She Sleeps at Night....With Her Eyes Shut Tight........

Hey guys,

Here are the lyrics to my new song! I will try and record it soon!!!!

This song is basically my heart right now, as are all new songs. I've been so busy with my new job, and adjusting to "real" married life, new friends, and music, I have neglected me walk with Christ. I haven't forgotten Him in my days, but I have forgotten to spend time with Him diligently in my days, just taking time to really seek Him, pray to Him, THANK Him, and it has really had an effect on my mood. So this was my heart tonight as I wrote this song. My Heart is the Home of Christ, and I was asking Him to welcome me back home. I know He is what I need and I know I need to be at His feet. As good as life can get and as good as all of our lives may seem, it is never in comparision to walking and standing by the Living Christ Jesus and the Loving Father. Nothing is better. Nothing is sufficient. Nothing COMPARES. Make time. Welcome Home.

Where have you been I'm feeling empty?

Where have you been I'm feeling cold?

Where have you been I'm feeling lonely

And I need, I need, I need, a hand to hold

And I know You are what I need

And I know I need to be at Your feet

So won't you welcome, welcom me home

welcome, welcome me hom

welcome, welcome

welcome, welcome,

welcome, welcome me home

You are the only One who can save me

And help me quit making these mistakes I'm mistaking

I'm slipping away from the Light I warmed to

I hopelessly hope for a hope to hold onto

(CHORUS)

Where do you go when you've reached the bottom?

and your heart is so heavy you feel forgotten

and heaven never  seemed so far away

But my Savior came to save the day...

(Chorus)

Hope it blesses you,

-eriKa

Hello Dear Myspacer,

I know I haven't been ah-bloggin' and I want to apologize for the inconvieniance this may have caused you.  I know you have been at wits end and suffering from mass hysteria and withdrawls from my opinions. So let me began to explain what has been taking up my oh-so-sacred ah-bloggin' time so that you may come to an understanding that it has nothing to do with the assumption that I do not wish to share with you my deepest, utermost, inward, personal, and intimate thoughts, because we all know I have no emotional filter. (Wink wink nudge nudge and a raise of the eyebrow along with a sarcastic smirk)

My husband Josh is finally home! And let me tell you it is one big wad of joy-adjustment-a little bit of "you better pick up those, cause I am not!-opportunity to be patient, gracious, understanding, along with excess and unlimited amount of hugging and kissing. Let's get one thing straight ok?! I LOVE MARRIAGE! I am honest when saying it is hard, sometimes WE make it harder than it should be, but it is a beautiful thing. Josh is the most supa fly dope man I have ever met in my life. And I am humbled by his love for me, I am stubborn and I can be the biggest smart buttcheek ever. But he was made for me and I for him and us for Christ. Word.

Music:This part of my life has been surreal. I have made amazing friends, Carly, Sarah Beth, Jordan,Joel, Cameron, Alana, the peeps from Ephraim. Ive met some amazing musicians that i never would have dreamed to have met MXPX! And I have been sick, stinky, tired, dirty, and I have loved every moment of it. Thank you for everyone who has told me they loved my music, my lyrics, my belching on stage, I do this to serve you and to let you know you aren't alone in this life. "He is real and honest, the One true thing in a world full of lies, He is refreshing, he is awake and alive, He is the strength I need." I am not in this for my own fame, or glory, or to make money, or sell a bunch of cds, all that is indeed fun for me and I am grateful. But if I never book another show, please know I do this so you can know how much God has done for me and how much, if He could love a jerk like me, how much He loves YOU.

Job: I got a new one. I am officailly on Younglife Staff. If you don't know what Young Life is you should check it out and GET INVOLVED IN IT!

Struggles: They are there, my life is still pretty rough sometimes. More than ever I have learned to let God deal with my pain, my hurt, my worry, my doubt. I trust Him with those feelings, and He tells me I am ok for feeling them. People think you can't feel those things, like they are wrong but they are not. We can cry and feel pain, Jesus, Himself wept over the loss of a friend, so we can surely cry over our losses. Jesus was betrayed by His friends, so we can surely feel that hurt when our friends do the same. Jesus came froma pretty messed up family tree, so then, if Jesus Christ had a messed up family, we don't need to feel bad about ours. We don't need to try and cover that up. Just lift it up. Let Him show you how good He is. I am still learning all of this, but everytime I let Him, He truley does hold me close.

