Now, perhaps there are a few places that might strike you as sordid, but not around here. Monster Ronson's Ichiban Karaoke in Berlin, for instance, invites nude (naked!) people to sing -- we hear it is a blast and a holler.

But here in good old happy and slightly fat America, everything is wholesome and fine and the only risk might come from these fine karaoke joints:

It wasn't like karaoke at home in L.A.: When a roundish guy tuned up a Phil Collins song, I prepared for showmanship and ironic hilarity. Instead, he mumbled sheepishly through it, and people gave a "you did it!" clap. It was a sweet evening, the kids were fun, earnest and kind, but the karaoke wasn't really the draw: I was there for the ghosts doing the cha-cha.

Hotel Monte Vista, 100 N. San Francisco St., Flagstaff, Ariz.

Elvis in Garden Grove, Calif.
You can sing what you like at the Crooner's Lounge, but it helps if you sing it like Elvis. The popular Orange County nightspot is known world-over for its whopping collection of Elvisabilia, and for its various Elvi. There is Jesse the Elvis, and ... others, I forget. (Jesse the Elvis is the best Elvis anyway, and he's got the moves to prove it.) Pirate Mike hosts Fridays and Saturdays, and he's one of those KJs who sings a lot.

There's a nice variety of classic country and rockabilly, and a good mix of karaoke pros and the tyros. Say hi to the suavay owner, JJ, who looks a good bit like Elvis himself, and do your part for the economy; order the carne asada, or at least a second drink.

Crooner's Lounge at Azteca Mexican Restaurant, 12911 Main St., Garden Grove, Calif.

Cruising in New York
The Grand Ole Opry Country Cruise is plum sold out, but if you've got a hankering to take me on a sea cruise, you could hit up South Street Seaport. There, the yacht Zephyr begins its circles around the island of Manhattan come June 5. It boasts 17,000 songs, and probably more than a couple patrons yakkity-yakking over the side. Like karaoke in general, it sounds spectacular and awful all at the same time. $25. 21+.

Circle Line Downtown, from Pier 16, the South Street Seaport, New York.

Captain Beefheart -- Philadelphia
I haven't been to Philly myself for Karaoke Obscura, but the hipsters' hearts are flapping around their chests like bats. Flapping around their chests with love! Their song list seems light (completely absent?) on the Kelly Clarkson and Evanescence and ranges instead from Big Star to Belle & Sebastian, Les Savy Fav and Lene Lovich, Liz Phair and Love, Richard Hell and Rufus Wainwright, Silver Jews and Sleater-Kinney, X and XTC. Probably not the place to get your Toby Keith on, Karaoke Obscura takes place the first Thursday of the month at 12 Steps Down -- according to its Web site, "not exactly a Friend of Bill's," but one that seems to have made every local list of Best Dive.

12 Steps Down, 831 Christian St., Philadelphia (you can check out the latest song list).