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Last Updated: 12/11/2009

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Country: UK
Signup Date: 6/19/2006

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Tuesday, December 08, 2009 
Hosted By:
Ventriloquist

When:
10 December 2009

Where:
Rich Mix
35-47 Bethnal Green Road
London
E1 6LA

Description:
Tongue Fu Wonder Women special to finish 2009 with all the lyrical ladies performing with the Tongue Fu band.. Fran Landesman, Salena Godden, Zena Edwards and Poetic Pilgrimage Hosted by me and featuring Last Mango in Paris Thursday 10th December 09 Rich Mix 35-47 Bethnal Green Road, London E1 6LA www.richmix.org.uk or 020 7613 7498 for tickets £5 entry Doors 8pm / Show 8.30pm

Click Here To View Event
Monday, October 05, 2009 

Are you going to Scarborough Fair?

Parsley Sage Rosemary and Thyme

Remember me to one who lives there

Once she was a true love of mine


…a song written in a time

When no-one took credit for the writing

Medieval bards or shapers, wandered the country

Delighting crowds with songs, tales and capers

That were passed like Chinese whispers

meanings drifted, ideas were lifted

re-shaped and shifted

songs and stories were woven

into what Carl Jung would call

the collective unconscious

eight hundred years later....

.. ..

My grandfather Fred

Sung songs for a living in Jung’s time

When all ideas were stamped with the heavy ink of authorship

In 1921 Fred, his wife Elsie and their daughter Elva caught a ship

To London from Melbourne

They could afford the trip because he was an opera singer

Story telling at its’ best dressed

He had a good voice and a broad chest

For his Wagnerian roles, he was best known

A baritone or sometimes bass

His was a public face

And as is the case with such a face

Disgrace is never far from view when you fall

So when he fell in love with my Grandmother Esther

They decided it was a good call to keep it a secret

Lest the reputation he had built should suffer

Their affair lasted for years

And Esther bore first one child then another

With extraordinary guile

She kept her pregnancies secret and all the while

arranged for the brothers to be fostered

In a town far away from the big smoke

Known for its’ name in an old folk song

Whose meanings were many and whose origins were unknown

Remember me to one who lives there

The first-born died young

But the second son Peter

Was blessed with better fortune


Peter’s been telling stories all his life

I’ve always listened

Often they’ve blossomed

from thoughts to short sketches

to scribbled piles of pages

to typed scripts

to full productions

with songs and costumes on stages big and small

I’ve watched him direct hundreds of people, family, friends, one and all

In plays and pantomimes he’s written

For no ends save the unexplainable yen

To fashion stories and songs

Understanding the lift an audience feels

When they sing along

Parsley sage rosemary and thyme

The urge was strong in him

His invisible father had planted a seed

That sang a little song in him

But like Scarborough Fair

He didn’t know the author of the song he was singing

My father grew up a secret

Wrapped in the itchy contradictory wool

of speak when you’re spoken to

and don’t answer back


He’s eighty now

And I have heard too many tales to mention in one poem

But my favourite yarn

Leaves me feeling like I know him

Back then, when he was the secret boy

With secret desires to entertain

Back then, when those urges had no reason or name


Picture it

A sunny summer Saturday

Late 1930’s

The seaside town wakes to excitement

Kettles are boiled, collars starched

Shirts, skirts, shorts, shiny shoes and packed lunches

As hundreds make their way to the brand new lido

All talk is of the day and the hunches

Of folks with a nose for a winner

It’s the Scarborough swimming-gala

But my Dad’s not a swimmer

At least he wasn’t then

But not wanting to be left out, he hatches a cunning plan

Fit for his heroes of the silver screen

It’s just a matter of timing and not being seen ‘til the right moment

So while the crowd gathers across town

Races underway

Dad sneaks into his foster auntie’s wardrobe

No thought for the price he’ll pay

A moment to peruse

Then he slips into a dress

Puts on some shoes

and a cloche hat for finesse

Walks down stairs, grabs a large umbrella

opens the door to the street

And makes his way calmly to the pool

Clopping along with big ladies feet


It’s a neat plan and it’s going like clockwork

He arrives as they’re taking a break, in-between races

