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ImBringingBloggingBack



Last Updated: 7/25/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Swinger
Age: 102
Sign: Leo

City: NYC (by way of Boston)
State: New York
Country: US
Signup Date: 8/3/2006

Blog Archive
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Thursday, March 19, 2009 

Current mood:  talkative
Come one, come all, come none!  Join IBBB on "the Facebook."  What a real treat it will be to know each other on a first name basis!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Varone/1591687454
 
12:30 AM 
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Tuesday, March 10, 2009 
Take out your nap mats, kids, and gather around IBBB in a semi-circle because it’s story time.  Similar to how Jesus told stories to the lepers, I shall tell a story to you.  It does not involve fish of any kind.  Quiet please.
When faced with a money vs. happiness opportunity, what did IBBB pick?  Click below to find out....
http://www.imbringingbloggingback.com/2009/03/10/money-vs-happiness/
 
2:05 PM 
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Tuesday, February 03, 2009 

Current mood:  aroused
Time for a little self congratulations (which is the safest sex possible, I believe). GiveMeMyRemote.com (an actual legit website, unlike mine) has named my little site as one of the Top 100 Blogs! Now, GMMR said the list was created in no particular order, but if we were forced to count, I'm #20. Yeah, that's right. I counted.


GMMR is a great site that actually gets to interview people from The Office and a variety of other shows. You should definitely check it out because, well, they were nice enough to include me. Plus, the chick that owns the site is from Boston and, well, you know how that goes.

Thanks GMMR for the kudos. I would like to return the favor and award you with The Best Website on the Internet (see below).


#1 Best Website on the Internet: GiveMeMyRemote.


See? You're welcome.


3:59 PM 
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Monday, December 22, 2008 

Current mood:  loved
Dear Mr. Snowstorm,

Hey there how are you? Yeah, I'm ok thanks for asking. I'm a little aggravated, actually. What is it about your snow that makes people act insane? No really, I'd like to know. Sure there's some white fluffy stuff, similar to cotton balls, falling from the sky but what is it about that that makes everyone drive like knives, fire, and newborn babies are falling from the sky? I was lucky enough to be driving behind a station wagon (apparently those still exist) and you would have thought this driver completely lost their steering wheel. I actually was hoping they were drunk and not driving this way because of the weather. This station wagon, that somehow turned itself into a runaway train, was all over the highway and they kept slamming on their breaks. Good move. I hear that when there is snow and ice on the ground nothing keeps your car in full control quite like slamming on the breaks. This was especially entertaining because there weren't any other cars in front of the "runaway train." On one occasion when I was forced to slam on my break and pray to my sweet Jesus not to have me go face first through the windshield, I got close enough to the said station wagon to notice that this car has traveled all the way from Idaho. That explains it. Thanks Idaho, your state is borderline pointless!


Moving on, I made it to my destination after watching about 10 other cars fishtail all over the highway and just needed to find a place to park. Simple, right? Yeah, no. Apparently when there's snow on the ground, especially in a parking lot, people forget where the parking lines are. Yup, I guess the lime green Volkswagen Beetle thinks it's an 18-wheeler and parked in about 3 spaces. No joke, at one point I think the car was parked horizontally. I won't lie and say I didn't say a quick prayer that I would end up passing this car hours later and see it all ablaze and in a ditch on the side of the highway. Fingers crossed.


So in the end I found a place to park, called a cab to pick me up from my parking space, and even breezed by the freakshow ringing the bell and asking for spare change. Who carries around "spare change" anymore? Is this 1989? I didn't even know they made "change" anymore.


Perhaps though, my personal favorite, is sitting home and seeing constant coverage of the snow storm on the news. Oh and by "constant coverage" I really do mean "constant coverage." It is definitely important to interview that person who is heading off to the supermarket to get their last minute food because God forbid they can't stuff their fat faces with Twinkies and brownies for a full 24-hrs. They could possibly die from lack from junk food during a snowstorm.


Ahhhh Mr Snowstorm, you really bring out the best in me. You make me pray negative prayers and think negative thoughts, yet you somehow forced me to remember that both spare change and Idaho are two things that are still in existence. Thank you for reminding me. It's times like these that really make me yearn for the days of hearing that perfect stranger say to me, "Hot enough for ya?!"

Luke-Warm Regards,
IBBB
10:45 PM 
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Wednesday, December 03, 2008 

Current mood:  overstimulated

Well it's official. The sunny United States of America is in what the experts like to call a "recession." Apparently we've been in the recession since December of 2007. 2007. December. 2007. December of 2007. Thanks for the quick heads up, "people in power." The stock market tanked 680 points yesterday, which I'm pretty sure means that the stock market is currently actually at just 680 points today.

