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Taida-Taichou



Last Updated: 12/8/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 22
Sign: Scorpio

State: Kyoto
Country: JP
Signup Date: 2/20/2005

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June 27, 2007 - Wednesday  
"I Can Dig It" ~ Trace Adkins

'You say his memory is a habit that won't let you go I'll help you kick it
If you're looking for a ride on a real smooth road I'm your ticket
If you're holding onto seeds you been wanting to sow
If you wanna break ground, I'll break out the hoe
If you want a little garden where some lovin' can grow
I can dig it

If you wanna build a fortified house of love I can brick it
Name me something that you want, ain't a task to tough
I can get it, yeah I can get it
If you're lookin' for a man that can do all that
If you want your broken heart to be your last
If you wanna big hole to bury your past
I can dig it

If you're buying what I'm selling just say the word
And I'll roll up my sleeves and baby, I'll get to work

If you're sick and tired of a liar and cheater
If you want a true love 'til you meet St. Peter
A drink from a well where the water is sweeter
I can dig it, yeah I can dig it

I dug that

If you're buying what I'm selling just say the word
And I'll roll up my sleeves yeah and baby, I'll get to work

If you're sick and tired of a liar and cheater
If you want a true love 'til you meet St. Peter
A drink from a well where the water is sweeter
I can dig it, yeah I can dig it

Can you dig it, baby?
I can dig it'
---

Saw my first episode of Pokemon Diamond/Pearl.

Roark is in it.

He's just as perfect as I thought he'd be. *purrs and wiggles in happiness*

... I will expand upon this blog later.

Expansion: Aaaah, Roark you beautiful man-beast. I want to bear all your children. Let my just give you dreadlocks. *fiddle fiddle, fiddle fiddle*

 ^.^ Well... mom's making dinner. She -drove- to work without me today... (after eye surgery) using one eye apparently AND cut some lady's hair. Poor lady.

 I need to draw a little more but I'm a little tired. Blurgh.

 Gladiators.

 Yum.

 Roark.

 Yummer.

 Maybe I'll manage to throw up some Roark fanart, eh? What else is there? Catgirls... and... *rubs chin*

11:44 PM 
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June 25, 2007 - Monday 
"Somebody Like You" ~ Keith Urban

"There's a new wind blowin' like I've never known.
I'm breathin' deeper than I've ever done.
And it sure feels good, to finally feel the way I do.
I wanna love somebody,
Love somebody like you.

An' I'm lettin' go of all my lonely yesterdays.
I've forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made.
Now there's just one thing, the only thing I wanna do, mmm, mmm.
I wanna love somebody,
Love somebody like you.

Yeah, I wanna feel the sunshine,
Shinin' down on me and you.
When you put your arms around me,
You let me know there's nothing in this world I can't do.

I used to run in circles goin' no-where fast.
I'd take, uh, one step forward and two steps back.
Couldn't walk a straight line even if I wanted to, mmm, mmm.
I wanna love somebody,
Love somebody like you.

Whoa here we go now!

Yeah, I wanna feel the sunshine,
Shinin' down on me and you.
When you put your arms around me,
Well, baby there ain't nothing in this world I can't do.

Sometimes it's hard for me to understand,
But you're teachin' me to be a better man.
I don't want to take this life for granted like I used to do, no, no.
I wanna love somebody,
Love somebody like you.

I'm ready to love somebody,
Love somebody like you. Oooh.

An' I wanna love somebody,
Love somebody like you, yeah.

Oh yeah.
Oh, I wanna be the man in the middle of the night,
Shinin' like it's true.
I wanna be the man that you run to whenever I call on you
When everything that loved someone finally found it's way
Wanna be a better man
I see it in you yeah..."

---
 Ahh... Keith Urban... you're so... so... Australian. Let's have kids.

 Sooo. Updates:

 I have established that I refuse to be shafted anymore. Try to do it and I'll keel you.

 I'm trying not to be bluntly honest... but I still come out as mean when people try to confess to me all their wants and needs in life. You want more friends... *double thumbs up* YAY! So go out and make some and stop talking about it.

 I went into temporary recluse. Don't pick up the phone, don't answer my email, don't answer the door. Why? Because occasionally it gets kinda tiring.

