Where did you learn to dance??

I have danced since i could walk. There was a lil dance studio next to the daycare i went to that my mother also worked at. I was sent there with the bigger kids so i could have more active time.
My mothers excessively strict religious back ground oppressed her love of dance and she would make me do ball room dances like the waltz and such with her when we were home.
I think the moment i realized dance was really important in my life when i started competing for gymnastics in 2nd grade. I skipped many levels my first year of the sport and my coaches made it a point to let me know I have a gift.
I also realized how important to my mental health and self worth sometimes during '09 after a yr of deep depression and losing many friends. I could get my feelings out in a more appropriate way and it turned into something beautiful

When did you start gogoing?

I am not tooo sure about this but I am sure i was on my first box right before my 19th b-day. I started performing in places like the State Palace in NOLA when I was 19 with CKMOM with Mother Tink.

Do you think costuming has to do with the fact you are bipolar??

A little bit. It gives me a sort of mask and character to hide behind so i can be less fearful of who I really am. I prefer dancing in spandex, shoeless and hair down.
I also contribute the costuming to the fact i wasnt allowed to really celebrate holloween and I have always made clothes and sewn so it seems. I sewed my first bit when i was about 5. It bothered me how open the back of my dollies dress was and i used dental floss and a dull plastic needle. Even then I was inventive.

After a lifetime on stage, do you still get nervous?

I am always nervous. I worry about the stupidest things. i say Im less nervous when i am in a city I have much love in. The more support for me in the building the less self conscious i am about my movements and the less critical i am about not being perfect.

What will you do when you do not gogo anymore?

I am currently in school for dance. I plan to teach dance and I reallly want to do choreography. I hear music and visualize dance. Its what my mind does. I never plan to stop having dance in my life. I have live, breathed, and loved dance for too long. The one thing that I feel i do right the most.

I just took a temporary time out. Sometimes we gotta do whats good for us.... and not what we want.

Stop asking if i died, was in rehab, moved, and things of this manner. Some of you its done out of love and I dont mind. but others are just being pricks.

Sure some of the people I was offiliated with have dropped me for some reason or another and/or have just been giving no communication about anything going on ever. Thats cool we all got our shit.

Ive been posting blogs about getting over demons and shit and all my ridiculous problems. Right now the last blog was about medicine. I am currently back into treatment. My disabilities have become too hard to live with anymore and there are some things even I can not control no matter HOW hard i try. For the first time in my life i am accepting the fact I live with a disability and guess what fucker.... IM NOT GOING AWAY THIS EASILY.I am BACK and better then ever. Sure im in a weird run of trial and error medications but honestly ITS BETTER.

Do not ask me for my meds. I can not spare any. I do not have insurance and this means even the generic brands of certain meds are 80 something dollar a bottle. Even the meds we know i rarely take are not up for grabs they are my tranquilizer darts. 

Also i know i dont talk to everyone like i used to at parties and i seem stand off-ish. Yeah you would too after the emotional spill i have taken. Honestly if it offends you that much talk to me first. REMEMBER ALSO I do wear glasses on a day to day basis. I do not always wear my contacts. Actually i rarely wear them cause i dont remember till im half out the door,

I hope this pisses you off or helps you understand a little more. Im not trying to be a cunt when im out. Im just not how i was a few months back. I think this is a good thing. Ill attack less


p.s
"cloudy" dizzy head sucks.

And i am doing so in a crazy manner. I need to pack but I am sick and tired of lookin at my own stuff. what i have left isn't that much but i did put a lot of gusto into packing last week... I loathe it now :(

I gotta be outta here by the 27th. I get to put my stuff at Justin's and Celeste's and sleep at celestes but you know it sucks being in apartment limbo. I figure i could always pirate other peoples beds cause im super genious like this........ but i dunno. :-p


So yeah if anyone gets bored and wants to help me pack yeah!!!! Itll be fun i guess is a word we use to describe things. I also need to use some ones truck like in mid August...... Id like to use it like sunday or something but you know.





<3
Spork!!

So yeah in case were wondering due to my awesome ability to down liquor....... I decided to live a healthier life. I can't live my life in a self destructive down spiral. I work too damn hard to go down the same road as my dear ol' pops. I get sicks and fucking tired too of people acting like im fucking jokin'. Im not. Ive been allowing myself to fuck myself over a lot and I am sick of it. YOu can say its cause im too hard on myself.... but the moment I realized i do some real dangerous shit and I HAVE NO IDEA.... theres no way this is good.

I am currently NOT in school cause i lost my mind. I would like to start making it back out to events soon. This time i hope i can stay strong... Just cause you CAN drink that much doesnt mean I need to.

When life is too negative change the parts that trip ya up. sure sure sure I did just go on a 3 day drinkathon, but not once did i black out or even come near to drowning when drunk ehehe I almost drown cause you can't laugh in the water.

