I was lying down this morning thinking about my mom. Over the past few years she has been diagnosed with diabetes, has had and overcome a stroke, has been diagnosed with kidney failure and is on the waiting list now to receive one, has been diagnosed with heart failure and after having one stint placed in her heart was about to receive another just yesterday when the doctors realized she would need a bypass instead. Nevertheless, in spite of ALL this, she continues to say "I believe God has healed me" and speaks about her healing, like creation, happening in stages. It's amazing to me that someone having gone through so much in such a short period of time STILL chooses to rely upon God. I often wondered how she kept going and have come to one simple conclusion: Faith. Her faith in God amazes me and she has even encouraged me in the midst of my "issues". She has a revelation of God that many of us strive to attain. What is it about sickness and disease that cause us to seek and see God in ways we couldn't before? How many times do we ask God to heal, come through, or do something instantaneously without appreciating the process of change?

I believe it is my mother's faith that keeps her believing for her change, even when everything else around her speaks of something different. Her FAITH is literally the SUBSTANCE. It was the same with Abraham. The bible says of Abraham:

            "You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did. And the scripture was fulfilled that says, 'Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,'" James 2:22-23

So to my mom I say: Thank you for leaving mile markers of faith for me and my children after me to follow. May I have the faith to believe even when the situations around me say otherwise. You have been a constant source of encouragement in my life and I pray that God would honor and give you the fulfillment of your faith here in the earth. I love you!

And to God I say: I am honored that you would choose me to model that same standard of Faith-full living in my everyday life. Help me to choose to believe you no matter what. Thank you for giving me an earthly example to model myself after and a heavenly one who continues to awe and inspire me with His unfailing love and undying devotion. I love you both dearly and pray to see you when my faith is made complete. I love you!

Dorian

7.23.2008

It's really not that deep…I want something to eat.

You know that first day when you're entering a period of fasting.

Instead I listen to…"It's all about you…"

Would you mind if I ate that?

It's really not that deep…I want something to eat.

Eat this…

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:18 TNIV

Thanks God.

What's going on…

            As much as I like to compare the album and the making of it to a journey, this has never been clearer to me than in this current season of life. In a previous posting I alluded to some of the challenges I had been facing physically as we prepared to carry the message of God to an unbelieving world. The past few weeks I have been faced with one of the toughest challenges I've ever had to deal with in life. And at first it left me a little scared. Quite honestly I thought surely this is it, my life is over…at least that's what my mind told me. But there was something greater than those thoughts (those lies from the enemy) working inside of me telling not to quit because I had more in store for me.

           
The forces of this age, plainly put "the enemy" does not like you, ESPECIALLY if you name the name of Christ and desire to live your life for him. He is on a mission to tear down everything you thought was secure. I don't what you may going through right now…maybe you lost a job, maybe your family members are sick and no one can find a cure. Maybe you, yourself, are fighting to hold on to the truth of God's word when your body refuses to do the very thing it was meant, created, to do and that is live for God. Perhaps you find that life is having its way with you and you don't feel like you have anything else on which to stand. I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT GOD IS on your side. HE IS fighting your battles. YOU DO NOT have to face this alone. HE IS a SOLID ROCK on which to stand.

           
The truth is the devil "…is filled with fury, because he knows that his time is short." (Revelation 12:12) If he can distract you and bring you off course HE WILL. It is important, NECESSARY, that we draw near to God more than ever. He is a powerful enemy and we cannot face him ourselves. BUT he is also a defeated foe who does not stand a chance against the power of OUR GOD. So my encouragement to you as you continue on life journey to stay focused on what lies ahead. Keep your mind stayed on GOD and HE WILL protect you, direct you, heal you, and lead you into life everlasting. Be blessed and know that I am praying for you that having done all to stand, you stand therefore.

Evidence is not the evidence...

Hebrews 11:1 (KJV): Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

In a brief moment, what she said finally sank in. The light bulb over my head went off…the act of faith is the substance, the evidence of the things I cannot see…evidence is not the evidence; faith is.

