Have you ever sat back and just thought which one of your parents your most like?

I tend to think about it quite often. And I compare to my dad the most! I'm proud to admit I love my dad the most!He has definately been there for me through the good the bad and the not so bad! He was there when I ended up pregnant with my daughter,when I was merely 14 years old. It took a while and I know it was hard for him but he accepted it and he never criticised me for it either! When I had my first son in college and social services took him away it was my dad that comforted me the most and told me everything will be fine and we will soon have him back. It was my dad that went online and found numerous cases inwhich the girl that had a baby did not know she was pregnant! He even found cases where the baby was born in a dorm. He fought so hard to get my son back for me and eventually it all paid off. He taught me everything I know and because of him I am who I am today! He was there when I had my second son. He made me realize what a creep my son's father really was! He showed me the light! Now when I look deep into my past my dad and I would go target practicing, go out to look at the stars he even taught me how to draw. He has been my inspiration through everything. Thank you dad for always being there for me and never giving up on me! Thank you for turning me into the honest,kind hearted person I have become! Every girl in the world should have a dad like mine! And if you do Show him how much you appreciate him every day just to do it! He will appreciate it!

So to sum this blog up I love you dad and don't ever forget it!!

What is it about dreams that make you think of people more and more with each passing day? There was a time in your life that every few months one person from your past would stand out and interrupt all your dreams. Do you believe in signs? Well maybe just a little! Maybe that was a sign to look for that person, to get in touch with him, to talk to him and find him once again! Maybe it was a sign that he was looking for you too. Maybe not! Is it even possible that he could have thought about you for so many years and remembered all your little quirks! In the years that have passed the times that have changed you there are still so many things that you now realize never really changed! Since you were seven and hanging out he knew you more than anyone else did, he  payed attention to the little things that you did and he remembered it all! All the dreams that you had there was a brief moment when his face would appear in the clouds and in the waves and even on the streets! Every thing you saw reminded you of him! So this has always left you wondering are there things in this world working and leading you in different directions? Are signs real and do they exist?

Feeling frustrated and and a bit random at times, Wondering when all the good you've found is going to turn on you! With each passing day your hate for yourself grows and the fury inside begins to leak out! Your heart hasn't been whole in over a year and yet you continue on! Step by step you begin to fall to peices! Tears roll down your cheeks and you quickly wipe them to ensure that no one will know that you have weaknesses too! Violent tendancies become more frequent but never toward the people around you! You take your hate and anger out on yourself by any means necessary. Your views on how to express yourself always tend to be looked down upon! The one thing that tends to linger on your mind is how do you continue to hide all your emotions and still be in public! Why is it that every one seems to know what your going through and where you have been! Especially when half of the time you don't even seem to know what your going through and where you have been let alone where your going. The thoughts that you begin to think start at "When will all of this pain and torture end" and always lead to  "I'm begging you please put me out of my misery".

Is there some thing wrong???

Every time some thing starts to go good in your life you tend to run and hide! You spend to much time thinking about how the situation can go wrong and how your are bound to mess everything up! How every time you let your feelings show you end up getting hurt and how you always let people take advantage of your generousity! How you give and give but never receive anything for what you have done! You begin to wonder what is wrong with you??? While all of this is going on you wonder if you would be better off bottling all of your feelings up in a jar and becoming Cold and Heartless! How would that work to your advantage? Would you get hurt or would you be the one hurting every one that is near and dear to you? Would you still hurt or would you feel nothing at all? Is it possible to pretend to feel nothing when every emotion running through your viens is consuming you? What about when Jealousy strikes? How impossible is it to hide those feelings from every one around you, if its even possible at all? Excitement to see the one person you haven't seen in six years turns to impatience and wondering what its going to be like to see him once again! Curiosity becomes passion and soon passion will turn to desire! Panic starts to hit and you wonder if he will ignore you like every one else has! If once again you will become invisible! You make lists and begin to weigh all the pros and cons of the situation before you!

