Please help me out!! Pazuzu (aka Poopy Boy) needs your vote!!!!

Sometimes people ask me how you know if you have a real friend.

This is what I tell them - when you are up to your ass in alligators - and your friend comes with hand grenades, without being asked --- ahhh that is a real friend.''

A strange thing happened on Essex Street this Halloween.
A person who I had met recently (we'll call this one A) told me that A wanted to be a closer friend but was concerned about my friendship with B.

This sent out warning signals. I told several people about the conversation, and they told me that I was being overly protective of B.
Why?
B has been my friend for over ten years, and whether or not I agree with B, be is the one with hand grenades at first jaw snap.

So I ignored my own instinct and said, um okay and went on my merry way. Now I find out that even though I am not in Salem and ripping up rugs in the Hexenhaus, I am still feeling the waves of drama that A is causing friends and foes alike.

Worse, there is nothing I hate more than catching someone in a lie. I did. So alas, A can go back into the alligator pit and neither B or I will be sending a posse anytime soon.

As we look at Thanksgiving, I need to say how thankful I am to my friends, for my parents and for the experiences I have had with some amazing individuals,]

It is now three years ago that Deidrui passed away - and today is her birthday as well.
Some people say to celebrate memories on their birthday instead of their death date but in this case it is sadly one in the same. I did the research; people often die around their birthdays and around the holidays. It still hurts. A stroke seems so common, so senseless and so harsh.

So hug your friends, and treasure those who will get you out of the swamp ... especially those who dont mind getting a little wet themselves to get you out.

.... and you know who you are!

Part 2 of Legally Blonde, Disabled and Pagan *

I know, I know, those are just words on a screen, but when you get flamed on an e-group, you feel burned.
Let me offer a little preamble before I go off on my rant. Being married to John, like anything in life, is both a blessing and a curse.
The problem is that if I go under the "Lillee" screen name, then inevitably, there I am on a "civilian" list and someone will write
"Are you related to that Lord Egan guy?" "Are you a Satanist too?" etc etc.. Sometimes I just want to be a "normal" (whatever that is)
person. Now I realize when I write this I will blow my cover, but alas, I want to share with others my latest experiences.

First off, John bought me a Brussels Griffon whom I adore and am training to be a task-related service dog. Now, yes, I do not know of another
person who has ever used this breed. but I find him very bright and attentive and as long as I dont need mobility help, as Bear retires, things may
work out great. This led me to do two things I had never done before:
1) Join Brussels Griffon breeders and owners e-groups
2) Join Service Dog owners and trainers e-groups.

The Brussels people are phenomenal - I can honestly say I have never been on more flame-free groups in my life. These people seem to read what
you write, care about you and your dog and it is clear of the "Soccer Mom Mentality" of my dog is smarter than your dog.
I absolutely love these people. While most are Southern and Christian, they are very cool about diversity and do not make comments that would make one
uncomfortable. I can tell you their posts get me smiling on the worst of days.

But, as one well-meaning friend said (I am not sure that this person is really a friend after my experience (*grin*)) I needed to get in touch with the SD
community. Bear will be turning 11 on September 1 (that is the approximate birthday we chose for her day) and it is time to let her retire from a lot of
her duties. She does not want to retire, but her frequent need to rest on walks is telling me that she needs to be a happy retiree that goes only on
fun trips.

Off I went to gladly join a variety of e-groups. Some of the people have been phenomenal, extremely helpful with answering my questions as I try to
understand this community. However, there are four groups of posters that scare me:
1) I wanna service dog cause it will make me happy posters who are fishing for information as to how to make their pet a service dog
2) I am more disabled than you are (a very scary thing to read)
3) I know everything and you dont
4) the cliques where we are victims and you are not!

