choices all gone, they have been made for me

my company which I have sacrificed years for has downsized me

now, I'm stuck - suspended in time

if you pray- please do so for me today- I have no idea what will become of me now.

L

I was inspired by a sweet senior chocolate lab sitting in a Georgia pound after living with an embedded collar for who knows how long…so this story is for him and the others who have had their turn being invisible.

There is a Picnic table set just to one side of the rainbow bridge

There are colorful balloons and lots of food and drinks

A bus load of people are dropped there- they watch the field at the bridge where the animals run and frolic

This group of humans were the uncaring and neglectful pet guardians on earth, they failed miserably to care for the animals they had been entrusted with and were responsible for many atrocities

A guide comes to the head of the table- he says you are all doomed to hell, this is your only chance, you must get one of the animals from the field to come to you and give you love and therefore earn forgiveness

Well, all of the animals would gladly have come- not because these humans were trying to entice them with food and treats and singing out pretty names for them to hear but because of their pure hearts they would have forgiven...but they could not see this table or the people at it

These Humans who had never bothered to see these animals before, who had ignored their pleas for help, for food and for mercy and who had shunned their love - these humans sat but an arms length from the animals who could save them but they were completely INVISIBLE

their chance expired, and they were taken to their final destination

that- to me is Divine Justice

~L Hoelscher

After my mom passed away I began celebrating my dad on Mothers Day too. I told him countless times that he did a great job taking over what would have been my moms responsibilities with me.

When I had my first child - my dad knew nothing about newborns but he did his best staying up with me all night and following me to my classes (i was in college) so that I could attend and he would watch my son right there outside the classroom. I would nurse the baby between classes.  He was such a sweet little old man.

So today, I would like to wish a happy Fathers Day to all of my friends who by life's circumstances are both Mother and Father to their kids- no matter what sex you are this is a day to celebrate you in a special way. Your ability to hold up someone else's end of the deal will be appreciated by your kids even if most days you are too tired to see the gratitude in their eyes for your efforts.

Laura

On this eve of fathers day I think about you and the way you loved me and the life lessons you taught me and it made me contemplate how it was you knew what I would need...

when I was little you were so proud of me never critcal - you applauded my every effort and that gave me confidence

when i was older I wanted freedom and you gave it to me, you never shunned me because I had a wanderlust, instead you followed me to wish me well and join me in my travels and you always made sure I knew I could come home- you gave me wings to fly

as time went on I made mistakes, some small and some not so small- yet you loved me just the same even when I had not listened to you and made a mess of things you opened your door and welcomed me always asking how you could help me though it- you gave me compassion

you taught me genrosity by the example of your life

what a beautiful and divine voice must have spoken to you to let you know of the tools of the soul I would need to fulfill my lifes calling long before I even knew what that would be.

I have compassion for the creatures in need, I have confidence to ask others to join me in my cause, and the wings to fly that is what I have to pass on to the ones that stop in my life for a moment on their way through to the future that they deserve

and finally dad somehow my ability to be generous continues in spite of my circumstances and I can only believe that its because you were right when you told me that I would never want for anything if I gave to others freely.

your wisdom is constantly revealed to me even now years after you left this earth

the wings to fly I give back to you today and tell you that I smile more when I think of you I cry less for my loss and everday I'm grateful for the time I got to spend with you and the person you allowed me to become

Happy Fathers Day Papi 

~I have this vision~

I am walking down a path with 22 and 24 on either side of me and little 26 riding on my back.  I am lost but walk with purpose so they don't know that I am unsure of our travels.

This place we are in is getting dark, and feels stormy. I can sense the electricity from the weather in the pit of my stomach. I continue to walk at a steady pace as to not alarm them.

It starts to rain I open my umbrella they look to my eyes for reassurance and I give it to them. "It's just a little rain storm and soon the sun will come out again" I tell them.  The rain comes down harder the path is getting flooded.

It's time to tell them.

I take them off the path and we sit on a tree stump –I am still holding the umbrella to keep my kids dry. I tell them, "Babies –I am sorry - I'm lost. But I will find a way out for us"

My oldest son takes the umbrella, my daughter picks up her brother and they tell me, "mom we are one, and as long as we are together we will walk through the storm with you we know you will find the way for us."