 *sigh* Stop whining. e.e

 Otherwise I'm going pretty good, ya? I'm getting back into my art groove, working... kinda...working... on my cosplay. I need to start making use of LSU's gym but I hate -being- there with -people-. >.< And now Joel's effing gone so no one to GO with.

 BTW, for all of you that care, Joel's doing pretty well. Nearly sprained an ankle but that's okay, and he's made a couple friends. His graduation's in August but at this point I'm not sure I can make it.

 Listening to alot more country music. It's good for me... It's nice and calming. *sighs* ^.^ Makes me think about stuff. Nothing in particular usually... but stuff. I even like some of Carrie Underwood's stuff. But I haven't gotten to the point where I'm buying cds. Still too cheap for that.

 I love me some Orange Range. I need to get my hands on some cds but it can wait. Next to TF6 and Mika Nakashima, they rock my socks the hardest.

 Because of Ryo from O.R. I'm finding older guys with dread and beards attractive. Especially asian ones... ^.^ No more scrawny emo bishies for me, thank you very much. If it's not a cowboy at this point, and I mean a -farmer- or a -redneck- not... the poseurs... then it's a Ryo. He looks alot like... Ken...ichi? From Nana. ... Junko's boyfriend. Look him up yourself. He's hawt.

 *stretches* I'm single still and still cool with it. I'm too clingy for one of those loose relationships and I'm too immature for anything too serious-- found that out from the whole thing with Bushi. Eventually, it'll work out.

 My plan for the future at this point is to get a bach. in English Education, learn some Spanish and Latin, and move out to FL when I get time. 5 years, I'm out. ^.~ I'm not sure how that's gonna make me feel... like. The friends, the places, the cons... I'm getting comfy here-- the best friends I've made were here... But I'm running out of time and when I -do- get married, I sure as -piss- ain't raising kids here. Sorry, yo.

 I'd like all their limbs sturdy and all their intestines intact.

 And you keep your effin jokes to yourself. My kids will be -fine-. If they come out with hooves, I'll cover them in cotton candy and call them Doruko.

 I would like to own a black cowboy hat. Straw.

 I'm getting a Shiny Feebas at the con. I'm going to marry IceHeartedDragon for it too...

 Otherwise I'm happy and go-lucky.

 My biggest conflicts at this point are...

 iPod.... or Zune?

 What's the best kind of dog? I.E. not too nervous, good in hot weather or can be shaved comfortably...

 Questions? Suggestions? Commentary? Whose making it to Mechacon?! I'll give you kisses if you show!

 Well that's all with me. How're ya'll?

~Regina
3:55 AM 
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May 29, 2007 - Tuesday 

Current mood:  nostalgic 
"Brother My Brother" ~ Blessid Union of Souls

'Brother My Brother
Tell me what are we fighting for
We've got to end this war
We should love one another
Oh can't we just pretend
This war never began?
We can try, brother my brother

We face each other from different sides
The anger burns can't remember why
It's kind of crazy to cause such pain
Our foolish pride makes us hate this way

We watch our world fall apart
Tell me what good is winning
When we loose our heart?

 Brother My Brother
 Tell me what are we fighting for
 Isn't life worth so much more?
 We should love one another
 Oh can't we just pretend
 This war never began?
 Tell me why, brother my brother


We can try, brother my brother

Let's take a moment and look deep inside
And say we're willing to give love a try!
Where not as different as we seem to be
It's so much more to me then what you see

Don't have to be this way!
Think about the consequences
Turn around and walk away!

 Brother My Brother
 Tell me what are we fighting for
 Isn't life worth so much more?
 We should love one another
 Oh can't we just pretend
 This war never began?
 Tell me why, brother my brother


Tell me why!

 Brother My Brother
 Tell me what are we fighting for
 Isn't life worth so much more?
 We should love one another
 Oh can't we just pretend
 This war never began?
 Tell me why, brother my brother'

 
---

So yeah. I've been playing alot of Pokemon lately. I put in 92+ hours...*rubs chin* I need to level up alot before I try to take on the Elite 4. *kicks them* DIE CYNTHIA YOU AND YOUR NON-WEAKNESS POKEMON!

 =3= Of course along with playing the game and collecting and reading anything Pokemon related, as per my temporary but complete interest, I l've been listening to the soundtracks... Alot of them make me cry but almost none as bad as this one.  Brother my Brother makes me want to embrace the first person I meet on the street...