I am also currently working on getting help for myself. Being this emotionbal wreck because i am uber hard on myself is STUPID. I guess we all come to a point where its not rock bottom but its a stones throw away. Fuck you you pinko bastard this life will not get the best of me.


half rant half update half shark half gator and balls deep in olive oil

<3

I dont wunna be positive!! I have been slightly upset a lot lately. JUST A LOT upset. I started a fight with an old man in a parking lot today. I dunno I think i am sick of feeling back stabbed a lot by people. So there fore i drink too much and act the fuck out. Its awesome i supposed for all you folks but recently I have been contemplating disappearing. Going some where else, not here some where thats not here PLEASE.

I need more people in my life who encourage more positive actions and less negative actions. I also need more people willing to hold me accountable for bull shit and at the same time have people who realize when shit is fucked up. I have no been able to even think of where to start right now with people. It was fucking awesome how some of my "friends" forgot my birthday all together!! Like didn't the space remind you?? Thats how i keep up with you's guys.

Also I need more support in what i do. More people showing up who give a shit when i got crazy shit to do. Not just when it is convenient for you but sometimes i need people in my life too it gets fucking lonely here. I mean Yeah i love my room mate.... Kinda sad my ex is one of my closest friends (other then Celeste) people who are always there who will force me out of my hole. Ugh I feel some times my friends forget how much i do feel. How lonely I really am and how quickly my hurt turns into pure hatred.  I dont like this about myself but after i feel let down time and time again there is a sign something isnt right.


AND I AM SICK OF BLAMING MYSELF. how come when i flip shit I am just being crazy. when any one else flips shit "they are having a rough time". Duh I got insane when i flip shit... DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I HOLD IN THE TEARS AND ANGER PEOPLE DO YOU??? YOu have no fucking clue. YOu dont ask and when you do I lie cause wtf are you gunna do other then tell me "oh that sucks good luck".

I miss the group that I used to hang with. We actually did stuff. Now its like I got 2 folks almost always down. I have another 2 who i rely on for center Navi and Kit. This is nuts. The girl who used to appear to have the closest web of friends is the loneliest ive been in for fucking ever and nothing can take it away. Atleast i have my emo, crafty, and anger to hold onto to. SWEET. But I am done beating myself black and blue for others. It feels so soothing in the end when all that anger is taken out... BUT WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER FOR YOUR SHIT. Maybe cause i lose myself, maybe because i am so hard on myself. I AM NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU AM I ASS HOLE. I GAVE UP MY TIME COULD YOU GIVE UP YOURS??

Sometimes I wish I could have my own island and fill it with the folks who honestly care and honestly do shit to help.

The National- Mistaken by Strangers would go along well with this but fuck that i am gunna post this bull shit cause fuck being all sad. SHIT WILL GET BETTER..




then i will listen to metal later and remember i am an angry midget of doom

<3 no wait ..
Sporke

So for those who know me well. I like to piss outside and mark my territory. So yes I am going to list the states I claim with piss.

1. Always an forever TEXAS
2. Mississippi
3. Louisiana
4. New Mexico
5. Arizona
6. Nevada
7. Oklahoma (i hate you small town i visited)
8. Florida... Take that river lake thingy
9. Tennessee
10. Kentucky
11. West Virginia
12. Penisvania
13. New Jersey
14. Conneticicuttutut
15. Mass. Mother fucker!!
16. North Carolina
17. South Caroline
18. Georgia
19. Berlin Germany

I get sick of my constant running mind. I tire of the way I torment myself because i have not become who I wanted. I am happy (I guess) with who I am. I am happy with the way I am when it comes to social situations. But its what you do not see that is the real mind boggler. I would give everything up to have the life that my childhood friends have.
How come they got to be happy with some one? How come I have to try over and over again? It is exhausting when I had a good day but some how I managed to make myself cry again. Maybe it is one of those things. I think I just miss enjoying life with some one. Maybe it is just something I can attack myself about again. Maybe I just need big huggles, a person who can deal with my ramblings on, and a good firm shoulder. Oooh silly me. Who wants to be with this silly mess anyways.

I NEED A VACATION. I need to get out of this town. ASAP!!

I want Hello Kitty Mac Make up!!( From most of my friends or i will throw your present in the trash):P :P
Moneys for Japan!!
More Dance Clothes PUWEEEAAAZZZZ!!
Leotards and Spandex. Size Small
Point Shoes Size 2 (I wam almost positive)
Miss Sixty Radio Jeans the Acid Wash slightly Destructed ones i believe size 25.. THANKS CELESTE
ANYTHING FROM THE SANRIO STORE. www.sanrio.com
invent a teleporter, a food/money replicator, or a robot me that can do my schooling for me.
Rum
Wine
More powder Kryolan
Latex clothes
Colorful wigs
New hair for nubby headed girls like me
Your love :P

<3 Sporke

Any costume will do but aim for "outer space."
This shit is gonna be outta this world!!