They have faith…

Now we are walking down a path, huddled under our umbrella sharing the load and the knowledge of our plight....but we walk with the belief that the way we are headed will bring us sunny days.

At this moment in my life I have to remind myself that I am not alone, that the reason I fight for a better life is my children. I want to show them that we are human and we will get lost from time to time- we are not perfect - but that is ok, and this is why we should never judge each other- we will all take our turn being lost, or holding the umbrella.

thank you friends...

There have been chapters in my life that I can see clearly where I made significant changes and I feel a chapter change coming on.

When I got into my field I had years of personal experience.  Right or wrong I helped my dad my whole life. When I was little he assigned the administrative chores that occasionally trickled home from work (he was a carpenter so not too many) to me because I could read and write pretty well by the time I finished Kindergarten and could translate by first grade. 

This notion that as your children are capable they should pick up some of the load isn't new but…who knew, mine wouldn't be chores of lawn work or laundry but benefits interpretation.

I always hated being handed the paperwork; it was like an extra helping of homework that had an immediate deadline.

My brother and I both shared the task of 'public speaking'– that is asking how long the wait will be at a restaurant, what time the next show will start, directions, and any other  piece of information that you have to go up and ask a stranger about. This definitely made me outgoing and without fear of being able to properly communicate a question.  This in of itself is a talent- how many times have you wanted to know something and for the hassle of having to develop that question into a non-rambling clear and concise sentence- you say 'oh forget it'! 

When I grew up I asked him why, and he said he wanted to show us confidence and self reliance.

He did that.
 

What was a burden in my childhood turned out to be my success in adulthood; I am blessed with the career that I've found in the area of Human Resource and Benefit Adminstration.
 

But this fit isn't as comfortable as it once was…

As time goes by less of my heart is in helping people, they just don't want to be helped they want to be carried. And the only ones I'm committed to carrying are my babies.  Maybe it's because my dad isn't here to inspire me anymore or maybe it's just that  I'm figuring out that what my dad showed me wasn't to hold the hands of capable people but to be available for those truly in need.

I wish I could tell you what the future holds for me but something tells me I'm going to stop gaining so many frequent flyer miles in the next year….

Life is too damn short friends…and those babies I'm committed to carrying? One is six feet tall….that opportunity is flying by.

I have struggled for years to let go of my mental images of life - those images that are restrictive and unforgiving of the force that is called change and time and reality.

My husband works on call 24x7 which causes much fancy footwork for me in trying to manage a house full of kids and animals when someone needs to sleep during the day.  I hoped for at least this not to be one of those days. But I woke up at 5:45am as the garage door was closing.

Tiny 26 woke up at 7 and insisted I come downstairs with him - there were some grocery store flowers and a card for me on the kitchen island. I made 26 a little breakfast and made my coffee.

I sat at the island sipping my first cup of coffee and starting to get dragged into a funk.

Pre-proggramed images are so destructive to all of us yet they are all around us constantly...in greeting cards, and commercials and tv shows and the most damaging is the ones we romanticizes from our childhood- a memory that is skewed because it comes from the perspective of childhood.

The default image of mothers day is from very early in my life - It was the year my dad gave my mom a diamond band - I remember piling into my parents bed with Jesse and giggling because we couldn't wait for her to open the little velvet box.  My mom cried -it was such a happy day we got dressed up went to church and took mom out to brunch.  In retrospect it was not a fancy restaurant but from my 6 year old perspective it was!

That unfortunately is the mental default image for mothers day.

Reality is, I am surrounded by fat beagles begging for their morning meal...26 demanding that his cereal be poured into a baggie with milk, 22 is sleeping in because she stayed on the phone too long last nite when she thought I believed she was already in bed, and 24 is on a hike in the mountains finally my husband is sleeping and lightly at that; waiting to start his grumbling that we are too loud.

This picture is off a bit

And I reach my mental fork in the road. Shall I succumb to the melancholy that drowns me when I don't get what I believe I should have?

No, not this time because I have learned this lesson although its not on auto-play yet I do know better.

The fact is I am thrilled that I have been supportive of my oldest in his pursuit of becoming an Eagle Scout and I encourage him even when his commitments to scouting interfere with a family day.

I love that 22 is happy and social and not lacking of friends to sneak on the phone with, she could be withdrawn and isolating but instead she has the world at her feet and she celebrates it.