Peering out from behind a bush

All he can see is a sea of faces

Now how the next bit happened I don’t know

You’d think when the 9 year old boy in ladies clothes

Climbed the ladder to the high diving board

Someone would blow the whistle

But maybe being the son of an invisible father

Made my Dad some kind of invisible boy

Whatever it was, to his surprise and unbounded joy

No-one seemed to notice him until he got to the top

A hush ripples around the crowd in a wave

Which breaks into feverish laughs and calls

He’s neither coward nor brave

Just certain of his task

Surveying his audience

He puts up his umbrella and holds it aloft

To bask for a moment in the undivided attention

Of a crowd of a thousand or more

The moment he’s been waiting for

As he steps off the board

30, maybe 40 feet high

He’s sure the umbrella will just let him float down from the sky

He’ll enjoy the laughter and soak up the applause

As the crowd erupts and he becomes the cause

Of the town’s celebrations

“A Scarborough sensation

Such wit! Such vision!

A hilarious plan executed with amazing precision!”

Of course he plummets and hits the water with a smack

A lifeguard rescues him

Slaps him on the back

To help him cough up the water he’s swallowed

You can imagine the chaos that followed


So when I asked him, “Dad, why did you do it?”

He just shrugged as if to say

“if you saw an open door, wouldn’t you go through it?”

It was like he wouldn’t take credit for the idea

Like it was just there

Like a song that was hanging in the clear air


Scarborough Fair’s about two lovers

Who can’t or won’t be together

They set each other impossible tasks

To prove their love for each other

Ensuring they are forever kept apart

The secret son of the invisible father and the distant mother

Leapt with no thought for the impossible that day

But that’s just one ending

I’m telling the story now

Sending it to you

To do with, what you may


Chris Redmond Oct 2009

.. ..

Monday, June 08, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry
I've just written a short story, literally just finished typing it so the inks still wet so to speak..  be interested if anyone can tell me what it's about...

Sunshine is Weapons       by        Chris Redmond

There once was a man who spoke only three words in his whole life.  He spoke them fairly frequently and with a sureness that some found unsettling.
His three words; “Sunshine is Weapons”

They were his first words.  And his last.

Born to what would be considered normal parents, no sign of abnormality, he was a physically healthy child.  His intellect seemed to be strong, There was no inner turmoil, no crying, just calm.  He was very calm.

He played like every child, learned to paint, to play the flute and build models of aeroplanes, buildings and frogs.

As he grew it became apparent that he had great skill when it came to building things.  He showed tremendous forsight as a draftsman and would design and build increasingly wonderous things for his friends and family.   

On leaving school he trained to be an architect and passed with the highest honours that any graduate had ever achieved. 

But all through his childhood, his adolescence and now, still as a young man, the only words he’d ever spoken were “Sunshine is Weapons.”

Very soon, he was snapped up by a top architectural firm and before long he was designing buildings all over the world.  But as his reputation grew as a fine architect so did his strange reputation as a man of three words.

A TV programme was made about him and pretty soon he was a celebrity.  He had press camped outside his front door day and night.  People were fascinated. 

Each building he designed drew increasing attention because once built, they seemed to cast some sort of spell over all who saw them.  People were awed by the buildings, but if you asked them to say why, they couldn’t put it into words.

A growing surge in his popularity led to his three words being talked about in numerous circles.  Speculation drew opinions from builders and taxi drivers to spiritual and community leaders. 

The architect would never get involved with any of these discussions, never judge them or offer any indication of his opinion.  Whenever he was asked about the furore he was causing, he would simply answer “Sunshine is Weapons.”

Some people started to believe he was a prophet of some kind.  He developed ardent fans of his architecture, his words and his gentle non-judgemental, non-engaging manner.  There was great compassion and creativity in him and his buildings seemed to somehow emanate this. 

