Sumone care to explain this shit to me? Those of u that know me personally know im madly in love with a jackass named joe. We have been "hanging out" for 9 months in an on again off again relationshp. When we break up we still hang out and do our thing and its just like we r together. He tells me he loves me and i tell him the same. We lay in bed watching movies and holding each other. He kisses my forhead and hugs me tight even AFTER we have sex (so i know thats not y he does it) We have so much fun together we make each other laugh. Things r GREAT except he wont commit. For the past couple of weeks I have been refering to him as my boyfriend and he never corrected me until we got in a fight and i asked him if he was going to dump me he said he couldnt b/c we were never together!!!!!!!!! I dont fucking get it. I just dont understand what his deal is other than him being a commitmentphobe. He says he hassent been with anyone but me in thelast 9months and i havent been with anyone else either but i think hes lying......ok im almost positive he is. Of course i have talked to him about it and he says he dosent like the stress of a relationship BLEH whatever the fuck that means!!!!! Ok so im asking all of u people am i wasting my time or should i just enjoy what we have or is he completely and totally insane (i think that he is)?????? I have already threatened 2 duct tape him to the bed until he commits to me but he just laughs......... People wonder y i like women so much its b/c of guys like JOE. Ok love u everybody let me know what u think!!!

Ok so i have been MIA for a while b/c i fried my modem......and my windows but its all good b/c im back!!!! Heres what happened since i have been away: I met a guy in nov we were together until 4 days ago. Apparently its never smart for a girl to b with a violent bipolar paranoid schizoprenic. I really did love this guy but he dumped me so he could do drugs again YEAH nice boyfriend material there. He doesnt have a myspace so im going to talk so much shit about him!!!! lol Luckily I only ended up with a busted nose and a few bruises so this relationship wasent as bad as some of my past ones. I cry everyday and i miss him so BAD but he doesnt want shit to do with me and it breaks my heart. He told me he has never and could never love me. I honestly dont believe that but if he says so. Anybody have any ideas on how to either get over him or win him back? Crying and talking dont work. Im already trying to use sex to make him cum back but not working yet. Hes also in anger management that makes him even MORE angry lol. He also made the comment he doesnt want a relationship b/c of the extra stress it puts on him. So im open for suggestions!!! Love u guys talk at u later!! 

YEah so this kid i know thought he knew everything and anything about life. And he thought that everything i tried to show him and teach him about life was bullshit. I will b the first to admit i have a few mental issues going on. But trust me crazy people have seen a WHOLE lot more then sane people.....y do u think we went crazy??? Due to the fact that im a sociopath i dont really give a shit but i still get pissed off when someone thinks they r better than me. I tried to b a friend...i tried to b a damn good friend to this guy but he wasent ready for what i was trying to show him, so he felt the need to play games with me and im to old for that bullshit. He is only 4 years younger than me but i have so much shit going on in my life that i cant deal with head games. He never once took the time to look into my eyes and take a journey with me. He was to egocentric and never came down off his pedistal to get on my level. I am very anti-social so when i think i have found a friend it has a tendancy to fuck with me then i listen to my ice cold heart and shrug it off and keep on with my life!!! Well thanks for listenening to me....until next time!!!

I have fucking had it with southern guys and there fucking "Im different" bullshit. All of u mother fuckers r the same. U guys arent shit compared to me. If u really think u r different then and only then talk to me if u KNOW ur fake as hell and just putting on a front the fuck u i dont need u in my life. I will not waste my damn time with ur b/s anymore i wanted to belive so bad that there was mature people here but i have been proven wrong for the last 8 years...well im not going to do it anymore. I have had it with everyone that used to b in my life. I hate all of u and hope i never have to c any of u again. Dont fucking call me, email me, or text me unless ur a grown fucking person.......so until then u can all suck my ass!!!!!

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and
give in.

I've learned that no matter how much I care,
some people are just assholes.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust,
and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

I've learned that you can get by on charm for about
fifteen minutes,
After that you better have a huge schlong.