Useless Questions and comments:

I was waiting for my haircut appt today and reading the trashy magazines that only serve the purpose of making me feel fat, pale, and out of style in my brand new clothes.....and I came across an ad with a girl in the bath tub with high heels. What the freak?! Noone I know hangs out in a bathtub with gold 8 inch high heels on. The I turn the page to see the newest hair styles only to expose my eyes to victims of a lawn mower malfunction. Noone I know has zebra colored hair with an aligator sticking out of it. Jeff Corwin wouldn't even be stoked on that. My point....those magazines serve no purpose on the earth but to kill trees with thousands of perfume ads then to tell us to GO GREEN!

sorry for the typos...but im not fixing them.

For now, I am peacing out.

I love you. Look to Jesus.

-erika

Hey kids,

I wrote this song for you guys to be encouraged and to remember that all that God showed you and did for you and taught you this past week just gets better! Keep looking to Him and seeking Him! What He has for you isn't just in Frontier Ranch, Colorado, or the mountains! :) I love you guys, -erika

"The Mountains"

We've been on this bus for 32 hours

And I can't help but smile

We are on our way back to California

And I can't help but count the miles

And I'll leave you with a few words

Child don't you forget what you heard

Hold on to what you've seen

Hold on to what you've learned

He hears you nomatter if you are shoutin'

What He has for you ain't just in the mountains

I know you question many a things

A cross, a crown, 3 nails and what that all means

I'm here to testify His love for you is true

I know you've felt His pursuit for you

Pre-chorus

Chorus

His love for you doesn't stop in the mountains

His love for you surpasses the stars

His love for you is deeper than the ocean

His love for you meets you where you are

Chorus

His love for you doesn't stop in the mountains

Today has been one of those days kids. One of those days where "i just should of stayed in bed". It seems like I have had alot of those days lately. The worst part of it is that I know the source of my angst. I know the reason I feel tired and weary. Today Anna yelled at me and told me that I need to lay it down and give it to Jesus. And I yelled back "I am!" But really, I'm not. I'm assuming that He knows how I feel about this situation and asking Him to change me, but not really wanting to change. Because if the solution of all this doesn't result in the way I want it to, I don't want it at all. WHY AM I THIS WAY????? I want an apology, I want to be right in this because I feel right. I don't feel like I am completely right, I know I have done wrong, said wrong, thought wrong, but I know I have done right. And to be discounted for the right we have done makes us all feel so worthless. Like what we do and have done isn't enough. I'm tired of not feeling like I am enough. I'm at this road, getting closer to the end of it and I just want a reason. I want a reason for all this waiting. All this trouble. I want a reason. I know I have to have faith, but sometimes I want a reason to have it. This may all sound completely "unspiritual" and all, but honesty is all I have right now. I trust in a true and living God that breathes and works, that calms, comforts, forgives, and rebuilds. I trust He is awake and alive. I really do. I know I am right and perfect and clean in His eyes. Sometimes I just wish He wasn't the only one who saw me that way.

Anyone else feel this way????

Kill-JimmyEatWorld.


Well, you're just across the street
Looks a mile to my feet
I want to go to you
Funny how I'm nervous still
I've always been the easy kill
I guess I always will

Could it be that everything goes 'round by chance?
Or only one way that it was always meant to be
You kill me, you always know the perfect thing to say
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away

I can picture your face well
From the bar in my hotel
I wish I'd go to you
I pick up put down the phone
Like your favorite Heatmeiser song goes
It's just like being alone

Oh God, please don't tell me this has been in vain
I NEED ANSWERS FOR WHAT ALL THE WAITING I'VE DONE MEANS.


You kill me, you've got some nerve, but can't face your mistakes
I know what I should do, but I just can't turn away

So go on love
Leave while there's still hope for escape
Got to take what you can these days
There's so much ahead
So much regret
I know what you want to say
I know it but can't help feeling differently
I loved you, and I should have said it
But tell me just what has it ever meant

I can't help it baby, this is who I am
Sorry, but I can't just go turn off how I feel
You kill me, you build me up, but just to watch me break
I know what I should do, but I just can't walk away

Jesus, find glory in my mess.