*peers out the window* Or a car. ...Shut up all you people who want to say "Yeah that's a great idea!" I don't need your help with suicidal thoughts. I'm still a legitimate teenager.

 Anyhew, I wonder why I have these... problems forgiving people. And when people 'forgive' me it usually bugs the piss outta me because they're almost always being malicious or condescending when they do it.

 So I've come to this conclusion:

 You apologize to people to make YOURSELF feel better. They forgive you to make THEMSELVES feel better. Make sense?

 When you say sorry to someone they may or may not accept your apology. If you do and they accept it, it's a relief to you, even if they don't -honestly- forgive you. Even if they don't accept it you can indignantly claim 'Well I SAID I was sorry!' Yeah. Ya did. Bully for you.

 When you forgive someone whose apologized to you, it's to ease your own concience. Either way they hurt you. You're not really making them feel any better.. As soon as the apology leaves their lips, if it's done out of the shame of their mistake and not obligation or something dumb like that, then they're gonna be relieved. When you say "Eh... that's alright..." That's you being one one bit better than they are in your subconcious because you have the power to say 'oh I forgive you' while they're prostrated at your feet.

 And then there are the people who repeatedly apologized for doing the -same- stupid thing over and over again. What's the point of the apology? There isn't one. It's like ingrained... 'I've done something wrong so I'll say sorry and the slate's clean so no one minds if I do it again...and again...and again.'

 THEN there are the people who apologize maliciously. "Oh I'm sooooo sorry I'm looking out for your well-being."

 e.e... Fun.

 But still, I wish I could be more forgiving because it really does a number on my concience. I honestly feel stupid guilty everytime I say 'Sorry dude, but we're not going through this shit again.' And when someone does something to me, I can hang onto the rage for like... weeks...months...years... you know.

 Again, though, there are people I can forgive because I still feel something, much as I want to smother it out, but I can't hang around because I'll always be on edge because of the fights we had before, ready to get in another one and that's not a friendship, is it?

Then there are the people I've forgiven or excused to myself multiple times before but then I just realized I made a mistake and they're just a douchebag. Shoulda listened. I have no place to say anyone won't listen to what's told to them because I srsly should've listened and -absorbed- and -believed- what I was told before.

 Finally there's the dudes like Bushido and Robert who try to be friendly but for some reason I always want to ask them dead questions and cry when they talk. =3= 'I just want to be your friend (again).' Poor R-kun.

 But I'm pleased to report there -are- people who I've messed up with (or vice versa) and I got over it relatively quickly. Those people are muy importante, you know? And they're a hellova lot better at forgiveness than me.

 =3= Sooo if no one minds, I'm gonna go prep my Pokemans and get ready to kick some serious patootie at Mechacon!~
Currently listening:
Pokemon: The First Movie
By Original Soundtrack
Release date: 09 November, 1999
5:44 PM 
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May 8, 2007 - Tuesday 
 "Run for Your Love" ~ Golf and Mike

"If you are feeling blue
You can close your troubled eyes for a while, I'll be there
When you don't know what to do,
Let me show you how to live, let it show that I care


Let me take you in my arms and give you all my love
Let me take you to my heart, never let go


So close but still far away
Awaits the day when you'll say
"I will run run run for your love"
Well, here I am just in case that you come running for me.


Do you recall that song,
That special melody, how it made us believe?
Still I know it all by heart.
Every letter, every word's got a meaning to me.


Let me take you in my arms and show you who I am.
Let me be there by your side forever more.


So close but still far away,
Awaits the day when you'll say,
"I will run run run for your love".
Yea, here I am just in case you change your mind.
I will run run run for your love.
Well, here I am just in case that you come running for me.


One day you will wake up to discover
What I felt for you was true.
You recall,
See things clearer,
If you open your troubled eyes again.
You will run run run for my love.


So close but still far away,
Awaits the day when you'll say,
"I will run run run for your love"
Yea, here I am just in case you change your mind.
I will run run run for your love.
Well, here I am just in case you change your mind.

Here I am just in case that you come running for me."

---

 Golf and Mike is actually a Thai band... (duet?) They sing in Thai, English, and Japanese. I saw them on the Thai channel my mom watches and they were... so sweet. They started crying for an 8-year old girl who was disabled and had been sick and missed their concert. She gave them presents and they cried harder... Since I guess they hadn't come prepared, they gave her their special necklaces (which I believe they wore all the time, even in their music videos) and sang her a special song.

