I've written so many things before in my life but none ever so heartfelt. I can deny that I've been in love but that would be a lie. There are so many misconceptions about me so I figured if I shared this with you that you would understand that I am not just what my exterior reveals. I have thoughts and feelings. Today I choose to express them into words, not worried about what anybody may think. It's undeniable because it's written all over my face and in my actions.

Recently, I've been posting some advice as part of my status and mood. It all means something to me. Something I choose not to share from my experience but words  I live by which are surfacing through my thoughts and my feelings brought by recent events. Advice for you cause I care.

There are no two people alike in the world. Many act like others but few actually lead. I'm a leader. I choose to be honest and  seperate myself from the negative world. If image is perception, than the image I continue to portray is one of true character. I perceive myself as a caring friend, a good brother, a loving man, a hard worker and someone who fights for what he believes in. I'm definitely someone who can be trusted and is loyal to those who are loyal to me.

So what are you made of? If you looked in the mirror, what would you see? Are you going to deny yourself the chance to look yourself in the eye and ask? How do you perceive yourself? Be truthful. This is a true testament into freeing yourself from lies, deceit and the truth to how you really feel about yourself and others.

Shakespeare once wrote," Be true to thine own self". So be true to yourself. Don't deny yourself the chance to be happy. Let go of all your fears. Bring down the wall that shadows over you. Shine like a star by the moon but brighter. Go unnoticed but do it with class and style. Dream big and let your actions speak louder than your words. Give yourself what your heart desires most.

Then....

Go out and do it. Don't wait around waiting for something to happen. Make it happen. In the end, you will see the truth and reap the reward which is undeniably yours.

Believe it will happen and it will.

My name is Joseph Renteria and they call me Joey Nicks. Haha. This last line was written to lighten up the mood and make you laugh so we can end on a good note. Ya feel me?

Joey Nicks and I'm out like a lamp. I love you too.

Peace!

Please read the entire blog.

I've come to grow as a person because of certain events that have happened in my life. I firmly believe that past events have molded me into the person I am today. I continually look into my past for answers to situations I'm in now, which leads me into something that has haunted me for years.

It's been 13 years since the night that changed my life forever. With the holidays around the corner, you expect good tidings and a new year. For me, it reminds me of a friend that helped me become what I am, before and after his death.

Monday marked the week of the thirteen-year anniversary of my friend Salvador Leyva's death. December 7^th is a day in my life that marks much more than a date on the calendar. Salvador was a 17-year-old teen from Pico Rivera that I had the pleasure of meeting during my days as an employee at In-N-Out Burger. Before I pour my heart out about the night of his death, I want to tell you about the type of person Sal, aka "Chava", was.

Sal was a kind and appreciative young man that only saw the good in people. He had high hopes and dreamed of being successful. He was the kind of person that would smile, laugh and tell jokes to help you have a good day.

The night Sal was killed, he and I worked together in the morning at In-N-Out. It was a Friday. He was on fries and I was on board. On a normal day at In-N-Out, the board and fry people helped each other to get the orders out.  This meant we had a lot of communication. During the end of our shift, I was helping Sal cut fries. I remember we were talking about girls and school. It was a common conversation amongst most young men. I was telling him about my recent break up and my plans to go back to school after dropping out from college. He was talking about going to winter formal and a girl he just met. He was planning to ask this girl to winter formal during their planned trip to Six Flags Magic Mountain the next day. Then a guy we called "Beef" walked in and asked if we were going to his party later in the night. He was there to pick up his check when he asked. We knew about the party and knew we were going to go.  As our shift ended, Sal thanked me for all the help I gave him on fries and told me that he looked up to me and thanked me for being his friend. I was thrown back by his comment because up until then, nobody had ever told me thank you for being a friend. This is what made it hard to lose him. This made me feel good about myself because earlier that week I had got a ticket, wrecked my car, and was soon to get into an argument with my parents.