-eriKa

Hey all,

For those of you who have been emailing me and all I just wanted to give a quick note that I haven't been ignoring you!! I promise when I get more time I will shoot you back a response. This past weekend I have been in the good ol' state of Virgina visting Paige. Her graduation was on Friday and it was a true honor to be able to be apart of her "big" day. (inside joke) We got to go to DC for the day and I finally got to see the Lincolm Memorial! It was awesome and alot of fun.

God has really been opening my eyes to how much He desires to bless me. I think He knew I have been a little run down and tired. He knew emotionally I have been a little drained and it was so nice to hop on a plane and spend time with a friend that you have absolutely nothing in common with but somehow your friendship just compliments your life.

Congrats Paige Ellen King, I love you very much!

I hope you guys all had a great weekend! Although I am certain it wasn't as great as mine....haha j/k..but not really. gotta go catch my plane....

love,

eriKa

50 days til Josh comes home!

check it

http://www.joshanderikasoto.blogspot.com/

i love my husband!

Romans 11:29
for God's gifts and his call are irrevocable

Romans 12:6
We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith.

1 Corinthians 12:4
There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit.

1 Corinthians 12:31
But eagerly desire the greater gifts. And now I will show you the most excellent way

1 Corinthians 14:12
So it is with you. Since you are eager to have spiritual gifts, try to excel in gifts that build up the church.

I like that God tells us that the gifts He gives us are permanent. They will only grow. His gifts are there. They just are.

I like growth. Sometimes it is very painful. But I really like that God never leaves us where we are at.

A year ago I was in youth ministry at my church, i had about 10 best friends. A group of people I was always with. I was leading worship by default. I didn't like dealing with confrontations. I wanted to look perfect and holy in everyone's eyes. I wanted to be looked up to and admired. I fit a mold that I created for myself to be. I trusted everyone, I told everyone about my life. I was working as a graphic designer for a jewelry company and doing pretty well for myself. I read my bible everyday because if I didn't I would feel bad.

Today. Today I have 2 best friends. Josh and my mom. And the group that I surround myself is completely different and new and I get to start over for who I am right now, and they love me that way. I am a leader in Younglife and no longer apart of the youth ministry at my church. I don't lead worship on a constant basis, just for smaller churches here and there. My music ministry has been so blessed. I get to travel and share my music with strangers who become precious to me at the end of the day. I get to tell people they are loved by an infinate God. I don't get a pay check, but people buy my music, and that in itself leaves me in awe. I am so humbled by all of this. I could care less about how people percieve me but rather my concern is how I reflect God to people. I want people to see how much I am only because I have a God in heaven who gives me worth and makes me whole. I know more than ever in my life today and right now that my life is not about me at all. It's about loving people and loving Jesus and loving people like Jesus did. And my music right now is my gift from God to build up this church. I've seen so many gifts in people lately. We have different gifts but they are from the same Spirit! And they are irrevocable.

 I trust about 6 people in my life right now and I am ok with that. I am realizing I don't have to trust everyone but I also don't have to be guarded with them either. I read my Bible some mornings, some nights, sometimes during lunch, sometimes I just grab my guitar and sing worship songs to Him when noone is around. I'm absolutely crazy about Jesus. Life is not perfect. Not in the least bit. My body gets tired. My heart grows heavy. I miss my husband everyday, every moment. All of this is going on and I can't always share this with him, but I have a future and a hope in my Savior. And I have 63 days to go until I can hug him again. God has opened my eyes and freed my heart to live like an example because I want to and not just because I am in a leadership position. I've learned so much about who I am. I am filth on my own. My heart has been so soft to people, even the ones I want to remain bitter at, I can't help but love them and desire to tell them how much they are worth and how much they matter.

Only God can do that in my heart.

I may not ever change. But I know I have grown.

And if you come close, I think you will see it.

Every good and perfect gift is from above.

Amen,

-eriKa

Today I have been thinking alot about love. About when we say it. Why we say it. I hear it so much. I say it so much. Love in the human state is so conditional. It's true. When love is easy we enjoy it, when love is simple, it is lifting. When love is new it is dreams of marriage and butterflies and rainbows. Love, in the human state is kisses, and hugs, and holding hands, and gazing deep into eachothers eyes and smiling like school crushes. Love, in the human state, when it is harder, when it is tested, when it is difficult and when it doesn't always agree, then, love is easy to give up on. Love, in the human state is conditional. I wish it weren't so.

