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Renee Gowri


Last Updated: 12/31/2009

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Saturday, August 15, 2009 
Four hundred and three score,
forever long before,
in a time of magic, fantasy, and lore,
was a little cottage in lands of emerald green
but dark was the inside,
hiding the ugly
and mean.
With teeth as sharp as knives
and nails yards-long,
they are the dischord in every song,
and every nightmare's core
that four hundred and three score before.

It's eye glowed like coals in the night
and turned the young and old stiff in fright,
laid down
in the ground,
safe and sound,
to speak-to breathe-nevermore,
their days a time of yore.
Even in the heart of a pefect wood,
the cottage forever would
be a lonely cottage,
home to only red eyes behind that door,
every nightmare's frightening core.

His skin, tight and dry,
with bestial feet, paws, and thighs,
he went out every night,
'neath stars and whtie crescents bright,
in far-reaching leaps like nighttime flight,
he rush through grasses swift,
and with paws he'd lift
a touching nightime bloom,
petals so pale as to challenge the moon.

And sometimes after dusk have fallen
and draped the night asunder dark folds,
the moon so brilliant, yet cold,
he'd run.

He'd run, and run, and run.
Past trees twisted and wizened in age,
past a many fairy rings aglow,
through the spring, the summer, the fall,
and the season of jeweled snow,
he'd run.

The destination was always the same.

He cut through the forest,
like wolves teeth through flesh,
red eyes glowing crimson in shadows,
panting his hot, heavy breath.
And he'd run,
and run,
and run...

Alone.

Alone, through the forest,
racing no one,
he'd run.

Muscles tensing, flexing,
beast huffing, puffing, panting,
and he'd run.

Then finally, foliage grew thin,
and the light'd be let in,
white like moon skin.
The trees would part more and more,
and behold.
A beautiful site that matched none before.

With windows of the cozy, village homes half-lidded,
the town lie deep in their peaceful slumber,
as the wide, clear sky of crystal eyes
smiled at its treasure--its child--asunder.
A light here and there,
a soft glow of care,
smoldered in homes
that houses fires so nuturing and warm.
A community, a family, slept in that village,
beautiful in that clearing below.
The affinity, the care, the love--
Something the beat knew he'd never know.

He'd sit there on a ledge high above town,
watching the sleeping village on the below ground,
and wished,
and wished,
and wished,
he was a part of their hearts,
and could sleep 'neath the stars,
never far,
from the warmth of a fire,
the warmth of a heart.


He'd wish on every star,
near and far,
and cry a tear so pure,
a star tumbling from his red eyes,
for he knew he would never know
the warmth of fire
and heart
that existed below.

And before the sun would rise on the horizon,
yawning bright beams so warm (so warm),
he'd stand on his haunches,
and run.

Run back,
and away from the sun,
alone,
with no one,
he'd run,
tears run
down a wet, sodden cheek
for the love of some one.

He'd return to his small, cozy cottage,
and sit in the dark,
tend his flowers so white,
as bright as moonlight,
Tender and frail,
he attend to them.
Good, sunlight, and water fresh from the pail.
A pure spot of light
in that cabin so dark,
so alone...

A fresh new batch brough home
on his way back each night,
each blessed with his care,
each growing beautiful and fair,
each plucked clean when midnight was nigh,
petals fluttering down from on high
'neath the velvet sky
on down low
so one day he may know,
what is was like to live below.
Each petal, a whisper.
each petal, a kiss.
Then each petal plucked,
to fly away, to deliver his wish.

Years, and years went on so.
Every nigh, the beast would watch the below,
wishing on his stars.

But then one day...

The beast left his house,
shocked to see the forest so black,
so cold.
What made this? Who's it to behold?
He looked up, and discovered
the sky was smothered.
Black, tumbling clouds, furious and rolling above,
menaced the land from on high.
It boiled, and toiled in the sky,
and the beat looked wary.
No stars to wish on this night.
No light to show him the way
to the valley, the haven of warm fires and love,
but he was scared of the above.
So he made his way
as if it was any other evening after any other day.

Thrice in time it took,
and carefully he walked
as sky rumbled, grolwed, and shook,
but alas, he reached his goal,
sat on his ledge to admire the glow
and watched the land below.

Entwined in webs on his own pining thoughts,
he felt a drop.

Startled, he looked upon his hand,
a single tear sidling down his hand,
to land
on the soft grass, blowing as if disturbed by the wind.
Yet...
the tear was not from his eye.
Then he felt another.
And looked up on high.

And sure enough, more rain ensued.
It poured,
and poured,
and poured
in a great deluge.

The sky was angrier, greyer, and darker,
but not in the kind nightly way the beast had learn to know,
and to save himself from the cold
that this storm had behold,
he looked with last longing look on the below,
and to his path he took
as the sky rattled and shook.

He ran through the forest,
the noise,
the sky ragining in bolts of white fire,
thrashing down in great spires,
shouting, yelling,
tossing leaves, twigs, and branches at him,
wind tugging and pulling viciously,
rain so heavy he could practically swim.

Alas, in our little story of yore,
as expected to happen in any other lore,
the beast lost his way,
unable to find his path from before,
unable to find his way back to the door.
But worst--oh, the worst--
the beast knows
that in a storm of this caliber
that the night flowers couldn't grow.
And so
he tears, angry tears, the frustrating pain
had mixed with the rain.

Hours and hours, shivering and sodden,
slippery ground trodden,
he wandered lost and angry, desolate,
in the dark, furious wood.
He knew he would have to rest.
He should, he should, he should.
But the trees were whipped,
and he constantly tripped,
over moved branches and flying debris.
Tired.
Wet.
Angry.
Desperate.
Time finally revealed a tree.
The eldest of trunks within the wood,
the beast knew of a small entry,
a hole to within,
where he may dry his skin,
and hide from the fury of this monstrous gale of the century.

So he ran to its cover
and squeezed 'tween the wood,
and entered the small, black room with a shudder.
He huddled 'gainst the wall,
and listened to the squall,
and squeezed his eyes shut, wishing--oh wishing--
that he had someone there in that dark, lonely place,
and be comforted 'gainst the cold with their warm embrace.

And so he slept...

He awoke.
He awoke, eyes blinking,
thinking
he was home,
but the sudden chill that wreaked his body shown
that he had taken shelter 'gainst the storm,
desperate for cover, for something dry and warm.
He looked to the entryway to see
with mild surprise,
that though the storm had passed,
it was no longer moon-rise.

Peeking his head out, blinking the bright pain away,
he saw, shocked and uneasy,
the light of day.


