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Beautifully Unspectacular

Kimberly Long


Last Updated: 11/19/2009

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Gender: Female
Age: 25
Sign: Cancer

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[21 Jan 2009 | Wednesday] 
I'm sure no one cares, except those of you like me, who surround your life with insurance, but... this is GREAT news for all of you who choose not to care about what's going on in the world of insurance (until it actually affects you). Trust me, this is a good thing.
Independence Blue Cross-Highmark merger off
By Jane M. Von Bergen INQUIRER STAFF WRITER

Pennsylvania's two largest health insurers today called off their proposed merger - saying that they were not willing to give up using either the popular "Blue Cross" or "Blue Shield" trademarks, as would have been required by the state.Pennsylvania's Insurance Department was reluctant to approve the merger of Independence Blue Cross and Highmark Inc., saying it would curtail insurance competition in the state. Highmark, of Pittsburgh, is a Blue Cross and Blue Shield company; Philadelphia's Independence Blue Cross carries the Blue Cross trademark. If the combined company had agreed to give up one of the popular "Blue" trademarks, it would have opened the door for another insurer to enter the Pennsylvania market and compete statewide, using the other "Blue" trademark."We have stated repeatedly that we would not give up one of our brands," the chief executives of Independence Blue Cross and Highmark Inc. said in a statement. "We spent more than 70 years developing our brands' value in our markets and they are an integral part of our corporate identities and reputation.The companies' decision to withdraw their application for a merger comes less than a week before the Pennsylvania Insurance commissioner, Joel Ario, was scheduled to announce his decision.The merger would have created the largest health insurance company in Pennsylvania and one of the largest in the nation."We welcome the applicants' decision to withdraw their proposed consolidation," Ario said in a statement issued today. "We were prepared to issue a disapproval order on Jan. 27, but this withdrawal smoothes the process and allows all parties to focus on the challenges we all face in addressing the larger health care crisis."Ario said he would discuss his reasons further at a news conference in Harrisburg tomorrow."I think he made the right decision," Gov. Rendell said of Ario."I think the merger was well-meaning by two great companies who are great corporate citizens, but I think it would have reduced competition in Pennsylvania," the governor said in an interview.In their statement, Independence chief executive Joseph A. Frick and Highmark chief executive Kenneth R. Melani said that, "in recent days, it became clear to us that despite the well-documented advantages of the consolidation for our customers and our communities, the Insurance Department would not approve the transaction because of its belief that there would be an adverse impact on competition. "We fundamentally disagree: We have shown that the combination would not lessen competition in our markets," the statement said. The U.S. Justice Department agreed with the Blues. It approved the deal twice, after evaluating the competitive effects of the transaction.As it is, Highmark does have the ability to compete statewide and does compete with Capital Blue Cross in central Pennsylvania and the Lehigh Valley. Highmark spokesman Michael Weinstein would not comment on whether Highmark would now try to compete with Independence Blue Cross in the Philadelphia area.
10:40 PM 
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[12 Jan 2009 | Monday] 
AAADD

KNOW THE SYMPTOMS.....PLEASE READ!
Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better, even though I have it!!

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. -
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first.

But then I think,
since I'm going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Coke aside
so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Coke is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Coke on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I'm going to wate r the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote,
but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all darn day, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious probl em,
and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail...
11:17 PM 
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[09 Jan 2009 | Friday] 
What dog breed are you? I'm a Golden Retriever! Find out at Dogster.com

Wow, You're a Golden Retriever!