His fame grew and grew until the whole world knew his name and his three words had been translated into 242 languages.

After a while, this level of adoration, veneration even; caused some people in positions of power to worry.  Some religious leaders began to denounce him, saying his buildings were not the work of the right kind of power.  They began to rally against him. Governments too, worried that his popularity might somehow unsettle things, that he was becoming too influential.  And yet he never asked to exert any influence over anyone.  All eventually pandered to him though, worrying that they needed his endorsement. 

Such was the level of intrigue about the man of three words who made amazing buildings, it was as if he became an enormous screen onto which millions of people projected their own ideas about who he was.  Some people formed small religious cults around their ideas of him.  People put stickers of his face and his buildings on their cars for luck.  Dogs had pictures of him on their collars.

Eventually, he died, after a long and distinguished life, having collected numerous honorary degrees and medals and prizes.  He left behind no will, no money, nothing.  Just his buildings. 

He was almost immediately deified. People erected statues of him and sang songs in his name.  His three words appeared everywhere even though still, nobody knew what they meant.   Within one hundred and fifty years Sunshine Is Weapons came to represent the name of one hundred and fifty different religions and philosophies around the world and his buildings still create a sense of awe and wonder amongst any who see them.  His three words have been carved into the rock-faces of the tallest mountains in the west and in the east and are now flashed up on TV in between commercials to remind everyone daily to remember something.  Something they don’t quite understand. 





Wednesday, March 25, 2009 
Tongue Fu Too!

Yes we’re back!  The motormouthed marvel of poetic and musical dexterity that is TONGUE FU has had a make over a la “09”  and is rearing it’s overly large head in a new home-more spacious, so poets can roam, more loquacious, ripping up the rule book to the incendiary musical tumult that is the Tongue Fu band!

Come On!

The first of three shows at Arts Centre par excellence Rich Mix in Bethnal Green takes place on Thursday APRIL 9th 2009 with a line up of terrifyingly hot big hitters.

Zena Edwards – Poetry and jazz Goddess, blending poems, stories, voices and song like a funky sorceress stirring a steaming pot of sizzling images and soaring melodies.  She is friend to and veteran of WOMAD, Glastonbury, London Jazz Festival, British Council, BBC Radio 1, 3, 4.. and on and on…
'Zena Edwards is a mesmerizing performer of deeply lyrical, musical, streetwise poetry.' The Verb – BBC Radio 3

Excentral Tempest – tempest by name, tempest by nature.. she is a firebrand poet of the highest caliber, tearing furious poems from the harshest of experiences and hurling them back out in some of the most powerful and beautiful poems on the planet.. ask anyone who’s heard her.
“she has no right to be this good!” Scroobius Pip

Chris Hicks – one of the sharpest minds in the poetry universe.  His absurdly clever wit and wordplay tear holes in the fabric of space itself and ask darkly framed questions about the most magical and mundane.  One part of poetry super-group Aisle 16, veteran of Reading, Glastonbury, Leeds, Latitude and Port Elliot Lit Festival.
“I refuse to perform with them anymore because they make me look like a cunt.” John Cooper Clarke, on Aisle 16

featuring

‘Last Mango In Paris’ the Tongue Fu Poetical Polemicist in Residence performing pieces written especially for the night.  Mango is the number one prankster, cross-dressing Cowboy and Indian poet in the world! Check out his pant wettingly good new single ‘Man Bag” to be released in April..09

Hosted by me...


