For only being 6, Sebastian is pretty aware of what is going on in the world. We were driving home tonight and he said "Mom, I don't want to be in a war. I could die." Which floored me. So we talked about why we are at War and 9/11 and terrorists. I try to be as honest as possible with him, because I want him to be able to make informed decisions. As we were talking about dying and bad guys in general, he burst out with "I really miss my dad. I don't know why God had to take him." and he started crying. Seb rarely cries for his dad. He accepted it for what it was, and has moved on with his life. So I am driving, and he is crying and we are both crying while I am trying to tell him that his dad is always with us. I reminded him that his dad was so proud to have Seb as a son and that he truly loved him. Seb said that "he was the best dad a boy could have and I don't want to forget him. I want to remember the good times." I think Sebastian is starting to forget him, and it is scaring him. 

I wish I knew what to do to make him feel better. It sucks so hard that he has to go through this.  He is way too young to have to worry about the evils of the world. My poor little boy is hurting, and I don't know how to make it better. 

So as you all know by now, I am back in school. I recently had to turn in a rough draft for a self assessment paper. I got it back with a 10 out of 10 score and the following comments from the instructor:

You have an excellent start with this rough draft.  You get right to the point, your words are clear and concise, and you keep your reader interested. You also have good transitional words and phrases. Good writing feels like it is always moving forward, and your rough draft does that.  Keep up the good work.

Lori K

I dont have regrets in my life. I am glad for everything I have done and experienced, but having a kid when you are 21 kinda sucks. You don't get to do the stuff that a young adult should be able to do. So here I am, 27 years old, and I am living it up. I like to go out, and yes, I like to drink. Don't ask me what I like to drink though, cause I am inexperienced. Right now, I like the rum. I used to be into tequila, but I can't handle it in my old age. Haha, a mexican that can't handle tequila.

Anywho, we had a girls night out this weekend, in which I got all sluttied up and stalked around Dave and Busters. It was not worth it though, boo. Then, we went to Drink Houston, and danced til 2 am. This is not normal behavior for me. I had 4 drinks that night, and yes, I was drunk. It was fun cause I got into it with a bitchy bartender. And I got hit on the head by a tall drunk asian. He then proceded to give me a Bud Light. Fun times we had by all, and we will be going out again soon. So if you wanna go and get drunk, I am a cheap date ;)

Wow, hell must be freezing over. This is two blog posts in two days! Yeah yeah, we all know about my lj, it's not public though since I have a creepy stalker. Anywho, I think I have ADD. It must run in my family or something though. See, I just statred school again, and every time I have homework, something more intresting happens to come along, like myspace, or livejournal, or games or WHATEVER. Paper to write? It's time to camwhore like there's no tomorrow! Discussions to post? OMG There must be a new book/movie/song I have to check out. Funny thing is, my sister does the same thing. Only her thing is cleaning obsessively. When she gets that look in her eye, I tend to leave.

Random move on, I really need to stop reading vampire stories before bed. It tends to lead to nightmares, like the one I had last night, involving drunken vampires, tornados, and angry 911 workers yelling at me about the drunken vampires.

Anywho, I finished my homework, but that was only after I showered, washed my face, stuffed myself full of mini vanilla wafers and, heaven forbid, folded some clothes. I must go, my vampire book is calling me. :P

Ok. Well, there is something about me that most of you people do not know about me. I am feeling reckless, so get ready for a revelation. Many many years ago, (read: 11 years) I was The Other Woman. At the time, I personally did not care what I was doing, because I was pretty smitten with S. Honestly, I thought I was in love with him. And maybe at the age of 16 I was. It was a short, torrid affair, and when it ended, I was shattered. I don't think I ever got over him, and I searched him out on MySpace. I swear I am not a stalker, but I had to know. He is still happily married (I think) and I am ok with that. I let him know that I was sorry for what had happened all those years ago, because karma is a bitch, and I was cheated on.

That brings me to today. My feelings are pretty fucked up with everything I have been through. And it seems that everytime I find someone worth a damn, they are already taken. I always promised myself that I wouldn't be the other woman again. That's totally not cool. But, I kinda met someone recently. It's totally random and all, but he made me feel so good about myself. I say he was just doing his job, he says no. And damn it, he is in a relationship. And I don't know when I will see him again, if ever cause he is getting a new job. And I know this sounds insane cause I have only see him at his work place, and then, only like 3 times lol.