Golden Retriever

The Charmer

Laid-back, sociable and well-groomed, you've got your own hip little pack of groupies who just love to be around you. You have a brain inside that adorable little head of yours, though you use it mostly to organize your hectic social calendar. You never poop out at parties, and since you're popular with ladies and men, as well as children and adults, you dish out your wit, charm and luck to whomever is close enough to bask in it. The top dog likes you and wants to be your best friend, despite the fact that he doesn't really know what the heck you do. No one does, in fact, but everyone loves you all the same. A true foodie, you've got your keen ears fine-tuned to make sure you don't miss out on the opening of a trendy new place to nosh. But your youthful days of being able to wolf down food 24-7 are wagging behind you, meaning you've got to watch what you eat so you don't pull a Brando and outgrow your coats. Learn more »
FAMOUS GOLDEN RETRIEVERS: Bono, Robert Redford, Joe Montana, Julia Roberts

LIKELY PROFESSIONS: Journalist, Intelligence Agent, Venture Capitalist
5:01 AM 
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[20 Dec 2008 | Saturday] 
1:29 AM 
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[28 Nov 2008 | Friday] 
My grandmother died today.
8:26 AM 
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[22 Oct 2008 | Wednesday] 

Current mood:  sick
...still sick as fuck.This shit started Monday and has only gotten worse! I was so bad yesterday at work I left at 10:30am. Today I'm not going in either. My voice is cracking and horrible sounding, my throat is on fire, the coughing fits and sneezing fits are always fun and I've been through 2 boxes of tissues since last night. I slept from 12:40pm-6:04pm yesterday and then from 11pm-7am today... and I'm still fuckin weak feeling. I think I am going to go take more medicine and go lay back down. Sleep is my best friend right now.
6:44 PM 
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[06 Sep 2008 | Saturday] 

The Firstborn Child


Typically, a first child grows up to be a conscientious and achievement-oriented adult who enjoys being in control and strives to please others. The idea is that when they were young, they had their parents all to themselves for a while, then lost that privilege. As a result, even as adults, they look for ways to gain back the undivided attention and approval they got used to receiving before their siblings came along. They're also often very organized and prefer to be in charge, which produces success in academics and career.


The good news for a firstborn when it comes to relationships, then, is that they're most likely reliable. You can count on them to be where they said they'd be, when they said they'd be there, and much of the guesswork of a relationship will be removed. The flip side of this, of course, is that they may need to work on being a bit more spontaneous and free-spirited. Also, a firstborn should be very aware of their potential tendency to try to maintain complete control when they interact with others; their relationships will benefit if they keep in mind the importance of compromise and collaboration.


The Middle Child


The middle child can often feel "squeezed out" by their siblings. The older sibling gets more responsibility and opportunities, while the younger sibling is the baby of the family and is thus coddled and adored. The good news is that middle children gets lots of practice at negotiating conflict, since they have to deal with it in both directions. Their flexibility and sociability means that they'll often end up being the kind of laid-back people that others like to be around. They also usually show strengths when it comes to compromise and coalition building.


As a result, a middle child often makes a very good romantic partner. Since middle children are the least likely to have been spoiled in any way, they're most likely willing to work hard to create a happy and meaningful relationship. One pitfall to watch out for, though, is the desire to avoid conflict, which middle children typically hate. They've experienced enough conflict and therefore do all that they can to steer clear of it. That, of course, is a dangerous inclination in a relationship, where it's often crucial that conflict be acknowledged and dealt with.


The Youngest Child


The youngest child is the one most likely to ask, "Why?" This ability to view issues from a critical perspective means they conform less and often come up with creative solutions to problems. One potential drawback is that they've often been cared for by so many people in their life that they can expect others to take responsibility for them. The youngest child is often more outgoing and social, and they'll usually take more risks, meaning that they may get to experience more diverse opportunities than their older siblings.


What this means in a relationship, then, is that the youngest child offers all kinds of fun and excitement. Whether on a first date or in a serious relationship, you can count on a youngest child to find spontaneous, unexpected ways to amp up the excitement. This spontaneity can also lead to potential problems in a relationship, though, since it's not always accompanied by dependency and accountability. Also, those powerful social skills bring all kinds of rewards, but they may not always be used for good; youngest children need to be careful not to abuse those powers by manipulating to get what they want.


