nothing in return. For you, it's not tit-for-tat, you truly want to do things for others that will better their lives. You mean it when you ask, "What can I do for you?"
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
Though your motives arise from genuine compassion, some people might think of you as "a little too good to be true." They could suspect that your kindness is something you use to ingratiate yourself with others or to get them to like you. Others may suspect that your altruism is a mask for your own problems; you take care of others but never let others get to know you well enough to offer you their care. Some of this suspicion may be genuine; they just can't believe you're this kind. But it may also be triggered by envy; people see in you a tenderheartedness they don't find in themselves, and it makes them uncomfortable so they take it out on you with their suspicions.

Another critical response others may have may be something you want to take a serious look at. If you spend your time taking care of others, you may not have enough left to take very good care of yourself. If you're always asking, "What can I do for you?", you may not focus enough on your own needs. You're so busy taking care of others that you neglect yourself and empty your reserves of energy and good health. Like we said, give it consideration and if it doesn't fit move on.
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
For the most part, people will feel gifted to come across someone like you. For those you help, you will be light in the darkness, a hand up when they've fallen into a ditch. Your true graciousness and selflessness is rather rare these days and is often a breath of fresh air in this all too often dog-eat-dog world. Others will see in you the kindness that each of us seeks in life, both in our own characters and in our relationships with others. And you will become a model of that honest compassion; someone others may even look up to. Hopefully that feels okay to you.
On the Openness Dimension you are:
CURIOUS
Words that describe you:
Original
Inventive
Thinker
Brave
Eccentric
Avant-Garde
Out-of-Touch
Unique
A General Description of How You Approach New Information and Experiences
You think like an artist. Or better, you SEE like an artist. While most people look at life's straight lines, its height and depth and width, you're bending the lines with your imagination and turning black and white into shades of blue and yellow. And in conversations at work or with your friends you want to ask, "Do you see what I see?" A few might, most don't, but you've piqued everyone's curiosity with your own original and inventive ways of thinking.

You can, if you must, think in conventional ways. But left on your own, you'll usually opt for the eccentric or avant-garde; in fact you're usually bored with what everyone else is comfortable with. You learn from reading, talking, watching people and other fauna and flora, and simply sitting in the soft chair of your mind and wondering how people would learn how to count if they could only use uneven numbers. You are out in front of conventional ideas, bravely originally defining true and false, right and wrong, the good, the bad and the ugly.
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward Your Style of Thinking
You drive through life faster than the speed limit, and when you hit speed bumps, and you hit a lot of them with your mind distracted from the straight line ahead your wheels leave the ground.

For people who like life at a safer speed, you move too fast and lose touch too often with the solid ground they prefer, hence their discomfort with you. As odd as you might find this, many people feel safe in the shelter of the world they already know. They like the familiar. They breathe easily and sleep deeply knowing with more certainty how the world works. So although they might enjoy your company and be curious about your latest notion of how to count backwards by threes, they can only take you in small doses. And they wish you'd quit trying to push the boundaries of their personal and social cosmos.
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
Even those whom you make uncomfortable know, as just about everyone does, that you're not a flake. You think well, and even your wildest fancies have their roots in the deep soil of sound ideas and tested beliefs. So even if some people don't want to drive at high speed with you, they will respect you for your courage as an innovative and unconventional thinker. You lend color and imagination to what would otherwise be the straight black and white lines of their work world and social environments.

A few more daring people of your circle might even learn from you to take a risk they would otherwise never consider. As comfortable as they are on solid ground, they may be curious about what it would be like to go faster than the speed limit, or paint the living room two shades of blue, or question ideas or beliefs they've fingered like sacred beads since they were children.

After all, they watch you do it, and you seem no worse for the risks you take. In fact, your eyes are wider and your breath quicker, and maybe they can find at least a bit of this for themselves. To be certain, they don't want their wheels to leave the ground, but maybe the next time they approach a speed bump they might just brace themselves and speed up just a little bit.
On Emotional Stability you are:
STEADY
Words that describe you:
Relaxed
Even
Unwavering
Constant
Certain
Together
Cool
Detached
Tranquil
A General Description of Your Reactivity
When emotions get topsy-turvy, most of the time you keep your feet on solid ground. When some of your friends lose control of their feelings, you are able to stay relaxed and even. It's not that you're cold-hearted or without feelings. On the contrary; you can be fun-loving. You hurt when a friend is in pain or is in trouble.