Love. Between a man and a woman. A husband and a wife is dying to yourself. It is messy, and hard, because you learn so much about yourself, that you never really wanted to know. This kind of love reveals flaws and faults. This kind of love will make you angry and frustrated. This kind of love will drive you crazy. I mean this is a love between two different people. Nomatter how "alike" or how many things you have in common, you are different. You will not always think the same, react the same, you will not always get along. (And it is my opinion if you do always get along, something just isn't right.) This love, it is tested, it will struggle, it will grow and learn, and it will have pain. It will. But this love. This love that was created by God. The creator of love. This love will conquer. It will conquer because God is the God of it. (If you allow Him to be.) It won't have to be hidden, it will have no shame, no guilt. It will be pure. It will bring glory to Jesus. This love will stir you, shape you, mold you, it will make you. And even at the most difficult of times, you will hold on fast to your faith, to your God. You will know that He will conquer. Because Love never fails. This Love, in the human state, can bring glory to God. Because in the human state of condition, and giving up, In this human state of wanting to throw up your hands in frustration, God will put His hands over your love. And He will speak into you that, love is patient, it is kind, it is not boastful, it is not self-seeking, it is not jelous. Yes, God will pour into your mind that this love, well, it hopes all things, believes all things, and it never fails. This love, of God, in human state, never fails. And you will see. You will see.

Oh, but this love. In His state. Well it was messy too. It was bloody, and painful, it was selfless. This love, in His state loves you for who you are. Who you have been, who you will become. This love, In His State, will never be passed up by any other love. It has seen you in your worst, your depths, your mind. Your lusts, your sins, your mistakes, your flaws, faults, your hidden secrets that you dare not tell a soul. This Love, In His State, has seen every second of your filth. And This Love. Loves you for You. Not for what you have done, or what you will become. But Right NOW. As You are. Right now. And you cannot change that. You just can't.

I needed to write this.

Love is conditional. But God's love is pure and steady and will never change. My image will grow old. My music will fade. My talents will pass. I know that there are people who love me for who I am and not what I do or whatever. But if this was all taken away from me. If I had nothing. I truley wonder who would still think much of me. I want to love you, yes, you. You in general. I want to love you for who you are. Not what you do, or how you are gifted. I admire all that. I really do. But I will love you for who you are. Just you. You are funny, and awkward, and you don't always say the wisest things, you bug me sometimes, but you bring something to my life, that noone ever has.

I've been listening to JJ Heller alot lately. I wanted to share this song with you. I hope it speaks to you.

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He's the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, "Dear God won't you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?"

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
'Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She's the woman whose husband has run away
She'll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would've stayed
And she says…

Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
'Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means

He's waiting to die as he sits all alone
He's a man in a cell who regrets what he's done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
"Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home"

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
"I know you've murdered and I know you've lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you'll listen, I'll tell you that I..."

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew

I am so thankful for you my friends. (You know who you are.)

LOVE,

eriKa

So, under much deliberation I decided that I was indeed tired of shopping for people's christmas and b-day gifts when they would say "Oh I dont want anything." or "whatever, I'm not picky." It indeed frustrates me. So to not be one of those people. I am simply adding a link to a picture of things I would like on my birthday. You can pick off the list or be creative. I'm just lazy in deciding so I thought one big list to chose from would end this dilem-men-a. Oh, the clever-nesssss of me....

May 21st is the big 2-4 day.

Click the link:

http://s19.photobucket.com/albums/b163/ErikaGarcia/?action=view¤t=bdaylist.jpg

love, erika

 John 4: 23 and 24

"Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."

I went to Monterey Church today and the Pastor mentioned this verse briefly in his study. It caught my ear more than briefly though and I began to think on the fact that God desires a genuine song from us. I'm not just talking about musically. We are songs, our lives are our love song to Him. And we are worshipers, even when we are not in song, maybe even especially when we are not in song.

My friendship with others are an act of worship to God.

My words are an act of Worship. My thoughts, my actions.

It just made me realize how much more I desire to be a worship song to my Savior with every breath I take. Not in a legalistic way, but in a realization that I don't want to waste my time living for myself. I want to live in His Spirit and in His truth. I want to love in truth and give truth in love.

"These are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks........"