26 is loud loving and loyal- finally a child of mine with all of the same traits that made me fall in love with my beagles! He is 3, what can I say at three you do things like put your cereal with milk into baggies...this time passes so quickly that I won't be annoyed by it.

And my dogs...they are safe and happy fat hounds living a damn fine life...and that is what I end my thoughts on....this ultimately and in spite of it all, this is a damn fine life I have

Happy Mothers Day to my friends, to the ones with kids who forgot, with husbands who might as well have forgotten, the ones with fur kids that have tracked mud in, or puked on the entry carpet as your mothers day gift. This mothers day celebration is for you- don't ignore the beauty of your life because it doesn't look like the picture in the magazine!

I am on the road today, not unusual for a Tuesday. I have my traveling rituals…I always call or text someone I love before shutting my phone off for a flight and  I say one simple sentence before every take off...

"Thank you for letting me be a mother to my children, thank you for granting me the gift of my animals."

Today that sentence was followed by Turbulence

When hardened road warriors are sitting there white knuckling it you know its not going to be a flight you'll forget soon.  The last time this happened I wished that I would have written down my thoughts.  So as we are sitting there grateful for the simple seat belts that are keeping us from hitting our head on the overhead compartment- I pull out a pen and grab the barf bag.  Relief came over the face of the person that was sitting next to me when they realized that I needed it to write on and not the other.

You are surprisingly clear headed when you have to contemplate your death for more than a second.

What I wrote down was the thought that just flowed without effort…

"Thank you for letting me feel the love of motherhood, help my children if I should be missing from their life

Thank you for blessing me with my dogs, keep them safe from all harm if I'm not there to protect them"

And I realized that I was stuck on my take off ritual. I was looking at the filtered view of my priorities in life there in black ink on a little white bag. The two most important elements were staring at me from my paper. 

After 30 terrifying minutes it was time for a vodka, to hell with the fact that it was early the rest of the flight was less clear by design…I relaxed enough to close my eyes. Finally we touched down on solid Midwestern soil!

 I deplaned and rented my car and started the 60 mile haul to my final destination where I would have to talk about retirement and employee ownership…blah blah blah.  As I was driving I began writing this blog as I normally do in my head first.  I was intrigued by thought that in my final moments I will think of my children and my dogs and there will be no silly thoughts of anyone or anything else.  Then I started to think about my brother and how I wrote about him last week. Sadly he wouldn't even be notified if I died because we don't how to contact him.

And as I was driving missing my kids and dogs and feeling bad about my brother a little nudge from a force above knocked me out of my deep thought

The phone rang just like I was wishing the other night…and it was him- my brother

After all of this time he came back, I didn't question it I only embraced it and told him I've missed him and I love him.

Go figure. After I finally try and get a little closure by putting down on paper my pain on losing him a little air turbulence blew him back into my life.

The silence is deafening
The phone is never him

His name never drops into my inbox

There are no birthday cards in the mail

There is no care package at Christmas.

We were inseparable

We were best friends

We were born 11 months and 11 days apart from each other

He was my brother

Death did not take him

Pride and Judgment took him from me

I remember standing in my office when he said that he was sorry that he'd always looked up to me because I was a failure and disappointment now. Even as I'm writing these words it still seems surreal even though this was years ago.
 

I 'm sorry I couldn't excel at everything, I'm sorry I let go of the straight A record, I'm sorry but I 'm human and make mistakes

So here I am- orphaned by death, and have no family by choice

Although not by my choice

I have carefully taken the thorns from my heart from that conversation when I lost him.  One by one I pulled them each one hurting as much as they did going in. How can someone so close be so uncaring? How can someone who has received nothing but love and support from me judge me so harshly?

I'll never have the answers, and time isn't healing these wounds only making me stronger to take the pain from them

I'm not angry with him, I miss him and I hope he finds perfection in everyone around him, or I'm afraid that he will be a very lonely man

I'd take him back into my life because I know forgiveness and I'll always hope for the silence to be broken by my big brothers' familiar laughter

You're wondering what I did to him? I didn't do anything to HIM -I failed at MY marriage and my perfectionist sibling was horrified – not for me but for himself.

I lost my parents a long time ago, the only two people capable of unconditional love for me.  I lost my brother a long time ago, the only one I shared my whole life history with.