If I recall correctly, I was spending like a drunken sailor back in the beginning of the year. I kid. I'm not a sailor. However, I am a drunkard so I plan on continuing to spend and I think you should too. In fact, IBBB will help you get through these tough financial times with some helpful recession buster tips and ideas. You're welcome:

  1. Did you give up drinking? Start again.

  2. Repeat 1.

  3. Lost your job? It was probably boring anyway. Know what's not boring? Prostitution! Saddle up because you'll be riding more strangers than the Blue line.

  4. Do you have any money left in the stock market? If so I have 5 words for you: Scratch Tickets.

  5. Know what surprisingly tastes like chicken? The neighborhood dog. Don't laugh. You'll be there before you know it.

  6. Have you repeated 1 again? Ok, do it again.

  7. Robbery will be up a lot in the coming year. If you're going to start up with "the burglary" don't pick the biggest house on the street. Choose the house with the oldest widow in it. You'll thank me later.

  8. Try out for as many reality shows as humanly possible. Sue for discrimination with each show that rejects you. It's merely a numbers game at this point.

  9. Are things really bad? Can't even afford three meals a day? Kill someone. Jail isn't as bad as the movies make it seem.

  10. Yaaaaaaaaard Salllllllllleeeee!

  11. Start your own business and by "business" I, again, am referring to "prostitution."


If you follow these easy 11 steps you'll be on your way back to financial security. Turn down the heat, stock up on the SPAM, and figure out a strategy for jumping to the front of the line at the free clinic because it's going to be a long winter. Cheer up. It could be worse. You could be from Canada.

4:12 AM 
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Thursday, November 13, 2008 

Current mood:  hyper

Dear This Time of Year,

How are you? Good? I'm doing well, too, thanks for asking. Getting a bit chilly out, huh? Yeah remember to button up your coat so you don't catch a cold. Flu season is supposed to be a real doozy this year. Well, this was nice catching up with you like this.

I do have a favor to ask of you though, This Time of Year. You see, now that Halloween is a distant memory and Tom the Turkey is about to get murdered so that we can celebrate the Mayflower and stuff, there's been a little something that's been bothering me about you, This Time of Year. Look, times are tough. So please, please, please, stop having people ask me if I want to buy some holiday stuff for their kids school. I, in fact, do not. While we all need wrapping paper, I'm going ot pass on the two sheets you'll sell me for $14.95. I also don't have any need for 2 tubs of gummy-worms. I don't need them for $19.95 and I also don't need them for free. I'm an adult. Sort of.

I also am all set with purchasing your child's school raffle calendar for a chance to win a whopping $100.00. Sure, $100.00 is nice, but after you tried to rob me of $25.00 for the damn calendar itself I'll only be up $75.00 and, if I won, I'd probably just spend it on booze. No thanks.

I also don't want to read your kids letter to Santa. I have enough proof that your child is a brat without reading what they "demand" from one Mr. Santa Claus. I also don't want to look at the picture that your kid drew of a turkey by tracing their hand on a piece of paper. Wow. Original. It looks nothing like a turkey. I don't care how many hats and claws your "talented kid" added to it. Unless it's being drawn by my brilliant niece, I'm not interested.

I'll also pass on anything that you're bringing into work that you baked "at home." You have cat still, right? Yeah, I'll take my holiday brownies without cat hair in it, thanks. And I'd bet my calendar raffle tickets that you also let your cat lick the egg-beater. Yuck.

In conclusion, This Time of Year, please just let me be. Let me finish up work and let me spend time with my family and friends. Stop trying to sell me everything under the sun. Just because you have your kid come into my office, don't think I won't tell them that their parents are using them as sweat-shop workers at their own personal illegal-child-labor-school. How about if we just trade stuff? That way we both get things we don't want or need. I'll get that tacky cheap wrapping paper and, in turn, you can have my computer mouse that has a fake tongue hanging out the side of it that says, "Is it Friday yet?" Deal?


Merry Thanksgiving Eve,
IBBB
10:56 PM 
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Tuesday, October 14, 2008 

Current mood:  aroused
Back by popular demand is another fresh segment of IBBB's "Am I Wrong?" Sometimes it's nice to stray away from Hollywood and really think about some stuff. Yeah, stuff. Deep.
  • Anyone else sick of that smoking commercial with that guy that has the hole in his throat and the voicebox? I don't smoke and I don't want to see and/or hear it anymore. Every time my TV is on and I'm tooling around my apartment and hear that commercial, the robot voice always scares the skid marks out of me. I always think my dishwasher has come alive and is trying to attack me. Am I wrong?