Anywho, if you two are reading this, and I doubt it I just wanted you guys to know that one, I am not over you. I probably will never be. You screwed me up for life, and while I hate you for that, I still maybe think I love you. And two, you are amazing, cute, funny, sweet and you made me feel amazing. Thank you so much for that.

Ugh, maybe I am damned insane. =X

Bah lame subject. I miss Cali. Even though I was born and raised here in Houston, I feel like California, and more specifically, The Mojave Desert is my home. I was honestly so happy there. It is so fantastically beautiful. The weather is amazing; you actually have seasons! Snow and summer and fall. I love it so much.

But I think I miss it because half of my heart is still there. Even though Jason was not buried, when I think about Cali, I think about home. That was our home, and we were mostly happy, before it all went to hell. I think I have such a hard time with it because I was shuttled back here so swiftly. The accident was on the 15th, and I was back in Texas by the 25th.

In all the times I have been back since, I have never made it to the accident site. I also have never been back to were we lived. I just don't know if I can. I want to, god how I want to, but I dunno. All I do know is that one week from today, I will be back home. I am lucky enough to have two places to call home. And in California, I plan on having fun, relaxing and learning how to live again.

So we are going to cali again this month. We haven't been since January, and I really want to see Jason's tree in bloom. I miss the weather, the mountains, the absolute beauty of SoCal. If given the chance, I would move back in a heartbeat, but I just can't. I can't live where we lived without him :(

In July, I want to take Seb somewhere awesome. He really deserves it. He has been on honor roll all year, and it is his birthday. I originally wanted to take him to Florida, but I don't do well with hurricanes. Selfish as it sounds, I want to go to Montana. He likes camping, maybe I can convince him? I want to go to Hawaii too, but it's a no go with the master.

Bah! I need a vacation bad. So, where are we going?

I got tagged.

Here's how you play:

Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random things, facts, habits, or goals about yourself. At the end choose 10 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave them a comment (you're it) and tell them to read your blog. You can't tag the person who tagged you. Since you can't tag me back, let me know when you've posted your blog so I can see your answers.

Here we go!

1.  I am hella boy crazy

2.  I bite my nails.

3.  I'm a shopaholic. Badly

4.  I own more than 100 books.

5.  I love little old men. They make my heart melt.

6.  I have an irrational fear of potholes.

7.  I am addicted to texting.

8.  I played the flute for 14 years.

9.  I love to hike in Miller Canyon. So beautiful and peaceful.

10.  I like to sing, badly.

I tag:

Serena

Ceci

Angela

Laura

Melissa

Willow

Stephanie

Lisa

Chris

Julie

 

Ok, as many of you know, I have a very unhealthy obsession with Britney Spears circa 1999. I have no idea, but I love the poor girl. I can relate to some of her songs (lol seriously, ask me about Oops, I Did it Again.) I'd like to befriend the poor girl and just either hug her, or kick her ass. Anywho, she is my favorite trainwreck ever.Why, just last week, my sister called me and said "Your girl is in the hospital!" With bated breath, I got online to see what antics she has been up to.

 Lately, I have been listening to My Perogative. I know what she is talking about! I live with my parents, and god damn if they don't try and tell me what to do and how to raise my own son. I feel like yelling at them WHY CAN'T I LIVE MY LIFE! I don't need permission, make my own decisions. It's my perogative. You can't tell me what to do.

They call me crazy...

;)

This blog is for one person. He knows who he is. I just wanted to let you know that tonight is the first night I have ever cried for someone other than Jason. It SUCKS that you have that effect on me. I feel used and ignored, and I hate that. I am a good person. I love and give my whole self and deserve that in return. Yes, you may be busy, but damn it, for someone who is supposed to be your "best friend" I'd at least like a phone call once in a while. An IM or text is fine. Just something to let me know how you are doing, and maybe ask me how I am. I want to believe all the plans that we talked about, but sadly I don't. You have such a hold over me and you know it, and I kinda wish you didn't. Or at least, I wish we were in it together.