Yes, can you imagine it! I thought I lleft high school a couple decades ago. (well okay three actually)
Now here was the horrific sin that I committed on one list.
I asked a poster to not use the word WITCH in a derogatory manner. How rude of me!
The poster had stated that she was a WITCH when she did not get her meds in time.
I simply made the unforgiveable error of asking her not to use that word.
Here were the responses I received:
1) I took her statement out of context. Okay so let me get this straight what part of "jew you down" is out of context? It is rude and a putdown
that should be unacceptable.
2) It was better than swearing and using the word "bitch" HUH???
3) A self-proclaimed Wiccan on the list was one of the most vocal to not defend me and told me I could not longer defend myself (and unsubbed me before I could do it)
First off - well she was not a male witch (as in Wicca), she claimed to be a Wiccan - and here is the problem in almost half a century- I rarely have people come up to me and say they are Wiccan
They willl say - I am Gardnerian, or Alexandrian, or eclectic or Correllian. She then said that being a Witch and Wiccan were similar (um okay)
I was then accused of upsetting people on the list. Why? Because I defended myself and stated clearly that I should not have to have a religious slur in my mailbox.
Now, I may have forgotten to mention that the person who made the mistake signs everything with God Bless and other Christian commentaries.I even said to the Wiccan
if this is a Christian list, just let me know, I dont have a problem with that. She slammed me in a private email saying that it was NOT a Christian list
(I have not had so many "God blessings" since I was in the North End - think Little Italy and the sweet grammas pinching your cheeks)
She is free to do that, yet when I wanted to simply state that I am not comfortable with people slamming Witches through language issues, I was unceremoniously
dumped.

Yes, I am hurt. I am also hurt that a "Wiccan" would allow people to compare her religion to Bitches (female dogs - after all remember this was a service dog list!)
When I tried to explain it to her offlist, she told me that she did not know what I had going on in my life (as if I had an attitude) but it was best I go.
So gladly I go.

However, I ask the rest of you, please speak up when our faith is marginalized. Of course, watch out for your own who will criticize you for standing up for your faith.
Religious tolerance and diversity is the way to a balanced lifestyle, a balanced community, and maybe someday a peaceful world.

Note that not all service dog lists are like this - some are bit more belligerent than others - in fact, surprisingly far more snarky than pagan or Satanists groups that I am on.
I don't think it is wrong to ask to be able to feel comfortable on a list. Now keep in mind, I used another name to sign my posts - imagine if I had identified myself.
Even the law lists that I am on, that can get admittedly heated, rarely fall into the snarky mode, and I have let people know of my beliefs.

I admit I shed a few tears over this - I have never since I have been on the internet been dumped for a list. Geez, couldn't I have at least broken TOS or something - I am dumped
for defending my beliefs? Then I thought - why the heck do I bother trying to teach empowerment and self-pride when the groups that need it most allow
the victims to be canonized and if anyone has the self-esteem to speak up for himself, we are dumped.
Then I remembered one of my Christian friends, well he is not Christian, but his name is, once said to me that he had little respect for the disabled who did not actively work
on their health and their self-esteem. He pointed out that many people had disabilities or challenges, and are able to work through them and be successful.

And so it goes - there are people out there who are proud of the accomplishments tand contributions that disabled people can make. Funny, not one person congratulated me on that list for completing One L, But then I did not start law school because I wanted to be censored due to my beliefs.

And the most offensive posts that I wrote???
I took the woman's exact quote about being Witch without meds
and replaced it with being a Christian without meds.
That was highly offensive to the group.
Then, I tried to explain the problem with being a religious intolerant
by saying that tourists will come up to me in Salem and say
"Are you a good Witch or a bad Witch"
my response is:
"Are you a good Christian or a bad Christian?"
Ohhh that one really hurt and I was told not to post anymore as I was upsetting people.
Then I was unsubbed.

Somehow after a few hours of turning it over in my mind and feeling bad that I might have hurt someone - my mind clears and says - whoa law student, and who was the initial aggressor?
So I grin and say, what the Hell?!

lca

As the house gets worked on, its effects to the people living in it continues to amaze me.
John has been exhibiting very strange bruising in places that he should not have any marks.
Of course, I am looking for the mundane reasons first - but it does seem rather odd.

After the strange beetle bite that I received (that happened with all doors and windows closed) while in
bed, I have been looking toward other effects of the house on its residents. My health has been
strangely deteriorating but I am pretty sure the causes are the very mundane phenomena of stress.