The Only Child


An only child is much like a firstborn, except that he or she never had to share the parents or get to experience the conflict and connection that exists between siblings. Only children, therefore, are often mature and can be aloof, expecting to receive special circumstances from those around them. Even as children, they're usually serious and dependable, and like the oldest child, they will often find great success in school and career.


Only children bring many relationship skills to the table. They're dependable and sensitive, and willing to sacrifice for the people they care about. They're good communicators, and since they lived alone with their parents for so long, they've already had lots of practice at being in relationships with adults. Perfectionism is one trait that an only child needs to watch out for; this can present a real challenge to a partner, especially if that partner happens to be a youngest child. Another issue to remain aware of if you're an only child is your tendency to proceed slowly. Your caution and matter-of-factness are definite strengths in much of your life. But there may be times when you need to "step out" a bit more and take some risks that allow a relationship to move forward and grow deeper.


Remember, all we're offering here are tendencies that typically apply to people born into certain positions in their family. These characteristics won't apply to everyone, and there are certainly exceptions. Obviously, personality, life experiences, and our genes also significantly influence who we are. You may find that, taken in context with other factors, the descriptions above can prove useful as you look to gain better insight into yourself as well as the people you date.

9:38 AM 
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[22 Aug 2008 | Friday] 
Came home and the "Man Room" was gone. Hahaha...
4:50 AM 
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[20 Aug 2008 | Wednesday] 

I am sick and tired of Liss Property. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not move into an apartment or community owned by them (which I know is hard since they bought up almost all Northeast Philadelphia). We had L&I come out to inspect our apartment because after numerous attempts they have decided not to fix the issues we have. L&I found SIX violations and told us our apartment's condition is one of the worst they have seen. They even told us we have the right to hold off on rent, which we have. So it figures the day AFTER L&I came out we get the following letter:

 

Dear Resident,

It has come to our attention that you have been leaving the cat litter box and the cat outside in the hallway. Please remove the litter box and the ct from the hallway immediately. Also we will have to charge you $15 for the cat fee per month starting September 1st, 2008.

Please be considerate to your community and to your neighbors as well.


Thank you,

Haldeman Manor Apartments

 

FIRST, let me point out the obvious.. if we had a cat and litter box in our hallway and we did remove it, why would they still charge us for it? Two cats live in the hallway. They aren't ours, but I guess since they got fined out the ass for not fixing our apartment (which they can't since they are banned from from getting permits since they've pissed off L&I so much) they figure they'll fuck with us. I AM SO SICK OF THESE DIPSHITS!!!! We've had issues with the dog (our lease states our dog can stay free of charge until our lease ends 11/1/2008 but they continue to charge us and tack on late fees), we've had issues with them installing electric heating (without permits and with OBVIOUS fire hazzards) and we've had issues with the floor about to cave in, the sink shooting water out when on, the light not working (which started after the electric heaters were installed) and everything else.. I really can not take the stress they cause. I have a knot in my stomach everyday and it should NEVER be like this at the place you live. No fuckin wonder I am still losing weight!! I'm so fuckin stressed everyday over BULLSHIT that I don't feel like fucking eating. ANNNNNYWAY, here is the e-mail I sent to Jordan Liss today, which will probably not do anything:


----- Original Message -----
From: KiM
To: jordan@lisspropertygroup.com
Sent: Tuesday, August 19, 2008 5:48 PM
Subject: Haldeman Manor Apartments: D-9


Jordan,
 
    I am writing this e-mail directly to you and not through Marnie because I feel it needs your immediate attention. First and foremost, there is not now nor has there ever been a cat liter box in the hallways of ANY apartment building. If there was, don't you think Mike (who is here almost everyday) would've said something? Don't you think a neighbor in the building would complain if a liter box was piled high with cat feces in a common area? I was told you stated the property manager told you about it. We confronted all employees working here and all said they didn't say that, because it is NOT true. When Joe was confronted we were told "Jordan doesn't know what he is talking about!" There is no proof of this supposed liter box, so I would appreciate it if your company would look into matters before causing unneeded stress. If you feel that you do not need proof because an employee stated something, then I strongly suggest you look into the type of people you hire.
   