Right now, I cannot see

·         My next business career move

·         Acceptance into a great business school

·         Complete healing for my sister

·         Where my music career is going to take me

·         My unsaved family members  and friends accepting Christ

·         How the things for which God has given me a passion, music & business (not the music business, BTW J) fit together

The list goes on and on…The tricky thing is that I realize that I've been walking by sight, not by faith and calling it trusting God. Yea, I know it's backward. I'm supposed to be doing just the opposite. Let me explain what I mean:

I have just enough faith to believe God for a new job, to trust that He's going to heal my sister, to obey His directive to go to grad school and the corresponding actions follow my faith:

·       I search, apply, and interview for jobs daily

·       I pray for my sister and introduce her to holistic

      and homeopathic treatments for her condition

·       I've completed my grad school apps and I'm studying for the

     GMAT

When I see something that contradicts the things for which I'm believing God (rejection emails & letters, my sister has a flare and ends up in the hospital, or I do badly on a section of a GMAT practice exam) it rocks me to my core and I start faltering, "getting wobbly" as my former boss would say. On the flip side, when I have a great interview, when my sis' condition is stable, when I have a great practice test, I start rejoicing, saying to myself, "I'm on the right track. God is faithful to His word."

Here's what's wrong with that: The Bible says that faith is the substance, the evidence of what God has promised. So-called visible evidence, whether in favor of or in opposition to what God has promised is not the handle onto which I am to hold. 2 Corinthians 5:7 (KJV) "For we walk by faith, not by sight." Evidence is not the evidence; faith is.

To sum up what my friend so eloquently stated, it is simply my belief and corresponding acts of obedience which are the proof and, coincidentally, the things which cause God to be pleased with me (Hebrews 11:6). So even if there are bumps in the road on the way to the promise…or if there is confirmation all alongside the road, I should not be moved. Evidence is not the evidence; faith is. When I am moved one way or the other based on circumstances or how I feel, I am walking by sight -- not by faith…

Ever have that

"I'm sleepy and I can't wake up" feeling?

Well, that's me today

My name is Maya J. T. Tolbert

And I'm a functioning sleepaholic

Ask anyone who knows me

And they will tell you that I love my bed

It's one of my most prized possessions

And the first major piece of furniture I purchased

As an adult

Sleep is one of my most favorite past times

I can do whatever it takes to get it done during the day

As long as I know there is rest coming around the corner

Sometimes my only motivation for getting out of the bed

Is knowing that in a certain number of hours

I'll be able to lay back down again (oops…Did I say that?)

I mean, I thank God for the purpose and future He's given me

Which far outweighs anything I may encounter here on earth

But I also thank God for the gift of sleep

One of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 127:2

"…for He grants sleep to those He loves."

And boy, am I loved!

Not only is my sleep sweet

But I can go to sleep at anytime of the day

When the opportunity is given

Although sometimes that can be to my detriment

Fellow DP member, Marcus Clark

Often jokes about me being borderline narcoleptic

And he may be right (smile)

But in any event

I know how to get my rest

So here's a shout out

To all the sleepy heads and/or functioning sleepaholics out there

Keep your head up…

And I mean that literally!

"I'm a hustler, baby (OH!). I just want you to know (OH!). It ain't where I've been (uh huh) but where I'm about to go (uh huh)…" ('I Just Wanna Love you' - JayZ)

So, this snippet of Jay Z's song is playing over and over in my head as I burn up the keys of my laptop and speed race through the information superhighway looking for my next "hustle." I've got somewhat of a routine now and I'm no longer wasting time, but there's always room for growth, isn't there?

This journey has been somewhat of a roller coaster ride…some moments I'm confident and full of faith….and then there are the not so confident, anxiety-filled moments. I understand that it often takes a minimum of three months for job seekers to land the position of they want, but I'm Jeannine. That may apply to other people, but I should've had a job the day after I left my last!! What in the world? Again, my ugly pride, arrogance, and impatience rear their heads….this time in a different form…how annoying. If this doesn't keep me dependent upon Jesus, nothing will.

The Journey: Life after Prommis Solutions; Part 1

Aaaaahhhh! I'm not used to so few demands on my time and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm all over the place. There's plenty to do…study for the GMAT, clean, wash clothes, continue my job search, prepare for the next performance or appearance, exercise, spend time with God, etc., etc. I just don't know what to do when. What is wrong with me? I'm normally so organized, focused, driven, and efficient!?!!

Somehow, losing my job has rattled something in me and it has become incredibly difficult to regain my balance…I'm trying desperately to reset my agenda to be centered around my identity and life purpose, but I find myself floating from one thing to another, not really accomplishing much. This is one of the most challenging times of my life – I don't want to make a mess of it, waste time, or squander growth opportunities.