Sunday, July 26, 2009 

Current mood:  aroused
Category: Food and Restaurants
Holy shit. Look what I found!

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/eatthis/34343/best-and-worst-foods-for-your-libido/

FOR PERFORMANCE
Eat This!
½ CUP BLUEBERRIES
40 calories
10 g carbs
7 g sugars
Forget Viagra. Mother Nature's original blue potency capsules may do even more for you. Blueberries are high in soluble fiber, which helps remove excess cholesterol from the blood before it gets absorbed and deposited on artery walls. Blueberries also relax blood vessels and improve blood flow. For maximum potency and performance, eat a serving of blueberries at least three or four times a week.

...Allegra loves her blueberries.

*Googles shit*

OMG. I just looked up some other stuff, and bananas are suppose to do the same! And everyone already knows about the natural mojo powers of the watermelons. But oranges, as a scent are suppose to freaking arouse people too!

All of which I had in large quantities in the past few days or weeks. (That, and I live off orange juice. Just finished a whole carton that was bought yesterday.)

This. Explains. A LOT.

*Sigh* Ah well. I guess I can't help it. Besides, I'm not enough of a horn dog to each vanilla ice cream, sirloin steak, asparagus, and all those other libido-inspiring stuff. So it's all good. X3

Besides, I love my tomatoes, so whatchu talkin' bout foo'? >:(
Monday, September 15, 2008 
Good morning America! Or, Japan. Well, considering that we live on the bases, same thing!

MSI is so cool, jah?! :D ~Lyrics are horribly strange and sometimes graphic but who the fuck cares?!?! XD

Yeah...Well, today, I am teh female dog is actually a bloody zebra of the pack. We got a fox (Joy), a penguin (Roscelle), a dolphin (Amanda), a Panda (the other Amanda), and other people who have not yet discovered their inner animal. Quick resolve? Steal you parent's bottle of tequila and go partying in Roppongi. But be warned. If ANYONE flickers their eyelashes at you, get on that damn train back home!

Trust me. I know.

<<;;; >>;;;

Anyway...I am the bloody zero because of my awesome nawesome totally good sunny time (A.k.a, ANGST) outfit. I'd take pictures, but the camera grew legs and was all like, "I'm the ginger bread man bitch! Let's see you get a bite of these sugar buns." And I was just, like, "Sorry sweetie. I'm on a diet. I don't like the white stuff."

Which TOTALLY reminds me! Dolphin girl, Maya-Moira, and Mrs. Fun-Sized (a.k.a., Amanda G., new girl Maya, and Erica) were all jsut chllin' just like the gangsta's we are in our local grocery store, waiting for the people ahead of us to get done using the microwave. Then, to occupy our simple minds (trust me, they're pretty simple. I saw the blueprints), everyone started groping the ice in the case freezer thingy next to us and wiping over each other's faces. I was just like, "OMG! Immature children! Tho shan't mess with commissary's white stuff!"

Everyone was like, "OMG! I don't go that way!"

Okay. That last one was a lie...At least, two thirds was. ._.;;;

Yeah. I have coolio socks on too! Again, red and black. I love them, but now my feet smell like the boy's locker room. How do I know how the boy's locker room smells like? Simple. Me and my pot pal were just laughing and then he accidentally (I think so at least. You never kow when you're high) put his palm on the wrong spot and things just sort of got more...surreal from there.

...Ew...Nasty song playing right now. Hmm..."Suicide silence"? Omg. Can you get anymore emo? Seriously people. Why can't metal bands just come up with something like, "Happy Days", except make it less of a Beatles copyright infringment. That or they could just say," Fuck you!" on their CD covers. Same impact. GOSH! *Rolls eyes*

Which reminds me...I think last Thursday, bro, sis, and I were watching MTV and the kitty box was stinking to high heaven! Oh my gawd...It was horrible! My sister was all like, "OMG! Allegra! Don't sit near the cat box! You could get anthrax!" In my head, I was like, "OMG! Like the band! :D I totally want to be the band!"

Then I found out what anthrax really was. EW. That is SO not metal. That's, like, something you do NOT call a fucking band. Ew. Gross!

Well, Allegra ish now listening ot her lovely "In This Moment". Fronsinger is so HOT!!! And yesh, she is female. But hey, I walk both sides of the street you know. Except on Mondays. That's when crazy McGee's on the road and for someone reason, he thinks I'm always wearing this big white and red target sign on my torso. *Shrugs*

OMG. OMG. OMG. I odn't know! I jsut feel hyper! :DDD

Ann needs to take care of her SuperPoke pet, Nugget. I'm so tried of seeing it all frowny. Hey! Frowny rhymes with brownie! I want a brownie! But I can't. I'm trying to swear off milk treats to let my face heal. -_-; ~Why are thou so cruel my lord...

But yeah. Can't eat brownies. Or cakes. Or muffins. Yeah. I just have to burn them instead with a bic lighter, some charcoal, and plenty o' lighter fluid.

OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! I actually have a reason to have an "OMG!" freak out now!!! THE JOKER IS SO HOT!!!

Okay. That's probably not a reason, but whatever. I'm, like, "Monster" happy right now. And I didn't even have some. But did you know Monster is actually really good? At least, the orange kind. Everyhting else tastes like SUPER bitter medicine. -_-; ~I hate pepto bismal.

By. The. Way. Dark Knight? FAVE movie as of this moment! XDDDD ~Totally buying it on DVD!!!

OMG! I have a chemistry test tomorrow on equipment tomorrow! D: :3

And then I didn't do my China's Grand Canal presentation either today (which made me feel like a completel idiot) but whatever! I'll find time for the later. :)

And I FINALLY got the New Moon book from the Twilight series from Dolphin girl! XD ~HUZZAH! But I'm reading the "Judas Strain" right now, and I've always had this weird policy where I have to finish one book before I start another. *Shrugs* but you know the funny part? Judas Strain actually has this whole thing going on with Marco Polo coming back from sea from China and OMG! We just studied that in history! Weird...Conspiracy? XD

I like Vampires. I only know a few good series though: "The Last Vampire" by Christopher Pike, "Cirque Du Freak" by whoever as suggested by J.K. Rowling, "Vampire Knights" by whoever, and, I'm sad to admit it, but "Twilight" by Stephenie Meyer.

But Angelina thinks they're stupid for some reason. She just thinks they're a bunch of blood-sucking undeads going around trying to murder people. But, whatever. *Rolls eyes*

And yeah. I think there goes by randomness. I feel like going to the commissary right now and buying some groceries and crud for Wednesday's Japanese Club meeting with Yamato-Nishi. OMG! EXCITEMENT! XDDDDD

And if anyone has actually bothered reading this, WOW. You must have as much time on your hands as I do.