You might cry occasionally at a movie, or when watching a particularly touching story on the evening news. But in moments of emotional pleasure, or when troubling feelings rise up within you or around you, you keep yourself together.

Here's a fundamental truth about you: when it comes to your emotional world, you are certain and constant, not flapping around and out of control. It's a good thing because life will come at you, as it comes at all of us, with emotional surprises. We all hit hard times, or get caught off guard, or feel a sudden swell of fear or joy or anger or sadness.

Once in a while you'll get caught up in the feelings of one of these moments. You get silly, maybe too silly, with your friends. You wake up in the dark, or run into dark thoughts, and find yourself afraid of . . . of something, though you're not quite sure of what. The sadness around you creeps inside you and you feel "down" for a while, but you push your way through it. "Think", you say to yourself. "Stay calm, and figure out a way to cope". Soon, you're relaxed and together again, your feet are once more on solid ground, and your emotions are under control.
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
"How do you stay so calm in this emotional storm. Don't you feel anything?" Some of your friends might find you too controlled, as if you don't feel things as deeply as they do.

Your ability to stay so unflappable while they're coming apart at the seams could lead them to believe you just don't care enough, either about your own emotional world or about the pain or pleasure they're so caught up in. This might lead them to exclude you from those seasons of their lives when their feelings are deep and they need to surround themselves with people they believe will understand the turmoil they're in. They won't think of you as such a person, so they won't let you in on their emotional whirl.
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
The opposite may be true as well. When some of your friends can't contain their emotions they might turn to you as the steady rock, the stable one, the person who will remain composed and help talk and think them through their turmoil. You're just what they need, their calm, cool and collected friend, when their emotional world is falling apart.

Also, people who are as calm and secure as you and who, like you, are emotionally composed most of the time, will find you a friend they are comfortable with. They know that when the world goes upside down, and for everyone the world will occasionally stand on its head, you will be there, as secure and unflappable as they are, and are therefore a trustworthy companion through any emotional turmoil.
Your approach toward your obligations is:
FOCUSED
Words that describe you:
Deliberate
Careful
Regimented
Determined
Proactive
Obliged
Methodical
Perfectionist
Purposeful
A General Description of How You Interact with Others
Everybody knows they can count on you to do what you promise to do, be where you say you'll be "on time" and finish what you start. If you say you'll chair the committee, you'll come with an agenda and a clear outline of the tasks to be accomplished, give everyone a chance to speak their minds, and then call for a vote on each issue, schedule the next meeting, hand out assignments and adjourn at the appointed time.

You like order and discipline, and use these to methodically accomplish whatever goals you have set for yourself and for others. And you have a strong sense of obligation if you accept responsibility, you are proactive; you take it on with a single-minded commitment, as if you've pledged your allegiance to the assigned task. People know that they can depend on you.

Your personal life is also one of order and discipline. You are likely to have a pretty firm schedule, and to stick to it. You make time for your friends, but not at the expense of your work duties. You can be talkative and funny in social situations, but seldom out of control.

In fact, you are pretty careful; you seldom, if ever, cross the line into impulsive behavior, and you are even careful to control how much of your inner world you disclose, even to your close friends. You keep yourself in check because you don't want whatever mess might be inside you to leak out into conversation or make a mess of a relationship.

There are things to accomplish in life, both at work and in your social world, and you don't want to let unnecessary clutter hamper your drive to get all of it done, and done well.
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
It's not hard to imagine one of your friends or colleagues saying, probably under their breath, "Just once I wish you'd be late to something, or wear the wrong clothes, or trip over your own feet. You seem so tightly put together that, just once, I'd like to see you explode, in laughter or anger or . . . anything."

In part, they may be envious. You get so much done, and done so well, that they might feel they never measure up. Your discipline and sense of duty put them to shame. But it may also be that they sense that beneath that single-minded and orderly demeanor of yours is a complex and sometimes complicated person whom they'd like to know, not so they can make fun of you but so they can share their perplexed humanity with you and get you to share your complexity with them. They might wish you were less cautious, and therefore, more accessible to their friendship.
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
"If we want something done, we know whom to call." Most of your friends and colleagues will learn to count on you, and they will appreciate you for this reliability.