I've learned that you can keep vomiting,
long after you think you're finished.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do,
unless we are celebrities.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a
relationship is at first,
the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of
money to take its place!

I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't
working in your house,
one of your kids did it.

I've learned that the people you care most about
in life are taken from you too soon,
and all the less important ones just never go away.

Well i have been ruined by a man again. I dont want to talk to anyone else as long as i live lol. Well the "real" person i talked about 2 blogs ago turned out to b like the rest of them . I really cant take it anymore. Luckily i didnt know that guy long enough to give a shit. I refuse to let someone call me a slut and not defend myself then when i do defend myself they get all pissy and cant take the heat. SO SORRY!!! I understand he is young and probably used to being able to push women around but thats not me. I have been single this long and have no desire to find anyone anymore. All this shit started b/c i said i didnt believe in love and he said that he was raised to think for himself and love IS real....blah he couldnt prove it. Im happy i met him though b/c he was making me go soft and now im back to hating everything and everyone. Gods bless Alabama. I really think most serial killers r raised here and people finally get fed up and snap!!!! Not me i just laugh at their stupid asses b/c they may push me away but they will never get me out of their heads.

 

No, No i am but shadow of myself;
You are decieved, my substance is not here
For what you see is but the smallest part

My brain, more busy than the labouring spider,
Weaves tedious snares to trap mine enemies.

Thy words move rage and not remorse in me.

I was having a very deep conversation with someone about love. I personally only believe in things i can actually touch, see, hear, or smell. I cant do any of that with love. I believe that people are conditioned to believe in love from the time that they are born. They hear their parents say I Love You. Or they hear someone in their life say I Love You. Every kid grows up wanting that and believeing in it, I think its BS. I am 27 years old and have never experienced love. I have fooled myself into thinking I was in love but it was infatuation more than anything. The feeling that people get when they r "in love" u can get from eating a whole lot of chocolate. Personally I will stick with the chocolate b/c it never hurt me before lol. Peoples brains can mess with them HARD and make them believe shit that isnt even real. Its ur BRAIN that makes ur heart beat fast whenever the one u "love" is around. Dont fall for it lol. Talk to u guys later

Ok first let me start off by saying im NOT suicidal. I know how people like to blow everything way out of proportion. Im just having a rough time right now and need to talk. and b/c im suck a dork i have no one to talk to so i talk to whoever reads this. Gods bless blogs lol. O yeah second thing if ur going to comment on the typos FUCK YOU its a damn blog i can mistype all i want to. This is MYspace not YOURspace. I love the saying "It cant rain all the time" however one moment of sun is not worth the weeks of rain. As im sure some of u can tell i barely come online anymore. There is nothing on here for me but a bunch of fake ass people who like to think they are different. So far from my years and years of internet experience i ahve only met one person who truley seemed different and right now hes driving me crazy!!!!!! lol I have just come to the point of i dont know what the fuck to do anymore. I dont know if i should keep fighting for what i want and what i believe or if i should just call it a day and give up. Im cracking under the pressure though i really am.......

I did correct the order of these emails so read it from top to bottom.

 

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jamie
Date: Sep 23, 2008 12:22 AM


Well if that happens i will just have to get a webcam and make sure u get lots of pics!! and maybe by the time i figure out how to do it i will have a man

 

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Chaser
Date: Sep 23, 2008 12:35 AM


You knknow...I...wow...you've managed to make me stammer..while typing.Okay, so now that I'm blushing the colors of a stop sign.*AHEM* I was going to say something clever or cheesy like;"Well, if you didn't have a man by then.I would ask for the application." But, now I can't my fingers to obey nerd boy that I am.Good job you.;)

Current Score
Jamie 1 Chaser 0

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jamie
Date: Sep 23, 2008 12:43 AM