And that's saying something.
Sunday, July 13, 2008 
Directions:: Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 16 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 10 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave them a comment ("you're it") and to read your blog. You can't tag the person who tagged you. Since you can't tag me let me know when you've posted your blog, so I can see your weirdness.

1. Less than two weeks into summer, my sleeping habits/cycle was already reversed.

2. I'm undergoing transformation1 XD ~Lol! Yesh! I am a butterfly in metamorphosis! And although I do not like the change, I am enjoying much of it nonetheless! :D

3. I finally got a Gaia account. :)

4. I have returned to playing World of Warcraft! *avoids rain of bullets*

5. 'Koob', my current name, is when my brother used the palindrome of 'book' to try to insult me the same way someone might call me a bookworm. Unfortunately, the word just wasn't catching on. XP

6. I am going to Oregon to see relatives! :D ~****.

7. My fingers currently have a thick coating of garlic butter all over them and it is rather gross.

8. I am currently reading "The Reef" by popular romance novelist Nora Roberts. What. The. F***.

9. My dad bought me a beginning level book for saxophone. I know I suck, but I'm not THAT bad! >:(

10. "License to Wed" is NOT Robin Williams at his best. Get it straight retards! >:(

11. I haven't gone swimming once this summer. (But it will change once I get to Oregon. :D)

12. OMG! OMG! OMG! One of my favorite webcomics-Cascadia-is back up!!! WOOT! XD

13. I have to email some people again just to see if they've forgotten me or not. ;_;

14. I need an iPod/Zune. NOW. (I miss you Ricky...T_T)

15. I have about 12 fictional stories that I am hopping between and working on this summer. :D ~Huzzah!

16. Renee Lal Hadar Gowri is an anagram of my name that I created. Go figure! :D

Tagged people .

1. Roscelle-Because it's law people. I can't NOT tag her! XD

2. Yvette-Same as Roscelle. We're one and the same people.

3. Panda-PBNJ all the way! XD

4. Ronielle-Because he is BEAST! Anyone says otherwise and you shall be undone by his glaring, obvious awesomeness. XD

5. Doxy/Alex-Although the two use the same account, it's still worth a go. :D

6. Erica-I haven't talked to her since July Fourth, and not much more before that. ;_;

7. Brandon-I can't belief I have to justify my reason by actually explaining this to you people. You just don't leavethe man out of these kind of things! XP

8. (Hm...I'm running out of friends. <<;) Damian-Despite the fact that he is ALWAYS changing his myspace profile but NEVER messaging anyone, I'll send him this anyway. :D ~Ha ha ha ha! (Does it sting DJ? XP)

9. And Pariz. But I might get mauled because she could consider this another forward message. *shrugs* It was nice knowing you people.

10. Angelina-I ran out of friends. ^_^;
Tuesday, February 12, 2008 

In a Gingerbread country, in Gingerbread county, on Gingerbread Lane, in a little gingerbread house were you could smell the scrumptious scents of gingerbread cooking was a...

Chocolate bunny.

OH! Wasn't expecting that, were you suckah'! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Ahem. Sorry about that.

Anyway, this chocolate bunny had a reason for being in Gingerbread country. Using his new green card, he emigrated from his old home-Russia-to the free country of Gingerbread. And here, he had set up a new life as a Gingerbread baker, stained apron and all, with his own pastry shop along the road in substitue of his old job of oral prostitution as a drag queen

He was also running from the Hershey Chocolate mafia 'cause he unknowingly slept with the boss's son, but hey! We all make mistakes!

Anyway, this yummy Chocolate bunny looked into his gingerbread cupboard, and, lo and behold, to his utter shock, he was out of chocolate sprinkles!

The chocolate bunny's ears drooped.

"Well, goshin' golly jee! What am I to do now?!" he guffawed, shaking his head and placing his hands on his waist.

And I now believe there was a third reason for him leaving Russia.

Then the chocolate bunny perked up, ears striaght up, as an idea hit him like an eighteen-wheeler pushing 120 with the brakes cut off.

The chocolated bunny reached into another gingbread counter and fetched himself a cute little Easter egg basket from his uncle. Then, with a hop, jump, skip, twirl, hurl, bounce, kick, slap, punch, kiss, grab, lick, huff, puff, somersault, cartwheel, vaccuming, singing, pout, stab, jab, flutter, sprinkle, dance, shoot, stomp, jig, booty-shake, fart, belch, scream, flirt, limp, bite, grasp, gasp, gulp, sigh, nod, hokey-pokey, and a cheerful yell, he went off on his merry way to the Gingerbread Forest.

His whistled a merry "Smack dat" as he checked his map. But unfortunately for our little chocolate bunny, he didn't see where he was going. And so when he approached a three-way fork, he kept going straight on through.

Soon enough, like,three and half hours soon enough, the chocolate bunny got into a forest. But it wasn't the Gingerbread Forest, oh no. it was, my friend, the very dreadful, horrible...

The Gingerbread Swamp.

---

Reader: ...What the f***?! Gingerbread Swamp?!?! That's not even remotely threatening!?! And why the hell is everything Gingerbread?!?! It's a f***ing chocolate rabbit!

Author: Blasphemy! Don't question the author's decisions!

Reader: It's a chocolate bunny!!!

Author: [shoots reader]

Author: Ahem. [blows on barrel]

Other Readers: [silence]

Author: Anymore questions? Good...On with the story!

---

The chocolate bunny looked around him in puzzlement. The big, dark, mean trees blocked the sky and loomed menacingly over him. And the big, dark, mean shrubberry held big, dark, mean eyes that stared back at him with hunger. Something big, dark, and mean shrieked behind him, and the chocolate bunny turned around.

The choclate bunny's ears dropped, pupils wide.

An acorn fell on his head.

The chocolate bunny yiped and ran as fast as his little legs could carry him along the path. A squirrel, followed by deer, racoons, rabbits, gerbils, and other cuddly-wuddly animals came out of the shrubbery. The squirrel picket up the acorn as the crowd os animals watch the chocolate bunny run off.

The squirrel turned around towards the deer.

"Well, daaaaaaaaaaaaamn! Dat bunny's one fucked up shit, right home dog?"

"Word."

The chocolate bunny ran and ran and ran and ran some more. But he couldn't get away from the forest. Chocolate tears began to run from his chocolate eyes, chocolate piss running down his choclate legs.

And now you know what real hot cocoa is.