At Rich Mix
35-47 Bethnal Green Road, London E1
8pm kick off
£5 entry
Box Office 0207613 7498
Tickets from www.viewtickets.co.uk
www.richmix.org.uk



Sunday, February 08, 2009 
Nice to start the year with such radio love...
had some more Radio 1 action last week thanks to Colin Murray and Scroobius Pip.  I wrote a continuation to Scroobius's poem Letter From God To Man... replacing Man with Pan...

check it here for a few days while it lasts..  its about 23mins in...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00h8ql6/Colin_Murray_05_02_2009

yeehah!
x


Sunday, January 18, 2009 
Colin Murray had me doing The Poo Eye Incident on his show on thurs thanks to Scroobius he the man P I P.. check it here for a laugh.. its about 34 mins in.. (not that I checked it or anything..._ http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00gkn7p/Colin_Murray_15_01_2009 dont forget tongue fu on weds 28th Jan- it's going to be a belter.. Ross Sutherland, Aoife Mannix and Tim Wells..oh yes.. Happy New YeeeeehaaaaaH!
Monday, October 20, 2008 
Inspired by the brilliant Letter From God to Man by Scroobius Pip, (and now the equally entertaining PS from Polar Bear) I thought I'd add my bit to the conversation with a letter from God to Pan - the Pagan God of nature, dance and music who got shafted by Christianity and turned into the Devil..thus denying an integral part of our nature for erm.. about 2000 years....

A Letter from God to Pan

Hey Pan
How's it going?
Long time no see
This is kind of awkward, but I think I owe you an apology
I recently wrote to Man, discussing his disregard of nature
And I thought, I couldn't really leave you out, funny, guess it makes ya
Think about things, you know the order of us Gods
I know I've been the big man, but I do feel sorry for all you sods
Who had a role, each representing an element of existence
And when I got promoted I didn't put up any resistance
I thought I could handle it, like a heavenly president
But like the human system, the failure is more than evident
So I'm writing to acknowledge, the role you used to play
And apologise for your transformation & the price you had to pay

I was just a nipper when you were at the height of your powers
I heard stories about you, would sit and listen for hours
God of nature, flocks, mountain wilds and rustic music
Your appetite for sexual adventure was legendary & you'd use it
To remind people of their animal nature, their place in the scheme of things,
I know when people worshiped you, they hadn't yet heard of sins
You were important to shepherds, which is why you're half man, half goat
Funny how your horns remained in that book that men wrote
I remember you loved singing, dancing and partying in nature
It really doesn't make any sense why men began to hate ya
Well, maybe it does if you think about how much power women had
When you look at the early Hebrew teachers, their attitude was pretty bad
Whereas you loved to play with women and men in equal measure
The founders of Christianity thought women didn't deserve pleasure
They thought shame was born with every woman, men couldn't handle their own desires
They ran from your free spirit while you danced naked around fires

There were too many gods and you had an element of danger
I guess you roamed too free my friend so they made you a stranger
After the bloke on the cross had some admirable ideas
Those who interpreted his teachings seemed to be gripped by fears
Of forbidden this, and shameful that and gradually they turned against you
The more time passed, your reputation grew worse, they'd paint you
As the bad guy, the horned one who raised hell
Me I got promotion and at my feet all the praise fell

I know you stuck around for as long as you could
Still engendering that feeling of fear and wildness in the wood
In the field, on the mountain and in wide open spaces
Humans still use the word Panic, so you still leave traces
But once the church had grown to the Holy Roman Empire
It was only a matter of time before your funeral pire
As they wrapped you up in stories, changed your name and your purpose
Anywhere you showed your face, it was like being at the circus
Satan this, the Devil that, then calling your followers witches
No-one could have predicted the insanity that spread, the stitches
Of your reputation unpicked for all to see
Millions of people were burned because they didn't worship me

I guess you were god of animal and that wasn't enough any more
They wanted something supernatural & that's what I was invented for
One God, to rule them all, made in the image of man
But Gods only exist as long as people believe in us..damn
I just didn't see it coming, now less and less people believe in me
Because they are beginning to realise that they invented me
My powers are waning because I'm only the God of Man
Without you, I'm not strong enough, you're the God of Nature, Pan.