Since losing them all I made a choice that its not birth or marriage that make a family- its love and acceptance. And because of that I know I'll never be alone

I was re-posting a bulletin tonight and I wrote my own feeling as a lead into the text and pictures and after I wrote it I thought....I want to capture this pain... that daily pain I feel when I know I've lost the battle.

I get mad and re-post.... I post the same faces again and curse the people responsible for this mess and as the hours go by and the pounds start closing I come to a sad resolve that the ones that we are still posting for are sleeping on the concrete tonight and will not be sleeping there tomorrow night. They will be dead.

I think of the mess that human kind has created in so many realms of the world of our animal friends. In nature, in captivity, in our guardianship, and in our death chambers.  I can't help but feel this doom about the wrong we as humans are perpetuating on the animals we are here to share this earth with.

Is it futile? I don't believe that it is, because as I lay in my bed writing these words my rescue animals surround me. With full stomachs and plush linens they are safe and happy and loved. They are rescued.

These lives saved, pick me up when I fall down, they bring hope to me when I am drowning in despair.  These 3 beagles and 1 cat are proof to me that this is not a futile fight. 

The following is what I wrote tonight read it and share it with someone please. The broken heart is mine in the words..but if you are reading this than it is yours too. Keep fighting for those who cannot speak, keep trying until we run out of time every day.

I wish all of the animals a night like this one ...my pet children are fat happy snoring fools sharing a sleep number bed with humans who love them.

Thank you friends who fight along side, thank you friends who have not abandoned me in this journey although you can't fight this with me I am blessed to have your support.

Look at them one last time.

No we can't stop this killing, no we can't bare to know about it, yes we re-posted for these babies for as long as we could

but our houses are all full

and throwing money at this doesn't always work

without homes they die

without spay and neuter being law they will keep flooding the pounds

without changes to local misguided governments they will continue to gas these unwanted souls

you and I

we already do what we can...spread the word...tell one new person ever single day...

think on the ones we can't save and love them for a moment...it may be the most love and thought any of them ever received while they were here.
 

I am an American Citizen that was "Born abroad" to U.S. Citizens...my dad was working in Mexico City when they had me and we moved back to the us when I was 4. This dual status has caused the simplest tasks to be complicated  my whole life.  I didn't speak one word of English when we got back. I learned to speak English from sesame street, all my children, one life to live and General Hospital. 

I mistakenly thought GPA was as important as 'air' for survival so while I had my 22 and 24 I was in my last two years of college and did it with a 4.0 

Sadly no employer has every given a damn about my GPA....oh the sleep I could have gotten if I knew 

I was in food in beverage for 10 years from the time I was 15...and even after I was in my 'career' jobs I often catered friends weddings as a hobby

I travel a lot for business...and write my blogs from airports most of the time

I would rather play on the swing set with my kids than ever travel again...not even to really cool places. Nothing is more rewarding than laughing with the kids.

2 years ago I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia...
I have 2 herniated discs...
Yet.......I don't believe in pain medication

My meditation for pain relief consists of laying on the floor with my dogs and when its really bad I hold my face against their forehead...it makes the pain tolerable immediately

I pray in Spanish, I swear in English...so I think that makes me a very balance person

so tell me friends...who are You?

Sophie was always a tomboy from birth mostly because she and her older brother are only 14 months apart in age and I already had all the boy stuff and not much money to buy all new girl stuff.

She loved my dad and he taught her things about woodworking and she naturally excelled in sports all she learned was 'boy stuff'. When she was 5 she had an interest in motocross and a friend with a business sponsored her for the next 3 years...she was this ity bity girl and tough as nails on the track...and when she would win those poor little boys dads were so mean as they said to their sons..."you let that little girl in pigtails beat you!" As she took her orange helmet off and her pigtails would come down past her shoulders.

There would be no pink bike with flowers on the seat. She wore leather bike boots and rode an orange and black KTM.  I always cheered for her the loudest as I stood in the mud wondering why we weren't at a gymnastics meet instead.

I wished so much that she would want to play with Barbie Dolls...because that was the mental image I had of my daughter and me. She liked GI Joe and played with her brother for hours....I remember one Saturday afternoon when she was 6 or 7, she came and got me in the kitchen as said, "mom would you take me to buy a Barbie?" I had shoes on and purse in hand in 10 seconds flat...my little girl wanted a Barbie! Damn....it was going to happen after all!