 While crying...

 Maybe sensitive guys aren't so bad.

Eh, anyway, to address the title of this blog, let me finish:

 I won't be.... a coward.

 I've been one in the past but I realized just how much I can't tolerate cowardice; not in myself and not in anyone else.

 It's a mood killer. I can develop a crush on someone and it'll be smothered completely if they reveal that they're too afraid to work... MORE afraid than me and I'm the laziest freaking person in the world. If you're a weaker person than me, how am I supposed to try to love you? You're not supposed to carry a person through a relationship, you're supposed to walk side by side damn it.
 
 Now in other aspects, I can still be considered a coward. I would rather be considered that by you than to hurt someone for no reason. But let me tell you something... I'm not afraid to tell people the truth. The difference between telling someone the truth and being cruel is glaring yet some people act as if there is no difference.

 That's just retarded.

 Learn a little self control for crying out loud.

 I'll hurt people when I'm mad at them but I'll apologize when I realize what I've done, if it hadn't really been intentional...

 But then some people grate my nerves and I feel like I don't really want to hurt them, they just drag it out of me. Rather, they prod me blindly until I lash out then have no idea what just happened.

 I'm human too and I'm certainly not the well of ever-loving patience.

 I honestly am trying to retain and patch a few of my friendships. It's not easy either...

 And one or two of my friends I just want to cut off altogether because I don't think I can deal with them anymore, even though it's more like they've been dealing with me all this time.

 Don't bother wondering if it's you because it probably isn't.

 I have very little to look foreward to right now and one thing is Mechacon in August.

 Luckily for me, a couple of my close friends are going and I met a wonderful girl named Crystal who will furthermore be my Tamaki-kun.

 Also I've been speaking to Lithe-Fider, aka Nyssa for a while. I'm beginning to worry...

 <333 Thinking of her makes me more relaxed and I guess now that I've started I can go ahead and study my Geology.

 Sorry for the rant, guys.
4:15 PM 
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April 30, 2007 - Monday 
1. Where were you 3 hours ago?
Cooking pasta.

2. Who are you in love with?
Who -aren't- I in love with is a better question!! Ah... I'm in love with....Hitsugaya.

3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?
Yes and it was blue/

4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
Yes. Panties.

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
Don't remember.

6. Are you wearing socks right now?
Nope.

7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?
AAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... you're funny.

8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
Eh... John's dorm.

9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
Don't think so.

10. Are you hot?
Actually no, I'm regretting turning the air on.

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Some raspberry tea stuff that defies my tastebuds.

12. What are you wearing right now?
LSU t-shirt I bought to keep out the rain and the same brown cargos I've been wearing for the past two days. *plans to go shower once this is over*

13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
I don't have a car anymore. *bows* I'm so sorry, Jin.

14. Last food that you ate?
Pasta. The saaaame pasta I was cooking at question 1.

15. Where were you last week at this time?
Geh, going to bed.

16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
Not that I remember...

17. When is the last time you ran?
I don't run.

18. What's the last sporting event you watched?
Wrestling. Friday.

19. What is your favorite animal?
Sheep, you dolt.

20. Your dream vacation?
With Hyde or Gackt on a relatively deserted island. If it came down to cannibalism... oh if it only came down to cannibalism.

21. Last person's house you were in?
*eye squint* Mine. And I'm still here.

22. Worst injury you've ever had?
It was emotional.

23. Have you been in love?
Twice.

24. Do you miss anyone right now?
Yes.

25. Last play you saw?
Live action Bleach Musical? Close enough...

26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
"I'll kick your ass at the fighting game of your choice." Lures 'em in. Doesn't always keep them, sad to say.

27. What are your plans for tonight?
Bathing. Sleeping. Dying a little more inside.

28. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?
Miyabi-fukutaichou I think.

29. Next trip you are going to take?
Not sure... I really wish I could go to Florida. Really...really wish.

30. Ever go camping?
Yes and I would like to go again sometime.

31. Were you an honor roll student in school?
Elementary school, but if you weren't an honor roll student in MY school, you were retarded.

32. What do you want to know about the future?
Everthing, so I could become a one-eyed, all-knowing god like Odin and sit around on my butt like a vegetable, laughing at people on the inside.

