This seems to always be the lingering question after us ladies walk down the aisle - "when's the baby coming?" I hadn't even removed the sequined comb clips from my hair at our reception before 5 - maybe 6 family members inquired as to when I was popping out our first bundle o' joy. I was like, “huh”? I love kids, and I've certainly had enough girlfriends experience difficulty conceiving to know children are truly God's gift. My nieces, oh my goodness they are so precious, what a gift! But I'm beginning to wonder of children are a lifestyle choice - or more of an obligation for brides fresh from the honeymoon suite.

My mother had my sister and I in her early 20's shortly after she married my dad. In her generation, women were married in their late teens, early 20's. For my grandmothers, earlier. You've seen Fiddler on the Roof; Tradition! Religions and cultures have long dictated when, and at what age a young woman was to take her suitor and start the baby making. If a woman can't reproduce it's grounds for divorce, as we've seen in throughout history. I remember learning the story Marie Antoinette and really feeling for the Queen when she couldn't conceive – it took her 7 years. The pressure was immense - and pressure for a baby boy, no less! Never mind the male sperm dictates the sex of the child (we'll just ignore that detail). In the old days, if no baby was on the way it was a sign of trouble. Clearly the urgency to birth the heir to the throne is different for many reasons, but any of us could very well give birth to the next leader of the nation. No baby is more important than the other, I think we all have a divine purpose and a gift.

I do understand the need to make babies. Women are the "mothers of the earth" and responsible for re-population. You can imagine what would happen if women stopped having babies. It is of great importance. However, I'm beginning to think women are re adjusting their biological wrist watches to better suit their personal preferences (clocks are so out dated).

Much of my observation has to do with the opinions my girlfriends on the east coast have about children, as opposed to my girlfriends out in the west. I think where you live dictates your lifestyle, and some lifestyles are so much more conducive to children. Take me, for starters. A kid right now would not suit my lifestyle. Like most women I know in New York, city life becomes a tougher reality when you add a baby in the mix. Everything is already so expensive. Unless you have a lot of money and / or great resources (like family), plenty of room for a baby to play (good luck with that), a vehicle (many don't have because the city operates on public transport) and time (HA!) - being a professional woman and having a baby in NYC might not be your preference. I say preference because I know women who have done it, and done a fantastic job - but I can count the friends I have in new york with babies on my hand...one hand. And they've had them much later in life. On the west coast, it's an entirely different ball - or "baby game". Most of my friends have a child, sometimes two, three, four, five kids! The ones who don't I can count on my hand. Again, one hand. Is this coincidence?

It seems my generation of women have re-defined tradition - namely, child birth. What did Donald Fagen call them – “Tomorrow's Girls”? If that's good or bad remains to be seen. Hell, maybe those people of ancient times knew something we didn't! Maybe we were supposed to have babies between 16 and 25 only- who knows! Something that IS consistent, all over, is that women are waiting to have children. Whereas before it was the first order of post-nuptial business, women are giving birth to healthy beautiful babies well into their 30's and early 40's. Sure there are tradeoffs. Having a baby in your 20's means being a young mom with lots of energy. Not only that, when the child leaves the house you have a second life with your mate (providing the child hasn't sucked all the life from you). A baby in your late 30's means a little more freedom for to travel, develop the career and get to know yourself, which has been my preference. No matter what the choice, you can bet it's a very personal one.

Speaking for myself here, I never knew I was going to even marry. I didn't expect to fall in love; I was working. It made all the sense in the world that I met the love of my life of my life at work (score - double score; he had a job!!!). Babies were something I wanted but I couldn't plan for because I was planning other things. In regards to my work (and a lot of my female colleagues), a baby can be the kiss of death. It's a shame, right? Women have been passed up plenty in the workplace for fear they might get pregnant – men don't face the same reality. I could of course write / produce from home, and probably still do my radio show, but my on camera work would come to a halt. And my schooling - I go to school at night after work! I don't get home most nights until after 10. If it weren't for great tutors and study labs I wouldn't even be able to continue my education Station events and showcases often don't bring us home before the morning hours. What about the travel for on-location shoots? My voice overs - would my voice change if I got pregnant - would my agency drop me? So what is my option? Right now (today, mind you) if I wanted a baby I would have to give up life as I know it. Call me selfish but I'm not ready. I've worked really hard for everything I've got, just like anyone else - that involved some life-changing sacrifices. I guess babies are the greatest sacrifice. Kelly Ripa, God bless you and your gigantic paychecks. Really.

