Somehow, this is less reassuring than it should be. I think every one of my friends, except one, was an asshole to me at least once yesterday. I try to look at this rationally and realize that pushing people away is a natural way to cope with the unescapable loss that all of us will experience as we all head in seperate directions. It didn't help that I was feeling particularly emotional.

I sometimes wonder if people say they will try to commit suicide, with no intention of doing so. I don't want to say it's just for "attention" but rather I'd like to say it's a way of trying to get people to listen. I think people use vulgar words in order to shock others and accomplish the same ends. We just want people to listen to us. We want people to realize that what they are doing is unacceptable and hurtful. Because just saying "that is unacceptable and hurtful" makes one sound like a major square, and no one listens to squares. Keep in mind, I do believe that there are a lot of people with the true intention of commiting suicide--but wouldn't it be nice if the "suicidal posers" could just talk it over rather than reverting to something so virulent and frightening? I wish I could talk it over too.

He says that two and a half months is a long time, but two months and a half months is approximately ten weeks. Take out four of those ten weeks, due to vacations and independent adventures, and you have six weeks. Considering that it's difficult to meet more than once a week, that means I will see him approximately six times after graduation before everything goes to hell. Sorry if I'm being touchy and depressed. I've never really been in a position like this before.

I'm thinking about going to school early, so I can be depressed before the term starts.

~Katy

What an emotional rollercoaster.

Good looking french men + fabulous music = a FANTASTIC time.

AP physics + AP Calc II + AP English = awful time...

~Katy

I know I'm a dork. Haha, I planned on researching Jungian Archetypes for a story I'm writing, and I ended up on a wikipedia article for mead. Sima is a type of spiced mead.

Yeah, stupid I know!

Ah well. Nazaha is so exotic.

~Katy

Silent retreat is this weekend! Should be an interesting experiment. I hope I get some writing done, it would very much help me work this out.

Too bad there's no good coffee on retreats  ; ;

I really really hope it's foggy, because then I'll just stay outside the entire time wandering around the woods. Hopefully I will hit a fence and find a way to get back.

Wow, confusing!

Katy

Okay okay, two cups of coffee and a few hours of starvation later...

Fear is the only motivator. While I think the biological reaction to the experience was originally a hedonistic reaction to an attempt of self-preservation, fear has become more complex with the widening of societal connections. Now, we do not fear death as much as we fear "social death," that is, being cast aside by our peer group. I offer this hypothesis with an example: anorexia. Most teenagers in this age will find ways to make them socially secure, through means that directly endanger their physical well-being.

We certainly are social creatures.

I recently read an article in the journal of social psychology about reactions in the brain in heterosexual men encountering attractive women. The reaction was eerily similar to men encountering something that is potentially dangerous to their physical well being--that is, to men encountering lions, tigers and bears (oh my). No wonder men come up with strange reactions when meeting attractive girls. I believe there is more to Freudian theory than meets the eye--that is, sex and aggression are the same reaction.

Alternately, when women try to come across as beautiful, are they excersizing their own sense of aggression? It's hard for me to look at myself in this way. Please comment!

~Katy

I think I've come to a point of severe mental hysteria. This is more or less because of my general confusion and uncertainty about my future, rather than worry.

I recieved another acceptance letter, and I thought to reflect upon my current opportunities:

- "Grab your double-shot and messenger bag because you're going to--" University of Washington

- "Buckle up those Birkenstocks because you're going to--" University of Michigan

- "Bring the cupcakes, soy sauce and your own placenta (don't ask) because you're going to--" University of Chicago

- "Damn, I hope you like green and basketball because you're going to--" Michigan State University

Egad! What fun! *shoots self*

~Katy

Well, I've just been accepted to the biomedical engineering department at the University of Michigan. Which also implies that I've been accepted to the University of Michigan :D

I'm in a haze that is otherwise indescribable. I am feeling every feeling at once. Perhaps I should just revel in my emotions.

Happy Christmas, everyone

~Katy

Yeah, got into the University of Chicago!

*fangirl squeal*

I'm so psyched. Hopefully I'm not too poor to attend. Not only is it one of the best schools in the country, it's also one of the most expensive ; ;

Eep, won't even bother thinking about that. Best Christmas present ever!

Katy

32 on the ACT, woohoo!

Retaking it on the 28th, but not bad for no caffiene and taking it on standby.

I am so psyched. Fuck you SAT.

BTW: Sufjan Stevens is my (current) god. Thou shalt put no other gods before him. He played A Good Man is Hard to Find!

*sigh* Such blissful relief and satisfaction.

~Katy

You know, there's got to be only so far you can go in life with a mullet.

~Katy