so, i deleted nearly 200 people. just getting rid of people i don't really talk to.

i miss my Catfish and baby fish.

but i love love love the boys i've been hanging out with. <3 Garrett, Jimmy and Tony.

Hopefully i'll see Jac soon.

work is good, even with the insanity of the holidays. i hope our numbers are back to normal by wednesday, this leaving early thing sort of sucks.

and...it's Natali's 24th birthday, so Happy Birthday Big Sis! We went to City Museum in STL and had a blast yesterday!

oh hey, i got bored.

You need help, its 3am, and you need to get away. Who do you call?
Caitlin, she'll talk me out of needing to get away, but Whitney would actually get me

What are you excited for?
work going back to normal

Are you single?
yes sir

What were you doing at this time yesterday?
sleeping in the car on the way back from st. louis

Have you kissed anyone whose name starts with M?
yes

What should you be doing right now?
hanging out with Natali

How was your past weekend?
lots of insane fun!

Thinking about anyone special?
at parts of the day

Is anything bothering you?
just a little

The last person to make you cry?
baby fish, when i had to leave him and come back to Kansas

The last person to message you on MySpace?
someone i don't know, most likely

The last person to kiss you?
the 2 year old classroom

Do you know what your name means?
i did.

What have you learned in 2007?
trust your instincts

Are you a happy person?
most days

You're home alone, and you hear something fall to the floor, what do you do?
hide under a blanket and go to sleep

What body part do you hate?
elbows

Do you have any piercings?
yes, 7

Do you have any tattoos?
not planning on it either

Is your driveway steep?
no

Name four things you did today:
sang happy birthday, ate pizza, vacuumed, bought a lamp

Have you ever had two dates in one night?
no

What have you eaten today?
pizza and birthday cookie cake

Last thing received in the mail?
video game

Have you ever been drunk at work/school?
never

What is the status of you and the last person you kissed?
not counting the babies, non-existant

What is the last thing you do before you go to bed at night?
daydream

What was your childhood nickname?
chrissy

What would you change about your life right now?
be happier with myself

How do you feel about public displays of affection?
holding hands is cute, nothing else please

What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving?
i tend to change my clothes

Do you live alone?
nope

Name a random fact about the person you like:
he's really into guitar hero

Can you keep a secret?
depends on the severity

What was the best year of your life?
5th grade....or 10th

Do you have any strange phobias?
the dark.

Are you happy with your living arrangement?
i hate it

Do you have trust issues?
often

Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
just recently, but not a lot

Are you a cuddler?
so much, but mostly when i'm awake

Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them?
yes

What was the last advice you gave someone?
break up with your bf

Have you ever hurt anyone when you were mad?
yes

Is it easier to forgive or forget?
forgive

Do you give out second chances too easily?
certainly

What is the most important thing in any relationship?
communication

Do you have a best friend?
not really, but kind of

Would you live with someone without marrying them?
sure

Do you have a friend of the same sex that you can talk to 24/7?
nah, she's got a kid.

Have you ever had a dream about people you love dying?
too often

Who was the last person you cried in front of?
mom

Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
far too many times

Do you get distracted easily?
mhmm

ha.