  • Whenever I walk around the streets of New York and see a homeless person on the street that doesn't look that dirty I always think it's Tyra Banks in disguise filming a segment for her show. I always look around for a camera. I still don't give money, but do think it's Tyra trying to teach me a lesson. Am I wrong?

  • What's the sales training like for employees at Dunkin Donuts? It seems like every time I go through the drive-thru they're offering more and more random crap. I order a coffee and a bagel and they're like, "Would you also like to try a cinnamon blueberry scone with spiced cream topping?" Or I just order a coffee and they're like, "Would you also like to try a new low-cal fruit smoothie?" Um, no I'm all set. I'll just stick with the one drink for now. I'd rather not urinate all over my car. Stop trying to upsell me random food products! Am I wrong?

  • Can people please stop saying that strippers don't have to strip to make a living because they can work at McDonalds? Please stop suggesting McDonalds. Good strippers can make about $1,000 a night. McDonald's workers make that in 3-months. I'm going to tell McDonalds workers that they should start stripping. Am I wrong?

  • Ugh! First Sally Field is force feeding us Boviva and now there's some bitch talking about her Fibromyalgia. She keeps a diary and keeps saying "Fibromyalgia" and "So tender to the touch." Yuck. Stop saying both of those things at once! And who has time to write in a diary about their disease? Get to bed! Am I wrong?

  • Why do people stop to ask me what time the next bus is coming when I'm walking by it? Gross. Do I look like I take the bus? It comes at 10:20. Am I wrong?
7:02 AM 
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Tuesday, September 09, 2008 

Current mood:  grateful
Let me just say that Chelsea was insanely nice and extremely gracious to even do this interview with me. Let's face it, IBBB is certainly not People or Us Weekly. We chatted about such things as the most douche-baggy celebrity, how to break into the entertainment industry, why I was not ready for the Chelsea Lately panel, whether or not it's ok to miss seeing Britney's "gentlemen greeter," and a variety of other craptastic topics. I got 5 minutes with her....and this is the best I could come up with. Here's how it went down:

IBBB: Tell me about a time when you thought of just completely throwing in the towel. What convinced you to not give up?

Chelsea: You know what, I was never really good at anything else and I was a waitress and I knew that if I threw in the towel I would end up just being a waitress and I hated waiting tables so much that I had to just constantly get the fuck out of that job and so I just worked and worked and knew that eventually just come together. And, luckily for me it did. For now, anyway.
IBBB: Who's the most douche-baggy celebrity you ever met?

Chelsea: Spencer. Oh wait, that I met? I don't know. Actually Andy Dick is pretty much a douche bag. I mean, David Hasselhoff too, but I haven't met him yet. But I'm sure when I meet him he will be.

IBBB: Wait! What were you going to say about Spencer Pratt??

Chelsea: Well Spencer's the biggest douche bag. Period. Not celebrity douche bag, just douche bag.

IBBB: More of a fauxlebirty douche bag.

Chelsea: Yeah!
IBBB: Some people are saying you're the most feared woman in Hollywood since Joan Rivers. Personally, I fear the Olsen twins. Which celebrities refuse to do your show?

Chelsea: I try to keep positive things in my life and that never really gets back to me. Anyone who has a good sense of humor will do my show. So it hasn't really been a huge issue.

IBBB: Seriously, Perez Hilton is the worst. Do you think people should be able to make a successful career out of drawing "coke dots" on the nose of every celebrity?

Chelsea: It depends. If someone really likes cocaine and they want to show that everyone is doing it then that's their prerogative. I mean, it could be worse, I don't know, if he drew like a big white penis or cocaine dots. What's worse?

IBBB: Right, it's like Sophie's Choice.

Chelsea: If it's a holiday, I'll take the penis.

IBBB: So, the whole cast of Full House seems to be getting work lately, yet Kimmy Gibbler seems to be unemployable. How come?

Chelsea: Well, yeah, I'm working on that. I'm trying to get Kimmy her own show.

IBBB: Really. Sweet. You can pull some strings?

Chelsea: Yeah definitely. There's got to be something I can do.

IBBB: Scale of 1-10, how much do you miss seeing recent pictures of Britney's "gentleman greeter?"

Chelsea: Her vagina? Oh, not at all. I'm actually really happy that's taken a vacation from public viewing. There's really only so much you can take of that.

IBBB: What's your advice to those of us trying to break into the industry? How do you differentiate yourself?

Chelsea: I don't know. I just work really hard. It's like working out. If you go to the gym every day you're going to have a good body.

IBBB: Your talent exec, Michael Cox, told me I wasn't right for the Chelsea Lately panel because I'm not an "actual comedian" or legitimate "entertainment journalist".......