    The cats that come into ALL buildings, not just ours, are let in by various reasons. Other people let them in, they run in when people are carrying things into the building, but one big reason being that Joe consistently leaves the doors open. The cats that roam outside do not belong to anyone. If anything, they belong to you. Abe allowed them to be on the property, making them his. And since your company bought the property and has yet to remove them, I guess that means they legally belong to you.
 
    I wanted to write you an e-mail already today, but when this came up, I felt that I should address the cat issue first before it escalates. The reason why I wanted to write an e-mail earlier was to complain about the laundry facilities in the D building. Like I have stated before, I do not care if Joe decides to use the laundry room as a break room. What I do care about is the Pornography that he chooses to read and not put away when people enter the room. On three separate occasions I have went to do my laundry and Joe was sitting there reading Pornography magazines. He never once put them away making it extremely uncomfortable for me and everyone else to use the facilities. I am not the only one who has walked in and saw him with these magazines. It makes everyone single woman in this building feel extremely uncomfortable and disrespected. When confronted about this issue in the past, by quite a few people, he has stated "I can do what I want! That's a Man's Room!!" This is completely unacceptable.
 
    Whenever Joe is confronted by the residents about taking property from the storage spaces, leaving doors wide open, or reading pornography in front of women and children his answer is always the same: "I can do what I want!" He should NOT be allowed to view pornography in a common area. He should not be allowed to steal items from people's storage spaces for "company use" (as he says) and he should not be allowed to jeopardize ANY tenets safety by leaving our "Secure Doors" open throughout the day. 
 
    I hope you take these matters seriously and speak with him about it. The next time I walk into a common area and see him reading pornography around anyone (including children!) I will call the police and make a report and take any appropriate actions necessary. I, along with everyone else, would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
 
 
Kimberly Long
Haldeman Manor Apartments
Apartment D-9

5:04 AM 
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[31 Jul 2008 | Thursday] 



Do you talk about Religion or Deep meaning thoughts?
If it comes up.. haha



Do you Cry?
Not really




Do you get Angry?
nope



Do you Vomit?
Hahaha sometimes. "Let me throw up real quick then I swear I'll drink the rest!"






After 7 beers are you drunk?
Just about



After 1 shot of 151 you are?
Saying I can't breath?? I think I did 14 shots in a row of that before because someone said I'm a lightweight haha. All I remember is it was VERY hard to breath. Felt like lighter fluid.





Your favorite drink is?
bay breeze, vodka, miller light, red devils and twisted tea


Tequila does what to you?
Makes me fun.


Whiskey makes you?
Loud.



Who do you drink with?
Whoever I know who wants to drink?





Vodka makes you?
Happy.



Do you smoke when you drink?
sometimes.




On the rocks or straight up?
straight 




Do you Pass Out?
eventually




Do you drink girly drinks?
yes




Do you drink alone?
used to haha



Worst Drink you have ever had?
I don't like Jack and Coke. I don't know.. it reminds me of this one time my dad had a glass bottle of Pepsi (I was young haha) and he put a cig out in it and I didn't know and drank it. Jack and Coke tastes like Pepsi and cig butts... just in case you ever wondered what that would taste like haha.


Do you play drinking games?
yeah



Drunk Phone Calls to people?
Sometimes



Drink and Drive?
Nope




What is your favorite beer?
miller lite





What is your favorite mixed drink?
Bay Breeze... I could drink those all night.



What is your favorite shot?
Any? Haha


What will you NOT drink?
Cheap beer hahahaha



Are you a lightweight?
only if i dont eat





Do you like the drinks with the little umbrellas?
yes



Do you ever drink Bacardi Silver?
Yess.