__SAD SECTI0N __

01. Have you ever really cried your heart out ?
probably

02. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
no

03. Have you ever cried on your friend's shoulder?
yes

04. Do you cry when you get an injury?
no

__HAPPY SECTION__

01. Are you a happy person?
generally

02. What makes you happy?
friends and the babies at work, and Viktor

03. Do you wish you were happier?
sometimes

04. Is being happy overrated?
no, it's great

05. Can music make you happy?
definitely

__? L0VE SECTI0N? __

01. How many times have you had your heart broken?
a few times

02. Anyone besides your friends/family ever said they loved you?
mhmm

03. Have you ever told someone you loved them?
yes

__ RElATI0NSHIP SECTI0N __

01. Are you in a relationship?
no

02. Are you happy with it?
sure

03. Been cheated on?
im not sure

04. Like somebody?
it's weird

__ HATE SECTI0N __

01. Who do you actually hate?
i'm trying not to

02. Have you ever made a hit list?
no

03. Are you a mean bully?
i can be

04. Have you ever been on a hit list?
i bet

__ SELF-ESTEEM SECTI0N __

01. Are you good looking?
on days, not lately

02. Do you wish you could be someone else?
i wouldn't like it anymore

__ EVER: __

[] ridden in a taxi.
[] jumped a ramp on a bike
[x] been used
[x] been fired
[] fired a real gun.
[] celebrated New Year's in Times Square or Disney World
[] aKA the Human beat box
[] gone on a blind date.
[x] had a crush on a teacher
[] celebrated Mardi-Gras in New Orleans.
[] been to Australia
[] been to Hawaii
[x] skipped school.
[x] played 'Clue'.
[x] had a sleepover.
[x] gone ice skating.
[] had your tonsils out
[] have a TRUCK.
[x] driven a car.
[] totaled a car.

__ CURRENTLY __

01.Currently wearing?
blue fed up shirt and snow flake pj pants

02. Shorts?
no

03. Shoes?
i dont like shoes

04. Underwear?
ugly

05. Necklace?
no

__ HAVE Y0U EVER __

01. Hugged Someone?
too much, hence the nickname

02. Been on the phone until the sun came up?
too many times

03. Put a song on repeat for more than an hour?
yes

__ LASTS __

01. Last person you talked to in person?
natali

02. Person you last talked to online?
Ashley STL

03. Person you talked to on the phone?
Natali

04. Person you talked to on text?
Jac

05. Person who made you laugh?
Natali

06. Person you messaged on myspace?
no clue

__ 0THER __

01. What kind of shampoo do u use?
head and shoulders

02. Do u get along with your parents?
yes

03. Do you have mental breakdowns?
it happens

__ CURRENT __

01. Current Mood: bonkers

02.Why that mood: too much weird stuff going on

03. Current hair: ugly

04. Current thing you should be doing: sleeping

05. Current Windows open: aim and itunes

06. Current desktop picture: viktor

Children...help me out.  I'm missing dates on some of these shows, if you know, let me.
okay...so i looked at ticket stubs, and remembered... a date here, a show there...)

1 5-31-2003 Columbia, MO Mojos (Northstar/Trebuchet) Headline

2 7-6-2003 Lawrence, KS Bottleneck (Brand New/The Beautiful Mistake/Moneen)

3 10-6-2003 Lawrence, KS Granada (The Early November/Homegrown/Allister/The Starting Line)

4 2-18-2004 Kansas City, MO Spitfire (Moneen/The Beautiful Mistake/Boys Night Out) Headline

5 4-10-2004 Lawrence, KS Bottleneck (Rufio)

6 7-?-2004 Kansas City, MO El Toreon (?/?/My Chemical Romance) Headline

7 9-26-2004 Kansas City, MO Beaumont Club (Funeral For a Friend/Antiflag...Rock Against Bush/SF Tour) Co-Headline

8 3-19-2005 Kansas City, KS Memorial Hall (My Chemical Romance/The Used....Taste of Chaos)

9 6-22-2005 Bonner Springs, KS Warped Tour

10 11-12-2005 Kansas City, MO Beaumont Club (Funeral for a Friend/The Early November/Saves the Day)

11 6-19-2006 Bonner Springs, KS Warped Tour

12 8-11-2006 Cincinati, OH Warped Tour

13 12-7-2006 Lawrence, KS Granada (Scary Kids Scaring Kids/I Am The Avalanche/Saosin) Headline

14 2-1-2007 Joplin, MO Foundry (Saosin/?) Headline

15 11-8-2007 Lawrence, KS Granada (Dr. Manhattan/The Receiving End of Sirens/New Found Glory) Co-Headline

today was sherry's last day. everyone was sad. but she's moving on to a better paying job that she loves, not that she doesn't love us.  it was a good day. there was lots of food, and gossip. so good. the ladies want to take me out for the big 21. how many people is that now? .... too many. who knows who will actually end up being the first person/people to get me drunk. we'll see.

ashley stayed over two nights, but i hardly spent anytime with her, because i slept alot. but we did watch high school musical last night. it was my first time. i was intrigued, and ended up watching high school musical 2 tonight. not sure how i feel. but i know i'll watch it again, maybe more than once.

the sister got back last night. jac and i were supposed to but are not hanging out tonight. worlds of fun tomorrow is a no. gees, what is there to do this weekend. on the upside, when i go back to work monday, i start officially being a teacher in t1. which with rose-anna, will be a blast.

i need to hang out with more friends, have more fun, and quit being so down on myself. there is nothing wrong with me, i'm a cute girl, and i'll find me a good boy. i just need to get some confidence...and get over the ex.  which is getting easier, what with my lovely work friends and their encouragement...and telling me i could do better anyway, but whatever anyone says...i liked him, really cared about him, and enjoyed most of what we had. and i wouldn't change the fact that we dated.  that said, i wonder when we'll start talking.