I know there are many of you who don't quite understand when i post blogs about my struggles, my feelings, my doubts, or even my personal life. i honestly don't care...i mean with all due respect it is called "MY space". However I am going to enlighten you a bit as to why i post such transparent "blogs"  You see, i never ever mention names of people i struggle with or am hurt by, and if by chance you can figure it out, well golden stars and brownie points for you, but you would be missing the point. the point of the matter is that i am human. i am a wretched human of a mess with a ton of problems, and i will own up to every single one of them gladly and in all humility. but that doesn't stop me from accepting the FACT that my Savior is working in me. you may have heard me say that we live for a real and honest God, so why should we be any less real or honest with eachother? Out God is not a fake God, He tells us like it is (in gentleness, in which i am still very much learning)....He loves with a real love, He is a friend with all genuiness. He is the ideal and the absolute. AND if i can write about what i am struggiling with in my life, and bring someone else comfort in the fact that they are not alone, i feel like He is glorified. Afterall He comforts us so that we may comfort eachother. i have so much to learn about Christ and so much to learn from Him. But i know i am being used. i know that i am encouraging the discouraged, blessing the despair, holding the lonely, befriending the friendless. i know that i am a liar, a sinner, i am ever so far from being perfect, but i KNOW that at the end of the day, i love my Jesus and the next day i love Him more, cause He never gives up on me. He never will. The world may drag my name thru the freaking mud, but He still wrote it down in the book of life. And there is noone who can take that away from me. And if you know Him, there is noone that can take that away from you.

never forget that.

so my struggle. it is an obvious one. im coming to the conclusion that i have been learning this lesson my whole life, and until i get it thru my thick head and my hard heart, the lesson will keep reaccuring, because i need to surrender but i dont know how. i am a very bitter person. i am a very unforgiving person. when someone hurts me in thr slightest my initial defense mechanism is to erase them from my life. i let nothing go and i hold on to the bad much too frequently. i am very much in bondage to fear, dissapointment, and abandonment. maybe because i have had it all my life, maybe because i have been let down so many times, maybe it is because the moment i let someone in, or close, they leave me flat on my face. aside from my family, the only human being i have ever known not to is my husband josh, and i thank God for him every single day of my life. but then i have Christ, who is the best friend anyone could ever ask for. He is loving, gentle, He makes me laugh, He gives good advice, yet He is still an amazing listener. He is always there, He never gives up, He is patient, kind, and He provides for me in every way. Yet I look Him straight in the face and say "your not enough." it sounds so disgusting, but in reality that is how it is.

i was listening to my most favorite cd in the whole world, which is Lauryn Hill's unplugged album. and this song comes on about giving God the victory in breaking the chains. and it hit me so bluntly, i am in bondage to bitterness. i am in bondage to not having a heart to love people more because i am afraid they are all going to break my heart. but instead if i would just throw my confidence in my Savior and not in men, like the bible freaking tells me to do. i wouldn't have this problem OVER and OVER AGAIN. then this verse chimes in that says "give Him the victory...again...and again...and again...."

and that is why God makes me laugh. cause He is so much smarter then me, but He tells me in sarcasm and irony. i know all this won't happen overnight. but i confess and i ask for prayer. i need healing, and until now, i've never admitted that. i need to be forgiven and i need to forgive. because if i can accept my imperfections, then i need to accept others as well. so, to you, and there is alot of you, i ask for prayer. because now you know exactly what i need it for.

this is why i write my personal junk on myspace. because all things work for good for those who love God.

nomatter what your chain is, He can break it.

nomatter the battle. He has won.

give Him the victory.

The Conquering Lion

By Lauryn Hill

The conquering lion shall break every chain
The conquering lion shall break every chain
Give him the victory again and again and again and again
Give him the victory
The conquering lion shall break every chain
The conquering lion shall break every chain
Give him victory again and again and again and again and again and again
Give us some victory ya, oh, ya
The Conquering Lion shall break every chain, every chain, every chain
Conquering Lion shall break every chain
Give us some victory we need some victory, we need some victory
Oh, Oh,the conquering lion he'll break every chain,

every one of your chains,
everyone of your chains
The conquering lion he's gonna break all of those chains

 if you just let him
Give Give him the victory again and again and again and again…
Oh, give him the victory

peace,

eriKa

(New Song: Lately I have been pondering my heart. I have been thinking about the friendships that I give peices of my heart to, the guys I have in the past completely given my heart to. Family members that by default have my heart. And I have been thinking about how broken and messy my heart has been. There are peices of it I fear I will never get back. There are pains I might never fully recover from. There are doubts and struggles in my idea of trust that on the earth, I may never get over. But I realize that I don’t want to keep myself from giving others the opportunity to show me love, trust, and belief. I don’t want to live a guarded life. I want to have to hold back because I am afraid of getting hurt. Most importantly and most of all, I don’t want to miss out on an opportunity to show someone else love, show someone else trust, or show someone else that there is something they can believe in. So, here is to trying....)