Suddenly, he tripped over a log. He screamed as he rolled and tumbled down a steep slope, hittign rocks and branches and the like.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"

Then he rolled into a clearing, and splayed out on the dirt, little jelly beans making circles around his head.

"Ugh..."

He sat up, holding his head as the jelly beans went away. He rubbed the throbbing spot, wincing and whimpering in pain.

A branch snapped.

The choclate bunny perked up his ears, eyes wide and staring at the surrounding brush.

Another snap.

The chocolate bunny turned around.

Another.

The chocolate bunny shot to his feet. It was all around him now.

The bushes shook and rustled, and a silhouette appeared. And then another to his right, and another to his left, and yet another behind him. They kept coming, encircling him, trapping him.

More hot cocoa.

A sillouhette came closer. And spoke.

"????, ?? ????? ?????????? ?? ??????? ???????."

The bunny cocked his head, and then his jaw dropped and his heart stopped. His legs quivered violently. The hot coca was coming out is rivers now.

The silhouette stepped further still, and the choclate bunny could see his face. It was him.

The boss of the Hershey's Chocolate Bar Russian mafia.

"???? ?? ???-?? ???? ? ????? ? ????????? ??????"

Translation: "Slept with anybody's son recently?"

The others-obediant thugs-came out of the darkness. They all carried weapons. Snipers, nukers, Glocks, a bat with nails, a lead pipe, a chain, and a toilet plunger.

...Wait a minute...

The chocolate bunny squeaked, "??? ?? ?????? ?? ?????!"

Translation: "What do you want with me?!"

The mafia choclate bar smiled.

"? ?????, ????? ?????????, ??? ?? ??????? ?? ?????. ?????."

Translation: "I'm here to make sure you never have sex. Again,"

A thug stepped forward, waving his gun at him, yelling, "?? ?? ?????? ??????!"

Translation: "Yeah, you yellow horse!"

The chocolate bunny and mafia boss stopped and turned to stare at him.

"????? ??????????"

Translation: "Foregin recruit?"

The mafiaf leader nods his head solemnly and regretfully. Then he shakes himself. And with one graveful move, he snaps his finger. The thugs smile and approach the bunny steadily.

The chocolate bunny is panicking, quvering and shaking like a recter 9 eartherquake. He gets down on his knees and begins to pray.

Closer the thugs get.

Close and closer and closer and closer...

Giant chick marshmallow peeps fall out of the sky like comets and land on everyone. The mafia members scream in agony. The chocolate bunny looks up, surprised. Then he smiles and turns his face towards the sky.

"Thank you."

He fetches his basket, turns around, and walks off on his way out back home, deciding he can make something without chocolate sprinkles.

Meanwhile...

Up above in the sky, God-a giant gingerbread man-takes a puff on his cigar. A smaller gingerbread man angel, dressed in a business suit, is next to him. They both look downwards at the site.

The smaller baked-good man shakes his head and readjusts his glasses.

"You didn't have to do that, ya' know."

The giant shrugged.

"I like his work."

The smaller one cast a questioning look up at his boss.

"Um, I know you're the Almighty and everything, but don't even you think you shouldn't be eating your own kind?"

"I meant his past work."

The smaller gingerbread man was even more perplexed. He looked back down at the giant peeps missiles, thinking.

..."Ugh! God! That's disgusting!"

Sunday, December 09, 2007 
This is in a letter to a friend. And I really dont' want someone asking me about this again becuase this took awhile to come up with. And I'm sorry that it's long, but I think you people can deal.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm sorry if you know all this, but just think of it as a refresher then.

Okay, first of all, Paganism/Wicca is not all that related to goth.

At the beginning of its history, goth actually meant to embrace the darkness because everyone was sick and tired of how people were tyring to reform life and creating the ideal living. And even now, it's mostly focuses on that darkness. Like, about a ratio of 60 to 40. So not that much.

Paganism/Wicca embodies nature and all of life and its natural process. So it hails the good, and it hails the bad. But what is considered bad to many people is actually positive in the Wicca religion. Like death is not considered as the end of life, but as the celebration for making way for the new and what not. It doesn't really focus that much on darkness as does the gothic idea.

Second of all, I'm pretty fucking sure you're mom might argue. But there's a few points that would make her even reconsider.

1) The Wiccan creed is "An it harm none, do thy will." Aka., do whatever you want as long as it doesn't hurt any being, whether human, creature, or plant.

2) Wicca and paganism is actually the mother of Christianity. What does that mean? Both are extremely related. So you can still celebrate Christmas and do Easter without any worries since those were of Pagan origin. The reason paganism was stereotypoed as anti-Christ is because after Christianity grew up into the adolescent, it rebelled against it's Pagan mother, labeling it "anti-Christ". But in reality, it's not. In fact, Paganism tries to embrace everything.

3) If you think Wicca is strongly related with magic and curses, it's not. The "magic" is had to do with is mostly spiritual and not that levitating crap. And as for curses...Well, karma is karma.

4) It's not a superstituious religion. Wicca gratefully accepts scientific discoveries and what not. For example, a part of paganism is herbalism. There has been huge discoveries in the area of herbal medicines, so now we know more about plants and what not, like Gingko leaves are effective for focusing and clearing the mind while Chilli peppers are great for clearing sinuses.

So yeah.

As for its rituals, Wicca in general has more than most people, much less I, care to count for. Why? It's because Wicca is also a class of religion, much like Christianity. The way Christianity contains different denominations like Catholic, Eastern Orthodx, Lutheran Prostestant, etc., is like how Wicca in itslef has its own branches, like Gardnerian Wicca, Alexandrian Wicca, Old Norse, Germanic prepaganism, Frost Wicca, etc.

But around this time of year, the one of eight sabbaths, Yule, is celebrated.

Yule usually takes place on the 21st or 22nd. Aka., the winter solstice. However, it can also be celebrated on 24th and 25th, which a whole bunch of Christians are known to do.

Yule is usually a time for feasting and gathering due to the cold environment bringing people closer together. Ham is often eaten for a certain reason, but I forgot why.

Anyway, this is also a time for reenrgizing spiritual energy and meditating. The way the world seems to stand still in the winter looks like some sort of "sleep", so Wiccans perform a caricature of this with meditation. Or something like that.

The reason for the celebration of Yule varies from denomination to denomination. In one certain kind, the Old year, or the Holly King, was defeated by the New Year, of the Oak King. In another, Ostara, the sun that represents the year, has finally reached old age and Yule, the mother, is soon going to give birth to their child, the new year, creating another Star child.