Chelsea: Oh. Sorry about that.

IBBB: ....why do you think your staff is racists towards funny and devilishly handsome bloggers with big penises?

Chelsea: Are you saying you have a big penis?

IBBB: Why yes I am.

Chelsea: We only choose people for the round table that have extremely small penises. We really like to help out people who are having trouble in the personal lives.

IBBB: Ugh. Alright fine. Anyway, my website, ImBringingBloggingBack, has readers who love to hear about the inside of the real celebrity world. How often are you hitting the club scene and what really goes on inside there?

Chelsea: I don't do any of that stuff. I'm so tired by the time I get home. First of all, no. The last thing I need to do is get my picture taken drunk dancing at a club after I sit around making fun of girl doing that. So I take my party straight back to my house and that's where me and my boyfriend get down and dirty.

IBBB: Awesome. Anything else you have going on?

Chelsea: No. Just this and the book and I have a new book coming out, but that's not for a couple of years. I just signed a deal for that...and that's about it.

IBBB: Well thanks for taking the time, I really appreciate it.

Chelsea: Yeah, thank you. Really nice to meet you BOB.

This could, perhaps, be the best part of the interview for me. I played that part back about 10 times and she totally called me "Bob" which isn't my name. Seriously, if that doesn't sum up my entire blog and existence, I don't know what does.

Again, Chelsea was extremely nice to even do this and was a riot the whole time.

Special thanks to my friend Paul for getting this set up, Chelsea's kick ass assistant Helene (Sissy and Turkey), and of course Chelsea. Oh and my buddies DouK and Lauren who are also in the photo. I'd also like to thank God and......ok done.
7:21 PM 
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Tuesday, July 29, 2008 

Current mood:  froggy

Operation Sellout is still progressing nicely.  Your favorite DB blogger (that's me) was asked by the MTV blog to take part in a little "The Hills" Q&A on past crapisodes similar to what I do with my Hills recaps (yes, they know about them).  Well as quickly as Lisa Loveless can comb her stringy hair I said yes and got to work.  Check out some of my answers over at the MTV site:  http://remotecontrol.mtv.com/2008/07/28/hills-blogger-forum-three-impassioned-entertainment-writers-weigh-in/

Please note, that there were 3 people who contributed to this Q&A.  1.  A writer from NY Magazine. 2. A writer from Spin Magazine.  3.  IBBB.  That's right Mo' Fo's!  I'll be contributing to their recaps for the next 3 weeks until The Hills Season 4 begins.  Be sure to check out it out and leave them comments praising IBBB and how they need more IBBB, etc.  Basically, help me sell out even more.

Hills Bless,
IBBB

12:42 PM 
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Friday, July 25, 2008 

Current mood:  creative
Photobucket

Ah it seems like just 730 days ago I started up this here blog now loving referred to as IBBB. While my math isn't so great, it really was 2 yrs ago this weekend that IBBB began. Can you believe I'm 2 already? I knew I was 12, but 2? Yowza.


This past year has brought may changes to the blog such as a new love for all things Dina Lohan, a new hatred for Bindi Irwin, a continued obsession over Harriet Carter, a love/hate relationship with The Hills, and an overall Operation Sellout strategy. This trusty, yet ghetto, little blog has opened up many doors for me in the past year. IBBB got to appear for 46 seconds on E! News, star in a Dentyne Ice commercial, appear as a guest on a Sirius Satellite Radio show as the "pop culture" expert, etc. While I am this close to completely selling out and forgetting this blog ever existed, I'm not quite there yet.


After two years and recently hitting 3 million readers I would like to thank each and every one of you, not personally of course. I would like to most thank the .00001% of you who leave a comment here at Chateau IBBB and also those who send me hate mail and nastygrams. All equally appreciated.


As IBBB goes into its 3rd year you can expect the following: A newly designed website, more celebrity and fauxlebrity interviews, more ways for me to sellout, and more exclusive celebrity stories. You can expect it, but it doesn't mean it's going to happen. Let's face it, my children, this shit is basically going to stay the same.


So thank you all (except for 1 of you) and continue to be the trashiest trash heaps you can be as my faithful readers. Oh, before I forget, I'd like to thank all of you for not getting me on Best Week Ever or Chelsea Lately. You all really pulled through in not making that happen.


As a way to celebrate the 2nd Birthday of IBBB I am taking the day off and will try my best not to take a dirt nap after realizing I've spent 2 years of my life writing complete nonsense. Ole!


Luke-Warm Regards,
IBBB + Bindi Sue Irwin
12:51 PM 
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