33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
Japanese Cherry Blossom but it's overpowered by my NEED FOR BATH.

34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
NO. I ALREADY WENT THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

35. Where is your best friend?
I'm not sure anymore.

36. How is your best friend?
See above.

38. What are you listening to right now?
Hana by Orange Range.

39. Do you collect anything?
I collect young boys, water bottles, and manga.

40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?
Don't wanna say... *squints*

41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
I got a ticket.

42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
...FROM a straw or THROUGH a straw cus I've had it THROUGH a straw...

43. What does your last text message say?
"Goodnight."

44. Do you like hot sauce?
Heck no.

45. Last time you took a shower?
I really want to bathe...

46. Do you need to do laundry?
My mom did it. That poor woman.

47. What is your heritage?
Ehh... let's see... 1/4 Irish, 1/4 Ukranian, 1/2 Thai but that's mixed with like... Vietnamese... and Chinese... and I'm just a mutt. I'm Scottish and Thai, end of story.

48. Are you someone's best friend?
... *squint*

49. Are you rich?
Only in  poverty.

50. What were you doing at 12AM last night?
Wondering why I bother.
6:46 AM 
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April 28, 2007 - Saturday 
"Hana" ~ Orange Range

"With things scattering around us like flower petals
It was a miracle to find you, as if a dream
loving one another, having our spats
we've scaled all kinds of walls together
even in my next life, I'll come back as a flower by your side.

Will the sun right above me always be there?
will I always be able to keep safe,
the laughing, crying, angry faces you make?
if it's all going to end someday anyway,
we should be even more grateful
that we could find each other
the miracle of that day, that time and that place
will give birth to a new track.

Growing stronger through love,
overcoming through faith
what you left me with, is still here in my heart
see, it hasn't lost its shine
I think of things happily, that we could find each other
that I could regain my smile
with these overwhelming feelings of "gratitude",
I push forward on my journey

With things scattering around us like flower petals
It was a miracle to find you, as if a dream
loving one another, having our spats
we've scaled all kinds of walls together
even in my next life, I'll want to see you

I'll scatter like flower petals
I'll accept all this world throws at me
you left me with a real treasure called "the here and now"
so I'll live the best I can, and be a flower

Why do flowers wilt?
why can birds fly?
why does the wind blow?
why does the moon shine?

Why am I here?
why are you here?
why could I find you?
it was fate, that I meet you.

The rain lets up, a rainbow forms across the sky,
the light is born by the strong spring wind,
I become aware of something precious, and unyielding
called "loving"
Can I still keep on? I can see it now,
my feeling will last the ages and ring out for all time
your joy, your pain, your everything
go on, bloom in full, bigger, bigger, and bigger."

---

 Blah. I feel kind of gross. I ate too much today and my belly refuses to digest. It says, "Damn it, you keep saying you want to lose weight so stop shoving food into me when you're not hungry..."

 In better news I got my video games back, and a swanky hat. Soon as Joe gives -him- back his stuff, I will not feel indebited and life will return to the norm. Yes. NARUTO GEKITOU NINJA TAISEN, BRING ME TO VICTORY!

 Have you ever been in a situation where someone tries to introduce you to people...? Like... for romance? Like they want to help you but you don't really want the help because you know it's not going to work and you kinda don't want it to? (If you know me, I've probably put you on the spot this way before and now I understand why you were so annoyed. O.o; )

 I've had alot of reaaaally stinky relationships but I've had more than my fair share of wonderful ones (that I ruined aaaall by myself. I admit this.) Why would I be in the market for a potentially long-term relationship with the perfect person now when I'm like 19, much less a sexual relationship with someone probably doing it as a favor to my relative?! Gross.  Anyway, my relationships are my relationships and when they're my mistakes I like them to be my mistakes.

And another thing. I'm not psychologically SCARRED. So there!

 e.e Tch.

 Next, I'd like to ask, don't I care about my friends? I like to think at least before...when I had time to spend on friends and boyfriends, I usually put my friends before my boyfriend... and even when I loved the boyfriend, they were near the same level to me...

 So I totally understand when you're going to put your friends first but I think it's kind of pushing it to say "Well when I have absolutely nothing in the world left to do, and I'm ready to die of boredom, then maybe I'll acknowledge your existence." Yes that's exaggeration... But it's not -much- of an exaggeration, I'm sorry to say.