WOOHOO I have 1 cool point!!!!!! U live to far away to b my man :o( we could have like a torrid internet affair but that wont satisfy my.......ummmmmm "needs" Im a freak!!!!! lmao GRRR i really need to get laid. Guys that blush r hot and ur hot anyways so now ur SUPER hot. HMMMMM 2 nerds???? that cant b good for society let alone 2 DRUNK nerds?? yeah the world is fucked

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Chaser
Date: Sep 23, 2008 1:05 AM


Ahhhh.more of a stud point really. But, see now it's even more tempting. Ladies who let their freak flag fly are sexy and grab my..attentions and you just do so effortlessly so now your in your like a whole category of like maximum sexy attentions grabbing. But, your right the intermess wouldn't be enough...though it would be fun to fry a few motherboards in trying.LOL.
Grrr.That aside I will say for the record that if it helped my chances...I would travel the distance to fill out that application you wouldn't have to actually HIRE me...just be an equal opportunity employer, you know review my records, give me a physical, that kind of thing,just throwing it out there,food for thought.
But, agreed the world is doomed. Now to decide if thats a good idea /bad idea?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jamie
Date: Sep 23, 2008 1:26 AM


I must warn you my application consists of hard physical and oral work. Sometimes the conditions may border on torture. No food to eat, drinking as much as you can, not leaving the bedroom for hours on end, yes handcuffs may b involved. I have to make sure you wont crack under pressure. I need someone who can do 2 things at once. You will b required to fullfill ALL my holes from time to time b/c i myself like to practice my...oral communication techniques. You may b required to sneak in through the back door from time to time just to make sure Im on top of my game and clothing is optional in the field....sound like something you may b interested in doing?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Chaser
Date: Sep 23, 2008 2:32 AM


I can't lie. The thought of fulfilling those goals...that is going to keep me very warm tonight. So, yeah..*ahem*..sounds like you'll definitely put me through my paces and it would be interesting to see if you can push me past my threshhold.

Though to be fair even though I'd be in the bedroom for hours @ a time. I don't think I would be out of bounds in the bathroom,kitchen or even the roof either though the football twenty yard line would a be a new one to shoot for. Hmmmm, lets see I'm very hands on,extremely enthusiatic well versed in..tounges though I'm perfectly fine in using body language and can read between the lines.

No qualms to being restrained when necessary though I would expect to be given just as much of the reigns should my position become long term. I'll take any opportunities to think outside the box to give even a potential employer beyond the best services they require.I can multi task and though I'm not known for speed I'd like to think that my focus and determination to bring a goal to completion is a great strength and have been known to forgo my own satisfaction until/unless the employer has decided that they've got 100% of their needs met from my efforts.
In fact I'll pursue any approach even go behind the scenes in an effort to be thorough in getting the job done.

I take oral...direction very well...though even I admit that a more tactile approach is necessary to keep me on task and can reciprocate and delegate tasks to other areas often overlooked by others. I've held plenty of high stress, high pressure positions and I do believe I can bring more than enough experience to the job even if it means working evenings,weekends, and holidays under the worst conditions to give you my blood ,sweat, and possibly tears to ensure that you approve of the quality of my work.

So, granted even though because of travel restraints I would have to start of with seasonal work. I think you'll find that I'd be worth the investment even if you don't have a full time position open.

 

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jamie
Date: Sep 23, 2008 2:41 AM


I do have a full time position open however I do like to start workers off as part time and seasonal just to make sure they can handle the high pace job!! Occasionally there will b a need for me to call in another female to work on something and you guys may have to work as a team to get the job done. B/c of the work environment you will b confined to mostly the bedroom to do your job until I can find a more suitable dwelling. Oral presentations r a must but only occasionally i prefer hard labor over anything. Feel free to come up with new ideas and positions for the company. Im always open to new suggestions and ideas. Since you seem very well experienced in this field what are your salary requirements?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Chaser
Date: Sep 23, 2008 3:29 AM


Sorry, I actually had to step out for a LONG smoke after that one. *heh*

Well, taking into account that this is field of which I'm well versed and I'm currently flexible as most of the work will be done onsite. I would prefer to be paid above entry level but I'm open to negotiation and would even be willing to acccept a line of credit for services rendered until such a time as more appropriate payment can be made. However, should you wish to keep things discreet for tax reasons,etc. I would even be willing to take it under the table until my position became more permanent. Also, I believe an awards program/ stock options may suffice and I'm sure that were you set the goal of a bonus you would find no one more willing to take on the task.