I remember I bought her 3 barbies because thats what she asked for. I added extras because I couldn't wait to get home and play with her so I threw in clothes, hangers and various accesories that are a must!

My dad had made a beautiful doll house scaled to the GIJoes for her and my son...I quickly evicted the 'boys' from the house and started to hang up the clothes and sophie said,

"No Mom! Don't kick them out...these are their wives"

I stood there stunned...she didn't want to play Barbies she just wanted wives for those GI Joe's! I was crushed, but didn't show it. I continued to hang up the clothes on the tiny little hangers and put them next the the rifles in the doll house closet.

Our vision is unique from each other. It takes a lot to accept the other persons vision when its so far off from our own. It is discouraging at times because we want to share with those we love and we want them to desire the same things as us. But the greatest love is to live side by side with someone on a completely different path that travels close enought to watch but far enough not to interfere with their journey...never trip the other one up watch with love and pride from a bit of a distance.  This is how I've raised my kids so far

Sophie isn't a tomboy anymore and I never did get to play barbies with her....But now we go shopping and buy those accesories for ourselves and now and then I help her hang her purchases up on the not so tiny hangers in her bigger than a dollhouse closet.

I am thankful for it all....and the quirky twists and turns in the road its made her and I beautifully different and I wouldn't have it any other way

I worked at a big telecom company for a long time. Part of the corporate culture was participating in charity events - 5 k runs etc.  One of these things was "Christmas in October" for those of you who don't know its the precursor to Extreme Makeover Home Edition.  Companies adopt families in need and fix their homes on a Saturday in October.

My division really excelled in this one, we normally were given two houses to work on.  This of course was my cup of tea. My dad was a master carpenter and he not only could do awesome work - he served as our project manager to get the plan together and execute the make over magic in one day.

I remember the third year he helped, we had a house that was a total disaster and had major structural issues before we could 're-do' the bathroom or the upstairs. My dad was nearing 70, but he worked hard. He built a staircase, and replaced the subfloor in this little house all in 9 hours.  I remember when we were gathering the tools and trash afterwards and doing the clean up. my dad was sitting on the back stoop. The owners had returned and were 30 years younger than him and having a couple of beers in their backyard.

I was pissed! I could have cared less that all of these co-workers had spent their day doing this for people who should have been helping - no - I felt so bad for my dad.  He was an old man. He lived on a fixed income. His own house needed so much he couldn't afford to do! Yet there he was stepping up to help the unfortunate because they asked for help.

So I told him how I was feeling and apologized to him because it was so messed up that he did this for these very capable people. And he smiled and laughed like you do when your toddler is throwing a fit and its cute.  He said "Laura, there are three things I've always said to you - when you go out to eat with other people- always be prepared to pay for everyone or don't go.  When you give  money as a loan do it only if you can afford to never see it again.  And when you give your talent that God gave you, do it as a gift to Him for giving it to you in the first place! I didn't work today because I expected something in return- not even gratitude But because God has blessed me with so much in my life- maybe not money but so much more than that. And I can give this back to Him because someone needed the skills He gave me."

I firmly beleive that when you give something to another in need it will most definetly come back to you in one way or another. My dad lived a very simple life but never needed for anything. Somehow it always worked out for him.

I stuggled for so many years. I know what its like to 'need' a dollar and not have it. I was poor and a single parent yet I put myself through school and kept kicking until I made it out.

I have a vivid memory of myself pulling nickles out of the couch to try and gather enough to get a package of diapers for my babies when I was still in college. I had a spouse who preffered to drink his money than help us survive. These were such lean and painful years.  I remember my Henry Dog needing to be groomed yet that kind of expense was like asking me for a million dollars. So I would cut his beautiful skirt with my own scissors so he wouldn't get matted, but I so much wanted to take him to the dog spa and have them make him pretty with blue bows. But I couldn't.

By the time I could afford these simple pleasures in life both my dad and Henry would be gone shortly and before I could shower them with my success.

So now I give when I can and then a little more. Time, talent, money, my heart, my prayers, I am here to give the gifts I've been blessed with.  And if by chance you ask me for help and I give it to you- whether its to repost a bulletin, send an email, build a flyer, make phone calls....or more.  Take what I give you in memory of my dad - the most generous man I've ever known.