I've still got a few tricks left up my sleeve, I'm giving things a shake up
People need to re-evaluate their place, they need to wake up
They've forgotten they're all actually made of the same stuff
And that being locked in a human frame of reference isn't enough
People are doing some interesting research into nature's building blocks
They might just realise yet that they are the shepherd and the flocks
They are the rivers they're polluting, they are the tarmac too
They are every God they've ever -worshiped, which means they're also you.
Thursday, October 09, 2008 
The Lost Menagerie is a new story I'm writing.. it'll be an album of 10-12 parts/tracks..each one a piece of the story accompanied by music.. this is part one.. all feedback muchly welcome..

tanks and peas

x

Part One - Samatha


"I'm alone" she said
She was alone with the blues
Prone to a feeling of being prone to lose
She'd escaped to try and choose
a different perspective
She just wanted to sit,
Bruised and reflective
Hold a mirror to her actions
Search for insight
Through the cracks and the smudges
She thought she might glimpse light
But the refraction was dazzling
Creating many possibilities
Like a dozen elusive characters
whispering silent soliloquies
A dozen different stories
With as many false endings
So many paths in roads,
Winding and bending
Everyday she'd wake up
Wondering who she was going to be
She'd say "I haven't a clue what it means to be me"

Her name was Sam from Samatha
Which implied she had an ability
The Buddhist translation means
Both concentration and tranquility
The irony was not as lost on her
as she was in her mind
the frown etched into her brow
implied concentration of a heavier kind.
Her name was all that remained
Of a departed idealism
Her young heart and bright eyes
Replaced with the harsh and cold realism
Of loss, and all it's questions.


The city had been hard on her
Brutal and unforgiving
She fought it like a prize-fighter
With a squint like she was sieving
For quiet hints and hidden clues
Between the blows that she was dealt
She shouldered the weight of all of it
Chin high, but she no longer felt
In control of her life,
She questioned her existence
She asked "is life just survival,
Reaction and resistance?"

Anger welled up in her
Like an alarming fire
The confusion lifted her out of herself
She drifted higher and higher
Found herself on a train
Bought a ticket to nowhere
She said at the ticket office
Where is there nothing? I want to go there

She felt like her brain was full
Of broken images that hurt her
On the train she watched the world fly by
in a dirty orange blur
Dark streets, lamp-lit, people smoking and drinking
Cars with hidden drivers, flicker neon-blinking
Machinery, cranes and giant drills, poised inert
After days sinking their metallic teeth into torn earth

That howled silently into the night,
Against the uplift of steel and glass
Reaching for the sky and the future
Billboards flew past
Every hooded head and every hat
Seemed to hide another identity
Sam couldn't figure out if she was seeing
What she was meant to see

Young girls in short skirts and painted faces
Waiting on dirty platforms of nameless stations
Traces of lights of pubs and clubs open late night
Stung her eyes, which flickered furiously as she absorbed the sights
at a speed which matched her thinking
Her thoughts hurt her eyes
She twitched under the strain of them,
The shift caught her by surpise

With a woosh, out of the city
She felt the sudden rush of space
The night sky grew immediately darker
She pressed her face against the glass
sat there for hours, let her thoughts pass



She woke
somewhere else,
somewhere new
In the morning's soft translucence
A diamond dew on the green grass
Few distractions, no nuisance
No cars or people rushing past
Just old quiet woodland,
Oaks and sycamore
Her feet were almost silent
On the leaf mulch floor
Aside from trees there were only meadows
fresh and wet
She thought "this is the sort of place
That might help me forget."
Wednesday, August 06, 2008 

Category: Writing and Poetry
Here's my latest offering..

deep doodoo..


There are some things in life that seem to go together
Like egg and bacon and beans
You can't imagine one without considering the other
Like hip-hop and low slung jeans

Then there are the opposites that should never attract
Like mushroom clouds and sky
This is a story of two such things, here's a clue,
Two words – Poo and Eye.

The poo was mine, as was the eye
How they met, I promise soon will be revealed
I'm no exception when I say that in every single way
Poo in the eye is never something that's appealed

Was it luck? Was it fate? Was God brimming with hate?
There seems no answer to my question why?
on this cloudy day, luck looked the other way
and I got a bit of poo in my eye.