As soon as we got off work, I asked Sal to give me a ride home. He did. When we got to my house, we chilled for a little bit, made some calls, and planned to go out. When he turned his car on to leave home, his engine shut off. We opened his hood and noticed that his cables leading to his battery were rusted from the acid from the battery. I called my Dad to fix the problem and he did. Then, Sal went home.

During the time I was getting ready, three friends, Mike, Moro, and Ismael called to let me know if I could pick them up for the party. I didn't have a car but my parents had a van, so I figured I could borrow it. When I asked to borrow the van, my parents sat me down to lecture me about partying and the fact that I had just got a ticket, got into an accident and needed to have my priorities straight, and that going to parties is not a priority. This led to the argument. They refused to lend me the van.

Immediately after walking out to the front, I called Sal and Mike. Mike decided to borrow his uncle's car and pick us all up. When we got to Sal's house, he was working on his car again. It didn't want to start. We asked why he was planning on driving and he told us his cousin wanted to come with us and that we all wouldn't fit in Mike's car. After trying for about fifteen minutes to start his car, we gave up and all piled into Mike's car.

Skipping forward, we decided to leave Beef's party because we felt like a fight was about to break out over some drunken girls that were teasing all the guys at the party by freaking them while dancing.  So we left to another party in Walnut, one of Mike's friends, near Nogales High School. When we got there, the party was practically over, so we decided to go back to the car and all share one beer and smoke a half of a joint. We did and then we all piled up back into Mike's car to go back to Beef's party, which was still going on. Because there were six of us in a five passenger Nissan, one of us had to lap it. At first I was asked to lap it but Sal stepped in and offered to lap it instead because he knew I would be uncomfortable. Plus, I was a lot bigger guy than Sal.

As we were on Nogales Street going back toward the 60-west freeway, we stopped for a red light. As we were stopped, a car pulled up next to us and started throwing gang signs at Ismael, who was seated behind the passenger's seat. Being the young idiots that we were, Ismael decided to taunt them and throw back fake gang signs. The rest of us in the car flipped them off. We figured the light would turn green and we would all just be on our way. Before we knew it, shots rang out.

With all the chaos, we managed to pull into the Mobil gas station right off the Nogales freeway exit from the 60. Ismael was screaming out loud that he was shot, but really wasn't. I was screaming to follow the car that shot at us. When we finally stopped in the gas station, I ran out to call for help while Ismael stepped out of the car and was covered in blood. We all noticed that Sal was slumped over in his seat and his cousin had blood all over the back of his jacket. Mike rushed to check on Sal. I came back from using the phone and switched with Mike and held Sal.  Sal had been shot three times in the head. I was holding a bandana to Sal's head to try and stop the bleeding but he was gone.

If I had known that the night was going to go the way it did, I would have told Sal that I appreciated his friendship. With his anniversary coming, I'm telling this story to you so that you understand what it's like to lose somebody, figuratively or literally. It's easy to take for granted the life we live. All decisions we make affect our future. There were a lot of what if's to that night. What if we had just stayed home? What if my parents had just lent me the car? What if Sal's car had started? What if I had lapped it? But the fact is, it happened.

It's hard for me to share this and not get choked up. So this Holiday I would like to tell Sal, because I know he follows me and protects me, that I value your friendship. I learned a lot from that night and I continue to live the best life that I can live for you.  I will never forget you or that night and I promise that I will see you when my time comes.

I understand that times may get tough and that sometimes we all feel like giving up, but in the end, time mends all. I know that sometimes it may feel weird to hear it from a friend or a loved one that they truly care about you but don't let the opportunity pass you buy to really say how you feel or better yet, show them how you feel. Let my lesson in life be a teaching in yours that tragedy can strike at any second. Let me be the first to tell you that when I say that I love you or value your friendship, whatever our situation, it's because I truly do. I don't want you to go through life not knowing. It's because of his death that changed me forever and makes me loyal, emotional, trust worthy, and reliable. It shouldn't only just be the Holidays that bring out the best in us. We should continue to show our love throughout the entire year. There is no excuse not to. Don't be afraid of change. Welcome it. Don't be afraid to take a chance. Sometimes a chance is all you need. Don't hold your emotions back. Open your heart and share your thoughts. Live your life without causing harm to others. One Love.