This blog is dedicated to a dog named Hunny.

I was on the SSP forum and someone had a plea for an old dog in Ohio.  I followed the link to Petfinders and discovered that this old dog was loved by the staff at the pound he ended up at and sadly was not likely to make it out so they were giving their best effort to advertise for rescue. Rusty, a senior, Shep/collie mix  was not going to be the first picked because he was old and not of pure breeding, hell most of the cute little purebred guys wouldn't make it out either-but old Rusty had no chance at all.

Something about this dog named Rusty made me champion for him so I posted a bulletin on myspace, and then I forwarded the information and picture directly to my friend because in my heart I felt a weird feeling that they had a destiny to be together.

Eric fell in love with Rusty and I felt that was the justification to my hunch! 

Suddenly there was this 'emergency room' speed mobilization from these wonderful would be strangers pulling together a plan to pull, and transport the old dog from Canton Ohio to Kansas City Missouri.  My friend Eric is very easy going and flexible so he rallied and decided to meet the ACO and the pounds volunteer at the midway point which is a good 7-8 hours for each half.  The ACO offered this because it was a holiday and therefore he was available for transport - volunteer his time to save this life.  I liked that guy... he was stereotypically gruff on the phone but this level of kindness was overwhelmingly generous.

Eric told Mike the ACO that he can take one more if the temperament is similar to Rusty's. Eric has a house with some acreage and an older Lab, Ami and sprightly little hound, Skippy. He thought a couple of seniors would do well in this setting and give Skippy some more friends to boss around.  There was no more mention of which 'extra dog' was going on the freedom trip to Kansas City.  Nevertheless Eric went prepared with two leads.

They met in the parking lot

The volunteer was kind and friendly as she introduced Rusty to his new dad.  And Mike handed the 'unknown' dog to Eric – like a baby. With care and gentleness not normally associated with an ACO this little black dog had caught only Mike's attention at the pound and he was thrilled to see her go to safety. 

The handoff was complete with the little bit of information given to Eric on each dog.  Mike had selected this senior shar pei girl who likely would have been next in line to be Euth'd being old, shy and black all three strikes against her.  She was as gentle as you can possibly imagine but so scared! She did not wag her tail at all and braced herself for a beating with every attempt to pat her head or touch her at all but even though she was riddled with fear she was not aggressive at all.

Yes, Eric adopted Rusty and this little scared dog whose name became Cindy Bear.  This has been a work in progress for Eric and Cindy both.  He has never had an abused dog and she has most likely never had a non-abusive human. Together they have muddled through it. She has been allowed all the time and patience to come around at her pace and is treated extra softly and special because her heart was so broken and fragile and with this treatment she makes progress every day.

Eric took in several Fosters during the next month and this seemed to really help Cindy.  Infact the day came when I got the call that Cindy was wagging her tail! She was now a hostess to other less fortunate dogs than herself and she seemed to understand them and try to put them at ease.  She began to play with the other dogs and came around to check on her dad for reassurance that this was not all just a dream.

Last week, a mere couple of months since Cindy pulled the lucky numbers and won herself a family, Eric returned home to find Cindy had suffered a stroke while he had been out.  He was devastated and has refused to give up on her. Immediately she required constant and complete care because she was unable to stand or walk for the first few days.  She has slowly improved to where she is learning to walk again, although now with more limited mobility.  Her dad no longer has to hold her back end up to potty she is trying to do this herself.  She has these deep dark eyes that were once filled with fear and now they gaze at her dad with admiration and complete love.

He looks at her that way too.

And in the middle of this sadness of Cindy falling ill it dawned on me that my feeling that Rusty NEEDED Eric was really fate stepping in to insure that this dog Cindy Bear, with a broken spirit would end up exactly where she needed to so she could feel love, and joy and teach her new human about unconditional devotion. Fate knew that Cindy's health would turn and stepped in so she would be in a loving home where there was a person willing to do what ever it took to keep her happy and healthy and alive.  And in spite of the first vets opinion at the emergency hospital…she is not ready to go just yet and wants to continue to adore her dad and siblings and soak in some rays of sunshine out on the deck, and continue to enjoy her lottery winnings with Rusty.

Sometimes we get a clear message from our heart and we discount it as frivolous or plain silly or stupid and we don't act on it.  What if its fate trying to intervene and we just don't pick up the phone?