I’ve had my heart broken 7 times

Dissapointment in a love I thought was mine

I’ve been struggiling with this idea of trust

Cause I don’t know when to give it or when to give it up

I don’t want to live a guarded life

I don’t want to be held back

I desire honesty

Is that too much to ask?

Show me love

Show me trust

Show me something to believe in

Show me love

Show me trust

Show me something to believe in

I’m far from perfect

I’m far from worth it

I admit I am a mess

But if you see me thru

I will stand by you

And I will always give you my best

(Bridge then Chorus)

I will show you love

I will show you trust

I will give you something to believe in...

Pure music. More People Like Kimya Dawson. (I don’t even care if she does hate Bush, if you can write a song like this you are exempt.)

i moved around from town to town
lots of people around, but still so lonely

friendships would grow then i’d hit the road
making up excuses for why i had to leave

always been too scared and unprepared
to let anybody get too close to me

but when i met you right away i knew
you would never ever ever hurt me

when i look at you i can’t believe it’s true
you’re all i ever dreamed of and you love me
and you love me, and you love me

*I know I am a difficult, strange, hurt, broken, selfish, confusing, emotional person. I’m thankful for the people I have in my life that don’t give up on me because of that. They look past it. And everyone who has said to me:" It’s too hard, too much has happened, I can’t DEAL with you anymore." I just want you to know I forgive you.  Jesus Christ never gives up on us. I just think that is so cool. We are never failed by our Savior.*

"And the road is still long, but you came along, you hold my hand and you understand."

I think if we can be that to someone, then we have done everything God has ever asked us to.

peace,

eriKa

To all of the you's in my life today:

I just want to clear some things up with you allright? I'm not in control of my life. I have no control over it. I'm not going to be less "Jesus-ey" so I can play at the most popular night clubs or venues. My songs are my life and my life isn't mine. I am inspired by hope, by faith, and by love. I'm not going to sing about sex, or parties, or selling my soul to the devil so I can play guitar better. If that is fame, I pass. Music is supposed to bring hope to the hopeless.

And you, I want to make sure you know my decisions are directed. I am emotional, I am broken. I definately do have the desire to try and fill my voids and replace what's missing in my life. I am trying not to do things in haste. It isn't all me, I know you think it is, but whatever, it's not.

 You have to give me a chance to prove to you I am different. I'm better. I will never swear to be perfect to you. But I will be real, I will be honest. I will try my hardest to be the friend you need. I've always said that, haven't I? I think I have. I'm pretty sure I have. It's worth the fight to me and if it isn't to you, please just let me know now.

I want you to know I forgive you. It's just hard to remember that I have. And that doesn't mean I haven't either. I just have to remind myself that His grace is sufficient and in my weakness He is strong. I am happy to see you when I remember I have forgiven you. Really.

This is who I am. Writing a song calms me down. I like the way man body wash smells more than womens body wash. I take things personal, even I know they aren't. I like spray paint. Finger blisters remind me of purpose. I would drop the world for you if you needed me. I love honesty. I'd rather fight than be fake, I'd rather be yelled at than be ignored. I use enviormentally safe bags now. I sing in my headvoice more because someone gave me the confidence to. My husband is my best friend. I love him more than I ever have. I am weak and I doubt, my past reminds me how worthless I am. Christ reminds me how loved I am. I like my camera better than my hairbrush. I feel more at home near my mother. I cry at fanny mae commercials and I laugh when I feel awkward. This is who I am. I am weird, I am mean, I am a sarcastic wretch of a person.  I can be so bitter it affects my day and so angry it makes me cry.  I am a working progress. Oneday I will be perfect. "For the bible tells me so" and stuff. But if you give me the chance, I will let you in. I will push the guard aside and take the walls down for you. You are worth it to me. Christ is worth it to me.

Oh yeah....

And I have stopped talking crap about people, so if you start to do it, I will walk away from you. So don't waste my time. Grow up.

Boo freaking yah.

I miss Becca Morrison. Wacky Wacky Shalacky Woo.