Johnny predictably seems to be most affected by the house in good and bad ways. Every time he has
had a friend over, there seems to be a break between himself and that individual and he seems the person
for who he or she truly is (as confused as any other young adult and in some cases an antenna for drama)

Last night, we were awakened by the smoke alarm. When I got up the upstairs hallway was full of smoke.
I immediately screamed for Johnny and John to get out and we called the fire department.
There was a smell of burning even outside the house. Now here is the weirdest parrt
Johnny claims he had candles burning (he was not supposed to) at 9:30 pm in the evening.
We were awakened at 3:18 am. Worse, when the infrrared equipment was used, the
candles came up as the only culprit. The head fire fighter was less than impressed with Johnny's lies when he
said he had not lit candles. Ah, the joys of technology! Yet, Johnny admits to lying to the fire fighter
yet insists the candles were not burning at the time.

While it is easy to blame him, and solve this mystery, I want to offer a few observations.
I have been a Witch for years and candle burning was done clandestinely in every dorm room and apartment
and house I lived in. There is NO WAY all the smoke I personally saw was caused by candles.
Yet, the professionals said the problem was three small candles lit in Johnny's room.
I also clearly smelled an electrical smell. No one else agreed with my analysiis.
Johnny said it smelled like a campfire and John said it was like plastic burning. Niothing was
found burning in Johnny's room and nothing was found around the house that he could have
thrown out the window.

John is incensed as we have a very clear policy among family, clergy and friends that there is zero tolerance
for lying for any reason. He is very very angry at Johnny and wonders what his problem is.
He is convinced that there are deeply psychological issues. Maybe there arer - but is the house bringing them
out in people? I have lost my temper a few times and had meltdowns. John sometimes seems
affected by negative energy - are these mundane or magical effects?

It has been a wild few months with finishing the book and some health issues. Finally, I decided to sit down and fill in the latest information. At best what we have now found out is that this house was originally a part of a German farm. There were at least three buildings designed to look like this - one burned - and that is the one that the extra door in the entry way may have come from. We also found out that the house was first redone in the 50s when a school teacher was living here. Some neighbors remember playing in the Hansel and Gretel house as it was called back then. THings seem to happen in cycles here - we go from very active times to nonactive times and there does not seem to be a pattern as of yet,We need to continue to update the place as we go from no water pressure to great water pressure. I am finding the atmosphere more calming - though maybe we are all just getting used to it.

Lately we are going to bed at 6 am. It is a bad habit. It is a lot of fun and work getting this house together. We finally took Pooka to the hospital tonight. They checked his blood work and decided it was something he must have eaten. Johnny and Colleen say that they still think his odd behavior is due to stress of something in the house.
Pookie's has not been eating well, is quite flatulent, and has been going outside his box. Very odd behavior for a cat.
Bear still wont go upstairs. I am convinced it is due to her arthritis. But the others are not so sure. The footsteps upstairs in the hall continue, as do the animal sounds outside.
Other than that - things are pretty normal, at least for this place. We continue to put things in their proper places. Remind me never to move again. I am busy throwing out - no more pack ratting. Too many boxes, and way too many hours of shoving this here and shoving that there. Despite its quirks I do love the house
At the Hexenhaus,
L

Tonight was a nice quiet evening. I put more clothes away and was trying to organize the larger bedroom upstairs. Moving into a house is a never ending chore it seems but worse, downsizing is the hardest. I figure better now than later so we are trying to be very methodical about what kitchen utensils stay or go and what clothes end up at the Rescue Mission.
Without any company or repair people or anyone all day, we were able to sleep in and enjoy the solitude that the new house offers.
Things were fine until late tonight after midnight.
After enjoying a nice bath, I was doing "girlie" things in the bathroom - I had the door open as no one was upstairs. John was downstairs  working on the kitchen.
The cat and dog were in the kitchen with John, hoping for a treat.
Three times I saw what looked like a grey cat out of the corner of my eye.
It was not Pooka and could not be mistaken for Pooka. Pooka is all black, this cat is grey. So I dont know what that was about, and then I heard scratching on the door next to the bathroom. Not a scary sound, a cat using its claws ...except
Pooka does not have claws. He is a polydactyl and had to have the fronts removed as a kitten when they did not retract properly. So it was not Pooka.
So who was it?
Bear celebrated her second night in the new house. She is older now and does not move around as much but she does not go farther than the dining room and living room on the first floor. I am attributing this to age and her arthritis.
Other than that --- things are fine. I love walking the dog on our own private road.
I love the feeling of being away from it all. I am getting used to the house and its nooks and crannies and lack of room, but I am still wondering what is going on in terms of the alleged haunting. Other than classically creaking doors, a lot of this could be imagination... or could it?
From the Hexenhaus,
L

The latest info on the Hexenhaus

We have two nights of unusual noises. A nieghbor suggested squirrels -but there are no signs of squirrels and little sign of mice - nothing that our cat Pooka cannot handle when we move him over.