 You can't blame me for feeling like I'm kinda alone in this thing when I initiate everything... I mean I don't want to be smothered but I don't like being estranged.

 Eh... I'm going back to watching my romantic live action Bleach episodes so I can kick myself and call myself a retard a couple more times. >.<

I'm gonna get through this. It's just a ditch. I don't have time for feelings anyway... School's just stressing me out.

 Keep...trudging...on...
3:59 AM 
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April 26, 2007 - Thursday 
"Viva Rock" ~ Orange Range

"Have you ever heard of the orange range?
Don't tell your mama or she'll think you're insane
All the pretty girls listen and pertain
Our music's best for highway speeding
All around the world, see  Looking up at the laughing sky
Now get up stand up  Oh yeah
HI say!  The world spins  Just for you the morning comes
Color of skin, color of eyes  Even values are various 
This and that all bare footed  Hug & Kiss  I love you
Now, let's see what you've got  JAPANESE PEOPLE
All around the world, see  Looking up at the laughing sky
Now get up stand up  Oh yeah
All around the world, see  They're changing  They're doing their best
Now get up stand up  Oh yeah
The world is huge  wide  beyond your borders
Big people  Small people  BIBIDDY BOBBIDY BOO
So don't be troubled  You are yourself
This world is seriously limitless  
Now  Step together 1, 2, 1, 2
All around the world, see  Looking up at the laughing sky
Now get up stand up  Oh yeah
All around the world, see  They're changing  They're doing their best
Now get up stand up  Oh yeah
At times humans lose their way  cry  even still,  They look to the sky
A flower burns fiery red  Stepping the vast earth
The voice of a friend's laugh  I picture your smile
A warm sunshine  Power falling from the heavens  Let's go  From the Beginning
All around the world, see  Looking up at the laughing sky
Now get up stand up  Oh yeah
All around the world, see  They're changing  They're doing their best
Now get up stand up  Oh yeah"
---

 Alright... Let's make this short and sweet.

 I need a teacher. A sensei if you will...

 To teach me how to use glowsticks again, damn it. There's gonna be another House Party at Mechacon and I'm gonna boogie if it friggin kills me. And I don't want to hit myself in the forehead with the glowsticks anymore!!! >.<

 Also, tell me if you're comin to Mecha.
4:18 PM 
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April 17, 2007 - Tuesday 
I'm a ninja.

Yes.

 ---

20 things..

1) Post 20 things you want to say to people, but never will. (Er. I'll actually probably say some of these...)

2) Don't put their names next to the things you say.

**********************************************

 

1.  I'm not who you think I am.

2. I love you.

3. I'm -not- like her.

4. I'm afraid I don't love you anymore.

5. You're helping me change.

6. I'm sorry.

7. I can't believe how important you're becoming to me.

8. I hate more about you than I love.

9. I'm harder on myself for you than you think.

10. I'm not sure I can be the person you need me to be.

11. I'm terrified that I can't protect you.

12. I don't want to believe you're really going but I thought that once and he really did go.

13. It never feels like you're listening.

14. I'm sorry that I couldn't let it go.

15. I didn't realize what I had and I'm killing myself for throwing it away.

16. I'm so proud of you.

17. I'm doing my best.

18.  I can't trust you.

19.  I was awake and next time I'll take your fucking hand off, much as I love you.

20. We have to pretend we're both better off this way.

Don't waste your time trying to figure out if I mean you or not. You'll know if you're meant to know. <3
3:40 PM 
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March 25, 2007 - Sunday 
"No one Move, Nobody Gets Hurt" ~ We Are Scientists

"The day you move, I'm probably going to explode
 It's true
 I'm probably going to explo-o-o-o-ode
 Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa.

 You pray for proof, I'm probably making this up
 It's true
 I'm probably making this uh-uh-uh-uh-oh.
 Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa.

Because...