Hmm…It leads me to believe that much more of my identity was tied to my career than I thought. Don't get me wrong – I'm not unhappy or worried, just disorganized. Losing that job was one of the best things that ever happened to me. My life is much more peaceful these days. But the disorganization and inefficiency is so not who I am…

Wait a minute, though…absent of the career in which I'd invested almost nine years of my energy and time, who am I? I know what I do, but if you take away any of what I do, I seem to start wandering…what is this?

In April, the DSR artists started working out together five times a week. I was excited and ready for the challenge! Waking up at 4:30 a.m. to work out and maintaining my momentum for the remainder of the day coupled with sore muscles were my biggest challenges. The second week, I injured my foot running stairs. It was difficult and limited my activity, but I still kept pressing through the pain...

Unfortunately, the injury in my foot began to affect my calf muscle and work its way up to my hamstring. Last Saturday, I ran four miles and about halfway through I felt my muscles tighten. A half a mile before the finish line, I had an excruciating pain in my hamstring. I stretched it out and finished the run strong, but by the end of that day, I could not walk. In the process of this little journey, I have learned a lot –much of which already knew. Unfortunately, knowing truth and applying it are two totally different things.
 
All parts of the body are connected. I cannot injure one part of the body without affecting all of the others. I cannot just ignore pain and expect it to go away. The body must have the proper fuel and I must allow it time to heal. During seasons of intense training and preparation, I must listen to, lovingly care for, and rest the body...my body.     Peace and love A. Hope....Amanda

What to wear?

Like many women, I have several different clothing sizes in my closet. Well, three to be exact right now. Wanna know the sizes?? Well, too bad because I'm not telling!!!  

The actual sizes aren't as important as the point I'm trying to make,  so so suffice it to say that I have the:

• "I'm so fly and on top of my game" size
• "I'm slipping, but I'm still cute" size
• "I've slipped, fallen and I can't get up" size

I've recently gotten serious about fitness and many of my old clothes just don't fit anymore. In fact, they look sloppy and quite unbecoming. I know that I need to get rid of them and get new clothes. But I cannot get past this nagging fear of failure. I'm afraid of letting go of the old clothes. They're familiar and comfortable and they cover me when I've slipped off track. In fact, my "slipping-sized" clothes are still so fly and camouflage so well that other people sometimes can't even tell that I've gained weight! The new clothes don't do that for me…if I'm off-track with my diet or inconsistent with my exercise, others are going to know it.

My life is so like that right now. In the same way that I've raised my personal standard for diet and exercise, God has raised the standard on me as it relates to my spiritual diet (what I watch, listen to, and read) and the exercising of my faith (obedience, attitude, relationships). I'm dropping some weight: my thought patterns are changing and I'm drawing closer to God. As a result, some of the things that I used to "wear" just don't fit anymore – in fact, they look sloppy and unbecoming.

To be honest, I'm a little afraid of committing myself to this new level...the new standard of living. I'm afraid that when (not if, but when) I slip off track, not only will God see it, but the whole world will know. You see, the new clothes that I'm wearing don't allow much room for error.

…but I've got a feeling that it's just time to get rid of the old clothes – they're monuments to undisciplined, self-destructive, and just all around sloppy living. They don't fit anymore, anyway.

The school year is finished. For those of you who are teachers you're faced with a sort of exciting melancholy. On the one hand excited for the rest, and the breath, and the rest. Did I mention the rest? But there's a part of you who will miss the students…their laughter, the witty comments they made. For me, each year ends the same…the longing to hold on and the necessity to let go.

As I continue this journey I find myself in the same position over and over…the longing to hold on, the necessity to let go. It's the very things that I refuse to let go of that will prevent me from embracing the greatness God has in store for me. I find myself gripping them with paralyzing fear uncertain of what, if anything, I will receive in exchange. It's a constant struggle, one I readily admit I'm still learning to overcome.

What I sometimes choose not to remember, is when I made the greatest sacrifice, when I was willing to let go no matter what the cost giving no thought to what I might lose, I found myself receiving more in return.

This may seem unrelated, but the message is the same. God requires TOTAL SURRENDER. It's only in completely abandoning ourselves to Him that we discover life, and that more abundantly. Someone once said that surrender happens moment by moment. So let's commit together, not to getting everything right or being perfectly correct, but being perfectly surrendered at every turn. God, I am yours, use me for your will and your purposes. In Jesus' name…AMEN!