If they get off track in a work situation, they'll turn to you because they know you've got the goal clearly in view and you're moving toward it with that characteristic discipline of yours. You'll help get them back on track. If they need a personal friend to count on, they know you'll show up when you say you'll be there, dig in to whatever the common task is, whether it's planning a party, organizing the garage, or working through a financial mess, and see it through to completion.

For anyone in trouble, you are the proverbial "friend in need". Many of your friends will see you as an example that they seek to emulate. When they get disorderly or disorganized, they can watch how you live and work, and find in you a mentor in self-discipline.

They might well admire not just your ability to get to the goal or your single-minded drive, but also the underlying quality of your character; they will see your sense of duty to yourself, to life's tasks, and to your friendships, and admire and imitate these qualities in you. Your focused life will be a guide to them when they get themselves so out of focus that they don't know where they're going.
When it comes to Extraversion you are:
SOMETIMES OUTGOING, SOMETIMES RESERVED
Words that describe you:
Moderate
Amiable
Laid-back
Temperate
Relaxed
Poised
Civil
Uncommitted
Pleasant
A General Description of How You Interact with Others
Lucky you! You enjoy your own company as much as you enjoy the company of others. You are a great conversationalist and thrive in the wonderful kinds of connections you know how to have with your family and friends. You also equally enjoy your own company, whether sitting in a favorite chair with your book and soft music playing or meandering in the woods by yourself. You like coming home to your family or your roommate; but if no one is home, you find quiet, solitary time to be just as pleasurable. What a great combination to enjoy being outgoing and to be just as comfortable being reserved. Lucky you!!

Because you are so amiable and relaxed, you are comfortable with almost any group of family or friends. Whether they are pumped up and lively or calm and subdued, you remain at ease. If someone needs to take over the conversation, you are comfortable taking the lead; you can also lay back and let someone else be in charge. If the conversation gets rowdy, your moderate demeanor will often draw it down to a more temperate level. If someone in the group loses their cool, you will most likely maintain your poise, and if they get nasty you know how to keep a civil tongue.

You may find yourself out of balance on occasion. If you're alone too much, you may need to get in touch with someone. If you spend too much time with your family and friends, you may need to sneak off for a day by yourself, to putter and read and clear your head of the noise of too much conversation. When you're at your best, you live with a rhythm of time with others, time alone, time with others, time alone It's a satisfying, comfortable balance. Lucky you!
Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
You may occasionally run into problems with other people. Since not everyone is as balanced as you are, close friends and family may get frustrated with you, or you with them. They may be more sociable and outgoing, and find you too laid-back and relaxed. They want conversations to be lively and passionate while you keep things amiable and civil. Or others may be more quiet and reserved than you, and when you're in one of your more animated moments they may wish you would back off. You may be ready to put more energy into a conversation than they are comfortable with.

And your balance may be a problem. Other people may be consistently more sociable or more reserved than you, and find you to hard to read, some may even say you ride the fence. Others may find themselves envious of your ability to be outgoing at times, and at other times comfortably reserved. If you pay attention to pick up these cues you will be in a better position to know how you want to interact with such folks.
Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
Most people will truly appreciate your flexibility in social situations. They will like you for your amiable warmth and your willingness to engage, and for your ability to sit back and let others take the lead or the spotlight. They will appreciate ways in which you temper what could become intemperate moments; by remaining poised and relaxed when others; temperatures are rising, you keep things civil and sane.

You are as good at listening and following as you are at talking and leading, and people will often appreciate your ability to adapt to the situation. Because you are sometimes outgoing and sometimes reserved, you will make most people comfortable in your presence, and they will truly enjoy your company.
10:24 PM 
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May 14, 2009 - Thursday 
A moth the the flame
Im at the edge of this fire
Heart so full and tame
but crave of attention be my desire


As well, Im not the flashy one
im not the one that needs
I just like to show you how its done
Never biting the hand that feeds

Just comfortable with who i am
and how i feel
how can you condemn
anything that is real?

