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Punk Leia



Last Updated: 11/20/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Single
Age: 27
Sign: Libra

City: Vernon/Rockville
State: Connecticut
Country: US
Signup Date: 6/23/2006

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Sunday, February 03, 2008 

Current mood:  giggly
Category: Life
I just want to thank all of you for your educational
emails over the past year.

Thanks to you, I can no longer open a public
bathroom door without using a   paper towel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I
don't know what the last   person was doing while flipping    
  through the adult  movie channels.

I can't sit down on the bedspread because I can only
imagine what has  happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has
been driving because the   number one pass-time while driving alone is picking
your nose. (Although  cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot)

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip
because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats
I have consumed over the years.

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the
one about poop in the  glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet
towel with every envelope  that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I
open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl ( Penny Brown )  who is about to die in the hospital for the
1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will
change once I receive the   $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are
sending me for participating
in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have
363,214 angels looking out  for me, and St. Theresa 's novena has granted my
every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are
actually horrible mutant  freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even
though I smell like a water   buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only
get answered if I forward  an email to seven of my friends  
and make a wish  within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola
because it can remove toilet stains.


I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone
along to watch the car  so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when
I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the
people who make these   products are atheists who  
refuse to put 'Under God'    on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because
it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of
water in the microwave  anymore because it will blow up in my
face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones
because I could be pricked  with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone
will drug me with a perfume  sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since
they are actually Al   Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and
don't support our  American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will
ask me to dial a number  for which I will get a phone bill
with calls to Jamaica , Uganda, Singapore and
Uzbekistan ..

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus
since I now have their   recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine
because a big brown  African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me
instant death when it   bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick
up $5.00 I dropped in the  parking lot because it probably  
was placed there by   a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas
from certain gas   companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000
people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on
your head at 5:00 PM this
afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest
your back, causing you
to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because
it actually happened to
a friend of my next door neighbor's
ex-mother-in-law's second husband's
cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day.... 

 Oh, by the way..... 

 A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy
study, has discovered
that people with insufficient brain activity
read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

>Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
Currently listening:
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
By John Williams
Release date: 03 May, 2005
7:58 PM 
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Sunday, February 03, 2008 

Current mood:  jedi
Category: Games

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

 Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
 Please select from the following options menu:


If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.


 If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

 If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what
you want, stay on the line as we are tracing your call.

 If you are delusional, press 7 and your call
will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.

 If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a
little voice will tell you which number to press.

 If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which
number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

 If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

 I f you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or
before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
 memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.


 If you have low self-esteem, please hang up
our operators are too busy to talk with you.

 If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn
on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

 This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your
 part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you
 care.

 (Well, my job is done .....Your turn)

Currently listening:
Dark Passion Play
By Nightwish
Release date: 02 October, 2007
8:01 AM 
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Tuesday, December 05, 2006 

Current mood:  dorky
A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of officers that included personnel from most of the countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?"

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German."

You could have heard a pin drop.
10:30 PM 
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