Hello there chuckle seekers,
  how are you all doing out there? We're just preparing for our 2009 European tour which is going to take us from Milan , in the south, all the way up to northern Denmark. Have a look at our concert listings, we may be coming to a city/ town/ village/ hamlet near you.
  In the meantime, here's something that, hopefully, will tickle your giggle buds.

  A very old couple die suddenly in a car crash, they arrive at the pearly gates where, having lived an exceptionally good life, they are ushered through customs with all haste.
  They are met by their guide who, firstly, takes them to their new abode, a palatial house with a breath taking garden, swimming pool, fountains, exotic birds, and an entrance to a mind blowingly fabulous golf course.
  They notice that there is no kitchen in the house. This is, as their guide explains,         " because you'll be eating in the buffet of the golf club, which is open 24 hours a day. It's completely free, as is a round of golf, and the chefs are, as I hope you expect, of legendary status, from every golden era of culinary delight."
   The couple visit the restaurant and they're looking round the, naturally , all you can eat buffet. The husband sees, laid out, sumptuously, before his eyes, everything his heart desired. Desserts, from every corner of the globe, piled with cream or swimming in syrup, red meat fried in lard, french fries, the juiciest gourmet burgers, coq au vin, curries from the orient, omelettes of all descriptions, bacon, thickly buttered vegetables. The list is infinite.  
   In here,explains the guide, " no-one gets ill or fat. You simply eat what, when, and as much as you like."
   At that, the old guy goes into a fit of rage. He glares at his wife and yells " If it hadn't been for your sodding awful, stinkin' bran muffins, I could have been here 20 years ago!"

   Mmmmmmmmm. Doesn't it just put you in the mood for a deep fried pizza? Yummy!
                                   Till next time. Take care, and eat well.
                                                       Slainte.
                                                          Roy.

Join our new ReverbNation list!

This will help us keep all our info consolidated!

Please join our Street Team!  We might ask you to post posters or call you local radio station!  The best thing is to tell all your friends to come out to the shows!

Thanks so much!
the Tannahill Weavers!

Add yourself to our new ReverbNation mailing list! If you're on another list for us you will still get info there! Being on ReverbNation allows us to consolidate all our info and spread it more efficiently! Join the Street Team and help us in your area! We might ask you to post posters or call your local radio station! Thanks!

Well.......it's been a while, but now we're in the middle of our summer hiatus. There's no excuse not to share a laugh with you. There never is, of course, so here we go.

A guy walks into a fish mongers with an enormous cod under his arm. "Do you sell fish cakes?"He asks. "Certainly". Replies the fishmonger. "Thank goodness for that" Says the guy, looking at the cod. " It's his birthday".

A door to door salesman knocks on a door. It is answered by a small boy who asks, in a whisper. "What do you want?" The salesman, thinking this was a game, whispers back " Is your daddy home?" "Yes, but he's very busy". "Your mother then?"asks the salesman, still in a whisper. "Yes, she's home too, but she's also very busy". "Grandparents?" "Oh yes, but they're just as busy as everyone else". "Big brothers and sisters? "Yes they're here, but very,very busy".
  The salesman is now beginning to get a little exasperated, but he is desperate top make a sale, so he continues with the game. "Are there any other adults in the house?" "There are two policemen and a fireman in the house, and several neighbours and a few aunts and uncles", replies the youngster, quiet as a mouse. "And are they all busy too?' whispers the salesman. "Absolutely" says the small boy. "What on earth are all these people doing in your house that's making them so busy, may I ask?"  "They're looking for me".


  That's it for now. As usual, stay well. Till the next time.
                                                   Slainte.

Many thanks to my old friend, and founding member of the Tannahills, John "Cass" Cassidy for this fairly recent newspaper article.

From the Bristol Evening Post:
 
Outside Bristol Zoo is the car park, with spaces for 150 cars and 8 coaches. It has been manned 6 days a week for 23 years by the same charming and very polite car park attendant with the ticket machine. The charges are £1 per car and £5 per coach.
 
On Monday 1 June, he did not turn up for work. Bristol Zoo management phoned Bristol City Council to ask them to send a replacement parking attendant.
 
The Council said "That car park is your responsibility." The Zoo said "The attendant was employed by the City Council... wasn't he?" The Council said "What attendant?"
 
Gone missing from his home is a man who has been taking daily the car park fees amounting to about £400 per day for the last 23 years...!
 
Genius, if you do the maths he has creamed them for about £3000000! And probably still claimed benefits!
 

The Tannahill Weavers have a dedicated YouTube channel (better late than never!). 

Check it out at:

http://www.youtube.com/tannahillweavers

Thanks!