In one branch, Santa was actually the Norse thunder god Thor who flew around in a chariot (not a sleigh) pulled by fire-breathing goats (not reindeer).

Also, the idea for a Christmas tree came from earlier times of the Scandinavian believe of Yggdrasil. Yggdrasil was a tree that reached into the underworld and heavens, stars resting on its branches. To recreate the tree, pagans went out into their local woods and decorated them with candles. And bada bing! Bada boom! You got a Christmas tree.

In Finland, the idea of giving gifts may have spawned from the idea of Jouluppukki. On Christmas eve, he went door to door, asking if there were any good children in the house. If there were, he left gifts which included dried fruit, nuts, and salted meat. (Bacon...~<3)

And, as said before, customs vary from denomination to denomination. And now I believe this is the part you DON'T want to perform or tell your mother about.

One tradition includes the celebration of the new sun. Around this time, it's also believed that the sun went away or something and will come back. The recreation? Weaved dried branches that were lit on fire and rolled down the hill. The weaved dried branches have changed into today's wreaths.

1,000 years ago in the Viking times, huge feasts were held. They use to sacrifice virgins to spill their blood on the ground for a gift to nature, but, out of repulsion or something similar, they substitued it with beer, wine, and what not. So at a feast, it was considered extremely offensive when someone didn't get totally smashed. It was thought of as an insult that meant that their beer, in which all beer was home brewed back then, was horrible tasting, and thus gave them reason to beat you until you were just a huge red smear on their wall.

Also, in the past, mistletoes meant more than just some obligation for kissing. Druids use to hang it everywhere and they have huge orgies that they called "fertility rituals". And as wrong as that may seem, it really isn't wrong in the Wiccna/Pagan relgion. Sex is thought as a natural part of life. And the happiness that it brought was just an added bonus.

And yeah. That's all I really know. But there's a bunch mroe information on wikipedia about Wicca, paganism, and Yule in general. As for specific denominations, you can go to established organizations and check it out.
Saturday, September 22, 2007 

Current mood:Frustrated, then Peachy

Actually, screw the stabbing. I wanna' bang my head on the desk, split in two, have something sharp run down my back, throw up, cut off my fingers, chop off my legs, scratch out of my eyes, tear out my throat, tear my hair out, or, for probably the second time ever, cut somewhere.

But guess what? I'm too much of a wimp to go hurt myself. Fuck, I hate feeling just ONE hair yanked out. -_-;

And for those of you wondering, I'm not going to do anything stupid. 'Just in a REALLY bad mood. So you might as well stop here and save yourself the feeling of utter doom or whatever the hell you call it when someone you know wants to do something to harm themself. I just feel like being fucking emo and bitching about it until I'm hallow and empty and all that's left is that gnawing feeling. (How annoying...)

I blame the media for their contribution to my bad mood lately. I read some adult-rated (No sex. Just utter gore) manga shit about psychos and what not. But I must say, cannibalism and planting flowers in people's brains-esp. those that are still living-sounds very, very appealing.

...Fuck. I'm turning psycho. -_-;

Then again, that's not much of a surprise. I mean, let's stop and look at it for a second. Just today, I saw "Fight Club" which had BUNCHES of pretty instense things in it-making soap out of human fat, nitroglycerin-making, purposely done car accidents, schizophrenia, etc.-and it has now become one of my fave movies. Also, I've been in a blood-craving mood recently (toned down a bit). (I blame that faggot, Kenneth. >:( ) I've recieved an 'F' on some freakin' band test and now I'm last chair. I was suppose to go to Yokosuka today but my dad didn't do as he said and dropped me off. I had to carry ALL of my shit home yesterday because my dad didn't pick me up then either. >:( And, the BIGGEST thing, I've been having the most SCREWED UP time with emotions, this guy, and whatever the FUCK it is.

Great. No I feel like tearing my stomach out now. -_-;

Wait. No, no. That's my throat. -_-;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Anyway, for whoever of you guys have the capacity to read this far already, here's what's going on with that last thing. I messaged some friends about it. Here's the message. (Start at the bottom where the smiley is.)

I dunno what the fuck it is, but it's like this random mood swing where I just wanna' laugh and cry. Mostly cry. I dunno what started it. I don't know why I'm doing it. I just know that it's related to my crush. And believe it or not, this it not the first time. I had a similar breakdown at Amanda's b-day sleep-over.

...Actually, I think I may actually know what's wrong. I dunno how I just started thinking about it, but it has to do with me liking in general. Remember I told you about hate-like relationships? ALL of mine have been like that. Always one-sided too. Well, I think I'm reaching that point again where I like someone so much, that I just might screw things over like I've always done. I feel like I don't wanna' ever talk or see him again and everytime I see his pic and shit, I'm resisting the urge to delete him. I-I don't know what's wrong. I just want it all to go away.

Shit. I'm crying. And laughing.

I hate Thursdays.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From:
BabylonVengeance
Date: Sep 20, 2007 12:42 AM


spell of sadness?
speak. i will listen.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From:
Hotaru
Date: Sep 20, 2007 5:34 PM


XD ~Lmao!!!! Dude! That is so funny...

Ha ha! Well, I'm glad you're on. I was getting into a spell of sadness again. :)

Think this is normal and it's temporary? Check out this other message. (This was a forwarded message between me and 'Chelle over to DJ. Start at the depressed smiley.)

Here's the thing DJ. This tends to happen as I get deeper into liking someone. And I've been seriously wanting to avoid this.

And this is just general stuff. The details are worst.

Oh gawd. I really feel liking fucking crying. <---Not joking.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From:
Hotaru
Date: Sep 15, 2007 5:26 AM

You can't stop thinking about him. If you can, you still think about 'em a lot. You're constantly daydreaming and fantasizing romantic (sometimes erotic. XP) scenarios. You get this nervousness everytime you're around them unless you're already use to it. You can't wait until the next time you see them. You wonder what chances there are in you two getting together and you always see light in it, no matter how low.

As for the hate part...

You constantly reprimand yourself whenever you catch yourself thinking about them. You say there isn't a chance now, and never will be. If you have voices, they're always yelling at you and telling yourself to get a reality check and see how low your chances are. You pick on the person's weak points to try to make yourself dislike them. Whenever you think there's a chance they have with someone else, you half-plead for it just so you can stop crushing. (Later, you find out it's not very effective anyways.) You try to avoid them no matter how anxious you are to see them. You don't act so kind towards them. (Heh heh heh...I think I've pretty much screwed up most of my chances anyway that way.)

And there's your basics.