Speaking of God, in the end I think I have to leave it up to Him - I believe he always has a plan, even if there is no logic (that we can see, anyway). I think about it until my head spins, I can't figure it out. I look at women who have laid out a fantastic blueprint for business that I would love to follow - and they have no children. And they never wanted any, it just wasn't their choice. Then, I look at some of the women I admire most - and they are mothers.

What are your thoughts about women and babies, and what has worked for you - are you are a busy mom? A single mom? Did you have kids and a career – and how did you do it? Do you think children have anything to do with where you live? If you don't want kids - do you feel guilty? Help a future mommy out :)

NOTE - as re-printed from original source, http://www.johnlegend.com/us/blog/open-letter-new-york-post 

Dear Editor:
I'm trying to understand what possible motivation you may have had for publishing that vile cartoon depicting the shooting of the chimpanzee that went crazy. I guess you thought it would be funny to suggest that whomever was responsible for writing the Economic Recovery legislation must have the intelligence and judgment of a deranged, violent chimpanzee, and should be shot to protect the larger community. Really? Did it occur to you that this suggestion would imply a connection between President Barack Obama and the deranged chimpanzee? Did it occur to you that our President has been receiving death threats since early in his candidacy? Did it occur to you that blacks have historically been compared to various apes as a way of racist insult and mockery? Did you intend to invoke these painful themes when you printed the cartoon?
If that's not what you intended, then it was stupid and willfully ignorant of you not to connect these easily connectable dots. If it is what you intended, then you obviously wanted to be grossly provocative, racist and offensive to the sensibilities of most reasonable Americans. Either way, you should not have printed this cartoon, and the fact that you did is truly reprehensible. I can't imagine what possible justification you have for this. I've read your lame statement in response to the outrage you provoked. Shame on you for dodging the real issue and then using the letter as an opportunity to attack Rev. Sharpton. This is not about Rev. Sharpton. It's about the cartoon being blatantly racist and offensive.
I believe in freedom of speech, and you have every right to print what you want. But freedom of speech still comes with responsibilities and consequences. You are responsible for printing this cartoon, and I hope you experience some real consequences for it. I'm personally boycotting your paper and won't do any interviews with any of your reporters, and I encourage all of my colleagues in the entertainment business to do so as well. I implore your advertisers to seriously reconsider their business relationships with you as well.
You should print an apology in your paper acknowledging that this cartoon was ignorant, offensive and racist and should not have been printed.
I'm well aware of our country's history of racism and violence, but I truly believe we are better than this filth. As we attempt to rise above our difficult past and look toward a better future, we don't need the New York Post to resurrect the images of Jim Crow to deride the new administration and put black folks in our place. Please feel free to criticize and honestly evaluate our new President, but do so without the incendiary images and rhetoric.
Sincerely,
John Legend

For those of you interested in the $820 billion stimulus package put on the table by the Obama administration, here are some perks of the plan:

*Putting federal money into state Medicaid budgets (more people use Medicaid as unemployment rates jump) - and money into the program that gives health insurance for children.

*Extending COBRA (which provides insurance for folks after they have lost their jobs) and underwriting a portion of the cost through tax rebates. This would also provide some low-income unemployed people access to Medicaid, which would be a really good thing.

*Unemployment benefits would be extended through December 2009, and weekly unemployment insurance benefits would see a $25 increase. Holla!!!

*Food stamp benefits would increase and provide much needed support for food banks, school lunch programs, and the WIC program which helps moms and babies. There are 30 million people in the food stamp program.

*7.5 million blind, disabled, and senior Americans would see an immediate $450 from a temporary increase by increasing of Supplemental Security Income (SSI) benefits.