Do you like frozen drinks?
Sure.






Do you drink liquor straight?
Yes I do.






Do you ever drink out of the bottle?
Hahaha... yes.

 



Have you ever had a jagerbomb?
FUCKIN JAGERBOMB!!!! ...no I haven't. Sounds disgusting.





Are you drunk right now?
I wish.. but I have to be responsible and work tomorrow.




Do you consume more than 2 alcoholic beverages a day?
nope





Do you drink a lot of wine?
Hahaha not as much. 



When is the last time you drank?
Last weekend? 



Ever done a Keg Stand?
No thanks.

 



Name someone that will repost this drinking survey?
No idea


Ever been streaking while drinking?
Nope haha.





Canceled any college courses due to alcohol alone?
No??




Ever woken up & said "dude where's my car?"
Haha.. no.



Ever carried someone due to their drunkenness?
I picked my cousin off of a public bathroom floor.



Have you ever cleaned up friends' puke?
Yes. Ew.



Puked in a friend's car?
Outside of it...




Ever drank more beers than years?
Yes.



Ever smashed a bottle when mad?
No

8:08 PM 
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[17 Jul 2008 | Thursday] 
..i'm so going to see it on Broadway. I <3 Musicals.
2:50 AM 
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[11 Jul 2008 | Friday] 

I really don't have too much more to write about. Actually, I just found out my Grandfather is in the hospital. They said he has some kind of blockage. I hope it's not really serious. I really can not take anymore bad news. So far July has been a pretty shitty month. I just want everything to fall back to place and just live life without anymore interruptions… is that too much to ask?

With all the deaths and shit going on I barely sleep. My mind just has random thoughts. The newest one has to deal with death. I'll sit there and think about the most common question ever "Is there life after death?" Of course it's been beat into my head that of course there is. There has to be.. But now I don't know.. I say I am thinking more rationally but I guess that all depends on who is reading this if the thoughts are rational or not. What if there isn't anything? What if you die and that's that? Common sense would say humans thought up this whole "after life" thing to help deal with the emotional aspect of losing a loved one, then over time it became a "reality" Basically a cooping mechanism.

So what if you just die and that's that? All those memories you've had, everything you've learned.. All of that is trashed. It's gone. A lifetime of building yourself up and achieving everything and then it's all just gone. Your brain doesn't work ,so you don't even know it's happening. It's like blacking out… but never coming to. There is just nothing but you don't realize there is nothing because you can't realize there is nothing. It seems cynical, but it sounds so logical. I mean, you don't think of rats running around as ghosts do you? You don't think of them as having spirits running around free in Heaven, right? So what makes us think we are so high and mighty? If they just die and that's that, why wouldn't that be the case with us???

You live. You die. The End.

That thought can do one of three things.. It can either piss you off, make you appreciate life and start living it, or it can REALLY depress you. If you think about it, maybe the world wouldn't be so terrible if people thought that way. I mean, those suicide bombers ARE expecting virgins and shit when they die.. If they thought that, that wasn't true and this was it.. You live then you die and you're done.. I don't think most of them would be running around blowing up themselves and innocent people. After all, if you're dead and that's it, you don't get any rewards in the after life.

Me. I'm mixed. I just keep thinking "There has to be more than this." but that might just be that whole cooping mechanism kicking in to help me deal with the fact that I am dying. We're all dying. Everyday we get closer and closer to it. Doctor's appointments, medicine, surgeries.. All we are doing is prolonging the game. No matter how many times you extend it.. It will always end the same.

I feel so pessimistic. But maybe it's not being pessimistic, maybe it's just the reality we can't handle. And because we can't handle it people put a negative spin on it. Honestly the people who think this way are probably the ones who have it right.. But who knows? I know that deep down I want to think when I die there will be rainbows and fields of grass and waterfalls and people flying around playing music and giant volcanoes that shoot out endless supplies of chocolate and everyone who has ever died before me and all my pets that I have lost are there waiting to welcome me… minus the yummy chocolate explosive volcanoes .. How realistic is that other stuff really?