 My body is your body
 I won't tell anybody
If you wanna use my body
GO-FOR-IT, yeah

 My body is your body
I won't tell anybody
If you wanna use my body,
GO-FOR-IT, yeah
GO-FOR-IT, ye~ah

 If no one moves, then nobody's gonna get hurt
 Don't move,
 'Cause nobody wants to get oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
 Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa

 You pray for proof, I'm probably make this up
 It's true
 I'm probably making this uh-uh-uh-uh-oh
Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa

 Because

 My body is your body
I won't tell anybody
If you wanna use my body
GO-FOR-IT, yeah

My body is your body
I won't tell anybody
If you wanna use my body
GO-FOR-IT, yeah
GO-FOR-IT, ye~ah

Because

 My body is your body
I won't tell anybody
If you wanna use my body
GO-FOR-IT, yeah

My body is your body
I'm not just anybody
If you wanna use my body
GO-FOR-IT, yeah
GO-FOR-IT, ye~ah."

---

 *rubs eyes* Okay. I hate to return with a rant... but a rant is what I got.

 I've been really busy lately and there's not a hellova lot I have to say that's nice or bubbily (not that I -usually- have any such things to say...). I feel pretty bad that I'm going to post a note and it's gonna be like this but it must be done.

 Bear in mind, I'm going to write this crap on the internet, not because I want to get it off my chest but because I know someone's gonna read it and I hope for once, the right person does and for once everyone whose not involved can just sit back, relax, and say 'Whoo, that poor guy... Lucky it's not me.' And I don't have to reassure half a dozen people that I'm not mad at them.

 ...Alright. For sake of privacy I'm not gonna say a name- unsurprisingly, not everyone I know knows this person and not everyone needs to. Say his name on this blog and I'll personally hunt you down and kick your @$$.

 'sleeping just isn't as pleasant as it used to be...'
 
 And comments like 'I'm just not the same as I was before I met you' <-- in a not positive way...

 Those piss me off. Yeah okay let's give you the benefit of the doubt; you're not talking about me. *shrug* Sure.

 Well let me make a few comments in which I may or may not be referring to -you- in.

 1. Everyone who knows me -knows- I hate three kinds of people more than others: Liars, hypocrites, and drama queens. Usually if someone is one of these, they're all three... Myself included- hence why I so powerfully dislike myself.

 Except with the 'Regina-package' you get the condescending, manipulative bitch as well as the liar, hypocrite, drama queen. I try to curb this stuff for the people I care about and I'm glad they tell me they notice...

 I won't ever throw my life story on you and expect your pity. I'm past pity and I certainly don't ask for it from people my age who are probably emotionally just as bad off as I am. I tell my stories because they explain alot about me and sometimes I think they're downright hilarious, even if you don't.

 2. I'm not any different than I ever was. Don't -ever- come to me and tell me that 'you're just not how you used to be' when you've known me for less than a month. Tell that to the people who've known me for a couple of years and any of them will look you in the eye and laugh at you because you mean to be serious.

 I'm still the person I've ever been, I'm not any better despite my trying, but I'm human. I try to be nice but you wear on my nerves and I start to react accordingly. OR you know there's the impossible factor of 'maybe just maybe I'm busy trying to live my life and being a college student on the verge of failure isn't a walk in the park.' If you offer your help, I appreciate it. If I want your help, though, I'll ask for it.

Don't waste your time trying to control how I do my own thing because THAT is why I'm failing school to begin with-- I have difficulty adjusting to people leading me by the bit, so to speak, and I'm not about to tolerate it from a peer, even if I love them.

 3.  I don't like apologies or being told I'm exactly like anyone else. That may sound really self-centered but look at it this way...

 If you apologize to me and it's over something you obviously don't regret because you've done it before, I'll probably hit you. I don't like it. When you apologize for something you keep doing wrong, whether it be to me, my friends, or yourself, it pisses me off. There are some people I want to help, but more often than not, I won't waste words because people can't just hear what you say and then change their life. It doesn't work that way. One day, though, I have confidence that anyone I tried to talk to will be faced with a situation where what I said will suddenly make perfect sense and they'll react accordingly.

 I've been compared to other people all my life. My mother, my aunts, my sister, my friends, everyone and I can't handle it. No. I don't have a superiority complex; actually I have an inferiority complex but that's one thing I can't take. I'll never tell you you are -exactly- like someone else unless I'm intending to hurt you because that's all it will do. The only comparison I can stand is if someone compares me to a man because that's flattering to me... But don't say I'm like anyone else. Even one of my friends. Just don't risk it. On one hand, I feel like I refuse to be like someone, even if I am on the inside and on the other sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to be compared to better people. Either way it bothers me.