:I.V.: ...o_O;;;??? ~Basics?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From:
BabylonVengeance
Date: Sep 13, 2007 2:29 AM


tell me everything you can think of to say about love hate relationships.


I've told about four people now or so. Each of them except one gave me advice. This is the only one that probably has any serious meaning.

Hmm.
Allegra dearest.
If I could reach inside the computer and go and see you, you'd know what I'd do?

I'd knock you on your head.
You worry to damn much about everything. You worry to much about who you like and what's going to happen. Take some real advice and just calm down. Think about the situation reasonably. If your always going to worry about your relationships and crap you're going to actually miss an actual relationship. Sure it hurts like hell right now. Hate to break it to yah. It's gonna be that way. It's gonna hurt. However, spending all your tears and efforts on the subjects gonna hurt a hell lot more. Trust me.
You need to take a deep breath and go with the flow. It will hurt to talk to the people you like but you can't do anything. It's either you make the first move and get it over with. Or you keep on waiting but with a patient aura. These things take time. And wasting tears on it won't make them go any faster.

And this girl is MILES away from me and she has probably given me the best advice on the situation. -_-;;;;;;;; ~That's sad...

But guess what's even more sad than that? My reply.

XD ~Lol! Hahaha!!!! That's the first real advice that probably helps.

...
...Whoa. That's funny. I'm crying.

Lol. I must be in that nervous-breakdown, laugh-and-cry mood again. Hahahaha!!!! I feel sick. I've been trying to talk to him again just normally and shit, and I just feel sick and sad again. Nothing happened this time either. It just started.

I need to know this seriously. Is there something wrong with me? :)

:')

Damn...That's not normal. Anyway, here's a little short summary without all the stupid messages and that shit.

I have some sort of problem. The decision of it being permanent or temporary is still pending. The same applies to whether it's concious or subconcious. (I seriously think it's the latter.) The problem? No one knows for sure. Not even I do. One person says it's because I might think I'm not worth anything to anyone in one of THOSE relationships. (I don't think that's it, but neither do I know how much I think I'm worth to someone. :-/) Someone says that maybe it's because I think the person doesn't like me. (I put my money and all my fortune on that 'cuz I KNOW it.) Other people think it's because I've been affected by bad relationships, like my parents divorcing, and that I'm taking that as something to not get into a relationship. Some people think-and think they know-that I'm just shy and paranoid about it all.

Me? I think it's because I DID see bad relationships. But it's not jsut because of my dad and mom. Yeah, there's more people. I also think it's because I worry too much, but who knows the reason behind that. Anyway, I worry too much and I think they don't like me and never would. (Still betting my life on that.) Oh, those are two seperate things.

What's the problem? The official label that's been going around is "intimacy issues". They go even further beyond just relationships. They reach on over into touching (I dunno if you read it or not, but I posted one entry not too long ago about aphenphosmphobie, the fear of being touched), kids (I use to HATE them because I thought they were so fragile that I'd "break" them as my dad said. They'd also stare at me too and it made me really nervous. But it's toned down now. Still, I don't like them that much and I'm still leaning to having no kids when I grow older), crowds and big amounts of people (I guess it's just that common feeling among a lot of people of some conspiracy or something. ...Is that even common?), eyes of something animate OR inanimate (I always feel like I'm being watched...I even have three pictures in my room that I keep thinking are watching me, which makes me nervous when I dress so I go to some other side of the room or dress quickly), etc.

Still don't have a picture on how bad it is? Read on...

*I find compliments weird and the usual insults like normal everyday conversation.

*I LOVE to learn how to fight. And as of late, I really like to learn how to box. (Dammit. They should start up boxing club again! -_-;)

*I find sadists and masochists people normal. I use to cry on about a weekly-almost daily basis-about a year or so ago.

*I fell into a brief state of depression in the summer of seventh grade. (Always sleepy, never wanted to do anything, and was constantly sad and sick that it made me cry every now and then.)

*I block my eyes when people kiss in th movies. Even if it's PG of PG 13.

*I have the chemical formula for nitroglicerin and I use to research exploxives.

*Throughout middle school, I use to only draw and write depressing and morbid pieces. There are only about 10 short, light comics or doodles as compared to about 40 or more major pieces of murder, fear, suicides, monsters, sinister things, etc.

*I almost started the habit of cutting myself and probably wouldn't have stopped if it weren't for the fact that I couldn't find my pocket knife that night.

*If it wasn't for the fact that I knew my dad would be devastated, I would've attempted to murder my sister.

There's other signs, but they're too easily mistakenable for just rebelling teens and fashion statements, like I usually only wear black, I have chain pants, I dress like a dude, I love skulls, I think preps should go to hell, collecting safety pins is my thing, I like horror stories, etc. Ya' know, shit like that. So don't count any of that.

What does the problem usually revolve around? Liking people. I dunno why or how it started, but whenever I like someone, things jsut get freaky. For example, haven't liked anybody for four years until the eigth grade. Let's call him Bob. Btw, if you're reading this Bob, trust me. You'll know it's you. ^_^

Back in the 7th grade, Sayu-chan moved here. After a few weeks, myabe a couple of months, she started to crush on Bob. And when she crushes on someone, she bullies them. She's one of those they-tease-you-because-they-like-you cases. I SAW what she was doing and then jsut decided to give it a shot and participate.

I never knew bullying was so much fun. : D

Thanks to info gathered from Sayuri, we called him up and threw a few cuss words at him before hanging up. We told him he was an ass several times on school grounds. We did a whole bunch of stupid shit, but the worst thing I probably ever did was stick a voodoo doll and that scary note in his locker...

One day, with the help of Sayuri (method shall be kept a secret for the purpose of me just not wanting to tell you), we figured out his locker combo. Then I made a voodoo doll from yarn. (It doesn't really work if you're wondering.) I took some pins from home and stuck them inside it and tied another piece around it's neck as it it's being hung. After that, I took some patterned red paper and painted (which was really hard. X_X) "I hope you have one HELL of a summer" on it, emphasizing the hell with big letters and red paint dripping from it like blood.

We stuck it in his locker. Then, finding him on the elementary basket ball court, lied to him by telling him some tall dude wanted him to check his locker tomorrow morning. (We were worried he might not check because we had a field trip the next day and he would have to wait until Monday and we were jsut impatient.)

The next day, he and his friends found it. I was tryingto act natural so I didn't look that much. Most that I saw was they were all huddled and he was looking at something before he went out side. Then Sayu-chan told me that he saw it as well as his friends, freaked, and threw it ouside in the trash. (That sorta' pissed me off because I wanted the pins back.)