It's about 11:30p on a Sunday night and I've been doing a lot of thinking. Much more than normal, that's for sure. So since this is my blog, I figured I'd use it to vent a little.

I'm not sure if it's just me or if it's just some kind of uncertantity that's lingering around making me have these thoughts. But anyway, I'll ask you this:

Are you paying attention?

What do I mean exactly? Well, thanks for thinking that. I would like to point out that sometimes people may seem that they are paying attention to what your saying and doing but really are they? I mean, I'm the type of person who reads between the lines and even more so, tries to find the meaning behind what's being said and done. Meaning,  I'm a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. I would think it's safe to assume that most people would agree but I'm starting to notice that maybe these are just words also. And, I'm not talking about myself. I just don't say one thing and do another. I keep my word and my promises.

So, how can you tell if someone is pulling one over on you? I really would like to know. It's a pretty sensitive subject. Do you just come straight out and say it? Or do you wait to see how it plays out? Either way, it's a situation I wish I could just avoid. But I keep thinking to myself, what does this all mean.

I know you may be a little confused while your reading this, but it's my thoughts and thoughts are always this confusing.

Back to the subject.

Are you really paying attention to all situations?

I mean, have you ever said one thing and have done another. I mean it happens all the time but are you sorry about it. Or do you just not care? Or are you just not paying attention?

I bring this up cause a lot of times you may be hurting the people who care about you most and not know you're doing it. So my advice is to be a little more cautious, and notice what's happening around you. There are plenty of signs right under your nose. And if you don't stop to notice them, you may be doing more damage than you think. You could even be possibly hurting someone who loves you.

Anyway, I'm pretty lost in my thoughts right now. Maybe I'll let you know what I've concluded. Just remember this, actions really do speak louder than words.

It's been a while since I posted a blog, but it doesn't mean I haven't stopped writing. I've noticed that it's getting harder and harder to log onto MySpace because of my growing schedule and balancing act of work, shows, tours, traveling and much more . I'm sure you find yourself  less and less on MySpace because of your own reasons too. Anyway, that's aside from the point.

Today I wanted to touch on the subject of celebrities. Most of us can't help but get excited when we see one. However, what's bothering me is:

What constitutes a celebrity?

I would like to post my impression of a celebrity and then I would like to hear what you think constitutes a celebrity. Deal?

I think a celebrity has certain unexpected responsibilities to the public, therefore, I think a celebrity is someone who certainly is in the entertainment business; music or film, and has at least one hit film or hit song on mainstream media.

The following is certain criteria which meets the status of a celebrity:

1. Must have a sex tape.

2. Has an entourage of freeloaders.

3. Has a stalker.

4. Has appeared on a day time talk show like Oprah (or Montell Williams for the semi-celebs).

5. Has paparazzi waiting for them outside of clubs.

Those are just some of the things I think constitutes you as a celebrity. I left a whole lot out because I wanted to hear some reasons from you. Haha. Otherwise I could be here all day.

Also, feel free to leave any comments of what does NOT constitute you as a celebrity. Here are some reasons why you are NOT a celebrity.

1. You have a My Space page with 20 visits.

2. You own a website which you created on your own and cannot be found on a search engine like Google.

3. You consider Paparazzi your friends taking pictures for you with your own camera.

Hold up! Wait a minute!

Let's go over this again....I think there are a lot of people who are under the impression that you can be a celebrity over night if you add a billion friends on My Space. Or post yourself all over the internet on sites like facebook or friendster. Not true at all. So if you're one of those people who hire a photographer and post these so called modeling pics of yourself on My Space, technically, you're not a celebrity. Anyone can do the same. Oh yeah, just cause you appear on a flyer doen't make you a celebrity either. You have to actually get paid to be considered a real model. Haha. Anyway, I'd also like to say if you were a celebrity, you wouldn't have time to be on My Space. You would have your assistant doing it for you. I know I'm not a celebrity. LMFAO!