I think I am starting to hate myself for thinking like this. Truth is, deep down inside I know this is probably true. We die and that's it. I just can't allow myself to fathom that, that's it. I don't want to, but it's creeping up on me slowly. I mean, I obviously believe in a God.. If I didn't I wouldn't be so scared shitless of him, I wouldn't have had a religious wedding ceremony and I wouldn't prey.. It's so weird. I keep myself up thinking about it but then it always ends the same.. Me telling myself that I am dumb. Of course there is life after death and yes there will be chocolate volcanoes… but am I really being dumb by thinking maybe there isn't anything after life or am I being dumb by allowing myself to continue believing in something that another human being wrote? I mean, honestly.. Humans lie. We're pretty great at it too. Maybe this whole after life thing is one big fib that got blown out of proportion? I don't know anymore..

Annnnyway onto other shit.

Word of warning… if you know me you should probably stay away. Seriously. So much negative shit has been happening around me and people I know. The latest news is Reek is getting deported. That's Jerry's BEST friend (and our best man at the wedding).. And while most of the time I do not agree with him and the shit he does, he's always been there for him during the tough times in his life. He brought it all on himself, but I can't help but feel bad. He was born in Pakistan, but moved to Germany and then here to America. He really didn't even live in Pakistan at all, but he was born there and he let his Visa expire so that's where he is being sent. That has to suck. To be forced back to a country, you don't even remember living in, and not knowing the language. He just had a kid about 6 months ago and just bought a house too. It really sucks. They've been friends since he was like 12yrs old. I have mixed feelings about the whole situation. It's good to have someone like him out of Jerry's life but at the same time, I feel horrible for him. All I can say is it really sucks. Guess Cherlynn was right about him…

Jerry got a new job. He starts on Monday.. It's not bad. He works 6:45a-7p Mon-Thurs which is probably the best shift he has worked since I met him. We'll be able to see each other at night and on weekends. You have no idea how happy that makes me. I was worried he was going to get another position where it's crazy hours and weekends. I'm so glad he didn't.

My birthday is in a week. I actually forgot how soon it was. I mean, Brandy had texted me about it, but I haven't really thought about it. I'm getting old haha. I plan on getting drunk that weekend.. I need it haha. I might be going to see Danny Nogo's band The Rockets that Sunday at the Route 1 Café. I keep telling Brandy I'll go with her to see them, but I just couldn't. So, I'm like 99% sure I will go haha. Should be a fun time.

10:04 PM 
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[03 Jul 2008 | Thursday] 

First Jerry's aunt passed away on Saturday. Then Brett was in a bad motorcycle accident that has left him in the ICU. And today, on the two year mark since my Uncle Jay passed, my cousin Darleen has passed after a long battle with Cancer.

 

I really am speechless after everything.. I hate this.

 

RIP Darleen. RIP Evealyn. Get better Brett. I miss you Jay.

 

Isn't it fucked up all that in one week?!

8:24 PM 
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[21 Jun 2008 | Saturday] 