Last night was weird. We smelled the gas smell again and called National Grid.
At first, they went upstairs and yelled for a box - they thought a body of something was stuck in the pipe of the gas water heater. Johnny got very concerned when he went up and thought what came out looked like Pooka, He shivered and came downstairs.
When they got "it" out, it was rust and dirt - and just looked like the body of an animal.
Johnny was very nervous and was concerned it might be a sign.

I could not help but think about the phantom cat that I saw a few nights back and that Johnny saw twice. John has heard the cat meow once, but has yet to see the cat.

For whatever reason, the National Grid technicians seemed a bit nervous and stated "good luck" as they quickly left the house. They suggested that it had not been cleaned and the previous owner had not vented the room correctly.
We called a contractor to take care of this in the next few days.

Today a contractor came over and found no signs of squirrels. He agreed that the door needed to be changed for the closet for the water heater. We smelled no strange smells today though the carbon monoxide alarm went off twice - while we were airing the house (that is for the wood stove which we have yet to use)

Meantime, John decided to go with a gas stove (called the Tree of Life) and this will be put in next week. Our professional told us that a gas stove is cleaner and more efficient. We loved some of the other models too and will probably get another for the guest bedroom. We will start posting pictures of the house on the website as we go.

Maybe the ritual stuff and the books scared the National Grid people - or maybe they were not that scared and just tired. Who is to say?

We have taken about half of my occult book collection (John put his foot down - until the addition is completed just the occult books are at the house)
Other psychics have told me that bringing over the magical tools and books will fire up any paranormal activity. And, as we start renovations that will also add some energy to cause more action.

I feel fine upstairs in the bathroom. I have not spent enough time upstairs to really state whether it is uncomfortable or not.
We are worried about getting the beds to the upstairs bedrooms.
The old staircase has a sharp turn. Certainly the smaller room will only fit a twin or double - not sure about the bigger room, but our beds that we have seem too bulky to make it up the stairs.

The Kitchen is small but open and when the addition is finished there will be more room for storage
I have insisted on a dishwasher and that will be put in soon as well.
We found out today the pipes are not copper, but are galvanized so those need to be replaced to help the water pressure and aid in the cleanliness of the water to the home.

The floors are so angled as are the walls that one feels a bit disoriented, but we will work on the floors once the addition is finished. Right now, the contractor is putting
up better supports to make the living room floor more sturdy.

It is amusing to try to put up our shelving as they lean precariously as the Tower of Pisa - I will deal with that challenge in the next few days.

From the townhouse,
lca

The third day we are moving into the Hexenhaus was calm in the morning when we dropped off boxes. We returned much later in the evening about 8 PM and things began to get strange. Sitting in the living room, I kept looking behind me, sure there was someone there. Then there was scratching at the living room window that John and I both heard. While I was on the computer, John swore he heard a cat, but I heard nothing.
Strangely now, there is a leak in the living room by the wood stove. It had not been leaking at all - but now it is clear there is a problem. Fortunately the new roof is on warranty and we will have to deal with this.
Even John is convinced there is something going on in the house. He thinks it is trapped energy, and will not to admit to a spirit per se, He feels it is the small bedroom upstairs, yet I cant shake the feeling that whatever it is, is not restricted to a particular room.
It was so quiet and peaceful there, but I have to admit I was waiting for the shoe to drop, so to speak. Today, we took in my ritual swords, so slwoly my books and altar pieces are being moved in there.
I am not sure if this will increase or decrease the activity/ We shall see.
There is salted sand in one of my standing candle holders, yet this seemed to not have an effect.