  Hello all you joke seekers out there. We've just returned from a 6 week US tour. It was the first time since the 80's that we toured North America in the winter months, it was quite an experience. We'd forgotten how severe the conditions were at that time of year in the North East. We were lucky for almost the entire tour but, unfortunately, were forced to cancel an appearance in Saratoga Springs. Thanks go to the organiser of the gig for her advance warning of the snow storm and for her sound advance.
  We also got stuck at th very last minute in Jacksonville. A snow storm in the New York area prevented us from flying ot on schedule. There are worse places to be stuck than Jacksonville Florida.
   Finally, thanks to you all for continued support and for turning out to see us. I'm already looking forward to our next trip across the pond in July. Please keep visiting our  "My Space" page for updates.
                                              Slainte,
                                                  Roy.
And now, the chuckle.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING DUTCH:
1. You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them.
2. You are surrounded by countries with fabulous brewing traditions and believe Heinekin is a great beer..
3. You can legally kill yourself.
4. You can get soundly beaten at football but remain  convinced that you were still, by far, the better team..
5. You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks Copenhagen is your capital.
6. You get to put your baggage on the seats and floor instead of the luggage racks on public transport.
7. You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save your country.
8. You have the shortest arms and he lowest pockets in Europe, but get to tell jokes about the cheap Scots
9. If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war is started, blame the Germans. If you lose your keys, blame the Germans.
10. Bikes are public property. Locks are not even a challenge.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN:
1. You get to speak three languages, but none of them intelligibly.
2. If other countries want to fight a war, they will do it in your country.
3. You can brew drinks out of fruit, and still call it beer.
4. You are either a) like the Dutch, just less efficient, b) like the French, just less romantic, c) like the Germans.
5. Fabulous fries. Real mayonnaise. Great chocolate. The best beer.
6. No one knows anything about you, except for the Dutch and French and they make fun of you.
7. More scandals in a week than any other country in a decade.
8. You can drive like a maniac on the road and nobody cares.
9. All your famous countrymen are either imaginary, or sex-offenders.
10. Face it. It's not really a country, is it?

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH:
1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2. Experience the joy of winning the World Cup for the first time.
3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
4. If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on Channel 4.
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries.
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star.
8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your sense of national pride.
9. You don't have to bother with toilet bowls, just do it in the street.
10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING NORWEGIAN:
1. You get to pay the highest taxes in the world.
2. You can kill baby seals and eat Rudolf the Reindeer.
3. You live in total freezing darkness half the year and get 24 hour ozone-hole radiation the other half.
4. You can get capital punishment for smoking dope.
5. You can go skiing in your knickers.
6. You get to hate the Swedes and beat the Brazilians in football.
7. You have to be a woman to get anywhere.
8. You don't need to worry about land prices rocketing - its fairly spacious.
9.
When abroad you can impress people you meet with stories about killing
polar bears and romancing penguins - and they believe you.
10. You can actually get bored with blondes.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH:
1. Two World Wars and One World Cup.
2. Warm beer.
3. You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4. You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events.
5. Union jack underpants.
6. Water shortages guaranteed every single summer.
7. You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8. Bathing once a week - whether you need to or not.
9. Ditto changing underwear.
10. Beats being Welsh.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SCOTTISH:
1. You ain't English!
2. You ain't English!
3. You ain't English!
4. You ain't English!
5. You ain't English!
6. You ain't English!
7. You ain't English!
8. You ain't English!
9. You ain't English!
10. You ain't English!

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING SPANISH:
1. Glorious history of killing South American tribes.
2. The rest of Europe thinks Africa begins at the Pyrenees.
3. You get your beaches invaded by Germans, Danes, Brits, etc.
4. The rest of your country is already invaded by Moroccans.
5. Everybody else makes crap paella and claims it's the real thing.
6. Honesty.
7. Only sure way of bedding a woman is to dress up in stupid, tight clothes and risk your life in front of bulls.
8. You get to eat bull's testicles.
9. Gibraltar.
10. Supported Argentina in Falklands War.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ITALIAN:
1. In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes.
2. Unembarrassed to wear fur.
3. No need to worry about tax returns.
4. Glorious military history prior to 400BC.
5. Can wear sunglasses indoors.
6. Political stability.
7. Flexible working hours.
8. Live near the Pope.
9. Can spend hours braiding girlfriend's armpit hair.
10. Country run by Sicilian murderers.

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING GERMAN:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

Give them a second chance
1. Oktoberfest.
2. Okotberfest-beer.
3. BMW.
4. VW.
5. Audi.
6. Mercedes.
7. On a highway you can travel at a speed that would bring you to jail in any other country.
8. You do not have to learn German as a foreign language.
9. You think Sauerkraut is delicious.
10. Contrary to common belief laughing is not forbidden by law (yet).

                                    

The Tannahills will be live in Lexington, KY on WOODSONGS OLD-TIME RADIO HOUR! Monday January 26, 2009 
For more info see:  http://www.woodsongs.com

Join in the fun!
See you in the states!

the Tannahill Weavers

Hello one and all,
  at this time of year it is nice to give everyone your best wishes. Here goes.
 

"I wanted to send some sort of holiday greeting, but it is so difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. Having taken advice I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that Great Britain is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a significant number of electrons were slightly inconvenienced."

Hello there good people,
  how are you all? It's about time for an update isn't it?  There are a veritable plethora, yes a plethora, dozens in fact, of gigs to be posted. We will be touring the USA from the middle of January until the end of February. Our major UK tour will be from the 2nd of April until the 1st of May and we are also working on a separate Scottish tour for the first week of June, just before the midgies get really bad. So you see, there is lots to be posted, and I will do it soon.
  In the meantime, please visit www.tannahillweavers.com  for reasonably up to date details of our touring schedule.
  While I'm here, let's see if I can make you chuckle.


A guy from Glasgow goes up to the Highlands to visit his uncles farm. He's never been out of the city before, so the whole affair is a completely new experience for him. On the first day his uncle shows him round the farm where he sees all these weird and wonderful things that he only thought came from the butchers, like cows and sheep and pigs. As time goes by, the uncle gets him into feeding the animals, milking the cows and all sorts of other stuff he'd never done before, but after a week the Glasgow fellah begins to get bored. He asks his uncle if there was anything more exciting to do out there in the wilds. His uncle said "Take the shotgun and the dogs and go do a bit of shooting".
  A couple of hours later the Glasgow lad returns to the farm. " Haw uncle huv ye goat onie mair dugs?"
                                      Till next time,
                                            slainte,
                                              Roy.