Seriously, we do not have enough deep research coverage into the "mind of Hank Williams".  Hank needs airtime on college radio ya know so Hank Junior can afford top of the line Republican Red Beard Die whilst he is stumping for the likes of John McCain.  Who else has a ridiculous "never before heard" collection of remastered retreads to drive up and down the shrinking highways of American Radio?  Dylan, prolly, he hates good competition more then anyone.

Thanks assholes for making our barely known musician lives even harder at Christmas, we hope you get even richer you sad fucks.

There is nothing worth discussing about the music of 2007 as not one single band or solo artist on the whole planet wrote and/or performed a song as good as "I'll Be Around" by The Spinners.

Whew! There is no rest for The Service Industry as we have just completed our second album which we are proud to say features the wonderfully visionary psyche rock crunchings of singer songwriter/ guitarist/ Meat Puppets founder, Curt Kirkwood at James Stevens' new studio, East Austin Recording, a mere eight months following the release of our debut, "Ranch Is The New French". Look for the release later this summer.

A virtual "mountain of honk" stolen in 1978 from Australian pop group The Little River Band has been located in an Austin Greyhound Bus station locker by local authorities, ending a twenty nine year old mystery. The large amount of cocaine was stolen from the band at the Sunset Marquis in West Hollywood at a party thrown by Capitol Records to celebrate the success of the band's single "Reminiscing" which had just reached number three on the Billboard charts. "The Little River Band, or what remains of it, are elated at the news that our quality weasel dust that we worked so hard for has been recovered", band manger Glenn Wheatley, was quoted as saying from Melbourne this morning. Los Angeles Police spokesperson Etta Daley says that the Bolivian marching powder will be flown from Austin to L.A. by this Friday and the band will be able to pick it up by next week. "This closes a case that has bedeviled us for nearly three decades and we are thankful and relieved in the revelation that the band and their families will finally be able to sleep tonight with the knowledge that their sweet booger sugar is finally coming home to them, " she stated at a press conference Wednesday afternoon. The party, which took place October 13th through the 17th, had an illustrious guest list of pop icons of the era including Archie Bell and the Dells, Alicia Bridges, and members of 10cc. When informed of the discovery at his home in Sydney, lead singer Glenn Shorrock quipped, " That's a load off my mind. We had been hitching up the reindeer for over forty-eight hours straight and drinking quite a bit so we really never noticed that it had vanished until the wee hours of the last day of the gathering. I just figured that it had been nicked by some hookers or that asshole Jimmy Stokely from Exile!"

Good riddance 2006 Year In Music. Besides our own brilliant masterpiece, "Ranch Is The New French", there really weren't that many good albums to come down the pike and there were tons of terribly overrated and inflated efforts of pap put up on pedastels for the most part. As we here at The Service Industry know best and most of the music writers for the two major music publications in Austin are either fancy pants elitists or oblivious bores, here are our best and worst albums of 2006, a shameful, forgettable year.

The Best:
1. Graham Coxon "Love Travels At Illegal Speeds
2. Heartless Bastards "All This Time"
3. Guillemots "Through The Windpipe"
4. Ghostface Killah "Fishscale"
5. Scott Walker "The Drift"
6. Destroyer "Destroyer's Rubies"
7. The Pipettes "We Are The Pipettes"
8. Neko Case "Fox Confessor Brings The Flood"
9. TV On The Radio "Return To Cookie Mountain"
10. Jarvis Cocker "Jarvis"
11. Raconteurs "Broken Boy Soldiers"
12. Justin Timberlake "Future Sex/Love Sounds"
13. The Summer Wardrobe (self titled)
14. The Rapture "Pieces of the People We Love"
15. GoldFrapp "Supernature"


Way Overrated Artsy Fartsy Fluffy Crap:
1. Mars Volta "Amputechture" (pure and utter shit)
2. Keane "Under The Iron Sea"
3. Catpower "The Greatest" (still can't play)
4. My Chemical Romance "The Black Parade"
5. Grizzly Bear "Yellow House" (fucking sleeping pill)
6. Silver Sun Pickups "Carnavas"
7. Malajube "Trompe L'oeil"
8. The Knife "Silent Shout"
9. Belle and Sebastian "The Life Pursuit" (art for art assholes)
10. The Black Angels "Passover" (yes, we all have a VU record)
11. Pearl Jam "Pearl Jam"
12. Joanna Newson "YS" (thanks a shit load for the hobbit soundtrack)
13. Yeah Yeah Yeahs "Show Your Bones" (seen this mediocre movie before)
14. Yo La Tango "I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass" (oh I'm scared of you and your Velvet Underground collection)
15. Thom Yorke "The Eraser" (please just take the prozac and get over it)

Don't cry and know that we are correct and just at all times about these matters. Happy New Year!