Passion and intensity
are two mad forces
challenging each others propensity
are they rival in each others courses

im not calling it love .
not lust only desire
.

it only occurs
when you get to close to the fire
10:35 PM 
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May 14, 2009 - Thursday 
let me know when its ok
to act and feel on emotion
where my love isnt stricken
and not sentenced as pure devotion
For my soul Ill never give up for you
but my hearts pieces be my cost
nothing here to turn to
for everything real was lost
lost in the fallen leaves of fall
and change of season
my hearts filled with these reactions
without given reason

Why no longer i dont care?
Why does it not phase me
How is it i dont share
what makes me

Im cold and hollow now
and i cant blame you

just blame the person you were
on the person i once knew

to be me again 
is the only feeling i desire
but all i know is what you made me
a liar 
10:05 PM 
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May 9, 2009 - Saturday 
Im so depressed
i worked alll day yesterday
coming home to a smashed window in my car and my rooom being demolished..because people in my house are crazy
I did nothing to deserve this....only to be persucuted.. when im the clear victim.

these abusive people.. honestly cant handle these mental cases

My heart hurts so much

I feel so heart broken
withdrawn

this was onlyafter i got the nerve to leave my room after a 3 day depression then these people abuse me and break my car

i feel like im in the twlight zone

no apologies


nothing

i feel dizzy
sick

fat
insecure
..my heart hurts so bad

I feel so unloved
no respect



.. aside from my distrss from guys

there is no good guy out there
ill wither into tomorrow
having no purpose
just sadness and depression




a life pulled at all directions


just none to the crossroad of happiness


I dont know whether to cry because i dont trust anyone enough to le them care about me..

i have my own family torment me

i know its not normal but still
how can I base any connection with outsiders

people only disapoint and use me anyway

Im just an ojbjec to achieve their own success.




a life so meaningless

.
song i keep singing over and over.. only thing i relate to.



Everything�s so blurry
And everyone�s so fake
And everybody�s so empty
And everything is so messed up
Pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I�ll protect you
From all of the obscene
I wonder what your doing
Imagine where you are
There�s oceans in between us
But that�s not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When ya shoved it in my face
This pain you gave to me

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When ya shoved it my face

Everyone is changing
There�s noone left that�s real
To make up your own ending
And let me know just how you feel
Cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl

You could be my someone
You could be my scene
You know that I will save you
From all of the unclean
I wonder what your doing
I wonder where you are
There�s oceans in between us
But that�s not very far

[chorus]

Nobody told me what you thought
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Told you where to runaway
Nobody told you where to hide
Nobody told you what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn
Showed you where to runaway

[chorus]

This pain you gave to me

You take it all
You take it all away...
This pain you gave to me
You take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me
11:59 AM 
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May 5, 2009 - Tuesday 
so i leave myself with the thought everything is my fault. blah blah blah..
i cry too often, I care too much, I say too much

and it leads me into turmoil.
right now im smoking.. eh i know it ruins my voice but fuck it. i dont even care.. dreams are for the unknowledgable. ive dreamed many of time. dreams are make believe.

like emotions.. like people its a sate of mind.

Im tired.. im sad.. im scared .. alone.

I feel insecure.
fat.
not very attractive.

theres so much i would change.

I push people away and i dont realise it.
obody wants me through my issues..
Im sorry i dont trust anything.

Im sorry I have tempertantrums.. eh i think its because isnstead of wanting to cry I try to act all tuff and mad..

i was always told cryings bad.
people telling me aww.. poor baby aw are you gonna cry now>?

and instead of bursting out in tears like ive wanted to .. i hold it in gut it and act all tuff..


=[
i want to cry
i feel so numb.
stressed..

court next week how fun.

i always get scared..


i wish one day somebody would say its all going to be ok.. and mean it.


depressed.. with the bottle of valiums oh what to do.. i think ill let the music guide me..

i hate this life.

the only thing ive ever hoped for .. was happiness
is it that far away?


-



c.
1:30 AM 
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April 18, 2009 - Saturday 
Much like the fallen leaves
Fallen hearts grow numb to emotion
pulled away from life
much like the difference between sacrifice and devotion
immoraled from this harsh society
desensitized to realise reality
hate be loves sobriety
But in this twisted and turned world
it still seems to spin round
the people seem to change
but emotions have the tendency to confound
a confusion and combustion
of thoughts and feelings
that make no sense
reminding you of a feeling of past tense
which was but can never repeat
so how could this be?
this disease difficult to treat
a heart numbed by many
and suddenly succumbed to heartache once again
making love seem like pretend.
easing off the steps
no longer can you be what i use for leaning
these are just a burst of feelings without meaning
 
7:18 AM 
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