"People never notice what they have until it's gone"

You will never know how true this statement is until it happens to you. Last year in July I lost three people very dear to me and unfortunately I still have yet to deal with the grief that goes along with it. My son Jason Alexander McDonald, my brother and best friend Barry Scott McDonald Jr. and last but definately not least my nephew Arion Trent McDonald. My son was the youngest of the three and at only eight months was the best baby anyone could ever ask for. He was teething and still slept through the night. Now the next in age Arion my nephew and the sweetest little boy you could ever meet. He was 2 years old and anything you asked him to do he would. When it came to politeness this boy took the grand prize. Everything was please and thank you and the please came in multiples of threes. Now the oldest but the biggest kid of the three Barry Jr. he was 20 years old and couldn't have been a bigger pain in my rear end but I had to love him. Not because he was my brother but because he could be the best friend any one could ask for. He was there for me even though I never realized it. I know it now and I wish I would have knew it then maybe I would have appreciated him a little bit more. There were times that I thought he was the biggest jurk in the world for not sticking up for me but then I found out after I left the room he would stick up for me. Well I think that is enough for now so I will end this with a thank you for reading and cherish what you have please! Just remember everything is not always as it seems and be thankful that you have what you have because when it's gone you will regret that you no longer have it!

Is it so wrong to love some one?

Even if they treated you great and then decided that they were to scared to let anything go further. So they broke your heart and made it seem like it was all your fault! Then they made you cry for hours on end and they didn't even seem to care! It felt like they ripped your heart out and stomped on it, might as well have taken a knife and drove it in there too! They told you how they weren't sure if they even loved you any more. How about to still love that same person after they told you they never loved you at all? These are the questions people like answers to! They tell you that they want to be there for you and they run scared that your going to hurt them more than they have already hurt you! A million people could tell you that this one person who did all of that to you should never be forgiven and for you to drop them like yesterdays trash, but would you listen? You put your guard up so that no one can hurt you and you tell them that they made you the way that you are! You blame them for all the pain in your life and how you will always feel like you will never love again! You spend weeks maybe even months avoiding that person because of  fear that your heart will get broken again and again! So the time that you spent together would feel valued and special. Some how you knew the second you let that person back into your heart it would be the same old thing! Not to mention time spent together was never the same and there were always fights! You became the one running from everything that came near! In your mind where ever you are not to far behind will be distruction and chaos and so far that has never changed. So you tell me Is it still so wrong to love that person? When they left, you felt closer to them than anything else in this world! You write and you write but does it make the feelings go away? The heart still loves and the pain still exists so how wrong is it to be in love with that one person that makes you who you are reguardless of what they have done in the past!

I've Heard it all from "I'll never break your heart" to "you mean the world to me." All of them nothing more than lies I'm sure! Promises that were never meant to be kept! Things that make you wonder if it's really worth believing? Words meant to be comforting and sincere. Well there not, because I've heard that! From "you've changed my life" to "I'll never leave you." Well I've heard that story too! And it always ends the same old way. Inspite of hearing it all before I always go back for more. Little phrases like "I'll be there for you" and "I want to take care of you" are always the furthest from the truth! Here's some news, I've heard those stories too!

" Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression."-- Haim Ginott

Now sit back and think of how true this statement is for you and how it applies to your life! Then take a breath and another minute to answer this... Does this statement become more or less true as you mature? For everyone the response to this question may be different. Now everyone from young to old continuosly has some one who is making an impression in thier life whether it is good or bad. The thing with impressions is they are long lasting and often not always the same. For example one person can give off a different impression every day through out his or her life span. Although this statement pertains to children, it very much pertains to me as well. For several months now a woman I work with has found every reason she can to criticize me. she has made it very difficult to be in the same environment as her day in and day out. If I am five minutes late to work she will tell not only the general manager but anyone she speaks with that I was twenty minutes late. Eating at my desk really inconvienience's this lady. She claims it is unprofessional and that people will see it when they walk into the building. She complainhs about "idle" time and how she doesn't have any. Well if she would stop taking tasks assigned to me and convienently incorporating them into her job maybe she would have some "idle" time. When my clothes are wrinkled or the tiniest peice of skin from my lower back shows she goes ballistic. My mom will call my cell phone and I will answer it and this woman will have a conniption fit. So these are what I have narrowed it down to...late to clock in either in the morning or even to and from lunch, eating at my desk, actually having time to just sit there, any of my clothing, and my cell phone irritates this lady. Now I am sure there is much, much more about me that this woman has complained about. But for now lets just imagine the possibilities shall we!