It was announced on Wednesday morning that Guadalupe drinking destination The Hole In The Wall would overhaul their front two bathroom facilities. Owners sited that they had received good feedback from their customers about the new restrooms of satellite establishment, Junior's Restaurant that opened in back of the Hole In The Wall mere months ago. "Over ten thousand musicians have played at the Hole over the years and goddamn if the shitters didn't smell like it!" bar keep Monty Ruhtherford was quoted as saying after the news was reported by The Daily Texan. "University students, derelicts, and bands alike have all pissed, shat, packed their beaks, and fucked like monkeys in those dark water closets for decades so a wee bit of tidying up will be welcomed by all. " Long awaited, robust water pressure, new clean tiling of the floor, and wallpaper hinting of soft shades of lavender can be expected to spruce up the restrooms by the end of January. "It's all about class from here on out", Rutherford added, "We are striving to make a comfortable oasis for our regulars and employees complete with two ply shit tickets, piped in chamber music, and fluffy, clean stocked towels to wipe their washed hands after they saw off logs in our fucking new turd bowls. Doesn't matter if you're a shuffleboard player or Kim Wilson of the Fabulous Thunderbirds. We don't want you to think twice, even if you have a festering sore on your ass cheek, to squat on down at The Hole In The Wall and take a dump in peace."

Austin white blues guitar enthusiasts received a late Christmas gift this Tuesday when it was announced that a ground breaking ceremony for The Caucasian Masturbatory Blues Guitar Solo Museum would occur later this coming February down on South Congress. The city-funded project will display the memorabilia of watery, white strat slingers who have contributed to the formation of Central Texas blues and rock as well as providing a safe haven for the majority of Austin music fans who find it a little uneasy to digest the sound and skin color of luminaries such as Jimi Hendrix and Howlin' Wolf. Local vampire Eric Johnson has been designated to cut the ribbon at the grand opening of the facility, which will archive five sets of golf clubs owned by the late Stevie Ray Vaughn as well as housing a Southwestern art and Hill Country antique gift shop when it opens in early March.

Taking a lead from Capitol Metro bus ads that feature local musician Bob Schneider with the caption."Leave The Jamming To Me", the City of Austin decided last Monday to allow only Bob Schneider and/or any of his various musical projects to be allowed to play exclusively in all live music venues within Travis County beginning January 13th of the upcoming year. "Bob Schneider is now our most gifted, lone bard to lead us into 2007!" Mayor Will Wynn proudly proclaimed at a Walmart opening off William Cannon Drive early Monday morning. "Music in our city basically began in July of 1993 when Fat Angel Records put out Schneider's super group, The Ugly Americans, and as I, and most of the voters in Austin see it, you don't need any other songs but his! His brilliant tune 'Electromagneticlovethangexperience' is as Austin as Bevo and breakfast tacos on a Sunday morn!", the mayor quipped excitedly.
When told of the news later that day after a sound check at New York's Knitting Factory a jovial Schneider was overheard as saying " I am deeply moved by this honor as I am by the thousands of dollars that the music fans of Central Texas have lined my D&G Dolce and Gabbana chodorouy pants with. I promise to take this great responsibility as serious as I do when I boff starlets and waitresses from Trudy's. I also promise to try my damnedest to keep the cover charges below $17.00."
Some local club owners have taken the news with a little bit of trepidation. " This sort of throws a wrench into my plans" Continental Club owner and booker Steve Wertheimer was quoted as saying after the mayor's announcement. "I had Scott H. Biram booked on the thirteenth, so I hope to God that Bob knows a version of 'Been Down Too Long'.
When a reporter from the Austin Chronicle asked the mayor about the ramifications of allowing only Bob Schneider to play live music in Travis County and how it would affect stalwart mainstay artists associated with the city such as Willie Nelson or Spoon, Will Wynn fired back "I know there will be growing pains, but when it comes to 'On the Road Again' put up against 'Vulcan Deathgrip' or 'C'mon Baby' there really is no contest. Schneider is a motherfunking musical genius and I am standing by him!"

In the late 50s and early 60s, Sal and Gloria Dawson's dude ranch was favored by weekend visitors who wanted to enjoy the natural surroundings.

The ranch menu often included salad with a dressing created by Sal from a dry mix of herbs and spices, mayonnaise and buttermilk. The dressing was so popular it soon became the only dressing served.

When a visitor asked for a batch to take back to Delaware for a large party he was throwing, Dawson knew he was on to something big. A few days later, the guest called wanting more. Everyone had gone wild over it.

Encouraged by the success, Dawson started marketing the powdered mixture. Within months, twelve people were helping him mix the dressing at Hidden Mountain.

By 1970, the dressing had reached over 30 countries.

The Dawson family sold the salad dressing business in 1976. But, inside each bottle of Hidden Mountain® Ranch dressing is the legacy of a rancher with a palate for great food. The Hidden Mountain® Ranch dressing tradition continues today by bringing families closer together over memorable meals.

To the horror of locals living within the vicinity of the Dawson Ranch, authorities in 1984 unearthed twelve skeletons of migrant workers on the property, the bones bleached white as the creamy dressing that put The Hidden Mountain® on the culinary map.