I don't post much of what I write...but I feel inclined to now.

The Realest Poem I Ever Wrote

Forgive me God, for I have sinned
And I know that you know the actions of all men
And I know that without you I can't win
And I know...
I should've listened
You told me to obey
And I defied
You told me to guard my tongue
And I lied
You gave me favors
That I denied
You gave me direction
You gave me signs
And when you gave me knowledge
I set it aside
I know the rules
But I don't abide
So I won't make excuses
And I won't hide
Please have mercy on me
Be my guide
You know that I'm not proud, right?
I don't have to say it out loud, right?
You know that I'm ashamed
I don't want to name names
I'm the one to blame
Please forgive me and save me from the flames
I know you're testing me
I know this life is not a game so you're not jesting me
I wish I only had the best of me
Then it wouldn't be so hard to live with the rest of me
And maybe I'll deserve a touch of you blessing me
Cuz I am weak
Can you make me stronger?
Could you make it so that I won't disobey you any longer?
I know I want to be upright
But you know better than me
You know what's in my heart
You see what I can't see
So I'm afraid
That my time will be short when I think it will be long
And I'm afraid
That while I'm in my grave, the angels will ask three questions
and I'll  get one wrong
And I'm afraid
That you won't be pleased with me
And that I will suffer a penalty from you grievously
And I'm afraid
That I'm incapable of change
And that my wants and desires will only bring me pain
And I'm afraid
That when you bring my darkness to light
The book on my left will be heavier than the right
So what do I do?
It's like I know that your words are clear
So how can I ignore the only thing that I fear?
Save me
Save me from myself
Let me not be the smell of tar singed on anyone else
I don't want praise
I may not be ready for wealth
I'd rather have patience
I'd rather have my health
Please...just give me hope
Please...I need help
I need to be at peace with the pain that I have felt
I need humility
I need you
I need faith
I need truth
I need those I love to love me back
So if I really love you...can you do that?
Forgive me God, for I have sinned
And I'm crying now because I know I'll sin again
So I pray that when I ask...
You will forgive me then