If I were a month I would be: October.
If I were a day of the week I would be: Saturday.
If I were a time of day I would be: 8pm.
If I were a planet I would be: Pluto… yes. Pluto.
If I were a sea animal I would be: Dolphin.
If I were a direction I would be: West.
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: Coffee Table.
If I were a sin I would be: Lust.
If I were a liquid I would be: Wine.
If I were a stone, I would be: Ruby.
If I were a tree, I would be: Willow.
If I were a bird, I would be: Sparrow.
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: Lilly.
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: 80 sunny and breezy
If I were a musical instrument, I would be: a tiny violin haha
If I were an animal, I would be: a horse.
If I were a color, I would be: ivy green.
If I were an emotion, I would be: mellow.
If I were a vegetable, I would be: cucumber.
If I were a sound, I would be: laughter.
If I were an element, I would be: H20.
If I were a car, I would be: Nova.
If I were a song, I would be: Under the Boardwalk.
If I were a movie, I would be directed by: Tim Burton.
If I were a poem, I would be written by: Walt Witman.
If I were a food, I would be: Chicken Parm.
If I were a place, I would be: An island in the middle of no where.
If I were a material, I would be: linen
If I were a taste, I would be: salty.
If I were a scent, I would be: the smell after a rain storm.
If I were a religion, I would be: Leggy Woe Who (LMAO Samm)
If I were a word, I would be: Ok.
If I were an object, I would be: a ring.
If I were a body part I would be: Eyes.
If I were a facial expression I would be: a smirk.
If I were a subject in school I would be: English.
If I were a shape I would be: a circle.
If I were a number I would be: 3998

8:05 PM 
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[25 May 2008 | Sunday] 

I should be cleaning, but of course I found something to do that could make me procrastinate even more. I don't know what I am going to talk about but I figured wtf I'll find something. I always do.

I feel good. It's about fucking time. Of course now I am way tired and shit anymore. The doctor's told me that if I increase my vitamin intake I should be fine in about 2wks. Apparently from not eating made my body vitamin deficient. I can't take adult vitamins though because they always make me super sick. No idea why. My body just sucks at life. I did follow Kathleen's advice and bought children's vitamins. I got the gummy bear kind. These are NOT good for kids. Medicines should not taste like candy. If I was a kid I'd eat the whole friggin jar. Jerry apparently ate a ton of them the other night. HE OD'd on childrens vitamins haha. HOPEFULLY in two weeks I'll get over this and be back to normal COMPLETELY. I'm just sick of always feeling run down. I gave up on my appearance because of how tired I feel. Hopefully that changes soon haha. By the time Brandy's Bday parties come up I'm going to allow myself to drink again haha. I figure if I feel fine after Friday then I can go out on Saturday too haha. The belly button incision is almost healed, so bending down isn't such a big deal anymore. I still have to restrict what I eat though and certain foods give me some issues, like salad. Salad is HEALTHY but apparently raw veggies aren't good for me right now. The only thing that sucks with food is, it's like trial and error. If I reintroduce something back in my system it'll either end good or bad.. Last week I ate some steak since I was told by the doctor to "re-introduce red meat" back into my diet. That ended bad. So I'm going to just stick with my chicken and apparently shrimp. I'm just happy I can actually eat again.

Jerry is going to try to get the weekends off at his work. Someone is trying to switch their days and he has a chance to take over that person's schedule. I hope he gets it, but I wont be holding my breath. I'm sure a few people who don't have weekends off will try for it too and seniority rules in that place. I would love for him to get off though. If he gets it maybe we can go to the beach this year haha. I missed so much work already due to being sick and the surgery so I'm not going to ask for days off to go and we don't have the same days off , so it makes the chance of Wildwood this year slim to none. I don't mind though. We just spent a week in Florida in February. If we don't go though, this will be like the FIRST summer of my life I don't make it down there. Oh well. Being an adult sucks haha. If he DOES get those days off though that would be AMAZING.

We got three new people at work. All of them seem really cool, so that's always good. I'm happy to be back. Although that whole being tired all the time thing, sucks, it's so much better to get out of the house and have something to do everyday. We got out at 3pm on Friday which was an awesome surprise. Christy has been doing all of the filing since I've been gone, but on Tuesday I think I should be good to do it. Like I said, bending down isn't really an issue with me anymore. I'm just glad to FINALLY have a place that I like to work at. Going from BDT/CEA to EMA is like a god send Hahaha.