After that, somehow, him and Sayu-chan started talking and the subject brought up. Truce was called and Sayu-chan told him that I would leave him alone but if he or his friends came after me, it's going to start up all over again.

Now, he's the shocker. In the second month of 8th grade...

I started to like him.

It freaked me out. I couldn't do anything though. Because it was just too awkward after the 7th grade. And I guess ever since then, the feeling of all that has stuck.

The next guy, it was a LOT less instense, but I knew we were too different anyway. But I did screw up my chances again. One, I guess I just sorta' had this small reputation. Two, I cussed at him when he stole our football in the middle of a small game.

I've confessed to the two when I finally moved (XD ~Lol! That was actually pretty funny) but still...

I've been hopeless ever since.

So I guess that what creates all my guy trouble. History. (And people wonder why I hate Social Studies. -_-;)

There's more to it, like when I moved, I liked two other guys but because they were seniors and I wasn't even a fresmen yet and the fact they're those kind of foreigner kids that just hang out with their own group, it sure as hell as something doomed.

So I guess it's created a sense of hopelessness or whatever and now I'm a total loss when it comes to liking. Which may have also been another reason as to why I'm bisexual.

In case I ever lose hope in guys, the next in line are the chicks. XD

There's better reason than that though. ^_^ ~WHOLE 'nother story...

And yeah, although it's true I like someone and, according to what she says, they like me back and I think we probably should've gotten together if I was still there, I'm all alone on this gawd forsaken shit of land with my emotions and thoughts combating each other like two rival cannibalistic tribes. Sometimes a boat (friend) might come by and help out, give me some supplies (advice or just an ear to listen) or whatever so I can last longer, but they never stay there permanently. (*sigh* Part of the curse of a being a military kid.)

And here's the "best" part! Although those boats come along, for some reason, I never board (follow) them!

Gawd. I love metaphors. :)

Here's the most recent episode of me "intimacy issues". I like this guy. (No details for the sake of someone figuring it out when I don't need/want them to.) And although we talk, I go through shit in my head and heart. I want to talk to him, but I also want to delete him from my other account and never speak to him again. I wanna' see him more, but I wish he never existed in the first place either. I want us to be together somehow, and I made myself this brick wall between us that explodes if I try to get around it or something. And most of this isn't even done by will.

One time, I imagined us being together. Subconcious then bends the story and we both end up in pain in my little fantasy. That's the true story (all I told them was it had to do with my crush) as to why I started crying and had that break-down at Amanda's b-day sleepover (which was too embarassing weird for me, thank you). And the second time, I just started thinking about him (forgot if we were together or not), and I skip the bending-the-story part and go straight to the breakdown. Most recent time...something flickers really quick in my mind that I barely even notice it and I feel so freaking depressed and pissed off to the point where I'm already ready to cry and I just want to talk to someone. (I found out just recently that whenever it happens, I always want to talk to someone. ^_^;)

And that pretty much the sum of it. I seriously wish I could stop hormones. (Old quote: I HATE HORMONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Wow...I feel so much better now. ^_^ ~Now I only feel like banging my head against a desk. :D

(I want chunky moneky ice cream. :D)

Monday, September 10, 2007 

Current mood:  hungry
Category: Quiz/Survey

..> ..> ..>..>

"What's Your Personality?{Acurate Results And Beautiful Pictures}" by FantasyCanBecomeReality

The most hated question is frist...What is your favorite Color?

 

Black/Red/Purple/Blue

 

Pink/Lavender/Yellow/Orange

 

Brown/White/Green

 

Anything I haven't mentioned

In one word what would your friends describe you as?

 

Fun

 

Quiet

 

Understanding

 

Loyal

 

Energetic

 

Smart

 

Insane

Favorite Element?

 

Earth

 

Fire

 

Wind

 

Water

 

Spirit

What do you like to do in your spare time?{Choose up to 2}

 

Listen To Music

 

Read/Write

 

Hang out with friends

 

Play sports

 

Shop

Favorite Type Of Music?{Choose up to 2}

 

Rock/Metal

 

Country

 

Rap/Hip-Hop/R&B

 

Christian

 

Other

Favorite Song Out Of The following?{Choose up to 2}

 

Voice Of Truth-Casting Crowns

 

Live Like You Were Dieing-Tim McGraw

 

The Little Things That Give You Away-Linkin Park

 

Wall To Wall-Chris Brown

Do you dwell on the past?

 

Yes

 

No

 

Sometimes

My result...

 

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

 

The way you anwered your questions has actually lead me to believe that you are a very angry person. Something happened to you in the past and you will not forgive what happened. You hold a lot of anger inside of you, and will sometimes lash out on others for things that they may have not done. Here's some information you might want to know...


Element: Fire because you are wild like fire
Colors: Anything dark would probably suit you...
Song: I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace

 

VERY inaccurate...I don't think anything has really happened to me that would make me like THAT.

And fuck dammit! >.< ~My element is Earth you fucker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well...Next! ^_^

"What kind of Chocolate are you and what does your type of chocolate say about you?" by NumaNarutogirl

What is your fav. color? *doges whatever you threw*
white
black
green
brown
What the hell does this have to do with chocolate?!!? *kills question*
 
What do you do in your spare time?
Annoying everyone
Hanging out with my friends
Sitting at the computer
Beating up annoying younger kids
Cleaning
 
Pick some words that describe your self.
bossy
pretty
hyper
neat
cool
annoying
inteligent
quiet
funny
lazy
 
Pick a number.
1
2
3
4
5
 
Whats your fav. kind of music?
tecno
hip hop
rap
rock, punk rock, classic rock ( basicly, any kind of rock)
pop
other
 
Thats it, hope you liked it. Would you rate this quizz?
Yes! It was sooo awsome!
No! I'd would rather die of bordom then rate this crap!
If I feel like it......
Yeah, I just dont see that happening.
Uh, yeah, whatever
 
My result...



You are..... a chunk of Dark chocolate! You also enjoy punk rock/goth music. You are quiet, very anti soical, and mostly keep to yourself. But you do make a few long lasting friendships!

 

...W. T. F. XP


 


Sunday, September 09, 2007 

Current mood:  content

*In West Virginia, only babies can ride in a baby carriage.

*You use more calories eating celery than there are in the celery itself.

*In Michigan, it is illegal to chain an alligator to a fire hydrant.

*The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

*Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.Treasury.

* Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

*Coca-Cola was originally green.

*It is impossible to lick your elbow.

*The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work is Alaska.

*The percentage of Africa that is wilderness : 28% (now get this...)