We'll see what happens, but this looks like a start to some much needed relief for so many Americans. Obviously the answer does not sit with President Obama alone; he is mortal. Let me tell you what I think - I think our way of life (American life) as we know it, is over. I think the possibility for totalitarianism is a reality; that scares the hell out of me. This situation has been DECADES in the making. And me – having the touch of paranoia that I do – I’m afraid this whole situation will somehow give the government an additional excuse to heighten surveillance in this country, on all levels (a’la 9/11) and further violate our 4^th Amendment rights (which, by the way, have been shot to hell – we don’t even have them anymore). However - I know, let me put away my violin here - I also think it's a great time for the human spirit, the entrepreneurial spirit, and to think about all that we DO have. This is kind of an expansion on my blog from the start of the year but, we have SO much. I believe that when we forget these things - the fundamental things - God finds a way to remind us. The people put in charge of our country let us down, our system failed. Now it's time to take that power back and figure out our own ways to make this better.This stimulus package - not the answer, but it's something…even if just an acknowledgment that we are in real trouble. We didn't have that before. I don't know if that money will do anything substantial - who knows! Bush told us for years everything was fine, it was fine, it was fine - until it was too late. And we knew it wasn't fine, because we have intuition and common sense and we felt it, and we were misguided. In New York folks started getting laid off years ago!!!! I hope, that out of all of this, we can transform our system into one that works - a system which protects its citizens, is kinder to our extended family around the globe, focuses on green living and natural energy, and fosters the HUMAN good.....

The below story, taken from Mediatakeout.com - Hi MEDIATAKEOUT.COM :) love your stuff. Anyway, what is this about - did I miss something? I would love more info on this story...did Tom Joyner really say this on his show? So what Jay didn't go to school - lots of world contributors never stepped foot in a college. Big deal! Yes we need to encourage our young people to go to school, yes hello I understand that. But some things can't be taught in any classroom. Jay might not be a scholar but he's clearly brilliant - Lord knows we have plenty of scholars. You know what I'm saying? Everybody has their gifts - and J's happens to be that much more fabulous because he "passed go" on the higher education game board. Not mad. Jay's a scholar of the hustle :) Beyonce didn't go to college herself, so - ???? I'm sure she's proud of her husband's accomplishments just as he is hers. Yes he was a dope dealer. I say that because Jay says it himself - on almost every track. He does not keep this a secret. But, he's not (a dealer) anymore - or, his new product is legal. I personally don't think Jay should brag about "beatin' that block" - that's nothing to brag about - but he obviously figured out a different way and I think that's the beauty of Jay Z; his way wasn't working and he changed his destiny. He didn't ask permission. There are lots of dope dealers who never do anything to elevate their circumstance, or think twice of the effect their product has on the community. Not to mention, there probably isn't one of us that hasn't done something in our past that we're ashamed of. Doesn't it say in the Bible - all sins are equal? If B was crying about anything that night, maybe she got wind that J referred to the President as "my ni**a Obama" - those tears, I would understand. Am I out of line? Read for yourself....

RE-PRINTED FROM MEDIATAKEOUT.COM

January 25, 2009. It looks like radio personality Tom Joyner is going in on Jay Z. MediaTakeOut.com caught wind that Tom was on the air BLASTING Jay Z last week. According to the radio personality, Beyonce made a poor decision in marrying the popular NY rapper.

And MediaTakeOut.com caught wind that Tom is suggesting that Beyonce REGRETS the decision to marry dude.

Here in an excerpt of what Tom said on his show – written by one of MediaTakeOut.com’s faithful readers:

She knows that she doesn't have someone like Barack and she was just looking around thinking about the choices that she's made. She should take a cue from JLo and leave the thugs alone. JLo knew what to do.

Tom reportedly went on to say the following:
It's cool to have someone with an education. Degrees are 'in' again and Beyonce looked at her mate and started to cry because she knew that she was never going to be Michelle or by like Michelle…

She has GOT to be thinking twice about that 'put a ring on it' song. All of that goes out the window now and she wants to take all of that stuff back. I mean, she's crying, looks to her side, starts crying even more and says to herself 'I'm never going to be like Michelle.

I'm never going to be in the White House as The First Lady and I'm never going to win an Oscar as long as I am with this thug

DAAAAANG!!! Is Jay really a thug … I mean he used to be …

EDITOR'S UPDATE - The above comments came about during and after a conversation with comedian Earthquake. So Tom may have only been joking when the comments were made.

I went to see Rakim perform last night - wow (thanks C). This was the last hip hop show at the Knitting Factory in New York, they close their doors after New Year's Eve. Black Thought, Keith Murray and plenty more blessed the mic - it was nuts. Rakim's set, a little bit of everything,.. "Microphone Fiend", "Know the Ledge", "Guess Who's Back", "Follow The Leader", "Paid in Full" just a few. I think I really will die happy now, actually...