It was Glastonbury Festival on a Thursday afternoon
I was standing with Ben, my mate
We were watching England vs Portugal in the European cup
I needed a wee but I thought "it can wait".

Amongst 80,000 others we stood and cheered
Watching huge screens by the main stage
Emotions ran high, we drank the cider bus dry
From minute to minute we swung from joy to rage

Half an hour in, amongst a furious din
Ben turned to me and asked "you alright Chris?"
It was then I confessed that as the game progressed
I was desperately needing a piss.


"Well go then" Ben said. I should've listened and fled
but said "no it's cool, I'll wait til half time"
"I know what I'll do, I think I know where there's a loo
"only ten minutes left, I'll be fine"

As match tension grew, so did my bladder
I drew on all my reserves of will power
But in containing the strain I began to feel pain
Every minute seemed to take about an hour

"this is stupid" I thought, "I'm gonna get caught short"
I said "Ben, it's no good I need the loo"
I wove my way amongst the crowd, shouting out loud
"mind your backs, full bladder coming through"

Now the throng was much thicker than I'd assumed it to be
And I hadn't really taken this into account
The journey took longer, the urge got stronger
Pressure really was beginning to mount

At the edge of the field I took a left at the gate
Expecting to find my urinal saviour
I was alarmed to see it wasn't where I thought it would be
And I began to exhibit some slightly strange behaviour

Whilst twitching and jerkin', I asked a druid in a merkin
"Excuse me mate, can you tell me where there's a john?"
He pointed, I ran, this wasn't in the plan
Turning green, all I could do was hold on

On sight of the toilets, I thought my story would end
In a beautiful flood of relief
But instead my head sent a message elsewhere
Which I received in panic, shock and disbelief

As we all know, when wee's ready to flow
Number one can easily become two
Yes after all that clenchin', it was like my brain just mentioned
To my bowels they might like to relax too.

I'm like "Oh my God! this is very very bad"
I'm talking seconds, just seconds to go
I was only prepared, for a wee, now I'm scared
If I can make this, I really don't know

I nearly tore the door off a stinky portaloo
As I stumbled, sweating inside
The impossible hell at the bottom of this well
Yawned at me like a shitty mouth open wide

Scrambling, fumbling, no time to prep the seat
I climbed aloft and adopted the squat position
No sooner was I there, with an undignified air
My body emptied of it's own volition

The tension preceding this shower had such incredible power
That I poo-ed with a force unprecedented
Everything departed, I cried and farted
But what happened next was to render me quite demented

My poo hit the paste in the cesspit of waste
That I glimpsed beneath my trembling thigh
And the velocity of the plop sent a solitary drop
On the rebound straight into the corner of my eye

Nooo I screamed and roared with fear
Not believing this could be happening to me
How can I find myself with poo in my eye
When all I originally needed was a wee

Time slowed to a pace where I hovered in this place
Overwhelmed by both relief and revulsion
That one drop could contain so much evil and pain
Was momentarily too much for comprehension

But but that's wee and blood and disinfectant and drugs
And poo, please god have mercy tell me why
Of all the parts of my body that could possibly absorb splashback
How could that horror find the corner of my eye?

The bubble burst and I panicked, drunken and fearful
I cleaned myself and ran out of the dunny
I stuck my eye under the tap, letting water clean the crap
Out of my eye thinking one day I'll find this funny

I spent the rest of the night, a fearful sight
Terrified I might just lose my vision
Too embarrassed to tell my mate I got in a terrible state
Mentally replaying the poo drop and its precision

I had a smoke to calm me down but all it did was make me frown
As paranoia just added to my condition
But as the sun rose next day I felt the panic fade away
And I released myself from my morbid disposition

I lived to tell the tale. The eye is fine
And not a word of this is anywhere near a lie
So keep your eggs with your bacon and your fish with your chips
But I don't recommend poo in the eye.
Monday, May 12, 2008 
the nice people at Inhale did a feature on me, the band and I Know Kung Fu

you can read it here

http://www.inhale.org.uk/features/?ih=ih_rev_469

huzzah!