*The percentage of North America that is wildernes! s : 38%       
>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>       The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven : $6,400
>       -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>       The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given
>hour : 61,000
>      
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>       Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
>      
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>       The first novel ever written on a typewriter : Tom Sawyer.
>      
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>       The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
>   &n bsp;  
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>       Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from
>history :
>       Spades - King David
>       Hearts - Charlemagne
>       Clubs -Alexander, the Great
>       Diamonds - Julius Caesar
>      
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>       111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
>      
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>       If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs
>in the air, the person di ed in battle. If the horse has one front leg in
>the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the
>horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
>      
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>       Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th,
>John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but
>the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
>      
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>       Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
>       A. Their birthplace
>      
>--------------------------------------------------------------------- 

    Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat
>name requested?
>       A. Obsession
>      
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
  Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would
>find the letter "A"?
>       A. One thousand
>      
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
 Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser
>printers all have in common?
>       A. All were invented by women.
>      
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>       Q. What is the only foo d that doesn't spoil?
>       A. Honey
>      
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>       Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the
>year?
>       A. Father's Day
>      
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>       In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by
>ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed
>firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."
>      
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
   It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a mont h after the
>wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead
>he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar
>based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the
>honeymoon.
>      
>--------------------------------------------------------------------
-In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England ,
>when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your
>pints and quarts, and settle down."
>       It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
>      
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>       Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into
>the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they
>used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase
>inspired by this practice.
>      
>---------------------------------------------------------------------~~~~~~~~~~~AND
>FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
>      
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>       At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
>      
>---------------------------------------------------------------------
>       Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not,
>you can read it.
>       I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was
>rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at
&g t;Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod
>are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the
>rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit
>a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
>istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
>      
>---------------------------------------------------------------------YOU
>KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2007 when...
>       1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
>       2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
>       3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of
>three.
>       4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
>       5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is
>that they don't have e-mail addresses.
>       6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see
>if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
>       7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of
>the screen.
>       8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even
>have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for
>panic and you turn around to go and get it.
>       10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your
>coffee.
>       11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
>       12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing .
>       13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward
>this message.
>       14. You are too busy to notice there was no 9 on this list.
>       15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a 9 on
>this list.
>       AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.
>       Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to
Currently listening:
Trapt
By Trapt
Release date: 05 November, 2002
Wednesday, September 05, 2007 

Current mood:  touched
Category: Life

This is just a short little blog for whoever's interested. It comes from the bus ride home today from school. The bus monitor was talking about how her and I had similar reading habits (taking out a dictionary when we come across a new word if context clues don't work) and then she touched me on the shoulder and I scooted away big time. She was puzzled at first, then I told her that I didn't like to be touched. She started to joke about it, saying how the hell would I ever be able to have a boyfirend (-_-;) or something and just cracking up over it. It was all nice and stuff, just playing around. But it really got me to wondering...

I mean, I can STAND touching people. Just about 85% of the time or something I flinch, scoot away, or just react somewhere along those line. Other times I can stand it, but usually it's brief like hitting or punches.

I just did some research on it, and if this ever escalates further, my condition I ugess you can call it, will probably evolve into Aphenphosmphobia, also known as Haphephobia, Haptephobia, Chiraptophobia, and bunches of other things. Here's some info I found on it.

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What is Aphenphosmphobia?

Defined as "a persistent, abnormal, and unwarranted fear of being touched", each year this surprisingly common phobia causes countless people needless distress.

To add insult to an already distressing condition, most aphenphosmphobia therapies take months or years and sometimes even require the patient to be exposed repeatedly to their fear. We believe that not only is this totally unnecessary, it will often make the condition worse. And it is particularly cruel as aphenphosmphobia can be eliminated with the right methods and just 24 hours of commitment by the phobic individual.

Known by a number of names - Aphenphosmphobia, Haphephobia, and Fear of Being Touched being the most common - the problem often significantly impacts the quality of life. It can cause panic attacks and keep people apart from loved ones and business associates. Symptoms typically include shortness of breath, rapid breathing, irregular heartbeat, sweating, nausea, and overall feelings of dread, although everyone experiences aphenphosmphobia in their own way and may have different symptoms. .

Though a variety of potent drugs are often prescribed for aphenphosmphobia, side effects and/or withdrawal symptoms can be severe. Moreover, drugs do not "cure" aphenphosmphobia or any other phobia. At best they temporarily suppress the symptoms through chemical interaction.

The good news is that the modern, fast, drug-free processes of The CTRN Phobia Clinic will train your mind to feel completely different about being touched, eliminating the fear so it never haunts you again.

Consider the true cost of living with Aphenphosmphobia.

If you are living with aphenphosmphobia, what is the real cost to your health, your career or school, and to your family life? Avoiding the issue indefinitely would mean resigning yourself to living in fear, missing out on priceless life experiences big and small, living a life that is just a shadow of what it will be when the problem is gone.

For anyone earning a living, the financial toll of this phobia is incalculable. Living with fear means you can never concentrate fully and give your best. Lost opportunities. Poor performance or grades. Promotions that pass you by. aphenphosmphobia will likely cost you tens, even hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of your lifetime, let alone the cost to your health and quality of life. Now Aphenphosmphobia can be gone for less than the price of a round-trip airline ticket.

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What is the cause of Aphenphosmphobia?

Like all fears and phobias, aphenphosmphobia is created by the unconscious mind as a protective mechanism. At some point in your past, there was likely an event linking being touched and emotional trauma. Whilst the original catalyst may have been a real-life scare of some kind, the condition can also be triggered by myriad, benign events like movies, TV, or perhaps seeing someone else experience trauma.

But so long as the negative association is powerful enough, the unconscious mind thinks: "Ahh, this whole thing is very dangerous. How do I keep myself from getting in this kind of situation again? I know, I'll attach terrible feelings to being touched, that way I'll steer clear in future and so be safe." Just like that aphenphosmphobia is born. Attaching emotions to situations is one of the primary ways that humans learn. Sometimes we just get the wiring wrong.

The actual phobia manifests itself in different ways. Some sufferers experience it almost all the time, others just in response to direct stimuli. Everyone has their own unique formula for when and how to feel bad.

More info at the site (http://www.changethatsrightnow.com/problem_detail.asp?SDID=297:1377) but the rest is really just about contacting them to get treatment.

Anyway, it's a bit spooky when you think about it. Strange and weird because it's not your usual disorder or whatever, but still pretty interferring and shit.

I REALLY hope I don't get aphenphosmphobia...

(Maybe I should go back to training myself to touch people. <<;;;)

Blach. I just told my dad this and he goes and touches my shoulder. -_-; ~How very loving of him...