Below is my journal entry from today. I don't usually do that but... Anyway... we're having a great time in Ireland. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you as well for those that remembered that Josiah's birthday was this past Monday. He turned 7. We miss him but we're doing well. Thanks for all your love and prayers.

True Desperation
This is the air I breathe...
Your Holy Presence living in Me
This is my daily bread...
Your very Word living in me...
I'm desperate for You
I'm lost without You

One year ago, I was on the verge of losing it all... I wasn't sure if we were going to make it... in life... in family... in the ministry God had allowed us to be a part of... I was on the verge of losing it all... Not to mention that mere months earlier I lost my best friend... my buddy... my son... my hero... my little Josiah... and I would walk around the block and this song takes me back to those days... not that I would even sing it but those were desperate times and I was a desperate man.

And now I was standing here in Southport, England in worship and singing this song and I realized that I am more desperate today than I was one year ago. Why? Because being desperate for God is an attitude of the heart not a circumstance or situation you find yourself in.

Yes... your circumstances and situational positions in life can cause a certain amount of desperation but it doesn't necessarily make you desperate for God. It can make you desperate for an answer... for a solutions... for relief... but not necessarily desperate for God.

And so... things in my life are awesome at this time. Our family is strong... we are each other's joy. Doors are being opened. God is moving things, shifting things, healing hearts and using us and yet even in these wonderful circumstances that God has brought us to...

I'm desperate for You. I'm lost without You. Why? Because it is an attitude of the heart. We need you Lord... you're so good to us. You've made the difference... you are the difference. You are a good God and we are your people. Our lives belong to you. We love you.

So yeah... thanks to anyone who still reads this thing even though the entries come sporadically at best.

Quick update... Our family is doing great and God's hand is revealed in so many ways in our lives. Maria and I had a great time in Ireland. It was such a good time of reflection and healing. The McCourts, Sayres, and Booths... such good friends took care of us and made us feel so welcome and God used them in our lives. We're actually headed back there next month with a group from CMC. We're taking Ben with us so that should be fun.

Conference in Phoenix last week was awesome as always. We were so blessed by the Josiah's Friend Kids Conference and all that Melanie Brewer and her group put into making that a reality. The stories coming from that have been so encouraging. I overheard somebody asking a parent if they were taking their child down to Josiah's Conference. It caught me funny that she would word it that way. He still owns this thing and is such a huge part and impact.

I miss him a lot... a lot.

I've been meditating on a passage of Scripture in Deuteronomy that can be applied across the spectrum of our lives. It certainly has helped me.

Deuteronomy 29:29 - The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.

There are a lot of things I don't get. A lot of things I don't get about us losing one of the two most precious things in our lives. I don't get it. I don't understand it and I don't have many answers. "The secret things belong to the Lord our God..." There are just some things in your walk and in your journey that you won't understand but at some point you have to leave all of that with God. Those things belong to him.

People get bitter and angry and in trouble when in their walk they attempt to tackle things and take on things and clamor for the things that belong to God. When they dwell on those things and won't let them go. There are just some things that belong to God. I'm not saying that you can't ask God to reveal things to you... to help you understand. To ask with a pure heart is perfectly fine but the revealing is up to Him... not us.

"The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever..."

The secret things belong to God but what has been revealed in God's mercy and his grace and his patience. In his love and concern and healing in our family... That stuff belongs to us. It's ours and Ben's and in a very real sense... even Josiah's. Those things are ours. His calling on our lives... that belongs to us. Everything we've learned and experienced... that belongs to us and it's powerful. There are some things that belong to us that even cancer can't take away. We learned that from Josiah... we will not allow cancer to touch the part of us that belongs to God.

The thing about something belonging to you is that you own it. And if you own something... then you are responsible for it. It's not just a benefit... you are responsible for all of those things that God gives you and he'll give you the grace and wisdom to handle it all carefully so that the world can benefit from it.

Some things... you just need to leave with God. It's in his hands... don't mess with it or get bitter over it. Take the stuff that has been revealed and walk in it with grace and wisdom. That's how you build an awesome life.... awesome family... awesome calling.

Much love and God bless...