./peace.

i took today off because i had to get a root canal. last time i had one it was a very terrible experience and left me more or less out of commission for several days. this one really wasn't that bad, which is awesome. i also had another appointment, and went shopping with my mother.

for some reason i keep getting stuck on the little things i don't like about my life. like my body, my lack of friends, and being single. but my mom keeps telling me that i need to be happy with myself, because when i'm older i'll look back and think 'man i wasted so much time being unhappy' which is damn true. so i'm going to try harder. i still want to lose some weight, and that'll be easier once the sister gets home. which i am still looking forward too. i also want to hang out with jac and phil. michelle and i will get along one of these days. and i want to take a short trip somewhere and get myself centered. you know, go somewhere alone, or with natali, and really find me again. i've been so lost, because i was so wrapped up in being part of a couple and not chrissy. well i'm chrissy, and i have no plans to be part of a couple again anytime soon. so smack me if you see or hear me taking about getting close.

as for now, a shower, a shave, maybe i'll paint my nails. spend the evening being girly. and then a little ashley to cheer me up, and recount warped tour tails, and show off photos. and then just two days til the weekend, which will bring worlds of fun, and some good quality chrissy-natali, and hopefully good quality chrissy-jac, and/or chrissy-phil time.

peace.

i made it through work today, although just barely. the day was completely insane and i spent very little time in my actual classroom. and i only ended up telling one person about the breakup, but she felt terribly sorry and asked if i was okay. honestly? i wanted to cry.

i'm working on this. it's only been two days, i know.  but i've never been in a serious relationship, so i don't know how long it takes to get over these things.  i hope it doesn't take too long.  but i really care about it, so i'm sure it will.  i just hope that come my birthday, i'm a little better than this week. because truely, i still don't feel like seeing people.  i just want to sit alone, or at my computer, and hate my life.

this has got to go away soon.  i have a friend from out of town visiting very soon, and a sister who is moving home.  two things to be very excited.

on the down end, i had a friend accuse me of not putting effort into hanging out with me, but then when i told her she doesn't try either, acting like it didn't matter.  hello? when i'm basically telling you i'm jealous because you get to hang out with my ex, and i don't, don't throw it in my face that i haven't tried to make plans with you, when i have, if you can't show me the same courtesy.

uhm....i just want out of this funk. and i still want to be friends with eric.

i can't say that i didn't see a break up coming, i just didn't think it would happen at 3am today.  i can honestly say, it's better for us not to be together, now that my thinking is a bit clearer.  we were driving eachother mad, most of it coming from my end, and that really isn't healthy.  i'm sad and upset, because this is my first relationship that actually met something to me, the first actual one since i've been out of high school. the first, and it's hard. 

in the end, i hope that we can be friends.  but right now, i'm a little bit too much all about me, and my feelings to be able to do that.  hopefully, though, we'll be able to hang out and laugh about how stupid we both were toward the end of this.  but right now, all i can do is stop, think about it being over, and then cry.  but eventually that will stop, and i'll contact him, if he hasn't beaten me to it.

as for today, i spent the day laying on the couch in the living room watching tv, and randomly checking the internet, as well as informing friends of the event.  i also took a three and a half hour nap barely two hours after i woke up.  i believe i may have surfaced to the upstairs once, to see that my mom wasn't here.  i had no water, and no food.  being this sad sucks, and makes it hard to accomplish life. hopefully tomorrow is better.

this week doesn't look too good though.  i'm not going to warped tour because i don't want to spend the money, and i've seen all the bands that i want to see play better shows than they will play in this weather at warped tour.  but i'm not going to work, i'm getting a root canal. super yay!  but natali does get home this week.  we're going to make homemade pizza and go to worlds of fun and get gym memberships.  i'm looking forward to living with my sister.

-peace.