Back to the blog......

Please post as many comments as you like and please feel free to let your friends know about this blog. i really want to know what you think.

~joeynicks

Check out what I found on You Tube...This is the show from Miami at the Mansion with Talib Kweli.....This show was a crazy one....The sound guy fucked up and forgot to turn the mics on for Jamie and Stu! Even though that happened, everyone loved it! Enjoy!

At times, I catch myself thinking about the same thing, music, friends, family....etc....etc.

Anyway, I've come to recoginze, with all the memories, good and bad, flashing before my eyes and in my thoughts, I am very thankful to have loved than to have not loved at all.

If we go through life without recognizing how we really feel about one another, we can never truly be happy or know the outcome, or even change for that matter. Truly grow as a person. You follow me?

When was the last time you took the time to hug someone and tell them you love them?  Pesonally, I would love to know.Which is why I never hesitate to tell the ones I care how I feel about them or how I'm feeling. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I will continue to do so. Sometimes, you may not like what you hear, but at least it's out in the open and not all bottled up. Do you agree?

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this.....whether you leave a comment or not....I'm happy you did. Next time I see you, give me a big ass hug....sometimes I need it. I promise I'll do the same, regardless of the situation!

Ya boy......joeynicks

I keep thinking to my self, how the fuck do I get myself in these situations????

What am i talking about???

If you really want to know, then keep reading.....

I decided to take on a real job and it's been real cool, however, my heart belongs to hip hop. Hip Hop is my life, especially djing. I know in order to have a career in music you can't really have a real job. At least, that's what everyone in music tells me. Why??? Reason being, you don't want to miss an opportunity because you have to be at work. I mean, you gotta be on the hustle 24/7 and I mean more like 25/7!!! It' s the truth....and you probably know it...wake up...music....during the day..music or meetings....afternoon to night...recording.....once the night hits....clubs and promotions.....now, none of this is possible unless you have a source of income or are filthy rich.....feel me??? So I'm thinking, am I missing out by having a real job??? Fuck, why can't I just DJ every night??? I'll tell you why, because there are too many DJ's out here that are willing to DJ for free or close to nothing....I don't blame them, but I tell you these club owners don't care...not even the promoters.....what happened to the days where we at least had a standard....shit....sounds fucked up but I feel we need to keep our value and get paid what we're worth. The ony way to do this is to unplug our shit and leave right in the middle of the night and be like....fuck you! Pay me!! On some real shit, a club aint shit without good music and a good DJ to play it and make it hype.....

Now what all this ranting and raving leads to is this.....

You can't make money on music anymore because of these fucked up people who aren't wiling to support an artist by buying the album or at least the single....but....people are willing to pay $2 for a fucking ringtone but can't fork out a fucking dollar to buy a single legally??? Now think about that shit!!??? You see, I got a group called the Pompus Pack and I don't even want to release their music (and it's some hot shit too), because I'll feel like all the money we've spent on making it won't be recovered because of all the cheap mother fuckers who download illegally.....and thanks to technology some DJ's won't even buy the shit cause they go to fuckin' limewire and shit....man....so back to what I'm trying to say....how do I get myself into these situations????? I'll tell you why, because I feel like I probably jumped on it too late....so my advice to all you trying to do the music thing...start off young and don't spend your money on anything else except for muisc and all the instruments needed to create it...trust me it's worth it....but you gotta make the sacrifice....

Hip Hop has taken me pretty far and I'm not sure if I'm making the right decision by getting a real job, but I'll tell you this much...it's been a wild ride and I would do it all over again.....

So too all the my spacers reading this shit....what do you think about my situation???? I'm listening to some cool ass J. Dilla beats and thinking to myself....this dude was the real deal.....and also thinking...he left us some hot shit....what about his situation before his passing....what about your situation???? What do you got going on whether it be music or not??? I would love to hear from you and see what you think?????

~joeynicks