Onto another topic - does no one understand the idea of letting the dead go in peace?
When my best friend passed away, certain individuals took it upon themselves to become net coroners and made every stupid and unfeeling comment they possibly could, Now I see this again with another recent death.
Some claim to be pagan, too. If they were, they would be sensitive enough to
understand that the person is gone and it is fruitless to argue points that you know nothing about, and that the coroner has already made clear.
Do some people have so little to do in their lives that they must make up drama even about those who are four paws up?
Our parents taught us not to speak ill of the dead - now, you do not have to speak positively and be a hypocrite, but to continue to slander and libel a person after they have passed is to me a serious offense.
One can only hope that these types get the attention they so crave from those on the other side. Be careful what you wish for, as you may surely get it.
Rude and insensitive behavior is just that, and there is a time and a place for everything.

When someone passes, in my belief, they return to the Goddess, and what has happened is now a part of another plane.
It is no longer anyone's concern, once She takes over, and unless there are charges pending, it is best to leave the spiritual in that plane.

From my experiences as a psychic, the deceased becomes so more aware of what happened and what needs to be cleared, but many choose to let go and move on.
Others will try to make contact with a loved one to straighten out the living person's pain. It is we though, the living, that are most bothered by a passing. It reminds us of our loss and certainly our own eventual demise. It is scary and it is beautiful.
And it is a mystery.

From the townhouse,
lca

Never thought I would consider Madonna as deep - but today it seems to fit the occasion. It is hard enough to say good bye to a friend or a lover, but when it is the final curtain, you force yourself to deal with a whole different kind of pain,

I am too young to see friends die for no good reason, even ones I knew were not long, or that I saw it coming. Even ones that were not so close at that point. I am too old to question why it happens anymore, it just does. I am too stupid to learn to stop the pain, and too smart to just sublimate it into other work effectively.

I want to ask why, when I already know the answer, I want to scream though it will do no good.

We took the private road to the Hexenhaus this afternoon. The sun was bright and it was warmer than usual. As we drove down the road, one huge crow landed on the branch to the left of us, He cawed three times. A second crow met him on the branch and they flew off together, A sign? perhaps?

Or do we so want to see signs in nature sometimes that we are blinded by simply random events. But are there random events? But if I accept there is no such thing as coincidence, then I also have to accept far darker truths. Then deaths become no longer random, and instead one may spend hours asking why with no one to hear that tree falling in the forest.

The Hexenhaus was again very quiet today. Of course, we are finding more wrong with it everytime we go there but this is true everytime you move to a new place, whether you own it or not. Now the job is to fix the problems and try to live peacefully in this house of history.

A good friend who is Christian came by to look things over, She stated she felt nothing in the upstairs and did not discern anything evil or not appropriate.

While this put me at ease, when I told her about the eyes in the tree bark, she dismissed it as "being too tired at 3 in the morning."

Sometimes people tell you what they think you want to hear,

We moved in a few more pieces, and figured out who is the next professional to call for the water pressure problems, the gas smell problem, and the addition.

The fir trees had dumped a lot more pine cones, so I collected them today as well.

A good day, all in all,  I felt comfortable in the house, though with the windows uncovered and the doors open it was bright and welcoming.

At the townhouse,

lca

 

 

Mmmm, mmmm
Say good-bye to not knowing when
The truth in my whole life began
Say good-bye to not knowing how to cry
You taught me that

Chorus
And I'll remember the strength that you gave me
Now that I'm standing on my own
I'll remember the way that you saved me
I'll remember

Inside I was a child
That could not mend a broken wing
Outside I looked for a way
To teach my heart to sing

And I'll remember the love that you gave me
Now that I'm standing on my own
I'll remember the way that you changed me
I'll remember

I learned
to let go
of the illusion that we can possess
I learned
to let go
I travel in stillness
And I'll remember
happiness
I'll remember [I'll remember]
Mmmmm... [I'll remember]
Mmmmm...

And I'll remember the love that you gave me
Now that I'm standing on my own
I'll remember the way that you changed me
I'll remember

No I've never been afraid to cry
AND I finally have a reason why
I'll remember [I'll remember]
No I've never been afraid to cry
And I finally have a reason why
I'll remember [I'll remember]
No I've never been afraid to cry
And I finally have a reason why
I'll remember [I'll remember]