Admittedly, I can be a team player when working on group projects and in fact work best in tandem w/ women. But, for some reason when other males are involved I can be a a tad selfish and competitive but so long as everyone performs their duties and allows me to put in as much effort.Also, I would expect that because the heavy labor and arduous pace involved that some kind of security wouldn't be out of line,though I would understand if health and dental are not provided a simple break system would be fine. Say five minutes for every 6th hour w/ a fifteen min-1/2 hr after 12?

Payment for OverTime of course is @ your discretion.;)

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jamie

If I am impressed with your skills the job pays top dollar!! I have found that more than one male working on a project is to much testosterone so I only use females once I have a male employee (for security reasons). B/c of the area my company is based out of I do like to be discreet. You know how small town are..... I do offer a bonus program but that will be discussed once you are hired for the position.

I am a smoker so Im thinking you will get at least a 15 min break every couple of hours. With an hour lunch for every 6 hours of work you put it. You will b required to put in double time on weekends. I am a social drinker and if business pulls me to a bar/club I may have an idea that needs to b worked on ASAP!!!! You will get a vacation on week a month but you will not get paid for that vacation.

Like I said before clothing is optional, drinking and smoking are encouraged. If I have to go out one weekend and come up with an idea and you are not in the office that day I may call u up and we will discuss the idea over the phone!!

 

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Chaser
Date: Sep 26, 2008 12:21 AM


So long as it's understood that I'm not trying to be the Alpha Male. Just wanted assure you that the only boss I will have will be you should you my services in the office, at a social engagement or even on the go between.You'll find I'll be most responsive to any ideas you'll have and will work on them immediately regardless of the time or place inspiration strikes you. I would be most interested in hearng more about this bonus program but, I agree those terms can be discussed more indepth at your discretion upon my employment.Your breaks system sounds ideal as well though I've been known to work through my lunch hours and I've rarely taken more than a two day vacation and would only accept a paid one at your insistence upon my employ. As a fellow smoker and drinker you may find that I'll indeed take you up on your encouragements. All work and no play after all would not make for a harmonious work environment though make no mistakes should you need me to put in double time on a Monday or triple time through a fourday weekend @ half-pay wage or only a monthly stipend, I'll be most eager and enthusiatic to work for your company ;if only your 100% saitisfaction is my only reward.
I guess the only question I would have now is what season would you like me to apply for?

 

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Jamie
Date: Sep 26, 2008 12:25 AM

Well I believe that we both should get great satisfaction out of this arrangement. So as your potential boss when we finally meet in person I will show you the great things that this company has to offer. Unfortunantly I may have to relocate my business to alaska at the first of the year. It seems that come November I will b having to go to NJ and be out of contact with everybody for 8 weeks. I would hope that we can have a meeting sometime before than. Once I know the exact date I am leaving I will be sure to get back to you. I know this is going to make our working relationship a little strained but that is a part of life!! I do not have the business phone up and running but when I do I will give you a contact number to reach me at anytime you feel you have something that needs to be discussed. Apply for whatever season is most comfortable with you and when I have some spare time to create the job applications I will send you one!

 

 

While I was in chicago my sister (whom i have not talked to in 3 years) and I made amends so YAY ME!!!!!! I slept so good there and cant wait to move up there permanently Im just trying to handle some shit here so i never have to come back again. I realized how uncomfortable I am in the south by just being back there for 5 days. I didnt even go out or anything but there was a certain calm over my soul just knowing I was back. I WAS HOME!!!!! So if anyone wants to move to chicago with me let me know and we can def make it happen!!!