I haven't heard anything from my brother, but apparently he writes my mom and all. I don't think he'd like to hear from me though. He always has an excuse and he always makes people feel bad for him. I refuse to fall for his bullshit anymore. I feel bad he is away for three years, but at the same time I am glad he is there. He needs to learn he's not untouchable and he needs to learn to follow rules. I'm hoping.. I really am, that he learns this time. Sadly though, I don't think he will. I do miss him though.. I just can't take the drama associated with "Guess what Johnny did!" anymore. With everything else going on in my family right now, with undeserving people getting sick and Mammie and everything else, I can't waste my time on someone who placed themselves in a bad situation. He did that to himself. I'll spend my time worrying and preying for people who are in bad circumstances they had no choice in having. This makes me seem cold towards my brother. I'm really not. Maybe I should write him a letter. Maybe he needs to hear someone not saying "It'll be okay." Maybe he needs to hear that if HE doesn't change and if this experience doesn't make him WANT to change, he is a lost cause. He's heard he's a "good kid" too long. Like I said, hopefully facing reality and the fact that there are some things family and friends can't get you out of, will make him want to change and do what he needs to do. I guess I am just disappointed in him. How can you be so smart and make such stupid choices with your life?

I got my mom's dog over here for the weekend. Him and Deogee were excited yesterday to be with each other, but today they both seem bored. Very bored. They are just laying around staring at me. Buddy is used to being in a yard CONSTANTLY and now he is in this apartment and only goes out when I take him out, so I think he thinks my house sucks. As for my dog, he's such a follower. Everything Buddy does, he does haha. Rob and Big best friends forevers.

I haven't written about Cherlynn since I seen her on Tuesday. The reading wasn't as fantastic as it was last year, but I think because last year I had so much shit going on. She said this year will be quiet. She did mention a move before Christmas which made me super excited. I can't wait to get the fuck out of this place. I'm so over it. I need a bigger place anyway. A one bedroom apartment feels like a box. She mentioned a few other things, but nothing really important. She said she doesn't see a girl coming anymore but a baby boy. She told me that might be twins. I told her "Not any time soon!" and she said I'll get pregnant in the Spring, so as long as I am extra careful EVERY Spring, I should be good lmao. She also mentioned a friend of mine with dark hair and green eyes will get pregnant and have a girl. I thought about Samm and Lindsay when she said that, but it could be others… So anyone who has dark hair and green eyes DON'T HAVE NO BASTARD CHILDREN! Even if you do though, I'll still love them haha. She talked about how I need to get my ass back in school and go into the medical field since that's what I am meant to do. I told her I know that already haha. I can't think of anything else that really stands out. Except apparently when we move we're going to STILL have this ugly ass cream couch. She said "Do you have a cream couch?" and I said "Yes…. Wait don't tell me we didn't throw that shit away?!" haha haha She did say I would have my hair fall out and my skin go bad if I didn't take more vitamins, which is basically what the doctor told me. That was freaky. She also stated that she doesn't know why Lisa is taking my dad to court for custody over Taylor. She said that Lisa is just doing it to fuck with my dad and make him miss work to go and have to pay for a lawyer lmao. She said she'd be shocked if she even shows up and if she does, just drug test her. She's not off the stuff. For someone who doesn't know the situation at all, she seemed to know how Lisa thinks.

Ugh. I really am NOT in the mood to clean. I still have that thought hanging over my head. I'm going to do it… at some point. When Jerry called and I told him "I wanted to clean, but haven't yet." he said "And you more than likely wont." Hahaha.. I have to do it though and it's not like I am going anywhere tonight. So I'll have the time to do it, I just hate doing it haha. I don't understand how it gets so messy. Well actually I do, his name is Jerry. He's 22 but destroys a house like an unsupervised 2yr old would. When he was on the phone, we were talking about where we want to move and I said "I need somewhere with a bus stop near by." and he said "Why do you act like you'll still be taking the bus?! Do you NOT want to drive???" so I said "Well, if SOMEONE would start taking me back out driving I wont need the bus!" Hopefully that'll start up again soon. My permit ends in November… so we'll see.

I guess I rambled off for long enough.

12:16 AM 
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