 4. I don't like people... I love my friends but they honestly work -hard- to earn my respect; They cling like angry starfish and they just refuse to let go. They practice tact and persistence and eventually they show that they know me... really. Because they don't annoy the piss out of me while they're trying to prove they're good friends for me and I truly do appreciate them and love them more than I can explain... Even people who've hurt me at some point, I can't get over and I think about them all the time.

 But for everyone else, I hate people who act like we're best buds when I don't know them at all. I have lots of acquaintances and a dwindling handful of friends. I don't mourn that fact... I chase people away. But I just don't have -feelings- anymore. Sorry if you've been misled but I tried to pull out before I did any more damage. I don't expect you to thank me but I don't want to have to hurt you to make you chill out...

 Because I will.

 ...In other news, I WANT TO COOK!


10:11 PM 
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January 11, 2007 - Thursday 
"Pain" ~ Three Days Grace

"Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

You're sick of feeling down
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

Pain, without love
Paint, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing
Rather feel pain

I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you're wounded
You know (You know you know you know you know)
That I'm here to save you
You know (You know you know you know you know)
I'm always here for you
I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you'll thank me later..."

---

 That song reminds me, flawlessly, of Soubi from Loveless. O.O I've been listening to alot of rock on the radio at work (bleh) and I hear this song alot. And each time this amv of Loveless runs through my head and I die a little more inside. I actually called in to ask them to play Garbage (no not a joke or the dir en Grey song) and they did... e.e It was nice but I had to make up a story cus he asked "Is there any interesting reason you'd like to hear some Garbage?"

 "Uh... my... dog has prostate cancer."

 Snowball- *elsewhere* *SNEEZE* X.x

 Vacation was good. Christmas lame. New Year's pretty hot. Lots of John and Joel and Davis for me. ^_^ We went to FL. They -say- they like it and we -plan- to go back. Mmhmm. I think they're lying cus they had to do manual labor while they were out there. Still, it felt wonderful to be home again. Oooh. And I wish I'd had a camera. The three of them took a bath in the freezing Suwannee River. ^_^;; I thought the springs would be higher but sadly no.

 I must say though the local hispanics probably found two white guys and our beloved mehican bathing in the river quite hilarious. I know I did until one of them tried to DROWN ME. F5

 Tobeh will be coming to visit soon. Very. Soon. O.O We've been conspiring for years but who knew one day it would really happen? One day... in two weeks. I'm stoked but I'm still waiting for something to fall through and the whole plan be ruined... All I can do is cross my fingers and hope she doesn't kill me when she gets here. Ha ha... ha... *nervous looking around*

 Updates on that after it happens.

 Between now and then, though, school will start again. *shudder* Not looking foreward to that. I have a couple pictures to put in my portfolio but otherwise I'm down and I can't think of anything. I need at least 12 more. TT.TT

 I'm a level 31 Hunter in Maple Global.

 Unh... what else is there in life? ... Oh. Anime.

 Ahhh... I'm the treasurer of JACS at our school. (Whoo hoo! That would rock so hardcore if we had any MONEY!!!!!!!!11111! ...e.e) We're considering Akon and Mechacon. I think I'm going to ask Mark (President) if he wants to go to Anime Matsuri... I don't think I'm too into it but... for a con for the semester it might be a good idea. =.=;

 Personally I can wait til June or August... *sigh* I need to pull together my costume. Hinata is almost entirely perfecto. I think I'll need a wig... (mom cut my hair) and I need contacts and to finish my hoodie. I have a kunai, the capris, the bandages and the kunai holster, the back pouch, the good neck protector, the undershirt.... e'erything else. Oh. And sandals. Need...sandals... e.e

 Also I'm considering Sasori (I believe) or Itachi. I did Anbu Itachi once and that was pretty good but my hair was different and I'd prefer Akatsuki because my chest's hard to hide. I don't have the mad skillz to do it and almost all my friends are guys... so. Yah. Not that I regret any of it. ANY OF IT. I just need to think of a captain to cosplay so I can be around John... TT.TT *poku poku* He's just too popular for me to keep up with!

 Anyhew that's it from me. Can't think of anything. Gonna sing along with Hyde....

 'Ready steady can't hold me back...' Cha cha cha....
5:04 AM 
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